Chapter 2 #4
“Selene’s story is her own to tell,” he said slowly.
“She hasn’t confided in me why her time with other packs has never worked out, and if she’s told Marie, my mate is keeping it to herself.
There are small things I’ve picked up on over the years .
. .” He shook his head. “I don’t want to speculate.
I’m just telling you because I want you to give her a chance, Rynn. ”
“I wasn’t planning on stabbing her as soon as she walked through the doors,” I said dryly.
“You’re not exactly here by your own choice.
” Remy’s dark eyes bored into me. “It can be difficult to help others when it feels like you yourself are drowning, but every time Selene goes to a new pack and returns, there’s something a little more broken in her eyes.
I can’t stop her from being traded to another pack .
. . so I made sure she came to this one. To you.”
An aching loneliness bit at me. I tossed the bread roll back to Remy and dropped my gaze to the worn surface of the kitchen work table.
“Things are improving. Slowly.” I traced my fingers across the tabletop.
“It’s never going to be amazing, and it’s not like they’re my mates or anything.
But they’re still my pack. Maybe Selene can be their mate. ”
The Moroi might have been new to the concept of mates, but the Velesians weren’t. It was a step beyond a mere relationship, and not every Velesian found their mate, or mates.
Given that none of the Alphas were interested in me like that nor I them, we’d never go down the path to determine if we were mates. But maybe they’d try with Selene.
Again that loneliness threatened me. If Selene was their mate . . . where would that leave me?
Something smacked me in the head, and I jolted before seeing the roll hit the table. “What the fuck, Remy?”
“Oh, sorry.” He gave me an innocent look. “Did I interrupt your pity party?”
“I’d forgotten how annoying you can be.” I glared at him. “It truly is remarkable that Marie hasn’t smothered you in your sleep.”
“This pretty face?” He pointed at himself.
“Marie would never. Also, maybe you’ll be one of their mates some day.
You don’t know. It’s not like they hate you or anything.
” He paused, tilting his head from one shoulder to the other.
“Okay, Warrick probably does, but I’m only saying that because he hates everyone other than Cade, Bastian, and Ryker.
But Cade is reasonable and no doubt sees you as a useful asset, and Bastian probably wants to fuck you.
I’m not saying they love you or even like you, but it’s not hate, so that’s a win. ”
“Wow, thanks,” I deadpanned.
“And then we have Ryker,” Remy continued as he reached over to grab another bread roll. He took a bite and then started tossing it up in the air and catching it. “Definitely doesn’t hate you,” he said around the mouthful of bread. “Pretty sure he wants to ma—”
“Shut up, Remy!” I snatched the roll he’d thrown at me and hurled it at his face.
He swerved out of the way, and the bread smacked against the wall.
Remy started coughing, clutching at his throat. “Swallowed. Wrong,” he choked out. “Dying.”
“Good.” I ignored his dramatics as he continued to cough and sputter while stuffing more bread into his mouth, and I started piling bread, cheese, and dried venison onto a large silver platter.
I frowned at the cool box. We were almost out of cheese.
A local pack made deliveries here once every couple of weeks, but occasionally, we’d go to the nearest outpost both to restock and check on folks.
Maybe I’d do that tomorrow. It’d be nice to get out of here for a few hours.
“You done?” I picked up the platter and arched a brow at Remy.
He immediately stopped coughing and popped the last bit of bread into his mouth. “Yep.”
I started towards the exit but halted when Remy caught up to me and put a hand on my forearm.
“I know this isn’t the life you wanted, Rynn, but at least here, there’s a chance to find a role for yourself.
It might not be the sappy love story Samara got, but at least you’ll be safe and happy.
” His gaze flicked to my right side. “Which is not what you would have gotten with Alexis.”
“Why haven’t you killed him, Remy?” I asked quietly.
“There’s no way I’m the first woman he’s hurt, and I only suffered broken bones.
If you and Marie hadn’t gotten there when you did .
. .” I trailed off, not wanting to voice my dark thoughts out loud.
Their arrival had distracted Alexis enough for me to swipe at his throat.
I still remembered the taste of his blood as it splashed across my skin and the shocked look on his face.
I wished I’d killed him then and there, but I’d passed out from my own pain seconds after severing his vocal cords.
“I’ve tried.” Remy grimaced. “That asshole has a knack for surviving impossible situations, and I have to be careful because his father is best friends with Gavril. My position as second isn’t as stable as it once was, and it’s not just me I have to worry about.”
“Your priority should be to keep Marie safe,” I told him honestly. “Alexis will get what’s coming someday.”
Remy didn’t look entirely convinced, but there wasn’t anything he or I could do about the Alexis problem for now.
“How is Marie doing, by the way?” I asked.
Remy beamed, dropping his hand from my arm, and we started walking again. “She flips back and forth between wanting to jump my bones and threatening to cut off my dick for knocking her up with what she swears are six pups.”
I chuckled. It’d been almost a year since I’d seen Marie, but she’d sent me a letter when she’d learned she was pregnant. Even her handwriting showed how happy and excited she was. “When’s she due again? It’s soon, right?”
“Seven weeks to go.” He snatched a piece of cheese off the platter. “Thank fuck Velesians are only pregnant for six months. Did you know it’s almost ten for humans? Marie definitely would have killed me if it was that long.”
“She’d never harm that pretty face,” I echoed his words from earlier. Remy told me little fun snippets of how Marie was handling the pregnancy, no doubt embellishing a bit, and it was nice to fall into their happy existence for a few minutes.
We turned the corner into the main hallway, and I started to pick up on the conversation from the meeting room. Any lighthearted feelings I’d had from chatting with Remy faded, leaving only dread. I hated the idea of looking at Alexis’ face again.
Remy bumped his shoulder against mine, jostling me a bit. I glanced at him.
“Breathe, Rynn,” he murmured.
I sucked in a deep breath, not even realizing that I’d been hyperventilating. It would be okay. Alexis would be leaving soon. And despite the weirdness between me and the other Alphas, things were getting better and they would protect me.
This was my home. And soon, it would be Selene’s home too. Everything would be okay.
We made it halfway down the hallway and the voices grew louder. I let myself sink into a calm, determined state. I just needed to make it through this meeting, and then I could do some more research about what might fix that damn mirror. Or maybe work on some new trade proposals.
I was half lost in potential new agreements when Bastian’s honeyed voice broke through my thoughts.
“Gavril, we both know you just want to embed someone in our pack to report information back,” Bastian drawled. “What are you offering to make up for us allowing a Fervis spy to live here?”
“This arrangement is no different than what you did for the Narchis Order,” Gavril’s sly reply echoed into the hallway. “Are you saying Rynn is a spy?”
I waited for Cade or Bastian to deny this assertion, but they didn’t. Even Ryker remained silent.
There was no way they didn’t know I was out here.
Neither Remy nor I had attempted to muffle our footsteps.
They would have heard our approach and definitely would have smelled the food.
A sharp pain cracked through my chest. That lonely void I’d felt my whole life, except for those years at Drudonia with Samara and Cali, expanded until its darkness touched every part of me.
My eyes burned, but I blinked back the tears. All this time, I’d thought it had been taking longer to carve out a place here because the Alphas were upset at how hard I’d fought not to come here. But it wasn’t that at all.
They didn’t trust me. The progress I’d thought I’d been making these past few months had been a lie. Warrick had made it clear he thought I was a traitor, but the others had never suggested such a thing.
But I’d never directly asked them either.
You never ask the obvious question, Rynn. The deep voice of the elder scholar who had led most of the lectures while I was at Drudonia surfaced in my mind. You assume, and you do so to your own detriment. It makes it easy to make a fool out of you.
Five years later, I was still a fucking fool.