38. Anastasia

Chapter 38

Anastasia

It’s been two days since Bash told me he’d help me find the Kokoshnik Tiara, and I think the wait is making me go insane. He hasn’t let me out of his sight, instead spending every second glued to my side.

Which makes it doubly weird that he wasn’t home when I woke up this morning. Hope filled my chest when he sent a text letting me know he was meeting with his brothers.

I’m going to get the tiara back. Everything will work out fine , I reassure myself over and over.

I curl my feet under me as I wait for him to come home. When did I start thinking of this place like that? No matter how hard I resisted, there’s no use denying that I’ve fallen for him. I’m not sure how it happened, but he managed to snake his way into my closed-off heart. Now, I can’t imagine living a second away from him.

I’ve decided once we get the tiara back, I’m going to tell him how I feel and just hope for the best. From the way he’s been acting, it’s likely he feels the same, but there’s always the twisted possibility that this has all been a game to him. Something to keep him amused while passing the time.

I can’t exactly put it past him; it’s hard to know when he’s serious or not. Acid burns the back of my throat at the thought of him turning me down. No. I won’t believe that. I’m not sure how or why, but somehow, that devious bastard is made for me.

“Babe, I’m home!” Bash calls out as he strides through the front door.

My knees creak as I get off the floor, where I’ve been sitting in front of my laptop, not registering what’s happening in my show for the last several hours. Bash comes over and helps me to my feet, pulling me into his arms and kissing me.

His mouth is hot on mine, and I don’t hesitate to open for him. There’s no denying that my body craves him, and I’ve given up trying. The brush of his tongue, the stroke of his hand, the way my name falls from his lips all chip away at my sanity. Heat that only he can tame builds in my core, burning me from within. I grip his shirt and start to tug it over his head, and he chuckles.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You’re turning me down.” I gasp.

“I think what he means is you have company,” Xander Everette says from the entry, where he’s looking everywhere other than at us.

The heat swirling in my stomach turns to nausea as mortification takes over. Bash wraps his arms around me, tugging me into his chest.

“Ignore him. I, for one, want you to greet me like that every day.” His hold tightens when I try to pull away, trapping me. “Never be embarrassed for wanting me, Anastasia. Nothing could make me happier.”

A thrill tingles in my nerves, buzzing under my skin.

Xander coughs, cutting in, and I’m once again delving into mortification.

“Let go of me before I headbutt you,” I whisper growl at Bash, fully reverting back to that little girl I once was, fighting with her brother. Oh, if he could see me now. Actually, he’d probably tell me to kick him in his balls…

“Oi, hey now.” Bash lets go, dropping his hands to cover where my knee nearly connected with his sensitive bits. “No need to be rough. Well…I could be into it, but we definitely need a safe word…I’m delicate.”

“You are fucking disgusting,” Xander says. “Now, stop thinking with your dick and remember why you brought me here in the first place.”

Bash stiffens, any playfulness vanishing. His brows pull in tight and low. “Xander has information you need to hear, Anastasia.”

I look at Xander, who’s standing awkwardly with his arms crossed over his chest, obviously not comfortable but also not leaving. Whatever it is, he thinks it’s worth waiting through all of this embarrassment to say it to me.

The hair on my neck lifts. “Alright. What is it?”

Bash’s wide palm splays over the small of my back as he guides me to the sofa. “You’re going to want to sit down.”

I take my seat and don’t miss the way Bash flutters around the room, fussing over me. He’s already brought me a glass of water and a blanket, which he proceeded to tuck around my legs. This big bad Lord has been reduced to a helicopter parent.

Xander raises a brow, looking from Bash to me. “What did you do to my brother?”

“I swear I had nothing to do with it. He wasn’t like this when he left this morning.”

“Another Everette bites the dust,” Xander mumbles as he pulls out a laptop and places it on the coffee table in front of me. “Anastasia, you are going to want to prepare yourself.”

The paused video is of a familiar house decorated for a little girl’s birthday. In the bottom right-hand corner, the image of my mom watching me steal a cupcake is frozen in place.

“How did you get this?”

“Turns out your house was equipped with several security cameras at the time. I edited the video so it’ll end before the actual fall, but there’s something I think you should see for yourself.”

My throat grows dry, and I swallow hard as my heart constricts. There’s a warmth to my mother’s smile that I haven’t felt since that day. I still, glancing at Bash, who’s looking at me with concern. Maybe that’s not true anymore.

I think back to all the smirks and grins he’s given me, and some of the ache eases from my chest. I didn’t realize he’d been slowly filling that void, stitching the deep tear within me and helping it heal.

Bash stands behind me on the sofa and wraps his arms around my shoulders, whispering in my ear, “I’ve got you, Stasia.”

With his reassurance, I gesture to Xander to hit Play, unsure if I can speak. A mix of pain and loneliness fills my chest as I watch my mother call out to me. It’s hard to breathe as my ribs compress against my pounding heart. I’m ready to call this off when Bash draws slow, soothing circles with his thumb on the nape of my neck, a silent reassurance that I’m not alone.

Focusing on the screen, I entwine our fingers and grip his hand. I’m positive it hurts, but he doesn’t say a word, just continuing the circles with his other hand.

My mother fixes my hair, tucking a strand behind my ear, then straightens my tiara. Her love is palpable even now. My lungs still when the balloon unravels, and I want to cry out when she starts to climb onto the counter. If I’d just told her it didn’t matter, none of this would have happened. I’d still have her in my life. Tears burn my eyes, and my vision blurs, but I don’t look away.

My younger self turns toward the opposite room, disappearing out of frame. My pulse is racing in my ears as the scene continues.

“Turn it off.” My voice is a quiet plea.

“Just a little longer. I promise it’s important,” Bash murmurs in my ears, squeezing my hand.

I nod silently, body trembling as the scene unfolds. My mother’s on her tiptoes, reaching high into the air, fingers brushing the red ribbon. I’m so focused on her I don’t see the man entering the kitchen until he’s inches away from her. I want to scream for her to watch out, even though I know it’s futile, but my throat’s constricted.

My mother doesn’t notice the stranger reaching out until he’s gripped her ankle.

“Thank you for making this easy on me.” His cold, bored tone makes me nauseous. This is nothing to him when it was everything to me.

My mother’s blue eyes, which look so much like mine, are wide with terror as he yanks her feet from beneath her, a scream escaping her lips.

The screen goes black, and I’m frozen, arm reaching out to her, sobbing cries escaping my lips. I shake my head back and forth. What just happened? That’s not what happened? She slipped.

It’s as if my brain’s working through tar as it tries to click the pieces together. It wasn’t an accident. Someone killed my mother.

Confusion turns to a searing rage, and my body trembles with the pent-up emotion. I’m standing before I realize it, ready to throw something. My hands are clenched at my side, the overwhelming desire to break something taking over. Helplessness that I can’t change the past singes my veins, creating an ever-growing pressure, bubbling, on the verge of boiling over and exploding.

Suddenly, Bash’s gray eyes are in front of me, brows pulled together with concern. My fists pound into his chest over and over, but he doesn’t move, taking every ounce of my frustration. It’s only when my shoulders sag that he pulls me into him, trapping my arms between us.

“I’m going to kill whoever did this,” I grit through my teeth.

“Don’t worry, Princess. I’ll help you.” He murmurs promises in my ears of death and murder, and nothing has ever sounded sweeter.

With every passing second, the red haze clears and is replaced with the uneasy feeling of self-consciousness. I completely lost control of myself, and if it wasn’t for Bash, I’m not sure how long it would have lasted. My fingers splay over his chest. I’m sure if I lift his shirt, there will be bruises from where I hit him. That’s the first time in my life I’ve felt the need to retaliate so badly I’m willing to do anything.

“What are you thinking about, Princess?” Bash asks, gently guiding my chin up.

I keep my gaze cast down, unable to see him look at me differently. I may have never been perfect, but at least I wasn’t some kind of bloodlust psycho. “I…I don’t know what came over me… I’m sorry.”

His laugh vibrates against me and he kisses the top of my head. “Don’t be. You look hot when you’re vicious.”

“There’s more you need to know,” Xander cuts in, and I startle, having forgotten he was there. I keep getting so lost in Bash the world around me disappears.

“I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I can take any more,” I say as the adrenaline I was experiencing a second ago fades.

Bash releases me and gives me an encouraging smile.

Using his strength, I say to Xander, “Alright. What is it?”

“Your grandmother called in the hit.” He looks apologetic when he says it, like he’s sorry for hurting me.

But I don’t feel any pain. Instead, the anger from seconds ago returns in a flash. I’m pacing back and forth, energy tingling just beneath my skin. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m going to kill those bastards.”

Bash smirks. “We, darling. We are going to kill them. Don’t forget about me.”

I let out an involuntary laugh and sigh. “Yes, Bash. We are going to kill them.”

“I know you two lovebirds want to go on a murder spree right now, but I looked into the Romanovs. It’s not going to be simple to roll up on her. You will need to be smarter than that to get close.” Xander removes his glasses and cleans them.

A vein in my temple pulses as I wait for him to elaborate.

“Spit it out before she kills you,” Bash warns.

Xander clears his throat. “I suggest now that you know where the Kokoshnik Tiara is located, you get it and use it to acquire an audience with the Russians.” Xander smirks and for the first time reminds me of his brother. “ Then you can kill her.”

I whip back to Bash. “Wait? You know where it is?”

The video was all I could think about. I didn’t even remember what Bash went to do in the first place.

“Yeah…about that.” Bash sucks a breath through his teeth, wincing. “It’s in the Order of Saints Archive. It’s not going to be easy to get in there.”

Okay, easy enough. I’ll call Nikolai, let him know what I’m doing, and get the lowdown on the Archives from him. Shouldn’t be too much harder than the Vault. I look around the living room, searching for anything I should bring. I don’t have a disguise for this. Should I break in?”

“Stasia, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean? They killed my mom. I’m getting that stupid tiara, and then I’m going to kill that bitch,” I hiss.

“See, this is what I love about you.” He says it like a joke, but his gaze is warm, pulling me into him and making me feel safe.

Xander rolls his eyes and pinches his nose. “Later, Bash…we’ll talk about this later.”

“So? Let’s go,” I state, knowing that Bash will be at my side.

“I hate to break it to you, Bonnie and Clyde, but you’ll have to postpone your little massacre. There’s an Order meeting tonight.”

Bash scoffs, but Xander shakes his head. “You can’t miss this one. Even I had to come into town.”

I clasp one arm across my chest, holding the other as a restlessness grows within me. My legs jitter up and down on my toes. I don’t have time to waste. I need to do this right now. “I’ll just go on my own. That was the plan to begin with.”

“Absolutely not.” Bash holds both my arms, stilling me. “Listen to me, Stasia. Do not go there without me. This isn’t like breaking into one of our offices. They won’t hesitate to kill you first and ask questions second.”

I glare up at him, but he doesn’t back down until I let my air out in a woosh. “Fine.”

“That’s my girl. Just wait one more day, and we can get everything ready, and I’ll go with you.”

“If you can’t go tomorrow, I’m doing it without you.” I huff and plop down on the sofa, feeling drained.

Bash leans over me, his breath fanning over my mouth. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m looking forward to it. Those old guys won’t know what hit them.” He presses our lips together, nibbling on my bottom one until I open, and he takes the kiss deeper.

Xander groans, rubbing his temples, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here. “Jesus Christ. We have to go.”

“Listen, fucker,” Bash says, gaze slicing to his brother, the danger he keeps hidden peeking through the cracks of his annoyance.

Xander throws up his hands. “The sooner we go, the sooner you can be back, and everyone will be happy.”

“Fair.” Bash presses his forehead to mine. “I expect you to be awake when I get home. On second thought, I think I’ll enjoy waking you up.”

Heat pools between my thighs, imagining waking up to Bash touching me. His eyes are hooded with a fire behind them that has my mouth watering.

The front door slams shut, startling us.

“Fuck. I’ve got to go,” Bash says, disappointment clear in his tone.

“Hurry,” I say, biting my lip. I’m probably pushing this flirtation a bit too far, but it’s clearly working.

Bash pulls on his hair, groaning. “Wait right here. Preferably naked. I’ll be right back.”

A laugh breaks from my chest, and I wink. “Yes, sir.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. She’s trying to kill me,” he mumbles, rubbing his hand over his face.

I’m still laughing when the door closes behind him. He’s somehow eased my agitation, at least for now.

With several hours to wait, I lift my phone and make my long-overdue call to my brother. I’ve avoided this ever since I started to question my feelings, but after everything I’ve just learned, I need to hear his voice.

“Hello?” Nikolai answers, his voice edged. “Anastasia?”

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?” I can’t help picturing him in that house, surrounded by the people who killed our mother. We were wrong to go to them in the first place, and now, Nikolai’s wide open for an attack. If I tell him about what happened to Mom, he’s going to lose it, so I’ll have to keep it quiet a little longer. He deserves to know, but I can’t trust him to not be reckless.

Even if I’m not responsible for my mother’s death, I still owe Nikolai for all of the years he sacrificed to take care of me. My teeth grind together as my brother continues to speak, but I don’t hear him. My mind is working through every decision. No matter how many options I go through, I keep coming up with the same thing. I can’t leave him there.

I can’t wait.

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