Chapter 12
Itsuki
Get your act together, Itsuki. He’s not really trying to flirt with you.
Or was he? I was so bad at telling. I’d spent most of my life wishing for someone to pay attention to me in that way, but up until now, that person had been Yasu. What was it about Ryosuke that made me want to be seen? To be understood.
Maybe that was why I was trying so hard to get everyone to like him. Since the moment we’d met, there had been a deeper connection there. I felt like I could trust him on a much deeper level, and I hadn’t felt that way in so dang long.
Was it possible to have feelings for more than one person?
The cold water felt good on my face as I splashed more of it from the faucet. I didn’t even care that it was messing up the little bits of makeup I’d worn for the day. It was more important that I cleared my head and got my act together before going back out there and making a total fool of myself.
Ryosuke was nice. There was nothing more to it than wishful thinking.
Though I wanted so much more than that.
What a freaking mess.
Someone else entered the bathroom, making me jump and turn off the sink.
They didn’t need to see me like this. Thankfully, it wasn’t anyone who paid me any attention and made his way straight for a urinal against the wall.
I reached for the paper towel dispenser.
It gave me a long sheet that I was more than a little thankful for.
I used it to dry my face before tossing it in the trash making my way back to the table.
Maybe I’d been gone a little longer than I thought, but when I returned, only Ryosuke and Riku remained at the table.
“Tatsuki had to get home to his girlfriend,” Riku explained as another round of beers was delivered to the table. My head was already spinning,maybe I needed to slow down, but that wasn’t always the logical answer either.
“Oh, yeah?” I asked as I sat down, picking up my fresh pint and taking a long sip. The crisp flavors washed over my tastebuds before my gaze swung in Ryosuke’s direction.
He was watching me. Good. I wanted his eyes to track my every movement.
Riku grunted his response before picking up his beer and downing it.
I’d never seen him drink so quickly before, but I wasn’t about to question it.
He threw some money down on the table before standing and stretching.
“And honestly? I should head out myself. It’s been a long ass day and we have to do it all again tomorrow. ”
He was right, but I didn’t want to leave Ryosuke. I wanted to keep talking, to dive deeper into his inner psyche, uncovering parts of him that most people never got to see.
Before I knew it, we were alone on yet another round. The surrounding room was tilted, a sure sign that I needed to stop, but I didn’t want to. The more I drank, the braver I became. I could ask all the hard questions without fear.
“What about your dating life?” Jeeze, my words were half slurred, but it didn’t stop the sultry smile that spread across Ryosuke’s perfect lips.
He hummed for a moment, finishing his beer—it was as if it wasn’t affecting him at all. I only wished I had that type of tolerance—maybe one day I would.
Ryosuke sat back, resting his hands against the floor behind him as his eyes trailed up and down my frame. Every last inch that his gaze touched burned as he continued his perusal of my body.
Was he into me?
Please let him be into me.
“I don’t really date. Having fun is one thing, but I’ve yet to meet anyone that’s made me want to make any kind of commitment.”
My heart stuttered to a halt. Was he telling me that if I tried to pursue anything with him, it would just be for fun? That he didn’t view me as worthy of being long-term.
What a joke. We’d barely known each other a couple of weeks, and there I was trying to get upset that he didn’t want me for a relationship. We knew next to nothing about each other.
Was he into guys? Most never spoke up about it. While Japan seemed a little more accepting than most other countries, we still had our hangups. Especially since we were still such public figures.
The more I thought about it, I did want Ryosuke that way. He seemed like a lot of fun, and maybe if I got to know him more I could see something long-term, but not at the expense of the band. The band always had to come first.
Had always come first.
“What kind of fun?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I should have stopped them because this was beyond dangerous.
When Ryosuke leaned in close, his breath against my ear, a shiver raced through my body at his proximity.
“I like to play, to be in charge. My partners are never left unsatisfied, but I get a thrill from commanding their bodies.”
Partners? He hadn’t specified male or female.
My eyes slammed shut as a fantasy washed over me of me stripped bare on a bed.
Ryosuke standing over me, ordering me to perform for him, to stroke my cock slowly while he watched.
Pre-cum dribbling down my length, but I didn’t do anything except continue to languidly stroke.
He hadn’t told me I could do anything else.
A whimper slipped past my lips, breaking me free of the images dancing through my head and causing my groin to tighten.
“Itsu-chan?”
Just him saying my name in such a familiar way had my skin on fire. I wanted to leap across the table and kiss him. We were in such a public space that it would be a huge mistake. Yasu would never forgive me if I did such a thing.
Yasu.
Another shudder raced through my system because he had somehow entered the fantasy.
He was on the bed next to me, just as naked as he stroked himself, eagerly awaiting the next instruction.
The juxtaposition was so odd because Yasu wasn’t the person to take orders from anyone.
He was a born leader—seeing him give himself over in such a way was a contradiction to how he presented himself.
An inferno worked its way through me. I needed to make an exit, and in a hurry, or I’d embarrass myself and the rest of Pink Cherry.
“Y—yes?” I squeaked, realizing that I needed to answer Ryosuke.
“What are you thinking about?”
I couldn’t answer that. Wouldn’t answer it.
I said nothing as I stood from the table, pulling money from my wallet, tossing it onto the bills that Riku had left. I needed air, and I needed it right away.
The shrill sound of my cell phone ringing woke me from my deep sleep.
What the hell happened last night?
As memory after memory slammed into me, I was more and more horrified. I’d had such dirty thoughts about my new bandmate. Would I be able to keep my cool in front of him at practice?
And then there was Yasu.
There had always been that underlying attraction, ever since we’d met, but that had been the first time he’d starred in something so sexual.
Instead of continuing to dwell on things, I reached over to my phone, only groaning when I saw it was the vocalist in question that was calling.
“Yasu,” I mumbled as I answered the call.
“Itsu-chan,” he sighed. The familiar nickname that Ryosuke had now also adopted made my stomach dip. Had I been missing something the entire time, or was I reading too much into something now that I’d allowed my brain to go there?
But why did he sound disappointed in me? He never did that.
When I looked at the clock, I sat up in bed. For the first time in my life, I was late for something.
“Yasu-sama. I’m so sorry. I’ll be there in a bit.”
He chuckled softly, sending butterflies exploding in my belly. I really needed to get that under control, or I’d be an absolute mess in front of the band. What the hell had Ryosuke unlocked last night? That wasn’t like me at all.
“Are you okay?”
The question took me by surprise, even though it shouldn’t have. I’d noticed over the years how Yasu paid just a little more attention to me than everyone else. He cared. That mattered. Maybe that was what had drawn me to him so much.
It didn’t excuse the completely inappropriate thoughts I’d had about him the night before.
Thoughts that were now sitting front and center in my mind, making me undeniably hard.
All I wanted to do was reach between my legs and relieve the ache, but when Yasu cleared his throat, I realized I’d forgotten to answer him.
“Fine,” I squeaked and in no way sounded believable.
“Are you sure?” He didn’t sound like he believed me. Not that I would blame him.
I rolled out of bed, scowling at my reflection in the mirror.
While I completely understood that going drinking was expected in Japan, it didn’t change the fact that I hated how I looked the morning after.
My eyes were always so damn puffy, and I didn’t have time to properly get myself ready for the day.
“Yeah. I think I overdid it last night.” Cardinal sin number one is to admit that, but this was my best friend. He’d understand. It wasn’t like he’d gone with us to begin with, so if anyone was in the doghouse over the whole thing, it was him.
“Just hurry up and get here.” There was a touch of desperation to his voice, and I wondered if it had anything to do with being left alone to work with Ryosuke.
I’d been so proud of him the day before for making the effort to apologize to him, but I knew it would take time for them to be comfortable with each other. Much less star in my sexual fantasies.
What a mess.
I hung up the phone, quickly pulling off my sleep clothes and dug through my closest to find something at least remotely presentable to wear for the day. If anything, I wouldn’t sacrifice my looks when it came to my clothes.
The pale blue sweater and short lace skirt were the perfect combination.
I pulled them on with a pair of thigh-high socks that had lacy accents that matched the skirt at the top.
I didn’t always dress so feminine on practice days, but the outfit spoke to me for the day.
After brushing out my hair and looking in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look too puffy, I shoved my feet into a pair of platform Mary-janes before heading out the door.
It was cold outside, and the cool morning air blasted me, making me wish I’d grabbed a jacket, but I didn’t have time to turn back.
The ride on the subway to the station outside the studio was always tense.
People stared, and I couldn’t tell if it was because they couldn’t figure me out or just what I was wearing.
There was a part of me that wondered if I could get away with riding in the female-only car, but I didn’t want to break that trust. At least I knew I wouldn’t get so many awkward stares there.