Chapter 12 #2
He closed his eyes for a quick beat and when they opened back up, Lucille’s heart shattered. Luca’s eyes were red, veins spread, pupils dilated as a lone tear traveled down his cheek.
“Kentrell couldn’t become a Jr. He was named after Lennox’s middle name, which could be disguised as our great great grandfather’s first name,” Luca’s voice went back into whisper mode.
Pain shot up his throat, making him inwardly wince. He refused to show Lucille that he was in agony. He swallowed down and fought through the pain.
“Pops saved you… pulled you out of trafficking. Before that, you were in the streets until Lennox got his hands on you first. That nigga had you in cages, you were nothing more than his bottom caged bitch turning tricks to make him rich,” Luca somewhat regretted the harsh truth of his words.
Never in his life had he disrespected his mother.
All he could think about was Lucille being the culprit behind killing his father. Now that he could remember, he wouldn’t dare put shit past Lucille. He ignored the stabbing pain in his throat and gulped down spit to coat it.
“My pops saw through you even though it was Lennox making you turn tricks to secretly go against the Mafia code of conduct. Y’all both accepted each other for who you both were, made promises and you double backed for a nothing ass nigga that tried to kill me!” Luca roared.
“I tried to stop him, Luca!” Lucille frantically choked on her own words.
“Yes, you did try to kill Lennox that night… you missed him and stabbed me… point is, you should have never been fucking him behind Pops’ back.
Then while I was bleeding out, damn near dead, you stuffed so many drugs into my system.
I was foaming at the mouth while you and Lennox rode around trying to put together a plan to make it look like it was an accident. ”
Lucille shook her head, tears spilled out of her eyes.
Luca couldn’t remember all of the details of that night.
Lucille refused to correct him although it pained her that he truly thought she was the one who stabbed him in the throat.
Truth was, Luca didn’t want to remember.
The details that rushed back to him were painful enough to cripple anyone.
It was a struggle for Luca to remain standing tall in front of Lucille.
He remembered the copper taste of blood as he choked off it vividly.
Through it all, he loved Lucille deeply and couldn’t bring himself to kill her.
“I didn’t kill Donnie, Luca. You have to believe—”
“I can’t believe shit but the actions you’ve displayed.” Luca looked away from her, his chest caved in from unbearable pain as he choked on his own words too.
Luca’s shoulders finally dropped. Tears slid down his face slow and heavy, but he remained quiet. His tears trickled down his high cheekbones as his chest shook once, then again. Lucille let out a soft sob, watching Luca press his fingers to his eyes trying to physically hold himself together.
“You were the first,” he uttered lowly. “And you’ll be the last.” His voice came out fractured, unfamiliar even to him. His words fought scar tissue, pain, and memory.
“The first person I ever trusted,” he continued. “The first person to ever make me feel safe…”
His throat worked. Swallowing hurt. Every part of his body hurt.
“And the last person,” he whispered. “To ever touch me with the intent to harm… I made sure of it.”
Lucille’s knees buckled. It felt like the room tilted. Luca closed the space between them. He stretched his arms, holding on to her arms firmly. Another tear fell as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“Luca bear—”
“A part of me feels like you did it. I don’t want to believe that you would kill the only person that loved me unconditionally.” Luca inhaled sharply.
“I feel like my answers are getting close… the more I observe the more I notice.” His grip tightened on the sides of her arms.
“If you killed Pops, I’m going to make your entire universe crumble…” Luca moved his head to the side of Lucille’s face.
“It’s going to kill me, to kill you when the time comes if what I think is true.” He released her.
“I didn’t kill him, Luca, I swear. For whatever it’s worth, I couldn’t do that.” She shook her head in disbelief that he would even think that.
“I know I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit that weren’t mistakes… they were all choices made out of selfishness and my willpower to keep surviving something I overcame. I’m sorry…” She murmured the last part lowly.
Apologizing was something she hadn’t uttered since her youth years.
“I failed you, and it eats me alive every day. I thought drugging you would make you forget… there’s so much to that day when you walked in on me and Lennox, that I’ll take to my grave.
I never forgiven myself for that…I hate that you and Kentrell hate each other.
I’ve already accepted the fact that one day…
one of you will kill each other. Something tells me that you will be the last man standing, although it will crush me to lose either of you.
” Lucille shook her head, desperation clawed at her features. She wanted to make things right.
Lucille thought she’d never see the day her Luca Bear would call her out. Luca pulled all of the skeletons that she kept buried deep in the dark pits of her soul, right out to the light of day.
“Go,” he whispered.
That one word shattered her into piece.
“Go,” he repeated, firmer now. “If you love me at all… go.” Luca nodded his head toward the cracked door.
She stood in front of him trembling, her fingers twitched.
Lucille wanted to reach for Luca, fall into his arms and cry her heart out.
Instead, she let her pride and the power that she reserved for times like this overshadow the uneasiness in her body.
Lucille slowly turned toward the door. Each step toward the exit felt like it cost her something priceless.
Her heels clicked softer now. Her shoulders hunched inward.
Her status as the Bonetti queen felt stripped away down to a woman drowning in consequence.
When she got to the cracked door, she pulled it open all the way.
Lucille stopped at La’Nova’s presence. She stood outside the threshold, frozen with tear-stained cheeks.
La’Nova’s hands were clasped tightly together like she had been praying silently for Luca.
She could feel his pain radiating from where he stood and wanted nothing more in the moment but to reach out and touch him.
Lucille stared at La’Nova for a couple of seconds before speaking her final peace.
“Take care of him, please.” Lucille uttered sorrowfully.
Lucille dropped her gaze first. She walked past La’Nova without another word.
Luca exhaled like he’d been holding his breath the entire time. He looked up and saw La’Nova standing at the door. His heart stuttered as he quickly turned his back to her. It was a weak attempt to recover in front of her.
“I need a moment, Nova baby,” he said, walking toward his floor to ceiling window.
“Okay, I’m here if you need me,” she uttered softly, feeling his pain in more ways than one.
La’Nova shut the door which prompted Luca to think she left out to leave him in his misery.
He didn’t want her to see him broken, and in the state of mind that he was in.
His broad back bowed as he leaned one arm against the glass.
His shoulders were tight as his eyes scanned the outside of his estate.
A small part of him yearned for Lucille to come back in the room and make what couldn’t be fixed right.
Luca’s chest seized, as he watched Lucille drop her head into the palms of her hands.
Her shoulders shook violently for a couple of seconds as she repeatedly wiped away her tears roughly.
Seconds later, she righted her shoulders and walked toward her sleek, all black, big body Benz.
Her driver opened the back door as she calmly slid into the back seat.
Soon as his gates closed, something inside of Luca collapsed. His knees gave out without warning. One moment he was standing. The next he was on his floor, palms pressed flat, head bowed, a sound tearing out of him that didn’t sound human ripped from his chest as his stomach tanked.
La’Nova froze for half a heartbeat, then she ran toward him. She dropped to her knees beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Without hesitation she pulled Luca to her bosom, his body shook violently against hers. His tears soaked into her chest as his breathing shuttered.
“It hurts.” He gasped, voice shredded. “It hurts—”
“I know,” La’Nova whispered, clutching him tighter. “I know.” Was all she could offer him.
Her own throat burned. Guilt rose inside of her nearly choking her to death. She felt even more guilty for eavesdropping only to hear his painful truth without him knowing hers. She pressed her cheek to the top of his waves and gently rocked him like nobody ever had.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she cooed with her own set of tears falling freely now. “No child deserves the kind of shit we both been through.”
Luca felt something pull at his soul the second La’Nova called him baby. He slowly wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her close to him. They both were practically living in each other’s skin. For the first time in both of their lives, their grief wasn’t alone.