Chapter 17
Her savior, one last time…
Sanarah moved carefully through Kentrell’s house.
Each time the floor creaked beneath her feet, she cringed and looked back.
Kentrell slept heavy most of the time when the drugs wore out.
He was currently coming down off a three-day high.
His come down was violent and nasty, making him turn into the devil himself.
She bounced her baby boy on her hip to keep him soothed.
As she navigated slowly through the house, she prayed she didn’t work her boy up with excitement to make him babble and startup his baby talk.
Her arm trembled from the effort along with her entire body shaking from pain.
Her ribs ached every time she inhaled. Her cheeks felt swollen and tight.
There was a dull pain in her lower back that never went away; like her body kept score, even when her mind tried not to of all the times Kentrell violently beat her.
She looked around Kentrell’s cozy living room and sighed softly. His house smelled like weed and cigarettes mixed with his YSL cologne. Kentrell’s house was big and spotless on the surface. From the outside looking in, you’d think the perfect man and woman stayed inside.
When in reality there was no peace ever in this home. As days turned into months, Sanarah prayed and plotted for a way to get far away from Kentrell.
She adjusted the baby higher on her hip and crept into the kitchen. The light switch was just within reach. She hesitated before flipping it on, then did it anyway.
Soft yellow light filled the room. Her and her baby winced at the brightness until both their eyes adjusted.
“See.” She smiled into her son’s big innocent eyes. “Mommy is going to feed you.” She cooed.
She looked around the immaculate kitchen that she cleaned from top to bottom then went to place her baby in his swing. Sanarah limped slowly toward the counter and grabbed an empty clean bottle. She sucked in a breath through her teeth, then quickly made her son a bottle.
As she warmed it up, her mind betrayed her. Luca came to mind each day her life went wrong with Kentrell. It seemed like he showed up in the forefront of her mind when things in her life hurt the most. Luca was the only man who ever made her feel like she was the most precious woman in the world.
He was perfect in every way to Sanarah, practically worshipping the ground she walked on.
Falling for Kentrell had been a mistake.
Luca had coldly cut her off because of her insecure ways.
Instead of Sanarah being Luca’s peace in jail, she was nothing but toxic.
She made his sentence feel like he was awaiting death row.
Each day she accused him of things she should have known he wasn’t doing. She even stooped so low into questioning his manhood. She got banned after she fought a woman officer for staring at Luca for what she felt like was too long. Sanarah came up with sick delusions and believed them.
She spent their phone time cursing him out and turning into a woman that Luca wasn’t familiar with. Sanarah, his Ill Na Na, became unrecognizable. Luca didn’t understand it because he never gave her reason to be that way. He wasn’t like the men in his family. Luca stood on principle and honesty.
In the streets he was a demon, with her he was an angel. If a person was to tell Sanarah how much of a monster Luca really was, she’d never believe them. She heard sickening stories, but none of that mattered because Luca treated her like she was made of glass.
Sanarah made herself believe that Luca did her wrong when he cut her off. She made a decision to have some form of get back since he didn’t want her anymore. Kentrell was a beautiful lie wrapped in charm and money, he made promises to her that Luca never said out loud, he just did it with action.
Kentrell was like most ain’t shit niggas. He laid it on thick; fake spoiled her then laid down and had kids with her. The only good thing that came from him was her beautiful son and daughter. She took pride in motherhood but wanted nothing to do with him.
She lived on eggshells, never knowing what mood he was in.
He never acknowledged their son but loved his daughter.
When she first realized Kentrell’s favoritism with her kids, the little love that she did have for him diminished.
Sanarah went from wearing a size twenty-four to a size sixteen.
She lost weight, looked older, all from stress and deep depression of her current situation.
The bottle warmer dinged softly. She turned and almost dropped it.
Luca stood at the kitchen island; Roy stood beside him. Both of them were dressed in black, their faces void of emotions. Sanarah’s heart slammed into her throat. Her breath caught so hard it burned.
“Illl Na Na.” Roy drawled lowly.
He cracked a sinister smile, rubbed his hands together, then leaned against the marble countertop.
“What—” Her voice cracked. “What are y’all doing here?”
Her eyes left Roy’s, landing on Luca. All the old feelings she had for him resurfaced.
Sanarah forced herself to stand still when she wanted to run into his arms and beg for his forgiveness.
Luca stood tall, looking like a Greek god.
His woodsy, masculine scent dominated the kitchen space. His dark eyes never left hers.
She felt small under his watchful gaze. He studied her, took note of all the bruises along with the bags underneath her eyes until it was too much for him to keep looking at. Luca looked away then tucked his hands in his pockets.
“Damn Na Na… you had kids with my nigga brother?” Roy’s voice snapped Sanarah back into reality.
A tear rolled down her cheek just as her baby boy started to fuss.
Sanarah clutched the bottle tighter and made her way to her son quietly.
Avoiding the obvious question, she used the blanket to prop on her son’s chest. Kentrell Jr. didn’t need any props.
He greedily clutched each side of the bottle and started drinking hungrily.
She heard Luca take one step forward, her eyes filled instantly. Tears spilled before she could stop them. She felt hot all over with humiliation. This was her karma that she had to come face to face with.
“You hurt,” Luca whispered.
Sanarah’s chest tightened, she hadn’t heard his raspy whisper in years.
It caressed her ears, made butterflies swarm in her stomach as she finally willed herself to stand and look up into his eyes.
Fear left her immediately. Luca didn’t eye her with hate nor resentment. He eyed her with understanding.
“I’m fine,” she lied too easily. “Just please don’t wake him,” she pleaded.
That did something to Luca. Despite him never wanting to rekindle shit with Sanarah, it was sad to witness her complete brokenness.
Sanarah used to glow, her cashew smooth skin used to be flawless.
Luca overlooked all of her imperfections when they were together because she had a beautiful aura attached to her that brought him peace when no one else could.
“You protecting him, too.” Luca’s voice this time didn’t come out in a whisper. It was low and hoarse.
Goosebumps spread across Sanarah’s arms. She shut her eyes then shook her head in denial.
“You don’t understand, I know you will never forgive me but for what it’s worth… I’m sorry.” She backhanded her crocodile tears away, hoping that her apology reached him. A small part of her prayed that he accepted it.
“I understand enough,” Luca coldly responded.
Roy glanced toward the hallway.
“He’s sleep?” He turned his eyes to Sanarah.
She slowly nodded her head at Roy then released a sigh of relief.
“He just came down a couple hours ago… It’s better if y’all come visit him another time. He gets angrier when he’s embarrassed. That’s something I’ll have to deal with, not y’all.” Her knees buckled slightly.
She leaned against the counter, sobbing silently so the sound wouldn’t carry. Pain rippled through her body, she hoped that Luca and Roy would understand and just leave since they clearly weren’t here to save her.
“You miserable as fuck, Sanarah.” Roy shook his head in disappointment.
“You ain’t even have to go out like this.” He continued.
His words chilled her but made her cry even harder.
Luca moved close enough to smell her faint floral smell. He refused to touch her, just wanted her to feel the heat of his presence.
“I’m sorry, Luca,” She blinked away her tears as more spilled out. “I missed you, tried to call you when you first got out.”
Her words hung heavy in the space between them.
“I know,” he said lowly.
He reached out finally, wiping her tears away.
The heat from the pads of his fingers comforted Sanarah in ways she never realized she needed.
She reached out to him, her hand landed softly on his chest. In seconds, Sanarah collided into Luca desperately.
She buried her face into his hard chest as if she could crawl inside of him and hide from everything she had done.
Luca’s arms wrapped around her, she felt the difference immediately.
There was no passion in his touch anymore.
The possession that she used to feel in his arms was replaced with him having mercy for her.
That hurt the worse. Her body shook against him.
She suddenly didn’t give a damn about waking up Kentrell.
She mourned in Luca’s arms for what could have been.
She sobbed so hard, it scraped at her throat painfully.
Sanarah inhaled his scent, his signature smell that haunted her each day she laid up with Kentrell.
She had betrayed him and torn something sacred between them that could never be fixed.
Luca standing there holding her despite the fucked up damage she’d done, spoke volumes about his characteristics as a man.
He rested his chin lightly against the top of her head. His palm smoothed over her soft curly hair as his fingertips massaged her scalp to relax and ground her. He smoothly mouthed the words ‘go’ to Roy.
Roy nodded and quietly slipped out of the kitchen to go find Kentrell.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Luca whispered, still massaging Sanarah’s scalp.
His words felt undeserved. She cried harder at how calm he was. She expected him to be angry and throw her off of him. She didn’t deserve his understanding nor closeness, still Luca provided it.
“I’m gonna save you this one last time,” he whispered near her ear. “I’ll make sure you’re straight. You and his kids will be good, no matter what,” he reassured her.
“Your daughter is inside of your car parked out front.” Luca cleared his throat.
Sanarah’s fingers tightened in panic. She tilted her head back and looked into Luca’s dark pools.
“Money and an address for you to go to is inside that car.” He looked down at her trembling form and felt empathy.
“You can stay at that penthouse for however long you need to. My number is underneath the written address. I only want you to use my number if you need more money or help with the kids.” He stepped away from her putting space between them.
“If you stay here, Sanarah… You’ll die with him,” he coldly revealed.
“You leave and start asking questions that you have no business fuckin’ asking… You’ll die before you become a thorn in my side.” He signed the words sharply to her. His face was set in stone.
Sanarah understood the threat clearly. She knew she had no choice and wouldn’t dare stand in front of Luca debating him. This was her way to freedom and stability along with having financial help. She slowly nodded her head.
“Thank you.” She swallowed down.
Sanarah looked into Luca’s dark eyes, the thought of begging for his forgiveness crossed her mind but now was not the time.
“I loved you, Sanarah,” Luca breathed lowly. “I hope you can love yourself and y’all kids enough to do the right thing.”
He turned away from her then walked into the darkness of Kentrell’s home.