Chapter 21
Conditioning…
La’Nova twisted the shower knob all the way to cold before stepping under it without hesitation. Shock immediately swarmed through her mind and body, stealing her breath away and making her bones ache. The water was ice cold; she shut her eyes as her breath stuttered.
“Calm isn’t something you wait for; it’s something you have to choose over and over.
” Luca lifted the remote slightly so she could see it.
“Throughout today, when things tighten, when your nerves jump and you feel on edge… I expect you to remember this feeling. I expect you to remain grounded, follow my lead so you won’t lose yourself to whatever negative emotions you feel,” he warned her.
Luca’s rugged whisper floated through her head. She closed her eyes and heard the same voice that forced her under freezing water weeks ago. Pain can be trained. She told herself over and over.
The lesson he taught was loud and clear now.
It not only taught her how to control her emotions when thrown out of comfort zone.
But to accept any situation for what it was and push through.
A lone tear crept down her round cheek as the water ran down her scalp, flattening her thick hair to her head then slid along the deep scar that split her face open like a fault line.
She embraced the coldness and tried to become one with it.
Her nipples tightened painfully, skin prickling, teeth chattering as the shock settled into a deep steady ache of acceptance.
She had been in Lennox’s abyss for seven long torturous days. Her eyes slid shut as she willed herself not to see the images that forced its way into her mind since being there.
Lucille’s beautiful face was the first to appear. Lennox had her locked in a cage beneath the casino. That was the first part of the tour he took La’Nova on. The iron bars were so thick down there that a person couldn’t squeeze a finger through them.
He had chains biting into Lucille’s flawless skin like the set of pearls and diamonds she wore on a day-to-day basis. Even in captivity, Lucille’s chin lifted, pride bled through the visible exhaustion and depravation. Lennox never could break Lucille. It’s what he loved the most about her.
Although La’Nova didn’t like seeing Lucille reduced to humiliation, she had to conceal her feelings and stick to her own master plan. What almost made La’Nova crack was the girls that she witnessed the following days around the casino.
They all looked too young to be there. Their bodies were barely developed, wrapped in expensive fabrics meant to seduce sick rich men.
Lennox had them petrified. You could see it in their sad eyes that were trained to smile on command.
Their lip gloss didn’t conceal their trembling lips as La’Nova observed men with tailored suits and dead eyes moving through them like merchandise.
Lennox even made her sit through an auction.
Men placed house payments on young innocent women.
She had to listen to the sick bastards brag about flying their new pieces of merchandise overseas to hide and slave around.
La’Nova had each sick man tattooed in her brain because if she ever crossed them again, she’d kill all of them if she had the chance.
La’Nova discovered once again that the world was a sick place. She couldn’t possibly conquer all the demented demons that walked the earth. Lennox was just one of many, even after him there would be more. The deeper she thought about it, the more it made her want to throw up.
Most of the men that greased Lennox’s pockets were judges, politicians, CEOs, and men with wedding rings and supposed clean reputations.
Night after night, she came back into her beautiful prison and scrubbed her skin until it felt raw.
Lennox walked her through his underground casino, arm hooked through her arm like he was the prize.
He proudly spoke about logistics, routes, prices, and even age ranges of the girls he trafficked like it was nothing out of the ordinary.
La’Nova’s jaw rolled as the water slid down her spine, pooling around her feet. Her skin burned from the cold, nerves screaming as her heart pounded loud enough to hear it.
“I’m killing him tonight…” Her stomach revolted.
She wanted to purge this week images and information from her brain. Every muscle inside of her knotted with rage, as the cold water forced her into the calmness that Luca preached to her about.
“This for the girl I used to be.” She allowed one tear to slide down her cheek then welcomed another.
“My parents who died begging….” A small sob escaped her throat.
Her next set of words had her covering her mouth.
It brought so much pain that she wanted to drop down to her knees and let out a loud wail for Luca.
She remembered him falling to his knees in his office, holding him and wiping at his own tears.
Luca’s pain rain so deep that, La’Nova could still feel it in her bones.
“This for you too, Luca… maybe you’ll forgive me in another lifetime.” She choked on her hushed words.
The water numbed her skin until she barely felt it anymore. Her breathing slowed, her mind sharpened. She straightened under the spray of cold water and squared her shoulders.
Tonight was what Lennox called initiation night.
A night full of humiliation and basically selling her soul to the devil once more.
She had all the things she needed inside of the bathroom to prepare her for when she stepped out into her beautiful prison.
She thought back to their conversation from earlier.
“Normally a couple of my men would take parts in initiation night,” Lennox stated in a playful dry tone.
“They love the new taste of freshly broken meat. In your case, nothing about you is fresh and you’re too broken beyond hopefulness. My men deserve only but the best, not obesity,” he continued.
“Here I was thinking it was my scar.” La’Nova scoffed, looking up into Lennox’s maniac dark eyes.
“No, the scar makes those big innocent gray eyes look alluring,” He licked his pink lips as his eyes dropped down to her cleavage then the rest of her body. “It’s all that extra greasy meat that makes me wonder if I want to do initiation with you or make one of my men go through with it.”
“I’d prefer if it was you.” La’Nova’s pulse slammed in her neck.
Lennox thought La’Nova was a fool. She knew he was only keeping her alive long enough to get her comfortable. He wanted that playbook and would kill anyone including his own soul to get it.
Soon as La’Nova stepped out of the shower she went into action. Expensive body oils, perfume, and hair supplies sat on the marble countertop. She skipped past it, trailing water along the way until she reached her pack of cigarettes. With calm hands she plucked a cigarette out, lit it and inhaled.
La’Nova looked at her naked drenched body in the mirror. She gazed deeply into her own eyes until she got lost within herself. She had dark sunken bags underneath her eyes. Six hours of sleep in a seven-day time frame had her halfway insane.
The only thing that kept her grounded was the mere thought of freedom. She blinked her eyes, continuing to stare herself in the mirror. The woman that looked back at her longed for just a moment in life where she felt sincerely at peace.
She wanted to learn how to truly love and accept herself. It amazed La’Nova how she battled with herself constantly still coming out victorious between choosing life and death.
The bathroom was quiet in a way that pressed against her ears, making her even more self-aware.
Her palms braced against the edge of the counter as tears threatened to spill from the burning sensation of not blinking.
She felt stripped bare of excuses and fears of what was to come as soon as she walked out of the door.
This was the past still clawing at her present since her future demanded answers to how she would live moving forward. The whites of her eyes were laced with red, pupils dilated trying to cut through their own reflection.
La’Nova was soul searching. Searching for a version of herself that could survive what was coming.
She stared until the mirror felt like a doorway that would release her into another life that didn’t require looking over her shoulders or opening her legs for men that didn’t deserve the treasure between them.
She leaned in closer unintentionally until her breath fogged the glass, distorting the reflection that looked back at her. Her doe-shaped, gray eyes flared, her lips parted as a small, fractured sound escaped them.
“I’m going to succeed,” she murmured.
Her eyes finally blinked slowly. She gazed at herself intentionally. The bathroom around her sharpened into focus as if her senses had recalibrated. Every detail seemed louder now down to the faint hum of the overhead light, the subtle drip from the shower that she had just taken.
La’Nova dropped her cigarette butt into the sink.
Her eyes flitted over the counter. She had no backup, no protection, just a creative mind, two hands, two feet, and teeth, which were considered her weapons of choice.
She studied the hair supplies to see if one of them would call out to her to serve as some sort of protection.
Lennox said that it would be him to walk her through his evil initiation, but she was far from a fool. Tonight, she was willing to lay her life down on the line to kill him. It didn’t matter to La’Nova if she survived or died. She was going to give tonight all she had within her.
Surviving tonight meant being able to sleep good at night.
Avenging her parents wouldn’t make their deaths feel better but it would for sure help her sleep better at night.
Not having invisible chains attached to her ankles and wrists was better than looking over her shoulder questioning her freedom.
Her eyes landed on a metal rat-tail comb.
With shaky hands, La’Nova reached out to pick it up.
She eyed the pointy end of the comb then tried to bend it to see how durable it was.
The rest of the items were useless. A plastic wide tooth comb, hard bristle brush, along with gel, edge control, and plastic black rubber bands.
She stuck the rat-tail comb through her shriveled up wet hair then picked up the leave in conditioner. She squeezed the leave in conditioner into her palm just as the bathroom light snapped off. Dark swallowed the room in one clean breath.
Her pulse jumped, but her hands didn’t shake.
La’Nova stood still and naked with lotion thick and slick between her fingers.
The air still smelled like cigarette and the mint eucalyptus soap that she bathed with.
She ran the conditioner slowly down her arms, across her shoulders, letting it trail over her collarbone and down her stomach.
Her skin glistened in the dark, every nerve awake, her instincts as sharp as the metal rat tail comb tucked in the center of her scalp.
La’Nova dragged the remnants of the lotion down the sides of her thick thighs.
Grounding herself from the sensation. Cold air kissed her damp skin, followed by goosebumps.
She forced her breathing to stay even and controlled as she remembered the feel of her cold shower.
Pain can be trained… She told herself once more.
Her fingers searched the counter blind until they found the cigarette pack. She flipped it open, plucked one out with her teeth, then reach again until she felt the metal from her lighter. The click sounded in the silence then the flame flared, lighting her face from below.
Smoke filled her lungs as she flitted her gaze below the bathroom’s door. A strange calm that she never felt before settled in her chest heavy and absolute. Life or death didn’t scare her anymore. What scared her was failing.
“Little Annie, it’s time for initiation…” Lennox’s deep voice broke through the silence.
Her brows knitted tightly from the nickname he called her when she was just a little girl afraid of what him and Dontrell was going to do to her parents. Nausea rolled down her belly as she willed herself to take another long drag from her vice.
“Kentrell is dead,” he stated flatly with no ounce of sadness. “I guess Luca got to him before I could send for his protection.” He chuckled wryly.
“My condolences.” La’Nova uttered dryly.
“None needed, Annie.” He emphasized the sick nicknamed he gave her.
“It’s dark in there,” Lennox uttered in a suggestive tone, licking his lips to lubricate his next set of words. “Maybe you should come out here so we can have a conversation.”
A thin red line slid beneath the door, glowing low and ominous, painting the tile like a warning. Next, she heard heavy footsteps. La’Nova exhaled smoke toward the ceiling then shut her eyes for one heartbeat.
“O-kay,” she stated carefully.
La’Nova lifted her chin, fingers brushing her hair, confirming the comb was still there. She took one last drag, then flicked the cigarette to wherever it would land. She moved toward the light that shined beneath the door and paused again just as her fingers grazed the doorknob.
“You’re under my command and control once you open that door,” Lennox warned in a clipped tone. “You’ll do what I say and what I want. Your life means nothing to me.” Lennox’s deep voice bounced off the walls.
“This is your initiation to hell.”