Chapter 23 #2
Luca rolled his jaw then clenched it. His grip on the gun tightened, knuckles whitening just enough to show he wasn’t unbothered by this as he wanted to seem.
Seeing La’Nova broken down did something to him.
He fought his own urges; the main urge was him wanting to wipe the tears that decorated her pretty face.
His lips tingled from picturing himself kissing them away.
“I killed Dontrell.” Her voice didn’t shake nor crack this time. It was the confession she thought Luca wanted to hear although he already knew now.
Luca’s brow twitched slightly.
“In cold blood.” She steadied her aim on him but still couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger. “I looked him in his eyes and pulled the fucking trigger.” She closed her eyes, her arm started to sting from keeping it outward and directed at Luca.
Pain flickered across Luca’s face. Seconds later he rested it, staring back at her with no emotions, but on the inside he felt the kind of rage that had the ability to break a person down until there was nothing left of them.
“I didn’t feel shit when I did it—”
“Watch it!” Luca’s voice boomed. His raspy voice broke through his whisper.
“NO!” La’Nova yelled.
She kicked her legs over the edge of her bed, knocking down her markers and the papers she carefully colored to face Luca fully.
“Your father and Lennox cost me my fucking parents when I was nine years old over a fucking debt that my father owed.” She took in a sharp breath.
It felt like the space in between them had started to spin.
“Dontrell killed my fucking father while Lennox raped then killed my fucking mommy.” Her voice didn’t rise; it tore.
It ripped straight from the center of her chest like something long buried had finally clawed its way out.
“They killed my fucking parents!” She said it like she had finally realized what the two men did to ruin her life.
“Lennox took me to my room, offered me my first fucking cigarette then went down stairs and violated my heart in the worse way possible!” She screamed, the words cracked apart as they left her mouth, splintering under the weight of years she had tried to swallow whole.
Her hands trembled as she dropped the gun.
Her breathing came in too fast then shallow like her body had forgotten how to exist in the present.
Because now, she didn’t feel like she was there with Luca anymore.
In her mind, the walls to her camper shrunk.
The air thickened, and suddenly she felt like the nine-year-old girl trapped in her room with a cigarette burning between her small lips.
The memory slammed into her. The sound. The silence after. The way the world had split clean down the middle and never stitched itself back together. La’Nova was no longer looking at Luca, she was looking through him, into something she could only see.
“After my parents were killed, Lennox came up to my room and hit me in the center of my forehead with an axe.” She swayed from side to side while saying the words lowly.
Luca didn’t even realize that he lowered his gun. He sat up at the edge of his seat, heart pounding viciously. The sound of his gun hitting the camper floor as he slowly lowered down to his knees to crawl over to La’Nova sounded distant in her ears.
“I don’t even remember receiving medical help.” She chuckled warily through her tears. “I don’t know how long I was out of it or if I was violated during what felt like a long ass nightmare.” She looked down at her trembling hands.
“I can’t even tell you when I lost my fuckin’ virginity either or how many men I’ve been with.”
Luca’s hands grabbed each side of her thighs. He softly laid his head against her bosom, letting his hands trail underneath her nightgown to the low dip of her back.
“I woke up in a room full of young girls that looked just like me… broken little girls with their own set of scars.” She inhaled sharply then rested her head weakly against the top of his head.
Luca’s strong, big hands kneaded at the tension locked into her shoulders then neck.
The sensation felt painfully good as he worked her over.
He didn’t care about her killing his father in the moment.
All he cared about was comforting her like she did him when he spilled his guts to Lucille in his office.
“I kept thinking over and over…” She shut her eyes, her tears sunk into his waves. “I want mommy, I want daddy.” She hiccupped then coughed.
“Let it all out, Nova baby,” he whispered.
He kept his massage firm and reassuring, gliding his hands back down to the center of her back then back up to her shoulders. He gripped her neck and squeezed before La’Nova let out a gut-wrenching cry.
The center of her forehead throbbed; her shoulders shook violently as she released and talked through bottled-up pain. She even mentioned her past with Kentrell down to how they started off. Luca listened intently with an open mind and no judgement.
A lot of her words sounded jumbled, but most of them he heard correctly. His hands continued to comfort her; he didn’t rush her or try to fix what was broken inside of her. He let her feel it all and hopes of her finally releasing it.
His thumbs pressed into the tightness at the base of her neck once more. This time he worked small circles into it. His fingers traced along her shoulders, grounding her. His fingers anchored her as she cried even harder. Without thinking, her fingers clutched his shirt.
Luca swallowed hard as a single tear slipped from his own eye before he could stop it. He didn’t bother to wipe it, he let himself feel it trace down his cheek. La’Nova’s pain didn’t just sit in front of him. It lived inside of him now mixed with his own pain.
He shifted slightly. His hand slid down her back, guiding her to lay down without words. She resisted for half a second, still shaking and caught up in the storm of everything she had been holding in. His hands eased her back until she was lying against the bed.
Luca smoothly climbed in beside her and pulled her into him, turning her on her side. One arm wrapped tightly around her waist while the other settled across her chest. He spooned her fully, her back pressed against his chest, ass against his semi hard erection.
La’Nova closed her eyes, enjoying the closeness that she knew for a fact was only temporary.
Her spine curved inward like she was trying to fold herself away from the pain and possibly away from him.
La’Nova wanted to be away from everything that hurt her.
The room was too quiet; the kind of silence that made every small sound feel louder than it should be. Even her own breathing came out uneven.
Tears slipped from her eyes, tracing warm paths down her cheeks before disappearing into the pillow beneath her. Luca’s grip was firm against her. His face hovered near the back of her neck, his breathing matched hers.
“We’re all broken from something…” Her words hung in the air for a couple of seconds.
Luca’s jaw clenched and unclenched as if he were fighting words that didn’t know how to exist outside of him.
“Broken and looking for a way out of feeling the shit. The pain and emptiness of wanting to feel free from it,” she whispered.
Her back pressed more firmly against his chest, closing whatever space had been left between them.
Luca’s hand slid up slightly, flattening against her ribs, as if he was trying to feel her breathe for the both of them.
His chin dipped, brushing lightly against her shoulder, and though he said nothing, the way his body curved around hers spoke louder than anything he could’ve forced out of his mouth right now.
Luca held La’Nova like he didn’t want to fall apart alone. He silently fell apart while she loudly sobbed minutes ago. He willed himself to be her strength, her anchor. Someone that she could lean on and release her burdens on without being taken advantage of.
Luca inhaled her fruity scent then moved his head away from the crook of her neck and inhaled the rest of her camper space. He realized that there was no residue smell of cigarettes.
“You quit smoking?” He whispered his question out hoarsely.
“I did.” La’Nova’s lips quirked into a small wary smile.
She couldn’t deny how proud of herself she was for quitting the moment she walked out of Lennox underground casino.
“Lennox is dead, I vowed to quit once he was gone,” she uttered lowly.
“I’m proud of you.” Luca moved placed a firm kiss against the back of her neck.
Her entire body heated up from just that simple act of him showing her affection.
“I’m proud of me too,” she murmured more so to herself.
“I forgive you.”
La’Nova gasped. Although she’d never apologized for killing Dontrell, she knew somewhere deep down inside Luca’s three words had a deeper meaning. She’d never apologize because she didn’t feel an ounce of regret for what she did.
“This.” He tapped the top of her stomach then gripped it.
“Requires forgiveness on both ends…I planned on killing you, then I got inside of here and watched you for hours as you slept peacefully. Then I thought about giving you a fair chance….which sounds crazy.” Luca shook his head against La’Nova in disbelief that he was actually saying all of this out loud.
“Fair chance with what?” She asked softly.
“To kill me…Russian Roulette, because in the end… I know we both can’t be together.” Luca pressed another firm kiss to the back of her neck.
“Would you be able to look at me and—”
“When I look at you, sometimes I’m conflicted.” She cut him off.
La’Nova shifted to her back as Luca lifted his arm and rested it beneath her neck. Her gray orbs gazed into his dark pools, and for a while they got lost in each other before La’Nova spoke.
“We both conflicted, Luca… no doubt our pain ties together sensually and spiritually. I feel you in here.” She tapped the center of her chest.