Chapter 27
Pain makes it feel real
Luca’s man cave stayed dark even though it was the middle of the afternoon.
He preferred it this way since it matched his dark mood.
Heavy blackout curtains covered the tall windows that normally looked out over the back half of his estate.
Only a thin strip of daylight slipped through the edges, cutting across his marble floor.
The scent of leather mixed with cigar and weed smoke made the room cloudy. A massive black sectional curved around a low glass table that was scattered with unopened mail along with two chess pieces knocked sideways from an unfinished game he played this morning.
Luca sat slouched deep into the corner of the couch, one elbow resting on the armrest. His free hand wrapped loosely around a half glass of cognac. Roy had been talking for ten minutes straight and Luca hadn’t interrupted him once.
“Like I said my nigga,” Roy cut through Luca’s jumbled thoughts, pacing in front of the huge flat screen TV like what he was saying was the most serious conversation in the world.
“I pulled up respectfully. Knocked on the bitch door, respectfully…even brought food, respect-ful-fucking-lee!” His voice went up and octave.
Luca blinked slowly, tuning back into Roy’s conversation just as he threw his hands up dramatically in the air.
“Bitch open the fucking door smiling in shit.” Roy shook his head, still not believing what happened between him and Serenity.
“She hit a nigga with a—” Roy smacked his lips, licked them then mocked Serenity’s voice the best he could. “What’s up Mr. Transaction.” He twisted his neck just like her.
Luca’s stoned expression cracked into a half smile at Roy’s theatrics.
“What happened next?” Luca signed with his free hand lazily.
He had no spoken words to offer today. The whole house was notified days prior to give him his proper space to grieve in peace without interruptions.
“She hit me with…Royal, I’m busy tonight.” Roy cocked his head back in disbelief.
“After opening the door playing a nigga by calling me Mr. Fuckin’ Transaction, she played me to the fucking left! Even had candles and shit burning when I pulled up on some smooth player shit tryna feed her hoe ass.” Roy stopped pacing to run his hand down his waves in irritation.
“I pushed passed her and blew all them fuckin’ candles out!
She had slow jams playing and a whole camera with bright lights set up.
She got all dramatic, threatening to call the police on me.
The scary nigga she had over ran off to the bathroom.
” Roy flicked his hand over his nose, sighed then flopped down on the sectional across from Luca.
He narrowed his eyes and noticed how spaced-out Luca was.
“You even listening to me?” He asked, voice full of concern.
“Yeah,” Luca forced himself to whisper.
Roy froze for half a second, taking in Luca’s somber expression.
He knew what today was and how hard it would affect his brother, which is why he showed up.
Today would be the first of many birthdays of Dontrell Di Lucas Bonetti without his presence.
It was the first birthday that Luca was present instead of being behind bars.
Luca sat with his decisions and second guessed them.
Early this morning he dropped down to his knees and begged God for understanding of his current situation with La’Nova.
No matter how many times he told himself that it was wrong and that he shouldn’t have an ounce of like let alone love for her, it pained him to think about a life without ever seeing her face again.
He felt tormented by it but didn’t know what was best for himself.
“If you want to be alone, bro…I’ll understand.” Roy exhaled.
Luca shook his head once as he winced a little from the sharp pain that hit his chest.
“It’s fine.” Luca signed with both hands instead of one.
Roy knew he wasn’t fine but he wouldn’t press him. He watched Luca stare down at his cognac like the answer to something might be floating inside of it. Luca still felt like his father should still be alive, happy that he was finally free from jail and ready to celebrate over dinner.
“You talk to LuLu today?” Roy asked carefully.
Luca’s jaw tightened before he signed no. Roy nodded because he expected that to be the answer. He just wanted to keep Luca engaged. La’Nova crossed Roy’s mind as he glanced toward the ceiling.
“She outside,” Roy stated the obvious first.
“I know.” Luca signed.
What him and La’Nova had was an unspoken understanding. It’s like they both could feel when the other needed space without communicating it. Another sharp pain coursed through Luca’s chest as he thought about what he was getting ready to do, although he was fully against hurting himself.
“She was looking out that small ass window,” Roy scoffed. “She’s waiting,” he added.
Luca remained silent, swallowing down a ball of emotions.
He nodded his head, keeping his eyes focused on the brown liquid in his glass cup.
That was the main problem to Luca. It seemed like both of them were always close enough to reach and patient enough to stay, but today, La’Nova served as the one thing that hurt him most…
the twisted side of it all was she was the only person that could calm him and make his pain nonexistent, even if it only lasted momentarily; it still made him feel good.
A therapist would deem it unhealthy and codependent. Codependency was something his father never taught him. Everything he was doing with La’Nova was the opposite of the man he was raised to be. Luca discovered a fatal weakness in loving La’Nova, it all started to make him feel crippled.
“She’s the reason…” Luca whispered hoarsely, unable to finish his sentence.
“She’s the cause and cure like you said, bro,” Roy reminded him.
He felt conflicted about Luca and La’Nova’s relationship. To him, it wasn’t possible because if the shoes were on his feet, she would have been dead soon as he found out, no matter how hard he fell.
Luca leaned forward, resting his elbows against his knees, glass hanging loose between his hand.
He hadn’t considered days like this… His love for her felt so strong that he hadn’t realized the hate he tucked away just to love her.
There would be more days besides his father birthday that would make him think about her pulling the trigger.
Days like holidays. His own birthday. Mourning had no cut off date.
“She makes me forget the pain sometimes…and I don’t like that,” he admitted quietly.
“Thinking about him no longer being here hurts so fucking bad.” His hoarse voice cracked.
“It ain’t weakness. It’s real,” Roy uttered.
“Maybe not weakness, but it feels like betrayal.” Luca stared down at the floor.
“It ain’t betrayal to keep living with the cards you got dealt,” Roy reminded Luca.
He didn’t say anything else after that. He just sat there across from Luca while the silence stretched thick between them.
Luca took down the rest of his drink then set it quietly on the glass table.
A tear slid down his cheek, seconds later his tears fell down rapidly.
Roy didn’t react and didn’t try to pretend like he didn’t see his brother crying.
Luca thumbed them away with the sides of his thumb. He sniffled and looked away from Roy to finalize his thoughts before he spoke them out loud.
“She gon’ always be my love,” Luca whispered with more tears falling down his face.
Roy’s stomach turned because he could already feel the ‘but’ in Luca’s follow up sentence.
“But not in this lifetime,” Luca finished.
“Nah,” Roy shook his head, not believing a word Luca was spitting. “Not even you believe that.” He chuckled dryly.
Luca looked toward the ceiling as if something up there would force him to take back his words. He looked back down at Roy then stood up slowly.
“I do,” he whispered. “I need to feel this shit.” He tapped his chest twice, it felt like he was about to go under cardiac arrest.
“The pain makes it real…all of everything.” He winced out again in pain.
“Bro—”
“Tell her to leave.” Luca cleared his throat, picked up his empty glass cup then trekked toward his bar.
“Bro what?” Roy tugged at his earlobe like something had clogged his ability to hear Luca clearly.
Luca was always a man sure of his decisions. Roy hesitated and eyed the liquor behind Luca accusingly.
Yeah, this nigga got to be drunk… Roy thought.
“Tell her to get the fuck off my property,” Luca whispered coldly, popping the top off his cognac.
“Luca—”
“And don’t ever come the fuck back or I’ll kill her,” he added for great measure.
It was the coward route, he knew it the second he said it. He knew it before the words even finished leaving his mouth. It just felt easier than walking outside and facing her. Easier than choosing this time between his father’s memory and the woman inside her camper.
“You sure about this?” Roy stared at his back, waiting for Luca to say he was just drunk off liquor and tripping.
When Luca didn’t answer, he nodded once then turned and walked out just as Luca’s phone vibrated in his pocket.
He stopped mid-pour, pulled his phone out his pocket and stared at La’Nova’s name, indicating it was a text message.
His heart stuttered instantly as he unlocked his phone and read the message.
La’Nova- I knew today was one of those days the second I pulled up.
The twins told me that you would be sad three days ago when I took them out to Dave he couldn’t find the words to say out loud so he just stared at Roy with a blank expression, fire dancing in his eyes.
Luca already knew exactly where this pointed.
Lucille… the woman that failed him as a mother and failed his father as a wife. She was the culprit that helped twist the Bonetti name into something it was never meant to become.
“There’s a saying I kept thinking of for some reason when I first heard about my father being killed,” he muttered lowly.
Roy roughly backhanded his tears away then locked in on what Luca was getting ready to say.
“Every dog has it’s day…In my father’s case ,every Don has it’s day.” Luca stared out across the estate as his melted heart turned back into ice.
“If I’m right about who killed my grandfather…then Lucille will have her day soon.”
The End!