CHAPTER THIRTY
GAbrIEL
January
Knowing that Jake wasn’t at the market waiting for me was out of the ordinary.
It had become a habit to spend our lunch breaks together.
Remembering he was sleeping in my bed and lounging barefoot in my condo made up for our missed lunch.
I wanted to rush home and hold him because I couldn’t believe he was in my life, but work kept me at the clinic.
He’d quit his job last week because he’d made a New Year’s resolution to work on himself.
I promised to help him, and we laid down plans for the future.
He intended to pursue his GED but would need to take some courses at the community college.
He’d been embarrassed about admitting to having an eighth-grade education, but he’d trusted me enough to tell me and I took it as a huge win.
Also on his to-do list was getting his driver’s license.
During the weekend, in the evenings, I took him to an industrial park and showed him how to drive.
We’d been doing a lot of talking these past few weeks about what we expected from our relationship and how to address his personal issues.
It was all conversations that needed to happen, and I was hopeful about our life together.
We loved each other and the bumps in the road were just that—minor inconveniences.
As I munched on my salad, I surfed property listings for farming land outside of Chicago.
There was a smaller lot not far from the pumpkin farm that was perfect for a comfortable house and a few apple trees and a chicken coop.
Not that I intended on actually buying anything, but it was fun pretending to own a farm.
Maybe in a few years when we were settled, we might do it.
Thinking of our life together made me long for him and I sent him a text message.
Gabe: It’s only noon and I miss U already. U destroy me 4 life.
He was quick to respond.
Jake: You’re just horny and want to get inside my ass.
I beamed like a motherfucker. He wasn’t wrong. I’d never get tired of making love to him, but more than that I just wanted to hold him because he needed it.
Gabe: With panties on?
The devil emoji he sent me made me laugh out loud.
My salad sat abandoned as I remembered how his ass looked in pretty pink lace.
I’d never had an attraction to women's lingerie before but found that I enjoyed Jake in it.
It got him so hot, stripping away his reservations and letting him be who he was.
Biting my lip, I pulled up the website of a local lingerie store and surfed their selection.
Before I knew it, my virtual cart was full of sexy and slutty underwear, stockings, and garter belts.
He’d said he’d wear anything I bought for him, and I couldn’t help myself.
I hit pay and sat back in my chair. I was hopeful about our relationship despite certain challenges.
But when you loved someone, you loved all of them, even their flaws.
The day flew by mercifully fast, and I rushed home to Jake.
I found him sitting on a stool at the kitchen island, hunched over some comic panels.
He’d posted some of his art online and had received positive reviews with people asking for more adventures of the boy with powers who just wanted to be like everyone else.
Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I kissed the back of his neck. “What are you working on?”
“Inking the pages,” he said, his focus on his work. “Once they're done, I can color them with the markers you got me.”
“Then you put them online, make lots of money, and I become the kept boy?” I teased.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” he said and tipped his head back so I could kiss his lips. “Superhero comics aren’t a novel idea.”
“And you don’t give yourself enough credit,” I said between pecks. “Not only are these good, but the story is excellent.”
He blushed and looked at the pages scattered across the marble. “I…used to wish I were a superhero when I was a kid. I wanted to be Superman just so I could fly away and escape my life.”
I massaged his shoulders as he told me a little more about his mother and all her problems. I wished I could make those bad memories disappear for him.
He turned to me and slid my hips between his legs. I could never get close enough. “How is your sister?”
“She’s still in rehab but Dad has come to accept there is only so much we can do. Our priority is Amelia. Her needs now come first and… We’ve been discussing the idea of filing for full custody.”
He sucked his lip between his teeth. “That’s probably a good idea.”
“We just can’t keep putting Amelia through this anymore. Should Bev ever get clean, she will have to prove to the courts she is fit.”
He hugged me closely. “I’m glad Amelia has the support of a family.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t have that,” I said.
He nodded against me. “I had my aunt. Now I have you. And…Maria and the kids. I’m not alone.”
I guided his mouth to mine and kissed him until I couldn’t breathe. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
He bit into my lip gently, his fingers clawing at my ass. That special dark glint in his eyes promised sexy times.
“Speaking of making sure certain people get what they need, I have a number for you to call. Dr. Howard is one of the best in his field and specializes in childhood trauma. Promise me you’ll set up an appointment soon?”
His expression dropped, his body turning rigid. But we had to work on the hard stuff as much as we didn’t want to. “He sounds expensive.”
“I told you I’d take care of you and that includes professional help,” I countered.
“I know, but… you’re supporting me, paying for my school stuff—”
“It’s not an issue. I can afford it.”
He looked away and mumbled, “You shouldn’t have to.”
I recalled what he’d said about me not letting him push me away. I was slightly angry and said sternly, “Should I spend my money on another damn designer shirt? Maybe a third car, then?”
His soulful eyes broke my heart, and I gathered him back into my arms. I hadn’t meant to get frustrated with him.
It would take me some time to learn his triggers and the signs of him withdrawing.
I framed his face with my hands. “You’re worth it, damn it and I’m going to prove it to you, baby boy.
Tell me you’re worth it, I want to hear you say it. ”
“I’m… I’m worth it,” he said, trying to look away. I knew he didn’t believe it, but I’d work every day to convince him of the fact.
“I love you. I just want you to be happy,” I muttered.
“I know. I’m so happy with you I want to avoid the stuff that makes me sad.” He bit his lip in thought. “But… what if you went with me?”
“To therapy?”
“Yeah… It might help you understand me a little better.”
“That’s not a bad idea. But initially, I want you to work on you, okay? Give it a little time then we will look into talking to someone together.”
“It’s not very sexy and fun talking about all my crap, is it?” He asked dejectedly.
“I don’t know, tough discussions often lead to feels, then…” I kissed him again, swiping my tongue across his bottom lip. “Sexy times?”
“Okay, so you’re probably right about that, but… while we’re talking about hard stuff—I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Why—You haven’t talked about…public sex since bringing it up at Christmas,” he started. “I, ah…”
I smiled ruefully and slipped on the stool next to him. I took his hands. “Because I’m afraid I’ll lose you over it.”
I supposed it wasn’t all that different when he’d stressed over hiding his need to wear women's underwear. I focused on his ruddy knuckles, skimming my thumb over them, terrified this might be the last time I held his talented hands.
His gaze was contemplative as he bumped his knees against mine. “I don’t want to go away. Can I ask some questions?”
“Sure, baby boy.”
Furrowing his brows, I knew he was sorting through everything I’d told him. “You said you…prefer to watch than take part in it?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m not interested in participating in endless orgies, but I enjoy watching them happen. There is some kind of satisfaction I get from the idea of seeing people in their most vulnerable and raw states. As if…I’m part of a secret. It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“And sometimes you let men have sex with you?”
“Only blowjobs. Though I’ve fucked a few in the past. I always wore protection. I’m never careless. As for the feeling side of it, I just enjoy people watching me get off.”
“Where…do you find these types of parties?” The curiosity in his tone was surprising. The way he was looking at me wasn’t the way Sean had responded when I’d finally told him the truth. Could it be…interest?
“There is a club that caters to my particular brand of kink,” I said.
As I thought about us walking the halls of Adam’s Garden together, seeing naked bodies involved in various acts, heat pulsed through me. That was all I ever wanted: to share a vital part of my identity with someone I loved.
“Hey,” I said and ran my hand up his arm, his shoulder, all the way to his cheek. “I meant what I said before. No matter what you decide, I’ll always be your friend, okay?”
He nodded and scooted closer to me so he could kiss his lips. The interest he’d shown was a good sign and gave me hope my kink was compatible. I was worried about his anxiety, though. I would never force this on him.