Chapter 20 - Kalla
Kalla
XX
Cliff didn’t release my arm until he’d dragged me well away from the crowd and into the isolated storage room where I’d had my last conversation with Jael. The room where, earlier tonight, my fae lover had told me he would rather die than be with me.
I fixed my gaze on the wall above Cliff’s shoulder, unwilling to think of the pain written across Jael’s face when he’d admitted it.
“Are you all right?” Cliff asked, ducking his head to catch my eye.
Reluctantly, I shifted my attention to him and opened my mouth to swear I was fine, that I’d known this was coming and had accepted it, but the words wouldn’t come.
They were right there. I could force them to fall and let them land in the taut silence, damning the fae to Thorn’s orders.
I acknowledged the sentence against myself.
Much as it would pain me, fifty years of limited freedom was the least I deserved for what I’d done and far more lenient than Thorn could have offered.
Killing the fae, though… It would be the best, safest move for the Gloaming Fury.
Or so everyone else believed.
As I stood there, weighing the balance between what I should do against what I wanted, I realized they had no fucking idea what they were talking about.
Yes, our secrecy was important. Yes, we would run the risk of being destroyed if anyone discovered we were here and reported us to the palace.
But we were also cutting ourselves off from the world in ways that put us in a different kind of danger. We risked becoming stagnant.
What felt like forever ago, Thorn had accused me of being naive in wanting more, but couldn’t she see that she was damning us to extinction by demanding less?
I’d spent my life believing the slop we called food was enough, but Jael had opened my eyes to the fact that we were living on scraps.
I’d believed vampires were the only group worth knowing, but how many stories from other places would we never hear? How much music were we missing out on?
I had no intention of suggesting we open ourselves up to threat, but a life without risk—without change… was that a life at all?
So instead of shrugging off the confused emotions coursing through me, instead of falling into line, I said, “I want to help them escape.”
Cliff’s jaw dropped, and he blinked as though his thoughts had come to a jarring stop and needed time to wake up.
“Kalla, we—we can’t. What are you even saying?
Thorn would kill us. And she’d be within her rights to.
What the fuck? You barely made it out with your life, and you want to tempt fate a second time? ”
Fate. Not a concept I believed in generally, but right now, I felt like the threads of destiny had me in a chokehold.
I ran my hands over my hair and paced the length of the room. “Maybe I’ll die,” I conceded, “but I’m doing it anyway.”
“Do you really believe his life is worth more than yours?”
“Of course not,” I snapped. “But dammit, Cliff, if I’m not willing to fight for something I believe in, what’s the point of living?”
He clapped his mouth shut, his nostrils flaring with every incredulous breath, and it took him a moment to summon his next thought. “So you’re going to walk them out through the tunnel? In front of the entire fury? Think about this, Kal.”
“I am thinking. I’m thinking that a few nights ago, I was miserable here.
I felt trapped and stifled. I love my family, but you and Thorn both pointed out there’s more to wake up for than mindless hunting.
Jael showed me what I’m missing. I might not be able to be with him, but if his death is on my hands…
” The truth ground my feet to a halt, and I turned around to look my best friend in the eye.
“I think I’ll feel empty for the rest of my life. Thorn might as well kill me.”
For a few, slow heartbeats we stared at each other, both of us working through what I’d said.
I’d meant it. I would survive Jael not being here. I would probably get past it and maybe eventually mate with some vampire male for the sake of filling my nights with someone’s company. But in fifty years, nothing and no one else had brought me to life the way he had.
His absence would leave a void in my chest, one that mirrored the darkness he had carried with him for the past six years, but at least I would have given him a chance to find the peace he sought.
Cliff watched me, his dark brown eyes scanning my face, delving deep into my gaze as though trying to draw out my soul to assess it for cracks or madness, but in the end, his spine rounded and he gave a slow, hesitant nod.
“All right, Kal. I’ll help you. By the blood, this could be a disaster, but I’ll help you. What do you need?”
I chewed on my lips and paced the room one last time while I cobbled together a plan, fear and gratitude welling inside me. “First we need more people. We can’t do this on our own. Then… Then we need a distraction.”