Chapter Nineteen
This kiss felt…different.
And that was a very bad thing.
A dangerous fire threatened to burst from beneath her skin as Harvey’s mouth moved in a tantalizing rhythm over hers.
She’d walked through some fires in her life, but this…
She wasn’t sure she could survive this. Right here, right now, nothing that’d happened between them existed.
It was as though this was the first time, when all she could think about was that she wouldn’t be able to take her next breath unless he touched her. All consuming, intense, insane.
Harvey kissed her like a man starved. Her mouth, down her neck, over her collarbone.
His fingers threaded into her hair and pulled, arching her neck back for better access.
Her lower back pressed into the dining room chair, but the pain never came.
He didn’t let it touch her as he slid one hand between her and the hardwood.
He moved back to her mouth and kissed her.
He kept on kissing her until Drennan feared she’d never recover from the deep, hot licks along the inside of her mouth.
Her legs shook as her insides ached. He snaked his arm around her posterior rib cage, and it wasn’t until then that she realized just how much bigger he was compared to her. That he could hurt her in a heartbeat.
But Harvey wouldn’t ever hurt her.
He wasn’t the man he feared becoming. That much was clear in the limited interactions they’d shared.
And she couldn’t turn away from this. Drennan dug her fingernails into his back, most assuredly leaving marks, but she needed to get closer.
To pull him into her. Because no matter how many times she reminded herself she’d done the right thing in giving herself up to her abductor in place of Dr. Yarrow or Harvey, she couldn’t ignore the thick, oily terror that coated her insides.
A shadow that pulsed with fear anytime Harvey got too far away.
The killer had threatened her boss and the father of her child if he couldn’t get what he wanted from her.
But, here, in his arms, those threats couldn’t dig its claws in as deep.
With him, she could forget about the way her abductor had looked at her as though she was nothing more than a means to an end.
She could forget that same look on her mother’s face and the pure vitriol saved in the form of voicemails on her phone.
Harvey framed one hand against her jaw, smoothing his thumb along the curve and down the front of her throat.
His breathing had reached chaotic levels—matching hers—and she liked it.
She liked that she’d had this effect on him, that of everything he’d survived, everything he’d been through and done, she had the power to push him to his limits. “Bedroom.”
Drennan could only nod as he pulled her back against his chest, his mouth seeking hers once more. They walked as one, him backing toward her bedroom door, her too out of her mind to warn him to watch out for the corner of the photograph she’d hung only a couple weeks ago.
His shoulder skimmed the frame and sent it rocking then to the floor.
Plastic, a generic photograph of flowers and brushed metal warped, taking out a chunk of one of the baseboards on impact.
Hands gripped on her waist, Harvey didn’t break his hold as he helped her maneuver around the mess. “I can fix that.”
“I don’t care.” She’d gone too long without his mouth on hers.
He could destroy every single piece of furniture in this place and she wouldn’t bat an eye as long as she could hold on to this feeling.
Hold on to him. For however long he gave her.
Maybe just tonight. Maybe longer. Because she believed him after she’d told him about the pregnancy.
Harvey didn’t want to be a father. His past had contorted the meaning into something perverse and threatening, and there was nothing she could say to rewrite that innate belief he held on to.
He wouldn’t let himself get close to anyone.
She didn’t question that, she’d seen that fear in his expression.
So she would have this. She’d live in the now, stop trying to shape the future and remind herself she wasn’t responsible for making other people happy as she’d been taught nearly her whole life.
His fingertips dug into the soft curve of her hips, and Drennan arched into him. “Please.”
She didn’t know what she was begging for. Only that he was the only one who could meet the out-of-control need.
Guiding her over the threshold of her bedroom door, Harvey swung her around, easing her onto the bed.
Gaze locked on her. He swept his fingers over her face and set a strand of hair behind her ear.
“You’re beautiful, you know that? You’re strong and patient and you give a damn about other people.
” His voice lowered to a whisper. “If anyone is having my baby, I’m glad it’s you. ”
Unfiltered heat seared through her veins. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had complimented her. It seemed like an easy thing, but Harvey proved his earlier point when he looked at her like this. Like she was important. “You’re just saying that to get me back into bed.”
His laugh charged through him. The effect lit up something inside of her she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in years, something bright and breathtaking and light.
Harvey twisted his head to one side, setting his temple against her chin, then shifted his weight into his elbows on either side of her head.
“You know me so well, but as much as I’m looking forward to a second time around with you, you should rest.”
Threading her fingers into his hair, Drennan knew he was right.
She’d survived her initial abduction, but the hit to her head would likely trigger side effects if she overdid it.
Not to mention the drain of growing an entire human being.
But his weight had settled more of that oily terror trying to bubble its way to the surface, and she wasn’t ready to let that go.
She skimmed her fingertips over his jaw, through his beard and back, memorizing everything she could about this moment.
Where they were just Drennan and Harvey.
No homicide, no victim, no jobs or past. Two people who had somehow found a way to each other, where the outside world didn’t exist and there were no expectations. “Will you stay with me?”
“I told you I’m not going anywhere.” Harvey slid down her front toward the end of the bed. “Get some sleep, Drennan. I’ll keep you safe.”
She tightened her hold on him, and Harvey seemed to freeze under her touch. “Here. Stay here. With me. Please.”
He didn’t move, didn’t even breathe as far as she could tell.
One second. Two. He was going to do the right thing.
He was going to tell her sleeping in the same bed wasn’t a good idea, and the disappointment would hurt, but she would pretend it didn’t.
She’d survived worse, right? Harvey slipped one hand along her rib cage.
“Yeah. I can stay if that will make you feel better.”
It would. More than he’d ever know, but she’d keep that small slice of truth to herself. Navigating farther up the bed, Drennan sank into the pillows, suddenly more exhausted as desire drained. Her eyes grew heavy, each blink becoming harder to get through. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Strong fingers curved around her ankle as he pulled one of her shoes off and dropped it to the floor, then the other. The act was simple enough but meant the world.
Nobody cooked for her. Nobody cleaned for her.
Nobody made her meals or did her laundry.
Nobody from her past life had reached out to check in, to make sure she was okay.
Nobody catered to her, period, she was always the one others relied on to help them through.
Her entire life, she’d stepped up to take care of everyone else, even dedicated her entire adult life to helping others as a trauma surgeon, in hopes just one person—someone, anyone—would return the favor.
That step had slowly become an expectation, then a demand.
But she’d held on to that hope. Days. Months.
Years. Until it’d finally been crushed from her very being.
Except now Harvey had set his hand on her hip, rolling her onto her front so he could drag the blankets out from underneath her and settle them over her frame.
The bed dipped with his added weight as he maneuvered in behind her, his front pressed against her back, and her entire body stiffened at the prospect of falling asleep with someone else beside her.
She’d never done that before. Past boyfriends hadn’t minded.
They latched on to the casual emotional distance she’d kept between them, because sixty-hour workweeks didn’t allow for anything more.
But the heat sinking through her bruised skin now—Harvey’s body heat—and into the dull aches and sore muscles, felt better than she’d ever expected.
Like slipping into a warm bath or getting lost in her favorite comfort read.
It felt like being at home. Soft and familiar and safe.
“Is this okay?” Harvey’s exhales skimmed over the back of her neck. Shifting, he slipped one hand over her hip, then flat against her belly. Over where their baby grew. His other arm wedged beneath her pillow, caging her against him, but this cage wasn’t meant to trap her.
Unable to form a single answer, Drennan nodded.
They’d been intimate together. Hell, they’d conceived a baby together, however accidentally, but this…
this superseded casual. This was more, and that was a very dangerous place to be.
Because she wanted more. With him, for them.
She wanted the family dinners and the trips into Zion with the baby strapped to his back.
She wanted the ice cream weekends and petty arguments about money and where to go on vacation.
For the first time in longer than she cared to admit, she wanted.
Enough that the realization sucked the breath straight out of her lungs.
But the shock that really threatened to unease her?
She was allowed to want. There wasn’t anyone who would stop her.
No one to guilt her into giving up that dream that would take her from that neat little nurturer package she’d become over the years.
No one to shame her for daring to imagine a different life.
She was free to want Harvey, to want a family of her own.
“You okay?” His thumb circled around her belly button. Once. Twice. She lost count of the passes he made, starting small then spreading out wider until he brushed the edge of her waistband beneath her scrubs top. “You should get some sleep.”
She wanted to, more than anything after what she’d survived, but her brain refused to stop spiraling. Every pass of his fingers over the sensitive skin of her belly brought her back to what he’d revealed in the ER. “She was pregnant.”
Harvey’s fingers stilled. Just for a moment. And that hesitation rattled her deep into her bones. “Yeah. She was.”
“Do you think that’s why he killed her?” Her voice shook without her permission. “That it was some kind of affair gone wrong?”
Seconds ticked by. Then a minute. She wasn’t sure Harvey would answer, and she knew why.
Neither of them wanted to imagine two lives ended prematurely by something they were currently working through.
It was too real. Too…close to reality, considering his fear of becoming the man who’d ultimately killed his mother.
His thumb made another pass around her navel, soothing her nerves, and he seemed to relax muscle by muscle.
“I’m not sure, but I need you to know I’m not going to let anything happen to you.
” The hand braced under the pillow curled around, threading through her hair and pulling it away from her face.
His lips pressed into the hyperaware skin below her ear, the combination of his hands and his mouth dragging her into unconsciousness. “I’m not giving you up that easily.”