Chapter 21
“Get out,” Kenneth repeated. Madeline knew that her husband usually spoke as if he were a statue, but he seemed even more devoid of expression at the moment.
“Your Grace, I...” Lady Rose faltered.
The veins on his temple seemed to pop as he warned, “Leave my wife alone. If I hear that you have been near her for any reason, you will regret it. You will never be able to set foot in society again. I do believe you know me enough to understand that I take my threats very seriously.”
Kenneth did not just let go of the woman’s wrist; he shoved it down and away dismissively.
Madeline could not help but gasp at the exchange, but she saw resignation in the other woman’s eyes before she left the library.
She let out her breath. Lady Rose would probably never bother her again.
After all, her husband had not only sent her out but also threatened her.
After the door clicked shut, there was silence between Madeline and Kenneth.
She was still shaken by the other woman’s assault.
What was it with her that a woman she had never done anything to wanted to physically harm her?
She was also shaken by her husband’s actions.
He had seemed bored earlier. Then, he seemed almost ready to commit acts of violence.
Yet, when she looked back at him, his face was completely smooth as if nothing had happened.
Meanwhile, her heart was still racing from the encounter.
For a moment, Kenneth had his back to her. He was still breathing hard, his shoulders heaving. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. Madeline wondered why the whole scene still affected him so.
When he turned around to face her, his face was back to being calm and almost expressionless. Only a flicker of concern in his eyes surfaced.
“Are you all right, Madeline?” he asked, his voice sounding rough.
Seeing Kenneth build up his walls quickly, Madeline could not help but do the same.
She became aware of the handkerchief she was using to dab wine onto her stained dress.
The stain remained, stubborn and mocking, even though she saw that some parts might have faded a little, or perhaps that was just wishful thinking.
“Of course,” she replied. “I am perfectly fine, Kenneth. It is just some spilled wine.”
“Spilled wine? No. You look like you have survived a battle,” he observed, narrowing his eyes. “Your hands are trembling, and you are dabbing a hole in your dress. Of course you are not fine.”
“No, I am fine, really!” she insisted as she continued to dab at her dress.
Then, a breathless, watery laugh escaped her lips. She waved her hand dismissively, but the resulting effect made it look like she was flailing a hand about. Even as she felt like choking, she tried to make everything look like it was merely a minor inconvenience.
“In fact, do you not think it improves the pattern? It adds a splash of color to my dress. By tomorrow morning, it will be the latest fashion. I am pretty certain.”
Madeline kept the fragile smile on her lips all throughout her little speech, trying to make the situation light.
He did not speak, but he tilted his head to one side as if assessing her.
He seemed to see through her false cheer.
To her horror, tears sprang from her eyes.
She blinked furiously, not wanting Kenneth to see her in such distress, but, to her horror, a lone tear escaped and followed a path down her cheek.
Kenneth’s large hands reached out for her shoulders and pulled her firmly against his chest. Madeline was startled by the hug, stilling in his embrace.
For a second there, she let herself rest in his solid warmth.
He made her feel safe, even though she always had to try to guess what he was thinking.
Her palms rested on his chest. She found herself closing her eyes.
It was tempting to simply stay there in his arms.
“Kenneth, I am wetting your shirt. I assure you that I am fine,” she lied.
“Hush,” he murmured onto the top of her head, his arms sliding down to her waist so that he could hug her tighter. She could feel his heartbeat this way. “Stop it.”
“What are you trying to make me stop?” she asked, her voice cracking. Why did it feel so good to remain in his embrace?
“You do not have to pretend for me, Madeline,” Kenneth said softly, as he let his fingers make tapping gestures on her back. It was almost like a massage.
“I... I do not know what you mean,” she protested. “I am not pretending. I am fine, and I do not want this evening to be ruined, or—”
“I know what you are doing. I know what you are always doing, Madeline.” Kenneth’s voice had tightened, but his embrace remained gentle.
Madeline pulled back a little, narrowing her eyes at him. “What do you think I am doing?”
“You are exhausting yourself physically and emotionally trying to keep everyone around you happy,” Kenneth replied, not letting go of her.
“You smile for everyone through your hardships and the insults hurled at you by women who are not even worth your little finger. You smile for me even when I am not behaving at my best. With all that in mind, you cannot persuade me that you are fine, Madeline.”
A heavy tear fell. She quickly reached to wipe it away, furious at herself, but Kenneth caught her hand and gently lowered it.
“You do not have to be happy or pleasant for others all the time, Madeline,” he whispered, his warm breath smelling of brandy and tarts. She liked it. It smelled like home. “With me, be angry if you are angry. Cry when you feel sad. You do not owe me your smile every hour.”
“Kenneth…” A ragged sob escaped her lips. It did not sound like her, but it also felt right.
“Show me the real Madeline,” he urged. “Let her see the light of day.”
She let out a broken cry, burying her face into his chest. Her fingers clutched at his coat as tears finally came like a torrent.
She had never cried freely like this. She had hoped that Kenneth would show her his feelings, even though she herself had been holding back.
All of the things that she should have cried about came rushing to her.
Her father’s behavior.
Her ‘friends’ cruelty to her at the Serpentine.
Lady Rose trying to attack her.
Her husband, who did not love her.
There were more, smaller wounds that continued to sting within her. Kenneth held her as she let all the pain go. He had his arms around her, as if he was trying to shield her from all harm, just like he did earlier. He seemed unbothered by how her tears and the red stain were soaking his own shirt.
“I was always worried about how I treat people,” Madeline sobbed. She did not like how thick her voice sounded. “I thought that people would dislike me if I were even involuntarily unpleasant. I was afraid that they would all see the darkness in me.”
“They are fools, Madeline,” Kenneth declared fiercely.
He gripped her chin and lifted it up so that he could hold her gaze.
“All of those who were cruel to you or laughed at you simply do not have your strength. You should not even care whether such people find you unpleasant just because you do not aim to please them all the time.”
“And you? Do you find me unpleasant?” Madeline sniffed. “Do you dislike me when I am acting like this?”
“I do not dislike you,” he replied. “I could never dislike you.”
His gaze dropped to her mouth. Hers went to his. All the feelings that were building between them exploded, and she did not resist him when he kissed her.
When he latched his lips onto hers, she was thrilled at how their mouths fit perfectly as he kissed her possessively and hungrily.
Her salty tears mingled with the sweetness of his kisses.
His grip loosened from her waist, his hands moving to her face while she held him by the neck, fingers playing with the curls that touched his nape.
It was a frantic kiss. In the back of her mind, she knew that if they kept on going, they would lose all inhibitions in Baxter House.
Anyone could walk in through the heavy doors.
Perhaps it was what gave it extra power.
An extra thrill. She sighed when he let go of her mouth and trailed kisses down her jaw to the soft, sensitive skin of her throat.
Then, he slid his hands down her waist, pulling her closer to him so she could hear the hammering of his heart.
“I want you, Madeline,” Kenneth rasped, breath heavy, hot, and uneven on her skin.
His hands tightened around her, with his fingers digging into the fabric of her gown.
She could feel his desperate hunger through every touch and movement.
“I do not care about who might find us here. I want you. Right now.”
Madeline felt the same. There was power in his touch that made her want to shed her shame and inhibitions, along with her clothes. Her body instinctively arched into his. He was fire, and she was but a tiny moth.
His hands found the hem of her skirt, pulling it up to touch her thighs. Her body opened to him quickly. It knew how to obey his touch. She whimpered when his fingers reached where he wanted them, even as his rigid cock pressed against her belly.
This.
All he needed to do was touch her to make her forget about her humiliation. His fingers glided against her seam. While her dress felt cold and wet from the wine, she was hot and wet down there, needing him.
“Do you like that?” he asked, slipping a finger inside her.
It was a desired invasion. He moved it in and out of her, making her acutely aware of her growing need. She was always near the edge of an explosion whenever he touched or kissed her.
“Y-yes,” she admitted, as he touched a particularly sensitive nerve within her.
Her legs buckled, and his other hand had to support her, pressing her even closer while his fingers worked her to the very edge.
“Feel that,” he commanded, and she was not certain if he was referring to his cock on her belly or his finger inside her, but she felt both. She felt everything.
Then, his rhythmic motions grew more intense, and the soft moans came from her mouth.
“Yes, Madeline. You are close, sweetheart. So close,” he urged.
His finger curled inside her, while his thumb found her nub and drew circles on it. Over and over. Until finally, her vision blurred and her mouth opened to let out little gasps.
“I can make you feel even better.”
Feel better? Kenneth seemed able to do it only with his mouth and fingers.
A sudden chill flooded her mind, even as his fingers soothed her between her legs.
When she met his eyes, she could only see dark desire in those heavy-lidded eyes.
She realized just how completely she had lost herself in this purely physical relationship.
At home, she had been ready to throw all caution to the wind. It was understandable. But here? Anyone could walk in, and she was prepared to give him everything. What was happening to her?
Kenneth needs a wife to manage his brother’s children. I am nothing more than a convenience.
The thought leaped from the cruelest parts of her brain, buoyed by the woman’s sharp words from just moments ago. It made her remember that he thought she looked well, not beautiful, ravishing, or even pretty. He was like a physician judging her hale and good.
With a sharp inhale, Madeline pressed her palms against his chest and pulled away from him. He blinked, looking confused and unfocused. He reached out for her waist as he caught his breath.
“What is it? Did I do anything wrong?”
She stood before him, her chest heaving from the kiss and her confused emotions. Her silver-blue dress remained stained, though a similar, smaller blot now appeared on his shirt. She looked at him, the most beautiful man she had ever seen, a man who was difficult to read.
“You do not dislike me,” she whispered.
“I do not dislike you, Madeline,” he agreed.
She took a few more steps back, making his hand drop from her waist.
“But you do not love me, either, right?”
Kenneth froze like a statue. He opened his mouth, and Madeline waited for words to come out. She wanted him to tell her that no, he did love her, but nothing came out.
“I... I cannot do this anymore, Kenneth.”
Silence stretched uncomfortably between them. He looked at the floor, jaw clenched. He was, again, a handsome, powerful statue, but a statue, nonetheless. He would never love her.
“Madeline,” Kenneth said, using his usual flat register.
The man was control personified, while she was unbridled chaos with him.
He did not look up as he retreated a few steps away from her.
“We have been happy in our own way. Surely, what we share privately can be enough. I was clear about my intentions from the very beginning. You know what I can offer you. I give you what many women seek in a marriage: my name, my wealth and protection, and my fidelity.” Kenneth raised his eyes to meet hers, and she could see how deep and guarded they still were, even in this intimate conversation.
“I do care for you deeply. It is no secret to you that I desire you. Why can that not be enough?”
All hope she ever had faded. She smiled sadly. He was right. She did not owe anyone her smiles. Her happiness. But she also did not owe him her kisses. Her love.
He had been clear, and in that regard, he was fair. She was the one who had ignored the warnings. She knew she was falling into an abyss of false hopes. The bitter truth became clearer to her.
But Madeline also did not owe her husband kisses. Her body. Or her love.
“This arrangement might be enough for you,” she whispered sadly, “but it is not enough for me.”
She did not wait for any more words to come out of him, if there were any, because she could feel tears building again. She gathered her stained dress, then turned and left the library without looking back, leaving Kenneth in the semi-darkness.