Chapter Fourteen
It has been two days since he’d coupled with Emma on the table in the ballroom. God, but that had been life-changing, and unfortunately, it had made him even more confused about everything than he’d been before.
What he needed right in this moment was counsel, and since he was far too removed from the men at his club, he would find the next best thing—his friendship with Childs.
Because of that, he lingered over selecting his clothing for the day until the poor valet, in much exasperation, finally inquired as to what was wrong.
“Ah, thank you for noticing the state of my mind,” Cecil said with a faint grin.
Childs rolled his gaze to the heavens before resting it on him. “How could I not? You have gone far past your usual annoyance level.”
He let the complaint roll off his back, for they both knew that Childs wasn’t truly that upset.
It was merely the fact that Cecil didn’t know how to broach the subject.
“I have much on my mind just now.” As he spoke, he strolled over to one of the windows in the dressing room.
The view overlooked the rear gardens and back lawn where patches of snow lingered, and what was more, the weather had turned colder once more.
No doubt that would herald more snow in the offing, and frankly, that wasn’t what he wanted at all.
But for now, his soul remained uplifted to know there were peeks of spring out there.
Grumblings of food shortages and famine from news sources added another source of anxiety for him, all due to a volcanic eruption on an island far away months ago.
Would the aftermath of that ash and clouds continue to affect England this year?
That remained to be seen, but it might mean further drawing the people and things he cared about more securely around himself to make certain everyone made it through as best they could.
“As do we all, Your Grace.”
He harrumphed. “While that is most certainly true, I am concerned about one thing alone.”
“Oh?”
“I fear I am falling back in love with my wife,” he admitted as he peered out the window with a frown.
Unfortunately, his valet apparently found the statement to be the greatest joke in the history of the world, for he let out a belly laugh that echoed in the silence of the room.
“Good heavens, you must stop,” Childs said as he drew abreast of Cecil and wiped his streaming eyes. “I’ll perish, otherwise.”
He eyed his friend askance but couldn’t summon anger, for it did sound ridiculous when stated out loud.
“Tell me why you find that amusing, for it is truly fucking with my mind.” As he kept his gaze focused on the lawn, a figure in red skirts and a black cloak trailed over the ahead, headed toward the hedge maze.
Surprise went through his chest when he recognized Emma.
What the devil is she doing out here?
“Just the fact that you are ready to sink into the depths of despair due to contracting feelings all over again for Her Grace is enough to make me mad with laughter.” The valet shook his head.
“You are married, Thornton. That is exactly what was supposed to happen from the day you spoke your vows to her.”
“But after being away from her for the past two years as well as the fact that I’m dangerous…”
“Just stop, Your Grace.” Clearly, Childs was having none of it.
“You are only as dangerous as you believe yourself to be.” He shook his head.
“Do you have a tendency to be stuck in your mind occasionally? Yes, of course, but I have had cause to witness you interact with your wife since you brought her back here.”
“And?” He could hardly speak so great was his need to be told he wasn’t crazy or useless. But he kept his gaze on Emma as she moved closer to the entrance to the hedge maze.
“And you would be a fool not to let yourself fall a second time. Go deep, though, my friend, and live out the remainer of your days as a happy man. You deserve it.”
“Do I, though, after everything?” It didn’t matter how many times various people tried to reassure him, he still had trouble believing it.
“Of course you do.” Childs laid a hand on Cecil’s shoulder as he, too, peered out the window just as Emma vanished into the hedge maze.
“Many men went through hell and back in the war; you are not alone in this. However, you can’t hide yourself away from all the good that might come your way in life merely because of that.
Besides, the duchess is smart and capable. She will help you through.”
He frowned. “Somehow, I feel she will. Stubborn to the core, that one.”
The valet snickered. “Then you’re well-matched, but don’t wait too long to take those final steps with her. Secure your future together else I fear you might lose her forever.”
Fear twisted down his spine. “You think she’d leave anyway?”
Childs shrugged. “You can’t expect her to only have a half or a quarter of a marriage without being given anything else or suffering through an emotionally vacant husband. No woman should be given less that your all.”
“I can see your point.” Yet how did he make himself be different, feel different?
“Don’t continue to punish yourself for the sins you committed when in the military.” The valet met his gaze. “You have moved well beyond those days; your thoughts need to as well. It should be a shame if you sabotaged what has the potential to be the love of a lifetime.”
The love of a lifetime. It had quite a special, mystical ring to it. “Do you truly think that is what I have before me with Emma?”
“I do.” Childs nodded then tapped a finger against the window glass. In the distance, the duchess emerged from the hedge maze. “Now go do something about it. Seal the deal as it were, and make certain Her Grace has no more doubts surrounding you.”
Suddenly, Cecil was motivated to do just that. “Thank you, my friend. I shall see what I can do.”
The valet nodded. “Don’t cock it up, Thornton.” But his friend said it with a grin.
Was true peace, even love, within his grasp? “Let us exchange this waistcoat for a red one.”
“Oh?” One of Childs’ eyebrows rose with surprise.
Heat went up the back of Cecil’s neck. “Forgive me for wanting to make an impression.”
The other man’s grin widened. “I’m damned proud of you.”
That meant much. Now, if he could only summon that same sentiment for himself.
Emma was halfway between the manor and the hedge maze when Thornton met her on the lawn. She looked at him with surprise, for he seldom came after her if she was on a walk by herself, and not usually any time after noon.
“Cecil, what are you doing out here?” Though their last bout of intimacy had been two days before, they had been in each other’s company over the past forty-eight hours.
In fact, they’d spend much of that time between the drawing room, the library, and his suite, doing not much more than having conversations together, sharing interesting bits from books or papers with each other, or sitting in companionable silence without talking at all.
Frankly, it was the most meaningful two days she’d ever had with him.
“I came to seek you out.”
She frowned and pulled the folds of her cloak more tightly around her.
“Why?” Then a new thought occurred to her.
“If you think to start carnal relations with me out here in a mad attempt to become more aroused, I must tell you I refuse.” As she spoke, she glanced up at him, past the edge of her hood so that their gazes connected.
“It’s far too cold for such nonsense, but I won’t bid you nay if you wish to get up to scandal inside. ”
“Ah.” When he gave her a lopsided grin, flutters tickled through her insides, and her heart skipped a beat, just like it had when she’d first married him. “I wouldn’t say no to that at some point this afternoon, but I wished to speak to you about something else entirely.”
“Now I’m quite concerned, for in knowing you as I do, you always say you aren’t gifted with words and would much rather show me how you feel.” She laid a hand on his arm. “What ails you, Thornton? Why did you wish to come out to begin with?”
“I needed time to think. Why were you seeking out the hedge maze?”
Belatedly, she remembered his suite looked out over the area. He must have spied her from the windows. “I supposed I needed the same.”
He nodded and offered his arm. When she put her fingers on the sleeve of his greatcoat, he immediately drew her hand through the crook of his elbow. “I don’t mind admitting to you that everything is happening fast.”
“It rather is.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I can understand that.” Not wishing to spook him by asking him to open up about his feelings, Emma strolled beside him as they meandered back to the manor. “Let me tell you why I’m concerned, and you can say what you need to as well.”
“Fair enough.”
“Good.” After blowing out a breath, she spoke again.
“I was furious with you for leaving me in London without a word, but that was only to hide how much it hurt that you broke my heart.” The longer she stood in the snow with her husband, the more she realized she’d never stopped loving him.
Anger and hurt and embarrassment might have stolen those emotions from her for a while, but underneath those feelings, once they were regarded, the same wonderful, magical emotion of love came shining through.
“But after you kidnapped me, brought me here, and we began to talk, it was pressed upon me that love, though neglected, never truly dies. It merely waits, patient, until its garden can be tended once more.” She widened her eyes.
Would he understand? “Eventually, it will burst back into bloom, more spectacularly than before.”
A long-winded explanation to be sure, but would he grasp the gist?