Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Free of interference and distraction. Warner’s words echoed in Adele’s mind as she tossed and turned in her bed. Each word had been a knife in her heart.
She had been a fool not to see it before. She had let herself get caught up in a fantasy, in the idea that he would want her the way she wanted him. All of those moments of almost kisses, of deep connection.
“He did not want me. How can he want me when clearly he does not trust me?” Adele’s voice cracked with emotion. “He may not think I killed his cousin, but he does not trust me either.”
Why else had Warner pulled away from her so quickly? There had been no warmth in his voice when she had gone to see him. All she had felt was a cold distance.
“He did not even let me touch him.” Adele shook her head.
The first rays of sunlight streamed through her bedroom window. The door opened, and for a wild moment, she thought it was Warner, but it was not.
Her maid, Greta, smiled at her, carrying a tray laden with breakfast things. “His Grace thought you might wish to take breakfast in your rooms today, Your Grace.”
“And what about His Grace?” Adele asked.
“He is eating in his study,” Greta explained.
“I see.” Adele got out of bed and let Greta dress her.
Warner was pulling away. It was clear that this revelation had hurt him deeply, but instead of letting her in, he was shutting her out. He wanted to be left alone, to grieve in peace. Adele knew it would be selfish to force the issue.
I can do this for him. He had treated her with such kindness and warmth. He had seen what she needed even before she had, and now, he was telling her what he wanted.
“Greta, would you mind fetching my suitcases?” Adele moved to her cupboard.
“Of course, Your Grace. Will His Grace need his as well? I had not realised you were planning a trip.” Greta canted her head towards Adele.
Adele shook her head. “It is only me who will be going.”
She tried to keep the pain from her voice. Her heart ached, but she forced herself to smile at the maid. Greta smiled back. “Of course, Your Grace. And do you know where you will go?”
“I have not decided yet, but I think I will be gone some time.” Adele’s voice shook, and she turned away so that Greta would not see her face.
“I will pack accordingly.” Greta answered and then left the room.
Adele had meant to pack herself, but she knew the maid would not let her. It would not be proper. She sighed and wandered to her sewing room, hoping that perhaps a project might distract her.
But everything reminded her of Warner. Every step made her look up, her heart hammering wildly as she hoped that he would be the one at her door. Eventually, she stopped looking.
“You are leaving,” Warner’s voice drifted towards her.
He stood just inside her sewing room. His clothes were rumpled, his hair in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot. The shadow on his jaw and neck told Adele that he had not shaved.
“Yes.” Adele stood up and smoothed the fabric of her skirt. “You said you wanted some space, and I thought it would be best if I honoured your request.”
Warner’s face was unreadable. “I see.”
She expected him to ask her more questions, but he did not. He simply looked at her.
Adele forced herself not to take a step towards him, even as every part of her screamed at her to move to him. She did not think she would be able to do what she had to do. What he had asked her to do. Free of interference and distraction.
And if he asks me to stay, I will. She hated the treacherous thought worming through her. The little kernel of hope that spread through her chest. She could feel it, rooting into place with all her other foolish dreams.
“I am not sure where I will go. I do not want to return to Kidlington house,” Adele said to fill the heavy silence between them. “Perhaps I will stay with my parents or Anne.”
“You should stay in your townhouse.” He shifted, and for a moment, she thought he would move towards her, but he did not. “It will be no trouble to have the servants open it though you will be rather light on the staff.”
“My townhouse?” Adele was not sure she had heard him correctly. “What townhouse?
“The one you would live in after all this was done.” Warner made a vague gesture.
Adele remembered what he had told her. That he would let her choose a house, so she would have a place all her own. Apparently, he had grown tired of waiting. He has always wanted me to go.
“The deed is in your name, and I have had it renovated and furnished. Though of course, you are free to sell it if it is not to your liking.” Warner ran a hand across his jaw.
“When did you do this?” Adele asked. Why did you not tell me?
Her heart turned to lead, and she felt like someone had punched her in the gut. All the air fled from her lungs at the Duke’s next words. “I bought it when we were first married. I did not know how long it might take you to find something or how long… Well, I wanted you to have somewhere to go.”
“That was thoughtful of you.” Adele managed to force the words out. “Thank you.”
“I did not want you to feel trapped here.” Warner took another step down the stairs and then stopped, shaking his head. “I should have told you sooner. If you are leaving, you should go there. It is your - yours.”
It is mine. Adele nodded. When she had first agreed to this, she would have been delighted, but now, all she could think of was returning to a life where she would be alone.
“I do not even know where it is.” Adele swallowed around the lump in her throat, feeling the start of tears in her eyes.
She turned her face away from him, not wanting him to see her. He is being kind. He had wanted her to have somewhere for herself; he had done this for her. He does not want me.
“It is on Park Lane, only a few doors away from Lady Verity’s residence. Lady Cora is a few roads away, but still within walking distance, as is Lady Rowen.” Warner cleared his throat. “I thought you would like to be close to your friends.”
“You seem to have thought of everything.” Adele gave him a weak smile, wiping her eyes before she turned to him.
“Not everything.” Warner’s voice was soft.
“The carriage is ready, Your Grace,” a voice said from the doorway. “All the driver needs is a destination.”
“Thank you.” Adele nodded but did not move towards the door. “Tell them I will be out in just a few moments.”
“Of course, Your Grace.” The servant disappeared with a bow.
“I should go.” Adele moved towards the door, even though it would bring her closer to Warner.
“Do you want to leave?” Warner asked, his eyes finding hers.
No. “The carriage is ready.” Adele met his gaze, her heart hammering wildly in her chest. “I should not keep them waiting.”
“Adele,” Warner’s voice cracked as she turned to face him. For a wild, heart stopping moment, she was sure he was going to ask her to stay.
Her eyes searched his face, looking for some hint of his thoughts. “Yes?” Please, ask me to stay. Tell me you want me to stay. Ask me not to leave.
“Will you be sending for this?” he gestured around them.
Adele’s heart shattered and her voice shook as she said, “Yes.”
His question had told her everything she needed to know.
“I am sorry — I did not know where else to go.” Adele dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief as the other three widows gathered around her.
They were sitting in the living room of Cora’s townhouse. Adele had not been able to bring herself to go straight to an empty home, not after what she had just heard from the Duke.
“You have nothing to apologise for. It is far better to cry amongst friends then on your own.” Cora waved Adele’s apology away and handed her a cup of brown liquid. “Drink this; it will help things.”
Adele took a sip and let out a spluttering cough. “What is it?”
“Coffee with a little splash of brandy.” Cora patted Adele’s arm affectionately.
“It is ten in the morning!” Rowen narrowed her eyes at Cora.
“That is why it is in coffee.” Cora replied simply. “If Adele had arrived after lunch, I would have popped it in some lemonade, and if she had arrived after five, I would have given her brandy alone like a civilised person. It is quite the best thing for a broken heart.”
Adele felt a small chuckle stir within her at the shock on Rowen and Verity’s faces. Then her heart seized on her conversation with Warner, and the mirth died.
“I am not sure that brandy will fix this. It is my own foolishness that caused this.” Adele shook her head.
“I knew that ours was not to be a real marriage, that anything he did was just him playing a part. It was silly for me to think there could ever be anything more. You would think by now that I would have learned how unlovable I truly am.”
“You are not unlovable! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard,” Verity exclaimed as she made a vehement gesture of denial with her hand.
“Just because some fluff-headed duke is too stupid to see how amazing you are, does not mean that no one else will.” Rowen took Adele’s hand in hers, eyes flashing with anger. “We love you, just the way you are.”
She gave them a weak smile. “It is not quite the same as having a man love you.”
“It is better. The love of a friend knows no bounds.” Rowen gestured around them.
Verity added. “And you are unlikely to find us throwing you over for a younger, prettier woman.”
“And we do not need convincing of how wonderful you are; we knew it from the moment we met you.” Rowen smiled at her, squeezing Adele’s hand gently.
“Men have their charms, but they can be a little slow to understand their own hearts.” Cora sipped from her cup, nodding sagely.
“I doubt the man has a heart. If he did, he would not have let her go.” Rowen glared. “And the fact that he did says far more about him than you. He is a prize idiot, and it is his loss. Not yours.”
“It does not feel like it. I thought he cared for me, and perhaps he did, but I see now that it was not romantic. I think he is just kind, and I mistook that kindness for something more.” Adele felt a lump form in her throat as she thought of all the little things he had done for her.
Realisation hit her, and she clapped a hand to her forehead. “Of course, he wanted me to continue dressmaking! He wanted me to remain independent, to not have to rely on him. I thought he was encouraging my dream, but he knew I would be leaving and wanted something to make me less of a burden.”
“You are not a burden. And the fact that this pillock has made you feel like one makes me want to kick him in such a way that his baritone would become a soprano.” Rowen stood up as though she meant to do just that.
“No, Rowen. He does not deserve that.” Adele grabbed her friend’s hand and pulled her back onto the sofa.
“What about his shins?” Rowen grinned at her.
“I do not want anyone kicking him, anywhere,” Adele said firmly.
“Fine. But it would make me feel better.” Adele knew that Rowen was trying to lighten the mood, that she was trying to make Adele feel better.
She gave her a wry smile. “It is not the Duke’s fault that my heart is broken. He has not lied to me. He told me that it was a marriage of convenience. He bought me a house, and it is in my name. He has been generous and thoughtful, and I am being ungrateful.”
“It is not ungrateful to want to be wanted,” Verity insisted, her voice full of warmth and tenderness that pulled at Adele’s heart.
“But it was foolish. A man like him would never love a woman like me.” Adele’s voice broke, and she wiped a tear from her face.
Verity threw her arms around Adele and squeezed her tight. “How could you think that, my dearest Adele, when you are so easy to love?”
“Besides the Duke clearly cares for you. If he did not, he would not have done all the things he has done for you,” Cora pointed out, her voice kind.
But not like I want him to. “It does not matter. There is no future with him. At least, not like that.”
“Are you a fortune teller? You seem to think you know just what the future will hold.” Cora arched an eyebrow at her.
“I have no idea what it holds, but I do know what it does not. Warner does not love me. He does not want me, and he does not trust me. How can there be a future with him?” Adele slumped against the sofa.
“All I am saying is that none of us know what might happen. He may yet surprise you.”
Something stirred in Adele’s chest, but she squashed it like a bug and shook her head. “I cannot let myself hope, Cora. I do not think my heart can bear it. I have been alone before; I will do it again.”
Rowen put an arm around Adele. “You will not be alone. You will have us. And you are so close now that you will scarcely be rid of us.”
“You are ours, Adele, and you always will be. And we will never let you go,” Verity added.
Adele peered at her friends. Each of them smiled a kind smile so full of love that some of the ache in her heart lifted. She might not have Warner, but she would not be alone.
This will have to be enough.