Chapter 31
Thirty-One
“He is over there.” Cora nodded her head towards Adele’s sewing room.
Adele followed the motion with her eyes and caught sight of Warner, standing at the doorway. His face was set in hard lines, his body rigid with tension. The sight of him stirred something in Adele, but she could not make her feet move.
“He is the one who got us all together. I do not think he slept a wink. He hunted down the chemist, he found Martha, and he made sure that we all knew our parts.” Cora gave Adele’s hand a squeeze.
“I do not think I will ever be able to repay him.” Adele’s mouth was dry.
“Would you like my advice?” Cora gave her a sidelong look.
“Yes.” Adele nodded.
“Start with talking to him. I will see that the two of you have some time together, undisturbed. There is nothing Verity likes more than organising a party, and I am more than capable of distracting your sisters.” Cora gave Adele a gentle push.
She stumbled, and Warner turned around. His arms reached for her, steadying her, his fingers warm and firm against her skin. Adele’s heart tumbled around her chest. Then Warner was stepping away from her, and she felt the absence of his hands.
“It seems you are always rescuing me.” Adele could not look away from his blue eyes.
The smell of sandalwood mixed with the perfume that lingered in the sewing room. His eyes roved across her face, and for a moment, all thought left her. She swallowed and moved away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She could still feel his eyes on her. He is only being kind.
“I still cannot quite believe it is all over.” Adele swallowed. “Or at least, that it will be soon. Though, I am not sure what to do about Martha.”
“Toby and I will see that she is looked after.” Warner was still looking at her, his eyes intent.
The tightness she had seen in him earlier had not vanished. If anything, it had intensified. The muscles of his body were taught, like a spring waiting to be uncoiled and sprung. She realised that he was uncomfortable. He wants to leave.
“Thank you. For everything.” Adele swallowed around the lump in her throat. “This house, your thoughtfulness while we were together. What you did for me today. I do not think I have ever heard so many people say such kind things about me.”
The lump grew larger as Adele recalled how Cora, Verity, and Rowen had all spoken of her character. They said that I was the most honourable, kind-hearted, and sweet woman they had ever met. Even Anne and Bianca had been full of compliments.
Her heart felt as though it was too big for her chest. She remembered Warner, striding into the room, and the way all eyes had snapped to him.
“I do not know what I would have done without you.” Adele ran a hand across her wrist and winced at the raw skin.
Warner’s eyes darkened. “Did they do that to you? Did they hurt you.”
His voice was full of barely contained anger that made Adele’s heart squirm and her voice catch. “It was the manacles though Queen Charlotte had them removed as soon as she saw them.”
“You should put something on that. I can have a salve made up.” Warner flexed his fingers as though reaching for something. “I will see that the man who put those on you never sees the light of day.”
“He was only doing as he was instructed. Your uncle was the one who sent him.” Adele hugged her arms around herself, in part to keep her from shaking and in part to stop herself from reaching towards Warner.
“I do not care. He hurt you,” Warner growled softly. “He will not get away with it.”
Adele balked at his anger and tried to move past the subject. “I tried to argue my case, but everything I did, the Duke simply twisted.”
“My uncle has always been very good at such things. He has a knack for making people feel like they are to blame.” Warner’s eyes darkened, reminding Adele of a sea in storm. “I should have realised sooner.”
“He fooled everyone. It had not even crossed my mind until I saw him in the chamber this morning.” Adele shuddered as she remembered the look Warner’s uncle had directed at her.
“I am glad that he will face justice.” Warner’s voice was hard as marble. “I might even pay him a visit myself.”
Adele imagined Warner walking towards his uncle in the stocks. She could picture his face, full of anger as he watched children and passers by pelt him with rotten fruit. And she knew that if he saw it, beneath his anger, something rotten would begin to sprout.
“You do not need to see him humiliated.” Adele almost took his hand but caught herself in time and clenched her fingers into fists. “That is not the kind of man you are.”
“It is no less than he deserves,” Warner growled. “He could have killed you. He did kill Eric.”
“His suffering will not undo his crimes.” Adele’s voice was gentle. “I hate him, and the world will be a better place, but I will not debase myself by sinking to his level. You should not either. You are better than that.”
“You sound rather sure of that.” Warner gave her a wry smile.
“I am.” Adele closed her eyes. She knew what came next, what she had to do, she felt heat behind her eyes. “I expect you will be glad to put all of this behind you; your debt to Eric is paid.”
Warner froze at her words, but Adele did not pause, she opened her eyes.
He does not want me, and I will not continue to be a burden.
He has done enough for me already. “You can stop looking after me. And you know that I will be surrounded by my family. My friends. By people who love me.” Adele’s voice caught on the last words and the fierce burning behind her eyes became tears.
“You will be able to shut the book on this and go back to your life.”
She felt his arms wrap around her, pulling her close to him. The sweetness of his embrace only made it worse. She could feel him rubbing slow circles against her back. Tears streamed down her face. “I am sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? You have been through hell over the last day or so. You have sat in a cell; your sisters told me they took you away in chains.” His arms tightened around her. “You have nothing to apologise for.”
“I do not want to be a burden.” The words squeezed themselves past the lump in Adele’s throat. “You deserve so much better than that.”
“You have never been a burden.” His words were gruff and fierce, reverberating deep in his chest. “You will never be a burden.”
“Perhaps not a burden but an obligation…” Adele tried to stop the tears from flowing, but they came fast and free. “I know that you are only being kind, but please, it only makes this harder. We do not need to pretend any more, and I cannot… I cannot…”
She pulled herself out of his grasp, digging her nails into the palms of her hands as she tried to stop the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. Why does he have to be like this? How am I supposed to pretend that my heart does not break every time he holds me, knowing that he will never love me.
She thought of all the love that had surrounded her and hated that it still was not enough. That some selfish part of her wanted more. Wanted him. Why can it not be enough?
“You cannot what?” Warner took her hand in his, pulling her to face him.
“I cannot keep pretending!” Adele burst out, fear and sadness and shame strangling her voice. “I cannot keep pretending that I do not feel the way I do. I cannot pretend that some part of me does not die every time you touch me. Your kindness, your tenderness. It is like a dagger in my heart.”
“You do not wish for me to touch you?” There was a catch to Warner’s voice as he released her hand and moved away. “I did not… I am sorry, I did not mean to —”
Adele cut him off, “I know that you mean to comfort me, and perhaps in time, that will be bearable, but for now, it is too much.” She took a shaky breath and continued, “I hoped that perhaps you might feel as I felt, but it was a fools hope.”
“And how do you feel?” Warner canted his head towards her.
Adele made a dismissive motion with her hands. I will not humiliate myself any more than I have. “It does not matter. I know that you do not feel the same. When you told me you wanted to read the journal alone, I knew the truth. You had been friendly to me, kind even, but you did not trust me.”
“It was not you I did not trust.” Warner swallowed, his jaw tightening as he took a step towards her. “It was myself.”
“What do you mean?” Adele blinked away tears, struggling to understand what he was saying.
“I thought that being with you had made me weak. That your spirit had made me leave the path I was on and return to a man that I had no wish to be.” Warner clenched his fist. “That man could not give you what you needed. He could not fulfil his debts — not to you, not Eric.”
Adele’s heart quickened, and she rested a hand on her chest as she watched Warner’s face. The tension in his jaw only grew, and when his eyes met hers, there was a wild pain that shot through her like lightning.
“I was wrong. You were not a distraction; you were not a weakness.” He took another step towards her. “You were — no, you are — a reminder that life is meant to be lived, that it is meant to be enjoyed. Rothwell would not begrudge me that.”
“But you wanted me to leave.” Adele chewed on her lip.
“I wanted you to stay.” Warner gave her a small, sad smile. “But I was too scared to ask you.”
“Then why did you ask me to take my sewing projects?”
“Because I wanted to know if you were coming back.”
He wanted me to stay. Adele’s eyes widened. “Then why did you not just ask me that?” I wanted you to ask me!
“Because when it comes to you, all I seem to do is make an ass of myself. I am an utter fool, and my path to you has been littered with mistakes.” He reached a hand towards her, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek with the pad of a thumb.
“Letting you go was the biggest mistake I have ever made.”
“Then why did you do it?” Adele could not help but ask, even as she leaned into the softness of his touch.