Chapter 15
How many times in the past ten years had Ian wished for a moment when they shared the same space…mere inches away…so close…so–
Katie stepped back—away from him and memories of how they used to be. “That was a long time ago.”
“And yet I can still recall so many details.” He picked up the dish towel, lifted a glass from the rack, and began drying it, careful to keep his voice even, the desperation hidden.
“That summer was the best and worst of my life.” He set the glass on the counter, reached for another.
“I’d finally found somewhere I belonged, and more importantly—” he looked at her, and this time he did not hide his feelings, “—I found a girl who wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met before…
and I wanted to spend my life with her.”
She stared at the dishwater, no doubt trying to shut out his words. “We’re not kids anymore.”
“No, we’re not. Look at me and tell me there isn’t part of you that thinks about what it could be like for us if you gave me another chance.
” There was so much he wanted to tell her, but first he had to see if there was even half a chance she could care for him again.
If not, he’d have to accept her words, and maybe he’d finish this project and leave without her ever knowing about his association with Katie’s Soups.
Did he want to do that? No, he wanted her to care about him.
If she turned him away, he’d make sure the company thrived and perhaps one of the ways to do that was to stay in the background—anonymous.
It would be difficult enough to admit the truth if she agreed to give him a shot because it could all blow up in his face and–
“You hurt me, Ian. And while your motives might have been noble, I can’t forget the pain.
I cursed you, spent days wishing I’d never met you, but…
” Her voice cracked, spilled more pain. “Being with you destroyed every chance of truly caring about another man. No one ever measured up to you, and I hated that because you did not deserve to be held in such high regard…and yet it didn’t seem to matter.
Even my ex-fiancé didn’t have all of my heart.
He thought it would change in time, but I knew the truth.
I would never let him in, and he should not have been okay with that. ”
Ian had done this to her. “I am so damn sorry.”
“Why should I trust you again? Why should I believe you?”
Why should she? “I care about you…” Damn it, he loved her, but he was still lying to her, and whether or not he was trying to help her, it was wrong. If he didn’t come clean soon, she’d never forgive him.
“Sometimes the people we care about most are the ones who hurt us the deepest. Just don’t hurt me again.” Her voice turned husky. “I wouldn’t survive it.” She moved toward him, leaned on tiptoe, and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Please, don’t hurt me again,” she whispered against his lips.
She slid her fingers around his neck, deepened the kiss. He’d been a fool to think he could work beside her and not touch her, taste her…
When the tiny moan escaped her lips, need shot straight to his groin, consumed him. One kiss or ten would not be enough…nothing would satisfy him until he touched and tasted every inch of her. And if he did that before he told her the truth, she’d hate him. He had to tell her…had to…
When she reached for his belt buckle, he broke the kiss and stepped back, gasping for air as he tried to find a shred of common sense in his lust-filled brain. If he wanted a chance with her, they could not make love until she knew the whole truth.
“Ian? You don’t want this?”
She stared at him, eyes bright, lips swollen.
Was that surprise, shock, or humiliation?
He might have done a lot of things wrong in this relationship, but he was not going to let her think he didn’t want her.
He took another step back, out of touching distance, before he did something stupid like convince himself it wouldn’t matter if he told her the truth later—like after he slept with her.
“Want it? I want it so damn much I can hardly breathe. But it’s too soon, there’s too many years between us, and too much you don’t know about me.
I won’t do that to you again.” He dragged a hand through his hair, let out a frustrated sigh.
“But don’t ever doubt how much I want you. ”
Ian couldn’t stop thinking about the way things ended tonight.
When he got back to his place, he tried to call Katie, but she didn’t answer.
Texting came next, just a simple We need to talk about this.
Nope, nothing. He used to be the one who didn’t return calls or texts, which meant not interested in what you’re offering.
But Katie had been ready to sleep with him, and maybe she didn’t want to hear excuses as to why he’d said no.
Maybe yet again, he’d hurt her, humiliated her, damaged her trust in him.
He was trying to do the right thing by staying away from touching her until he told her he was the silent investor…and the engineer.
If he thought time would make a difference, he should have thought again.
When he dialed her number the next morning, it went straight to voicemail.
He didn’t bother to text because he’d already figured there would be no response.
Great. They were supposed to meet this afternoon to go over the bottleneck analysis.
Should he just show up and pretend last night never happened?
Or show up and apologize again? Maybe he should show up and tell her he was the investor?
At least the bar took his mind off the current mess he’d created.
A bartender always hears stories that make his own life seem not so bad.
Unfortunately, the afternoon patrons didn’t have sad stories of “she done me wrong”.
That made Ian’s predicament front, center, and big-time messed up.
When he finished his shift, he headed home for a quick shower before heading to Katie’s Soups.
He’d just gotten out of the shower when his phone dinged a message.
No need to stop in today. I’ve got it handled.
Right. Code for don’t want to see you, and there’s nothing you can say to change what happened.
Was she going to avoid him and pretend he wasn’t living in Magdalena right now?
Act like she hadn’t confessed how much he’d helped her with the efficiency issues?
Right. Ian pulled out leftovers from Harry’s Folly, heated up Chicken Marsala, and pulled out his laptop.
The best way to forget your problems is to work on another problem.
An email from one of the automotive industry investments requested advice on a machine that kept breaking down.
That should take his mind off of her for a while.
Machines never failed you once you understood how they worked.
They delivered. They didn’t cry or change direction or behave in a way you didn’t expect.
Machines didn’t have that sort of emotion.
They were predictable and he understood them.
But not today. Even the troubleshooting he always loved couldn’t quite snuff out the issue with Katie. Visions of her kept sneaking through his subconscious, demanding to be noticed; the red highlights in her hair…the sparkle in her whiskey-colored eyes…the huskiness of her voice…
He couldn’t forget any of it, though he spent the next few hours trying to occupy his brain with logical diagnostic reasoning.
No success.
At 7:20 p.m., he closed the laptop, grabbed his jacket, and headed out.
If she were at the cabin, and if she opened the door, he’d apologize once again and try to make her understand his actions.
Would he tell her he was the investor and the engineer?
If he did that, she might implode, and he needed her focused and steady, so she could concentrate on the changes necessary for the company.
He would tell her once the changes were in place, and hopefully, she’d still want him.
Too bad his intentions couldn’t stand up to the living, breathing woman who’d claimed his heart all those years ago. When Katie opened the door, the look she gave him said he’d never touch her again. “Can I come in?”
A narrowed gaze, followed by a sharp, “Why?”
He stood on the front porch, feeling like a kid after his first fight with his girlfriend. “I want to talk about last night, and–”
“Not necessary. I got it.” Her next words dripped ice. “Don’t know you. Don’t want to hurt you. Not sleeping with you.”
“Can I come in? Can I at least talk to you?”
Big sigh, an eye roll, before she said, “You’ve got two minutes. Say it and be done.”
Touchy. Ticked off. Ian stepped inside. “I tried calling and texting. We could have had a conversation on the phone if you would’ve answered.”
She crossed her arms over her stomach, let out another big sigh. “You’re an intelligent man. When someone doesn’t answer or return a call, that usually means they don’t want to talk to the person.”
“Right.”
The scowl said he was wasting his time.
“But since you’re here, I’ll give you two minutes.”
Ian dragged a hand through his hair, considered everything he wanted to tell her.
It was one thing to play it out in your head when the person who’d jumbled your brain and squeezed your heart wasn’t standing three feet away.
When it was just you and your head, you could think of the perfect words, delivery, tone, and you could anticipate the other person’s responses.
But real life, and the real Katie Layton?
That was another thing altogether. “When I saw you again, I told myself I couldn’t give in to this need to be with you.
I had to stay in control and avoid anything physical until… ”
The foot tapping gave way to an annoyed “Until?”
“Until you knew me better. Until you knew certain things that might change your mind about being with me.” Okay, that was the truth. Interpretation: If you knew the truth, you might never want to see me again.
“Are you married?”
“What? Of course not!”
“Engaged?”
“No.” He shook his head, pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why would you say that?”
“You said there are truths I don’t know about you, so what could be the worst?
You’re already married? You’re going to get married?
What’s worse than that? You’re on the run from the law?
” Her gaze took in the hair, the tattoos, the beard.
“Hmm. Say I believe you’re not a wanted man…
you could be married or engaged, or at the very least, involved with someone. ”
Ian took a deep breath, tried to control his frustration. “I’m not married or engaged. Nor am I involved with anyone.”
“Okay then.” The hard stare went on so long he thought she could see right inside his brain. A glance at her watch, a tight smile. “Time’s up. Thanks for coming, thanks for the apology, thanks for assuring me you’re not married, engaged, involved, or on the run.”
“That’s it? We can’t sit down and really talk about issues and what we want, and why it’s not a good idea to get involved right now?”
She shook her head. “No, no more talking. I’ll see you tomorrow at the shop, and from here on out, it’s strictly business.”
“Strictly business? That’s how you want it?
” Who did she think she was kidding? He’d seen the desire on her face, heard it in her voice, felt it when she pressed herself against him last night.
Strictly business? The fact that she’d said those words ticked him off.
It might be strictly business now, but no way could she admit that’s all she wanted.
“I truly appreciate your help, but I’ve had a lot of time to think. We’re better off as business associates…and friends.”
She couldn’t even look at him when she said “friends”.
He should have taken a deep breath, and then another, and not let her get to him.
But when had he ever used logic or control when it came to this woman?
He closed the distance between them, touched her cheek, noticed the shift in her breath.
Not with distaste, but with desire. Ian framed her face with his hands, held her gaze.
“We will never be just friends.” He’d only meant to brush his lips against hers—gentle, caring.
But one touch, and the kiss exploded into white-hot need.
Gone was the vow to not touch her as she ran her hands along his back, molded her hips to his…
how was a guy supposed to resist that? And when she added those breathy sighs and the tiny moans?
He wanted her and she wanted him, and nothing was going to get in the way—not even his conscience. But damn if that conscience didn’t try to make him reconsider one last time. Ian broke the kiss, forced himself to ask, “You’re sure?”
Those beautiful eyes sparkled as she reached up to trace his lips. “Right now, this is the only thing I’m sure about…”
Ian bent his head, kissed her slow and deep. This was what he’d hoped for all these years…this moment…with this woman… “I can’t wait to taste every inch of you,” he murmured against her lips. Another kiss, so damn much passion sizzling between them, so much–
Katie broke the kiss, stepped back, and slid the T-shirt over her head, fingered the lacy edge of her black bra. “Then don’t.”
“Is that a challenge?”
A laugh followed by a sultry smile. “Absolutely.”
Oh, he liked this side of Katie, wanted to see a lot more—preferably without clothes and in bed.
“I accept.” Ian swooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
“I’m going to relearn every delicious inch of you,” he vowed as he laid her on the bed.
“Every delicious inch.” He trailed a finger along her jaw to her neck, her breasts…
When he reached her belly, he made tiny circles with his tongue until she moaned. “Oh, Ian.”
And then the white-hot sizzle of passion and desperate longing consumed them, burst open and showed them a slice of heaven.