Chapter Ten
H ayden strode back into the big hall. He shouldn’t have come tonight. Hadn’t he told himself to stay away from Laura? To forget about her? But here he was when he knew she’d be with his brother.
His mom was the only one sitting at their table. Luke and a friend were playing close by. He’d wait for Willow or Coop to return to sit with their mom before he and Luke went home.
“You okay?” his mom asked.
Pulling out a chair, he nodded. “Luke and I will be leaving shortly. Where’s Willow?”
“Dancing with Hunter Grant.” She chuckled. “I’m not sure how he got her on the dance floor. She was adamant about not dancing, but there they are…” She motioned toward the floor.
Hayden saw his sister dancing with Hunter. The cowboy had been working on the Circle C, one of the big ranches outside Marietta. He was a hard worker, didn’t talk too much, and knew his way around a ranch.
“Rumor has it Hunter has a ranch waiting for him in Colorado,” his mother continued. “I like him. He can handle our Willow.”
“Mother, please don’t try and play matchmaker, will you? None of us are interested in a relationship. We’re all still…” He swallowed the rest of his sentence. He never spoke about Walker’s death if he could help it. Why would it slip out while he was at a dance?
His mother put a hand on his arm. “Grieving? I know, son. So am I. You’ve lost a brother and a wife. But life goes on and so should all of you. You can all keep blaming yourselves for an accident that happened five years ago or you can decide to live life.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Nothing worthwhile ever is, my dear,” she said. “You like Laura. Everyone can see that. Why do you think Coop invited her here tonight? He was hoping to make you jealous. So do something about it.”
“I’m still mourning my wife, damn it, Mom.”
“It’s been two years. She’d want to see you happy. We all would.”
“I’ve been married and we were happy. I have Luke to look after. There isn’t time for anything else.”
“Oh, nonsense, Hayden. You’re thirty-eight. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You want to spend all that time alone?”
Hayden was saved by the band. The members had taken a short break, but they were back behind their instruments and the first notes of a song filled the air.
“Listen to the song… And then he kissed her. ” His mom smiled. “An old favorite. Here comes Laura. Loosen those reins you’re holding on to so tightly and ask her to dance with you.”
He looked, spotting her immediately among the crowd. Somehow, he always knew where she was. As he watched, three little girls stopped her. Smiling, she crouched down to talk to them for a few minutes before she got up, hugged each one in turn, and made her way over to the table.
She smiled vaguely in his direction, but didn’t meet his eyes. “They’re so sweet,” she was saying to his mother as she sat down.
He was standing next to her chair, holding out his hand to her without having intentionally decided to do that. “Dance with me?”
Surprised, she looked up and opened her mouth to say something, but instead, she put her hand in his and got up. Without taking his eyes off her, he led her to the dance floor.
And then she was in his arms, her hand lying on his shoulder. He pulled her close and they began to move. Effortlessly, they glided over the floor. He was no dancer, but somehow Laura had quickly adjusted to his rhythm.
The song was all about kissing. Dropping his head he trailed his lips over a petal-soft, naked shoulder. It had been driving him crazy ever since he’d seen her as she’d entered. Like satin. Hot, so hot.
Inhaling deeply, he lifted his head, trying to focus on the lyrics. More kissing, making love, asking her to be his bride… Reality came crashing down.
“Laura…I…this can’t go anywhere…” he stammered in her ear, dropping his arms. He shouldn’t be with her, shouldn’t be touching her. Nothing could come of this. He had to make sure she knew that.
Grimacing, she looked at him. “I know. We’re dancing, Hayden. We’re friends. Let’s enjoy the last few seconds, shall we?” She twirled away before she moved closer again. She was smiling, but she kept him at arm’s length. As soon as the song was finished, she smiled vaguely at a spot somewhere above his head. “Thanks. You’re a good dancer.”
“There you are,” Cooper said as he approached Laura and took her hand. “I haven’t had a dance yet.”
The music changed, and Cooper spun her away. Fed up with himself, his brother, and the whole ridiculous situation, Hayden made his way back to his mother. A hole the size of Texas opened up inside of him.
How the hell was he supposed to stop thinking about Laura? Wanting her? Because that, at least, he could admit to himself—he wanted her with every breath he took.
“Where’s Luke?” he asked his mother. “We have to go.”
“Sit down, Hayden,” his mother said.
“I have to…”
“Sit. Down.”
He sat down. The music was loud, so she moved closer.
“Hayden, my dear son, I love you dearly, as you well know, but at the moment, I want to hit you with something. As the oldest, you’ve always been the strong one, the one who kept everything together, even after our Walker died in that accident, even after Madeline passed away. You blame yourself for not protecting them, for not stopping what happened to them, but Hayden, sweetheart, you’re not to blame. Nobody is. Bad things happen, people get ill. It’s not anybody’s fault. You can’t go on hiding from life because you’re scared of getting hurt again. That’s not living.”
She got up and held out her hand to Hayden. “Dance with your mother before you leave. Come on,” she cajoled when he shook his head.
*
Cooper, the gentleman that he was, walked Laura to the front door of her house. She was still a little bit out of breath from all the dancing. They hadn’t missed one and only stopped when the band packed up.
“Thank you for a lovely evening. I’ve really enjoyed it.”
“Thank you for going with me.” Smiling sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I know you and Hayden…what I mean is, I’m not sure what’s going between you two, but I know my brother and he…” Cooper shook his head. “He can’t stop looking at you. I was hoping if I invited you to the dance, he’d come to his senses and admit he feels something for you, but stubborn doesn’t begin to describe him.”
Laura couldn’t help laughing. “So is this your way of telling me you only want to be friends?”
Cooper grinned. “Yes, please?”
“I’d love to be your friend. As for Hayden…” She shrugged. “I’m really happy on my own. I don’t think I have what it takes to be in a relationship—the words of a previous boyfriend, by the way.”
“Who is obviously an idiot. You and Hayden…”
But she didn’t want to talk about him anymore or think about him either. “I was wondering about the dog you mentioned. I’ve more or less settled in, if it’s still available? I was thinking of having a doggie door installed in the kitchen door, but I’m not sure how big it should be?”
“I can pick you up after school any day that suits you. You and Molly should meet first and see if the two of you hit it off.”
Chewing her lip, she looked away. “I’m not sure about going to your ranch…”
“I have my own house. You don’t have to see Hayden if you don’t want to.”
“Okay, but you don’t have to pick me up. I can drive out to the ranch, so you don’t have to…”
But Cooper was already shaking his head. “My mama will skin me alive. It gets dark way too soon and you don’t know the roads. What about Friday? I’ll put some steaks on the fire afterwards?”
She nodded. “Okay, thanks. I’d love to meet Molly.”
With a smile and a wave, Cooper jogged down the stairs to his truck.
Cooper waited until she’d unlocked her front door before he drove away. Irritated and upset and sad and not sure why, she tucked her hair behind her ear. Cooper was attractive, kind, and caring. Why couldn’t he wake up the butterflies in her tummy or send her blood roaring through her ears?
Sighing, she closed the door behind her. She had to forget about Hayden Weston, about men. Yes, judging from what she’d seen tonight, there were many other good-looking men in town she could probably date, although the idea of a night at home with a nice book or spending time with women friends was much more appealing to her. And when she had a dog, she’d have a companion.
But okay, maybe she should date. Occasionally, if anyone she liked asked her. It was a way to meet new people. But all these butterflies in the tummy, palpitations, and the way her whole body changed when Hayden was around was exhausting.
And who knew? Maybe there was another cowboy out there who’d send her heart into a frenzy. Maybe.
As she walked into her room, she caught herself humming. It was the tune she and Hayden had danced to. It was an oldie, one her dad used to love to listen to. She’d known there was a song about a guy kissing a girl in a way she’d never been kissed before. And then that was the song she and Hayden had danced to. Groaning out loud, she put her bag down. Hayden kissing her was so not something to be thinking about right now.
Her phone beeped. It was a text sent from an unknown number. Her heart stuttered to a halt before it valiantly tried to beat again. It was from Hayden. She knew that ever before she opened it.
You okay?
Her heart sighed, tears welling up behind her eyelids. Irritated, she wiped her eyes before she texted him back. She put her phone down and got undressed.
What was he trying to do, damn it? Right after she’d made up her mind to forget about him, he wanted to know if she was okay. He kept blowing hot and cold. The one minute he kissed her, the next, he wanted to make sure she knew nothing could ever happen between the two of them.
Upset, she walked to the bathroom. Steamy dreams about the big cowboy had already been keeping her awake over the past two weeks. How was she going to sleep tonight while she still vividly remembered every moment she’d danced with him?
*
You don’t have to worry about me.
Hayden stared at Laura’s text before he threw his phone down on the bed. What the hell had he expected? He was the one who’d wanted to make sure she knew nothing could happen between the two of them.
His gaze fell on the picture of Madeline he kept on his bedside table. Picking it up, he sat on the bed. They had all the time in the world, they’d thought. Maddie had wanted another baby, just before she became ill. But instead of growing old with the woman who’d stolen his heart, he was left to raise their son on his own.
“I miss you, Mads,” he whispered, but the woman in the picture was gone. She couldn’t respond.
He’d taken off his wedding ring last Christmas. He still wasn’t sure what had finally made him do it. He had just known it was something he had to do.
His mom thought he feared getting hurt again, and maybe she was right. He’d learned the hard way happily-ever-after actually had an expiration date.
The real reason why he could never allow himself to fall for anyone else, he could never tell anyone. It was bad enough that he had to carry it with himself always: he couldn’t even think of loving anyone ever again while his brother lay buried six feet deep, unable to ever experience the deep joy of loving someone and having that someone love you back.
Feeling guilty, he took Maddie’s picture out of the frame, got up, and went to his closet, where he kept a photo album.
It didn’t feel right to leave her picture next to his bed when he was dreaming of someone else.