Chapter 37 Lessia
Lessia
Lessia hovered by the door, keeping one hand on the wall and one on her forehead as she drew breaths against the dizziness that had taken hold of her as she stood up.
She was glad Merrick had already left the cabin—apparently he needed to send a letter, given that Aixle had offered him one of his birds that lived behind the house.
After what they’d just heard… he didn’t need to worry more. It was clear from his jerky strides that he was already furious, and rightfully so.
Lessia was angry too. Angry that there were no clear answers. Angry that she’d been given this gift she’d never asked for. Angry that she was torn between what she believed was right and what she knew she needed. Angry that love—of all things—was what might kill her in the end.
Something warm trickled down her face, and she instinctively lifted her gaze to the broken mirror hanging beside her, nearly springing away at what looked back at her.
She was so pale. Hair hanging lifelessly around her face, more brown than golden now.
A dark stream of blood wove its way from her nose, and though she quickly wiped it off, it left a pink trail over her dull skin that she’d need water to remove because her mouth was too dry right now.
Her eyes, though… There was defiance in them.
A golden ember of rage that she felt deep in the pit of her stomach.
A smoldering fragment of life. Of fight. Of rebellion.
Even after Trista no longer led Vastala, she stayed to keep her people safe.
Lessia clenched her jaw as she averted her gaze.
She couldn’t stand it. Because that fight burning through her? The urge she had?
Sometimes we must accept what our reflection tells us… even if that reflection is one of shadows and darkness and a life we’ve never wished for.
Aixle stood with his back to her, and Lessia wondered for a moment how he could tell… but then her mind went to everything he’d told them today, and she decided it didn’t matter.
Instead, she thought of the Lakes of Mirrors—the reflections there she’d refused to accept, the ones the gods had tried to force onto her. Then her mind snagged on the reflections of her family… of her friends dying in that mirror she’d shattered on the ship before the last battle.
The memories made her even more furious, and she fought the impulse to just scream.
How fucking dare the gods force her into this impossible choice? How fucking dare they turn her into either a coward or a martyr?
The gods warped our view of ourselves and the world long before we were aware of it.
Aixle came toward her, offering her a cup of warm tea that she somehow knew to lift to her lips, and she sighed softly as the heat filled her gut.
But Elessia… like fate, only we may decide what to do with what we’re offered.
It’s only we who can decide who looks back at us in that mirror, and whether we can live with that person.
Lessia kept her eyes on the swirling tea as she nodded. She was glad the cup wasn’t brittle as her fingers tightened around it, the tide of rage rising within her urging her to throw it across the room.
Do it.
She looked up at Aixle, barely able to stop herself from baring her teeth at him. What did you say?
I said, Do it. Throw it. Aixle’s hands flew out. It is unfair. I wish… I do not wish for this for you and Merrick, but after this little time with you… it is so clear why you belong together. Despite everything he thinks of himself, he is also selfless. Loyal. A true soldier.
Lessia’s lip trembled, not because tears burned behind her eyes but because it really wasn’t fucking fair. She didn’t know what—
Throw it!
She did. With all her might, she threw the damn tea across the room. The cup shattered against the stone fireplace like her heart had shattered so many times before—like she’d broken and broken and broken.
But now… this time…
Her eyes flew over the pieces littering the floor—the helplessness of them, and she realized—
Lessia frowned as she looked up at Aixle.
You know what to do. A sad smile pulled Aixle’s pale lips upward. And so does he.
Lessia peeked out the open door, realizing Merrick was on his way back, and she didn’t hesitate as she stepped into the night.
More drums sounded in the distance now, the sound enveloping them, building on that anger already flowing through her veins, and Lessia’s chin was lifted high as she stopped Merrick a few feet from the crumbling stone cabin.
He smiled at her, one of the precious, genuine grins she always subconsciously stored in her mind, and she waited for it to take her breath. Perhaps kill her for what she must do.
But then Merrick reached out and took her hand. “Let’s go.”
Lessia stared at him for a moment, really took in his dark, silver-flecked eyes. His hair blowing in the wind. His wide shoulders and straight back. His strong jaw and sharp cheekbones. His own defiance forming his features into those of a soldier.
And she knew. She knew he didn’t mean to another realm—to search for those other queens.
Lessia swallowed against the lump in her throat. “Are you sure?”
Merrick’s smile didn’t waver. “Of course I am sure. Of you? I am always sure.”
When he opened his arms, Lessia stepped right into them, letting him hold her there, shielding her from the world.
Merrick. He was everything. Her rock, her light, her love. Her mate. Her friend. Her lover. Her protector. The one who’d put her together, and made sure she would never break again. He’d once vowed to her that he’d never allow darkness to reign, and… he’d kept that promise.
Because despite the night wrapping around them, she saw so clearly now.
They remained there, holding on to each other as the drums swelled, until the mare they’d ridden neighed—a worried, frightened sound that would have made Lessia jump if Merrick hadn’t kept her steady.
As she turned her gaze from his chest, she found dozens, if not hundreds, of snakes rising over the tall green grass surrounding the house, their eyes locked on hers.
They all looked like the serpent she’d asked to protect her friends, and even before they hissed at her, then turned toward the water, heading for the cliff reaching north, Lessia instinctively lifted a hand.
They’re saying goodbye. Aixle scoffed as he leaned against the doorframe, his eyes fixed on Merrick. I shall not. I will come to this last fight. Safe travels.
With that, he slammed the door behind him, and Merrick held her closer yet as he whispered, “He never allowed us to say goodbye before battle. Didn’t think it was good for morale.”
Lessia tried for a smile as she looked up at the male she loved so much, she wasn’t sure how she hadn’t combusted from it already. “Do you think I am giving up?”
Leaning down, Merrick pressed a soft kiss against her lips. “Never,” he whispered.
“I wish I could do it.” Lessia fought tears now.
Tears for what she was giving up. For what she was doing not only to herself, but to him—to them. But deep within her, there was something… something burning that refused to be snuffed out, and she knew, she just knew, she must do this. “I wish I—”
“Listen to me.” Merrick’s hands went to her cheeks.
“I know why you can’t, Elessia. I fell for you because you are a fighter.
I knew what being with you meant. And do you know what?
” He tilted her face so their noses brushed.
“There is not one part of me that is disappointed. I love you. All of you. And I will be by your side as we win this war. And after… we’ll figure it out. We always do.”
“B-but what if there is no after?” Her words barely carried over the drums on the wind.
“There is,” Merrick simply said. “Perhaps our fate is as dark as it is delicate, but what I do know is that it is our fate. Think about the souls hidden around us. Think about Solana. Thissian. My parents. We will always be together, Lessia. It’s just how it is.”
She knew he believed it, and… if he could, then so could she.
So Lessia nodded, allowing Merrick to pull her with him down a steep hill until water hitting stone mingled with the sound of drums, the sound of the snakes slithering on their sides until they dove without hesitation into the sea, and the sounds of blades of grass rubbing together in what felt like a whispered farewell.
She could see the ships now. On the horizon, an armada traveled with sails in colors of green and brown, the wood from which they were made so dark that it appeared almost black against the darkening sky.
“How?” Lessia’s heart sank as she watched every inch of the line connecting the sky and the sea fill with more and more ships.
How…
How would they get to their friends in time?
How would they survive an attack of that many?
How did one keep hope in a world that seemed bent on destroying itself?
“Look up,” Merrick said gently.
It was good he held on to her still because Lessia’s knees went out when she did as he asked.
Before her rows and rows of wyverns spread out, their colorful scales glittering against the dark water and their eyes all locked on hers, but not in the suspicious way they had when she first met them.
There was warmth in every gaze now. And that strange feeling… the one she’d felt in the tavern for the first time slammed into her with such force she expelled a sharp breath.
They accepted her. They accepted her as one of their own.
As their soulbound. As someone they would fight to the death to keep alive.
As a friend and a soldier and an equal. She felt it in every glowing bond tethered to her mind, and she couldn’t help the tears that made their way down her face as a golden and a violet wyvern swam ahead of the others.
We’ve come to take you home, Elessia. Auphore halted a few feet behind Ydren, who swam all the way to shore, impatiently waving her head for them to get on her back. We’ve come to take you to where you belong.