Chapter 12
With a deep breath and a sense of dread, Dmitrii skated out onto the ice. He didn’t notice he was actually skating better with his mind so distracted by what Tyler had said. He skated over to where Coach Truskel and Coach Williamson were standing. “What’s the plan today?”
“Are you okay with Tyler being here?” Coach Williamson looked back towards the bleacher seats.
“Yeah, it’s fine. He saw me skate yesterday, but I don’t think he wants you to know that.” Tyler being here wasn’t the problem.
Coach Truskel shook her head. “That’s Tyler for you.
If anything is going on at the rink, he knows about it.
He’s a good kid. I wouldn’t worry about him.
He’s been skating here since he was little.
” She gave Dmitrii a smile as she said, “I’d like to see you try working on some direction changes.
Let’s just start with some laps and then when I call for a change, just switch to forward or backward? ”
“I can do that.” Dmitrii was assuring her he could do it even though he was not at all sure that he could actually do it.
He was going to try though, especially with Tyler right there.
He started skating to the far side of the rink so he could start moving around the perimeter of the rink.
His mind was wandering, though. He hadn’t expected anyone to tell him they were gay like that, as if it were completely normal and not something that had to be kept secret.
As Coach Truskel yelled, “Back”, he changed direction while still completely lost in thought about why Tyler had told him.
Was there a reason? Maybe it was just the more American thing to do?
Maybe there was a reason that he didn’t know?
His mind was still racing as his coach called out again, “Front.”
Dmitrii switched to skating forward without a second thought, his mind still stuck on Tyler.
He didn’t realize that Coach Truskel was now recording this.
He didn’t notice the confused looks on the coach’s faces as he transitioned back and forth effortlessly today when just yesterday he had paused at every last direction change.
The softest whispered conversation between the coaches led to an agreement about Dmitrii’s unexpected ability to skate, and soon some basic edge work was being called out.
Dmitrii was still lost in thought, the soft scrape of his blades over the ice the only sound accompanying his mental gymnastics over whether this invitation to dinner meant anything.
He did everything asked of him while lost in thought until the first jump request. When Coach Truskel called out, “Euler”, he almost did the jump.
He popped up into that little half Loop he was so used to.
He was in the air before what he was doing actually reached his conscious mind.
Eyes wide, he gasped midair, but it was only an Euler jump, one of the easiest possible.
With just his muscle memory, the jump had been perfect.
In his confusion that he had just done that, he popped back up into a single Salchow jump for some reason before stopping on the ice and looking so uncertain.
He had technically sort of just jumped a combination, but he was not at all sure about why he had been able to. His heart rate was fine, and he wasn’t even breathing too hard. He simply felt confused more than anything.
Coach Tuskel was skating towards him, pulling up right at the boards to look at him. “Are you okay? You were doing everything I asked so well that I thought … did I push you too far?”
“I did a jump?” He couldn’t get the confusion out of his voice.
“Technically, you did two jumps.”
“I think I need to sit down.” What he had just done started to close in on him, but even with the prickle of anxiety across his shoulders, he was still doing well enough that he could skate to the gate to get off the ice for a quick break.
Tyler was there, opening the gate and holding out a hand to steady him. “That was so much better than yesterday!”
“I wasn’t paying attention.” He grabbed a bottle of water from his bag and opened the cap to take a sip while the coaches stayed on the ice talking to each other. Dmitrii looked down at his hands as he held the plastic bottle. He wasn’t shaking at all either. “I don’t know how that happened.”
“The last jump in your sequence jumps is normally a Salchow, so I think maybe you just knew that was what was next?” Tyler was smiling as he said it, clearly oblivious to the fact that he had just admitted he knew what jump compositions Dmitrii favored.
Dmitrii looked at Tyler, not even trying to hide the confusion on his face. “You’re … happy?”
“That you look like you’re feeling better? Of course I am.”
They weren’t teammates. They weren’t even skating for the same country, but here was Tyler happy about his skating and knowing about his jump combinations.
It didn’t make sense. “Are you a … fan?” He didn’t say it as if ‘fan’ was derogatory, but it was clear he meant ‘fan’ as opposed to ‘fellow skater’.
“No! I mean, I like your skating. I just, I’m a skater. I watch a lot of skating.” Tyler stumbled over his words.
Dmitrii might have taken that at face value, but with how Tyler’s cheeks flushed, he knew something was up.
Now he felt his heart starting to race, but this was not from any fear on the ice.
“I should get back on the ice and do what they want me to do. Especially if I want to get out of here in time for dinner?”
Dmitrii could not stop wondering what Tyler’s reaction meant. Dmitrii stood up and saw that Tyler was blushing even more. With Tyler’s hair the way it was, he could barely see the tip of an ear, and it was the cutest shade of red.
Dmitrii turned to step onto the ice, now with a little less dread. He didn’t know why Tyler’s blushing seemed to relax him. He was only a week into therapy. Granted, therapy was every day, but he hadn’t expected any progress in the first week.
“That was really good, Dmitrii.” Coach Truskel was smiling. “Do you think you’d rather work a little on jumps or try your program again? Dr. Aubrey texted me to let you do whichever one of those you wanted.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to do the program again. I think maybe something more repetitive like jump practice?”
She nodded. “OK, start on that side and skate right across. Let’s start with single Toe-Loops at the blue lines.”
Sometimes this rink was used for hockey, so all the markings for that were painted under the ice.
He hadn’t skated on ice that didn’t have the markings down for hockey since he had skated at Europeans.
He glided over to one side of the rink and then turned to build up a little speed.
This was easier than what he had just done.
He had managed a single Toe-Loop a few days ago for Dr. Aubrey.
Besides, it would be nice to do a jump in front of Tyler that wasn’t horrible.
Dmitrii didn’t get fancy. He did exactly what he was supposed to do.
The single Toe-Loop at the first blue line left his heart racing, but then the one at the second blue line felt a little closer to excited than anxiety.
He let himself glide to the far end of the rink, nodding as his coach called for the next type of jump. “Loops next.”
An Euler was just a half of a Loop. While they were marginally harder than a Toe-Loop, he had been doing single Loops on skates since before he had been five.
He tried not to overthink it. If he kept his mind on the fact that Tyler was watching, he did a little better.
The first Loop was clean, and he was quickly approaching the second blue line.
This time, going this direction, Tyler wasn’t in sight, and he started to think.
He hadn’t fallen on a Loop jump. The accident had been an Axel, a completely different entry than this.
He tried to convince himself that he could do this, but his pulse was racing and he felt his heart clench as he pushed himself up into the air with the edge of his blade.
It was a small jump. At one point, Dmitrii could have landed it in his sleep.
That wasn’t now, though. He felt his skate contact the ice, but there was a hesitation in bringing his leg around.
The centrifugal motion wasn’t dispersed like it should have been, and he almost fell, fingers just barely grazing the ice as he caught himself.
He didn’t fall. He was just left standing on the ice, slightly stunned as he looked around.
Everything seemed a little fuzzy, but he didn’t feel as panicky or as if he was going to pass out. When he turned a little and saw Tyler standing at the side of the rink looking so worried, Dmitrii let out the breath he had been holding and gave a weak attempt at a smile. This was progress.
He skated towards his coaches and their very obviously worried looks.
He was trying to figure out what he was going to tell them.
By the time he got there, he had mostly worked it through.
“I think maybe just working on the things I am doing well instead of pushing it today might be what I need?” His lower lip was between his teeth as he waited for a response.
He was almost certain they were going to push him.
That was what coaches did. He was used to it.
In his career, there had already been so much pushing him to do more.
So many times he had skated through fatigue, illness, and injury.
Without even waiting for either coach to respond, he walked back his statement.
“I mean, I could try a Salchow next or something or–”