Chapter 8
Bose
I didn’t know why I kept my leg where it was, pressed against Wade’s under the churning water, but it was comforting somehow, the way he touched me. The way he looked at me. I shifted a little closer, telling myself it was the limited space, not a conscious need for contact.
He’d as much as admitted that he enjoyed fucking other men, and now my mind wouldn’t stop bringing up images from Lucky’s comics and the way she showed the men touching and kissing. Sucking each other off with an eager hunger that mirrored the look in Wade’s eyes right now.
My definitive no seemed less certain with each passing second, as did my sexuality.
Wade had sunk lower, his broad shoulders half-submerged, his face flushed from either embarrassment or the temperature. “Sorry,” he said after a moment. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine,” I said, though it wasn’t. Not because he’d asked, but because the door I’d never noticed before had cracked open, letting in a draft of possibility that made my skin prickle.
Beneath the water, I pressed my legs closer, and his eyes rose to meet mine, darkening.
He caught his lower lip between his teeth, and my cock jumped.
We fell into silence again. Wade closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the edge of the hot tub, exposing the strong column of his throat. Snowflakes landed there, melting against his warm skin. I couldn’t stop watching him. He was so damn handsome, big, and broad.
I wondered if his cock was as big as Lucky drew it.
My mind drifted back to the things I’d seen on the DeviDraws account.
The latest installment she’d posted had featured a dark-haired guy who seemed suspiciously like me, his eyes half-lidded and blissful as his girlfriend guided him toward his first experience sucking another man.
As the story progressed, the character’s reluctance had dissolved into eager curiosity, raw hunger, a desperate, urgent need to wrap his lips around his lover’s cock and milk him dry.
By the end, the dark-haired man had been choking on his lover’s big cock as his own cock dripped a steady stream of pre-cum. I’d jerked off to that comic three times since she’d posted it.
It was getting out of hand. I needed to get laid. That was all it was. Not that I wanted to choke on Wade’s dick.
I wondered if Lucky knew Wade was pansexual, or if she just fantasized about it without knowing the truth.
“I can hear you thinking from here,” Wade said without opening his eyes.
“What?”
“You’re practically vibrating with whatever’s going on in your head right now.” He cracked one eye open and looked at me. “Care to share with the class?”
I let out a breath, watching it form a cloud in the cold air. “… processing.”
“My smooth come-on, you mean?” He laughed, the sound warm and self-deprecating. “Forget I said anything. We can pretend it never happened.”
“No, it’s—” I hesitated, unsure what I was even trying to say.
Beyond us, the snow was falling more heavily now, obscuring the slopes in a white veil.
It was too dark to see the mountain, but the mountain was there.
Watching the snow accumulate sparked a hunger in me that I hadn’t felt in months, a tiny flicker of interest, of wanting.
“Maybe we should talk about something else. You could tell me what’s going on with you,” Wade said, his words taking on more weight and seriousness.
“And I mean… all of it. Why you’re on that couch all day.
Why you examine your phone like it might bite you.
Why you flinch every time someone mentions snowboarding. ”
I sank deeper into the water, letting it lap at my chin. I’d spent months not talking about it, not even to my mother.
I shot him a look. “Stalk me much?”
He grinned, not even embarrassed. “What can I say? You’re fucking gorgeous. My eyes are drawn to your cute pouty lips every time I walk into the room.”
A laugh bubbled up in my chest, covering the rush of heat. “You’re ridiculous.”
“So I’ve been told.” His smile faded. “But, Bode. What’s going on?”
I let my head fall back, staring up at the snow swirling against the night sky. “I don’t know how to want it anymore,” I said, the words escaping before I could stop them. “Snowboarding. Competing. Any of it.”
Wade was quiet for a moment, letting the admission settle between us. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened. That’s the stupid part.
” I ran a hand through my wet hair, pushing it back from my face.
“I won a gold medal. I did what I was supposed to do, what I’d been working towards for years.
I don’t know what I expected to experience, but it didn’t come.
There was no relief, no satisfaction. Just this… emptiness.”
“That’s not stupid,” Wade said. “You devoted so much energy to chasing that gold. Is it possible you’re burnt out?”
“Maybe. That’s what my mom thinks.” I shrugged, the water sloshing around my shoulders. “Or maybe I’m an ungrateful asshole who doesn’t appreciate what he has.”
Wade snorted. “Yeah, no. That’s not it. But you need to give yourself a little grace. There’s been a lot of research lately on post Olympic depression. It’s a real thing.”
“Depression?”
Wade smiled. “I’m not diagnosing you, but what you’re feeling? It’s more common than you think. Feeling lost and without purpose after achieving the top tier of your sport is normal, it’s not something to be ashamed of.”
His words brought a tightness to my chest, and a pressure behind my eyes that I really didn’t want to deal with. I blinked hard, cleared my throat, and pressed my thigh into his, seeking comfort where he gave it. Though knowing Wade, he would have hugged me and held me while I cried if I’d asked.
Not that I would fucking ask for that. I needed to change the subject, and fast.
“Have you ever seen Lucky’s art?” I asked.
Wade shifted in the water, the movement sending small waves against my chest. “A little. She’s constantly sketching. She’s talented as hell; I’m always telling her she should pursue it.”
I blinked. “Isn’t that what DeviDraws is, though?”
Wade’s brow furrowed. “DeviDraws?”
“Her Patreon. The stuff she makes serious money from. And shit, it’s occurring to me that she’s kept that a secret from you.”
His eyes widened, jaw dropping. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me. “If you’re in love with her now, seeing her art is really going to… lend a whole new perspective.”
“What does art have to do with that?”
I was laughing harder now. “You have no idea how filthy her mind is.”
“Bode, stop teasing.” His words were sharp enough to cut off the laughter.
“Her art is erotic.”
“Erotic?” His tone had gone up an octave.
“Yeah, and she’s popular. Hold on.” I pushed myself up, water streaming down my chest as I reached for the bench where I’d left my phone.
The cold air hit me like a slap. This was so much better than talking about my fucked up life, and a reckless hunger was building in me, a need to push this, to see what would happen.
I sat on the hot tub steps and dried off my hand on a towel, then swiped open my phone. I pulled up the Patreon app and logged in, held the screen out to Wade, watching his face.
“Holy shit.” He wiped his own hand dry and took the phone from me. His eyes widened as he scrolled, his expression shifting from shock to something darker, more intense. “This is… fuck, this is Lucky?”
“Recognize her style?”
“I do now.” He swallowed hard, his throat working. “These are… Jesus. These are hot.”
I slid back into the water, the heat enveloping me again, but it couldn’t match the warmth spreading through my core as I watched Wade’s reaction. His face was flushed, his breathing faster, and there was a coiled tension in his shoulders that hadn’t been there before.
“Keep scrolling,” I said, my words lower than I’d intended. “The newest ones are… interesting.”
Wade swiped through a few more images, stopped, his eyes fixed on the comic, the one with the dark-haired guy who looked like me, the one where the domme was guiding him toward his first taste of cock.
“Fuck, I had no idea.” Wade’s eyes darted up to meet mine for a split second before returning to the screen. “Is that—”
“Keep scrolling.”
He did, his fingers moving almost mechanically as he navigated through the panels of the comic.
I couldn’t see the screen from where I was sitting, but I knew what he was looking at: the progression of the scene, the moment of hesitation, surrender, hunger.
The domme watching with pride and arousal as her good boy discovered a new part of himself.
“I wonder if I know her at all,” he whispered, eyes wide.
“In a good way, or a bad way?” I asked.
“Good way. So good.” He shook his head. “Learning a new, sexy facet of someone I already knew was beautiful, inside and out… it’s…”
“No words, huh?”
He laughed. “No words. Mind blown. And, if we’re being honest, I’m awkwardly hard right now.”
Me too, but I couldn’t admit it out loud.
“You’re into these, too? Into… two guys and a girl?”
I’d been thinking about this a lot over the past few days, as I’d explored Lucky’s more recent drawings, and considered the fantasy behind them. And if Wade wasn’t so… Wade, it might have been difficult to admit the truth. But he wanted me, so it was easy to tell him I wanted him.
“I don’t know. It’s never happened before, but her drawings kind of… unlocked something? Or maybe it’s you. My cock is hard around you way more than I want to admit.”
Wade’s mouth tilted up at the corner, and under the water, his leg slid against mine, bringing a shiver of awareness straight to my cock. “Interesting, because fifteen minutes ago, you were insisting you were straight.”
“Her drawings break through the fog. They make me think I might not be as dead inside as I thought. And… we’re both in them.”