28. Crew
A dam: Hey, call me when you can.
Liam: Did we upset you?? You know you could’ve told me.
Layla: You’re so loved Crew.
Luke: Call me, brother.
Rachel: You’re making my mascara run, you jerk. Call my husband back. WE MISS YOU.
Calla and Nathan Group chat: We’re sorry, Crew.
Marigold: You’re always our Crew, I am so sorry if we made you feel like less.
Winnie talked to them. She had to have. It’s the only explanation for the onslaught of apologies and check ins. And I couldn’t even be mad, because if I had been in her shoes, I would have told her family too.
Mad doesn’t really fit how I felt now though. I didn’t think I had it in me to ever be truly mad at Winnifred Meadows. But maybe…disappointed? Maybe longing? Lost hope in having something more. Lost hope in knowing that I was solidified in this version of myself. The Crew that was at Willow Creek isn’t the same one here, he’s not the same one in his truck, or in my kitchen. I only got that version of myself with Winnie or at her family’s farm. And my hopes of recovering him was lost.
I briefly wondered if Winnie told them about my ADHD. If they felt weird about it. Or worse: pity. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of life. You get on medicines, you try new cures, things move on and eventually you settle into the fact that you’re just like this and that it’s fine.
But I guess it was the fact that it solidified everything I used to wonder I was different than everyone else in this family.
I assumed the texts still kept coming, probably some from Winnie too. I wouldn’t fully know though, considering I was in the Tyler State Park, in my field with no signal, laying back on a blanket with dry grass poking through the threads.
Funny, how tiny this place felt compared to the fields of the farm. Acres and acres piling up on each other, rows of fresh flowers, pumpkin patches, bake houses, and cattle. A creek to jump in when it’s too hot. A house to warm you when it’s too cool.
Winnie must have thought it was absurd. My silly little city-boy spot that was my escape. It wasn’t ruined, it still helped. But it wasn’t there either. And it wasn’t her.
Leaves rustled behind me, and my shoulders jumped when I heard a familiar voice say, “Can I sit with you?”
He turns around and Winnie is right there, looking like sunshine itself. The strings of light in the trees glow through her auburn hair, her face golden and bright and never any less beautiful than she had been before, despite the watery eyes and flushed cheeks. If anything, she was even better in this light. Always so pretty.
I didn’t answer, but scooted a couple feet over, my leg resting on the edge of the blanket for her.
“I was worried about you.” She sat on the blanket, the cuts in her jeans drew attention to her smooth pale legs, and I had to force my eyes away. “You didn’t answer any of my calls.”
“Don’t have signal.”
In the corner of my eye, she nodded. “That’s what I hoped when I came here.”
We sat in silence for a moment; nothing but us and the breeze, the discolored leaves falling sporadically around us, a bird or two chirping and rusted of the bushes around us occasionally. I felt her scoot in a little closer to me, inching in almost to my side. I met her halfway, the ends of our pinkies curling over each other in a light, warm caress.
“You know I didn’t want to hurt you. Or your feelings. I just couldn’t find the right time.”
I shook my head. “No, I get it. It’s okay, really.”
“I wish I could stay. I want to stay with you, but I-”
I met her eyes fully, wanting to chance of my response getting twisted. There wasn’t a way I would make her stay, not for me. “Don’t stay for me. Don’t make me him.” Her head tilted with her frown and I sighed, giving up any resolve I had left up. “I would have gone with you. If you’d asked.”
“I couldn’t ask you to go with me Crew. I couldn’t do to you what he did to me…making you move just for me, leaving your family…it’s not worth it.”
“You’re worth it.”
Her head cocked to the side, that knowing smirk on her lips. She’s trying to play with me whilst getting her point across. And I love that she spoke the same way I did. “You say that, and the last few days there have been so fun, but once you get there and settle you’ll see. Life moves so slow there. You’ve never lived in a small town and you’ll get bored-”
“I couldn’t be bored if you were there. I could never be bored as long as you were there.”
She leaned her head against my shoulder, and my arm automatically reached over her, my fingers caressing her hair.
“I am sorry, Crew. I really am.”
“I know, Winnie.”
“Your siblings love you, a whole lot.”
“Yeah.” I nodded along. They did love me, I didn’t question that. But love doesn’t always make someone belong there, either.
“I mean it.” Winnie nudged her forehead into my neck, breathing in deep. Remembering my scent; I knew because I did the same to her hair just a moment before. “They really care for you. After that first dinner Calla threatened to bury me if I hurt you and Adam told me he knows plenty of ways to make it look like an accident.”
My shoulders lightly shook with a puffed out laugh.
“And maybe you’re different from them, sure. Maybe you are the unique outcast. But I don’t think that makes them love you any less. Or makes you any less valuable.”
Yeah. Yeah, I knew that. But it still felt…wrong. Something about all of this felt wrong in general.
“What percent are you here?” Winnie whispered up to me, her breath grazing my ear.
“Hmm?” I looked down at her
“You said your percent was a hundred before, what is it now?”
“I dunno. Maybe twenty.”
“I’m so sorry- I didn’t,” Her head tossed back into the crook of my arm as she searched for the right words. She must’ve been as worried as I was to screw this up any more. To break it further. “I was just so worried you would be the same way I was and that you would only move because you felt forced. But I know you, Crew Wells. I know you better than anyone and I know if you’re meant to go somewhere than there is nothing stopping you. And if you go down there for six months and decide to come back I know you could. I want my one hundred percent Crew back. And I won’t accept a percentage less.”
My lips curled at that, a laugh bubbling from my chest. “It’s okay, Winnie. I mean it.”
“Then come with me.”
“What?”
She sat up straight, curling up onto her knees, bouncing in front of me. “Come with me. We can live in the sister duplex of Lottie’s place, it’s got enough space. We can sell my truck and just work out of yours and do it together. We can travel, so neither of us ever feels trapped again.”
I sat a little straighter too. Could we…No. But…
“Do you mean that?”
“More than I have ever meant anything. Please come with me, Crew. Please. We can go to all of the state parks and I can take you to rodeos and fairs and on the days we miss the city we can travel. Anywhere you want to go. It’s only a couple hours from Atlanta, we could park there for a day and sell out the entire truck.”
She moves to sit on my lap, thighs straddling me. She set her hands on either side of my face, squishing my cheeks together like a blissful chipmunk. “We can try new recipes and watch MasterChef together and yell at Gordon Ramsey when he obviously picks the wrong winner.” My grin poked out, even in her mashing my cheeks together. “We can come back here all the time, we can fly back and forth as much as you want. Or your whole family can visit, we have room. We can take miles and Dallas on ATV rides and your mom can share recipes with my nana. We can do it all, Crew. We just have to do it together. The second you tell me you feel trapped again, we can get up and go.”
My hands reached up to hers, pulling her aggressively adorable fingers away from my face. “I could never feel trapped with you. I said it and I meant it, if you’re there than I am too.”
“I love you, Crew.”
I leaned forward, brushing her nose against mine.
“I love you, Winnie girl.”
“I love it when you call me that.” Her lips brushed against mine.
“You always did,” I moved in closer, our lips tangling together.
I wasn’t sure how we got flipped around, but suddenly Winnie was on her back for me and I was in my favorite place to be: nestled between her legs with my lips on hers and my heart in the palm of her hand. With no barriers between us, we gust lost in each other’s mouth.
My hands tested the weight of her below me, cradling her head from the blades of grass below her. Winnie’s hands trailing up my back, under my shirt, her cool hands against my warm skin.
We’re both breathing hard when I finally pulled away.
“So,” I puffed out, chest heaving against hers, her sweat barely concealing her. “The cowboy hat really locked you in.”
Winnie cackled below me, shaking her head gently, staring up at me with this mix of lust and love and something entirely rich. “That’s exactly it, now keep kissing me.”
I obeyed her breathy demands, because without my family, without the farm, and without a kitchen, I was home. That was exactly what she was to me.