Chapter Thirty-Six
Lavinia entered Clayton House with a calm deliberation which somewhat surprised her, considering the news she had just learned.
She had always imagined that she would become hysterical should she ever hear Miles had been unfaithful.
Instead, she merely instructed Ellen to find her husband and ask him to meet her in the nursery.
Then she went upstairs, where she found Susan playing with Dickie.
Lavinia asked Susan to take her son out to the garden, and then sat, her eyes never leaving the door.
Soon, Miles arrived, entering with a broad smile. He walked over and kissed his wife on the top of the head.
“Good afternoon, darling, did you find what you needed in Doddington?”
“I found something for the baby, yes, and a bonnet for myself. I also came away with something quite unpleasant that I never expected to,” Lavinia said in a level voice.
“Oh? What occurred? Did you learn the price of bonnets and ribbons going up? No matter the cost. I wanted you to have something pretty.” He pulled a cushioned bench over to his wife and sat, placing a hand over one of hers.
“No, my discovery was not about the price of ribbons. It was that my husband has been consorting with a tavern doxy and the whole of Doddington knows of it.” She turned a hard face to Miles.
“Do not bother to deny it. The smirks and knowing glances of the women I met in town today were my first hint that something was amiss. Then, I had it confirmed by someone who told me the whole story, including how your father—” she broke off to take a ragged breath, “—caught you with her. In the very act.” She could not keep the tears from filling her eyes as she asked in a harsh whisper, “How could you, Miles? How could you?”
Miles exhaled and lowered his head, his lips pressed together.
After a long moment, he said in a soft voice, “I am so sorry, Lavinia. I was hoping you might never know of my indiscretion. The entire affair was the result of a foolish, weak moment, and I am filled with shame over it. It will not occur again—I shall not see her, nor even set foot in that establishment, I swear it.”
“But, why, Miles? How could you do such a low, base thing? You have shown yourself to be a poor excuse for a husband.”
He lifted his face and she saw puzzlement in his countenance.
“And what of you and your role as my wife? You have been entirely absent from me and our marriage. Are you truly unaware of how utterly miserable I have been these past weeks?” He slapped his hands on his thighs, stood, and began pacing the nursery.
“No, of course not—how could I expect you to see how sad or lonely I was? You have ignored me completely ever since Dickie became ill. You would not dine with us, or spend any time with our family. You refused to share my bed. The loneliness became unbearable, Lavinia, I thought you were lost to me forever. That is why I fell prey to a tavern maid’s smiles and charms—because I had none from my wife. ”
Lavinia jumped up and pointed her finger at Miles.
“It was vital that I be with our son day and night. Would you have me traipsing about the countryside, judging flower shows and pretending all was well while poor Dickie suffered from those dreadful fits? I had to be here with him. Only my constant care has brought us the happy results of late. He is so much better. Indeed, I had just made up my mind to return to my life as it used to be, and was eager to do so. You, however, clearly had no patience. Do not dare to cast the blame upon me, Miles. Any gentleman of honor would not have strayed. And now our reputation is ruined—we are the laughingstock of Doddington, if not the entire county.”
“I admit to my foolishness, Lavinia, and I swear it will never happen again. Not with her, or any other woman. I accept my share of the blame for our marriage troubles, but if we are to return to our prior life and rejoin as man and wife again, so must you.”
Lavinia gave a little cry. “Me? You dare to suggest that I am at fault? I should simply forget your betrayal and be together with you again? I cannot bear the thought of even dining with you at present, much less returning to your bed. I shall forever more wonder if, when you are with me, I am being compared to this other woman. Did she please you more? Will you still be wishing to be with her? I cannot bear it!” She covered her eyes and sank to the floor, weeping loudly.
“Lavinia, I—” He knelt beside her, not knowing what to say or do.
“Leave me!” she screamed. “I cannot bear the sight of you. Just… go!”
Miles attempted to console her a moment longer, but she recoiled so violently at his touch, that he sighed and scrambled to his feet. He took one last look at her from the doorway, then quietly left the room.
Once she sobbed out all her sorrow, Lavinia rose from the floor and washed her face.
She tidied her hair, took the gift for Charlotte’s baby, and went to find Susan in the garden with Dickie.
After being assured that the child had not suffered any of his fits, told her to please take him back to the nursery.
“I shall return home shortly. I must deliver this to Mrs. Morton.”
Lavinia crossed the alley to the parsonage and was shown to Charlotte’s bed chamber, where the new mother was still spending most of her time since giving birth.
Lavinia found her sister-in-law holding the newborn against her shoulder and gently patting his back.
Charlotte looked up at her visitor and smiled.
“Lavinia—you are just the person I was hoping to see. For you have not yet met little William and he is eager to know his auntie.” A tiny burp came from the baby, and Charlotte smiled.
“Pray, allow me to ask you to pardon him, as he is too young to do so himself.” She gave a little laugh and moved her son into her left arm, cradling him gently.
“What do you say—is he not exceedingly handsome?”
Still holding the gift, Lavinia moved closer to the bed and took a closer look. “Very. Do you think he will favor Frederick?”
“I believe he will. He already has his dark hair.”
“Indeed, he does. I am so happy the birth was not too arduous. And, I hope you will find my inexcusably tardy gift to you of use.” She held out the package, but seeing Charlotte’s arms were occupied, said, “I shall open it for you.” She untied the ribbon about the package and opened it to expose the brush set box, then lifted the lid to reveal the contents.
Charlotte gasped with delight and reached one hand out to stroke the silver brush.
“They are exquisite! Thank you so very much, Lavinia. And, my thanks to Miles, as well, although I am certain it was you who did the shopping. Did you go into Doddington? You have not been there for many, many weeks.”
Lavinia burst into tears. “Would that I had stayed home. For, I heard the most dreadful news about… about my husband that makes me wonder if I can ever show my face there again.”
“Oh, dear. Sit, Lavinia, and tell me, if it will ease you to do so.”
Lavinia set the gift aside and collapsed into a nearby chair, continuing to weep, while Charlotte patiently waited.
When at last Lavinia ceased her crying, she used her handkerchief to wipe her eyes and blow her nose, but seemed unable to speak.
Finally, Charlotte asked, “Does this have to do with Miles’s behavior with a certain woman in Doddington?
” At Lavinia’s surprised expression, Charlotte nodded sadly.
“Yes, I was just recently made aware of the situation, although, dear sister, I am certain it is over and you need not fear any repeat.”
Lavinia clenched her fists and pounded her thighs. “Does every creature in Doddington and every member of my own family know of Miles’s indiscretion? Was I the only one ignorant of it all? And had I not learned of it, would you have all kept it from me?”
“Dearest, it was not for me—nor anyone in the family—to tell you. It had to come from Miles. Frederick encouraged him to tell you, as did my father. I am certain he would have done so very soon.” She paused before asking, “Have you spoken with Miles since your hearing of it?”
Lavinia nodded, sighing heavily. “We had the most dreadful argument just now. He put the blame on me, if you can countenance it. He says he became so lonely because I was spending all my time with Dickie, that he succumbed to the wretched woman. As if I am responsible for his moral lapse—did you ever hear of anything so ludicrous? How incredibly selfish.”
Charlotte silently nodded. After a moment, she said softly, “Men can be quite selfish, I find, Lavinia. I often have women in our congregation complain to me of having their opinions discounted by their husbands, or of a man insisting on having his way all the time. Even my dear Frederick, whom I love with all my heart, decides how many things should be handled in our lives and it is often as he would have them done. Sometimes it is even over matters regarding the management of our household, which I feel should come under my responsibility. I believe he thinks he is helping me by making these decisions, so I often let him have his way.” She sighed.
“But these are the compromises women must make for a happy home.”
“Can I ever hope to have a happy home again, though? I feel as if all trust is broken between us and the specter of this barmaid shall haunt me all our days.”
“I believe it will fade, in time, my dear, and you both shall be happy again. It will, however, take time and effort by you both.”
“Miles said something similar—that I must acknowledge my own part in the breakdown of our marriage,” Lavinia said in a bitter voice. “I am not the one who strayed.”
“But had you been more attentive to Miles, do you think he would have gone with this woman? I am not excusing his behavior, mind you. I am merely pointing out the reason behind his act.”
Lavinia gave a sniff. “But why could he not wait until our son was better and things returned to normal? We were once exceedingly happy. I loved Miles with all my heart. And he loved me.”
“Speak not in the past tense, dear one. This terrible breach in your marriage need not spell the end of it. Forgiveness must be the remedy. For, without it, how would you live? Would you spend the rest of your days together as strangers and be two people sharing the same home, but with no conversation or affection? That must not be. I am not saying it will be easy, but if the two of you can agree that you both might have done things better, and vow to forgive each other, then you can move forward together with determination to heal your family, both for your sake and for little Dickie’s. ”
“I am so angry, still, Charlotte,” Lavinia said.
“Understandably. This betrayal is very fresh. However, holding onto that anger will not serve you well. I remember something Frederick preached once in a sermon: that anger and resentment are like picking up a hot coal to throw at your enemy—yet, you are the one who will be burned.”
Lavinia slowly nodded. “I do not enjoy feeling this way—so filled with anger, it is true.”
“Then, do you think you might, at least, try to understand his side? And, perhaps, explain your own feelings to him of why you refused to leave your son? It may be a start.”
Lavinia stared off, silent. Finally, she nodded and turned sad eyes to her sister.
“Yes, I wish to do whatever I can to heal our marriage. I should hate our dear little son to be reared by two people who cannot abide each other. To live in such a house would be so unhappy. We must make it right, somehow.” She stood.
“Thank you, dear sister. I know I may always count upon you for sound advice.” She leaned over and kissed Charlotte’s cheek, and smiled down at little William, who was sleeping.
She softly stroked the side of his face.
“I can hardly wait for our sons to be playmates.”
“I am of the same mind, Lavinia. Good luck, and know that Frederick and I are both praying for you and Miles.”
“Your prayers are most welcome. Now, excuse me. I must find my husband.”