20. Taylor
Chapter 20
Taylor
G em’s brimming with enthusiasm, as usual, when I meet her in the courtyard after work.She’s heading into the final quarter of her graduate program, looking starry eyed at the future. Usually, that kind of thing would send me into a rant about how she’d be better off getting a job rather than wasting good years and tens of thousands of dollars for a silly piece of paper, but it’s different with Gem.
I believe in her in a way I’ve never believed in anyone. Myself included.
“Sylvan thinks I have a shot at any of the publishers I applied to. I’m hoping to hear back from Grey Wolf and Macfarlane's first, so I know if I got them before applying other places.”
Gem’s been doing this a lot lately, only telling me about futures that include internships and dreams in the Seattle area. While those two publishers would be incredible to work for, and both rival the big five in terms of market share, there’s a reason they call the others the big five.
“And the New York houses?” I ask, even though I shouldn’ t. She’s so happy, glowing with the new school quarter energy I despise in everyone else.
She pauses too long, doesn’t meet my eye, so when her answer finally comes, I know better than to believe it. “I haven’t heard back yet.”
The silence falls between us, heavy and sad, the way it’s been doing more and more often as we approach this cliff together.
She’s the first college student I met on my first day of work in the university mess hall, offering a kind smile to me when I was glowering into my coffee. I haven’t looked at anyone else since.I was fresh off the biggest disappointment of my life, reeling from the pain of giving up on my dream when it was finally so close I could smell it. I thought the world hated me. I thought I was being punished for something or set up for some kind of elaborate prank by a cruel reality TV show.
My parents’ house, the only thing of value in generations of Blacks, the only way I would ever become a landowner in my lifetime, was in trouble.
Knowing what I know now about the last five years of bullshit red tape, unfair rulings, and no-show contractors, I might make a different decision if I could go back. But unfortunately, that’s not how the world works.
Even if I could convince everyone that the best plan at this point was to sell the damn property for whatever pennies we could get and walk away, it’s too late. The mortgages have been taken out. The steaming pile of debt threatens to grow every day that another fucking problem is discovered under the house. My salary from this job covers the minimum payments on all the loans, while leaving me a pittance to live on, but it’s not enough. The interest is eating me alive.
I can’t think about Gem leaving. Not with my soul bartered away to foundation drilling companies and my budget hanging on by a thread. What she and I have gives my life meaning. It makes all this worth it in a way that my familial obligations and possible future inheritance never could.
Even though I don’t have a dime to spare to go with her because ninety percent of my full-time pay goes to keeping my parents’ house from being condemned, I would never ask her to stay. I will only ever be happy for her, whatever she chooses.
Gem has taught me a lot in these last few years, with her witchy hobbies and friends, and the one thing that sticks out most is the idea of destiny. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Gem is my destiny. She made my life a love story.
But what if I’m not hers?
It’s funny how quickly stories go from romance to tragedy.
“Ainsley’s coming over for dinner again.”
I take pity on her and offer a smile. If she’s willing to conjure that man right now in this conversation, she must be desperate for something to say.It’s not that I don’t like the guy. Under that perfect haircut and bleached white smile, I can tell he’s a solid human being. It’s a miracle he made it out of his upbringing without being a complete douchebag, but he managed. If this awkward, on a journey to finding out he’s bi, pretty boy had stumbled into our lives at any other time in Gem’s academic journey, well…I’d be salivating over him.
But it’s too much. The money. The connections to New York. The damn destiny cards Gem keeps pulling.
She tells me all the time that there are many interpretations for each card, but somehow, now that Ainsley is in our lives, they all point to a happy, love filled future.
The only thing they can’t say for certain is how many of us get to see it through.
She was always going to leave you.
That pesky, nagging thought tries to snake its way into my brain, but I shake it off. I know it’s true. It’s the plight of dating someone who’s still deciding on their future when you’ve had yours decided for you. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it ruin whatever time I have left.
I don’t own this girl.
I’m damn lucky to have had her brightening my life for as long as I have.It’s foolish to think that every love story will turn out like my parents. Two people who meet at university and spend the rest of their lives together.Hell, those two were so in love that they ignored all the glaring problems in the fixer-upper house they never fixed up, and forty years later I had to sacrifice my own life to bail them out.
I fucking hate all the negative intrusive thoughts, but I don’t push these away. Better to be angry at them than her.
“Roommates home tonight?”
Gem nods with a smile.
“That ought to be interesting.”
She laughs and smacks my shoulder. I react quickly, grabbing her arm and pulling her in close.
“It’s going to be fine,” she says softly, two small hands grasping my arm where it wraps around her chest. “They’ll love him.”
“Of course,” I whisper.
Everyone does.