20. Autumn
Ilaid on the floor in the greenhouse, hiding from everyone.
I was currently a whole mess of conflicting emotions and I had no idea what to do with them.
Liam was okay, thankfully, but he’d been badly hurt. By what was left of my people. Likely the same one’s who’d hurt me.
And I couldn’t help but feel like I was somehow responsible for what had happened to Liam.
If I hadn’t opened my stupid mouth and kept it shut like I had been taught maybe none of that would have happened. Feeling that way did me no damn good. It would change absolutely nothing. And, bottom line, he was okay.
Everyone that mattered was okay.
Now I had another dilemma on my hands to face.
One that went by the name of Rain Kimber.
He thought that I should be the one to decide the fate of the men who’d been removed from the woods. After I’d confirmed they’d been the one’s who’d tied me to the tree and attacked me Rain had gotten them to admit they’d also killed everyone in the entire camp.
He also thought that because they’d been my people I should be the one to decide the fate of the one’s who’d murdered them all.
I didn’t want the burden of that kind of responsibility. And I certainly didn’t want it on my conscience for the rest of my life.
Rain and Ariel were unsurprisingly equally bloodthirsty. Very much was the daughter like the father.
Romero was removed from the whole thing and didn’t seem to care one way or the other. He appeared to only have any kind of emotions when it involved his lovers or his daughter in law.
And they all treated Finn as if he were some kind of fragile flower. I didn’t think it was very fair. If it fell on my shoulders then it should have fallen on his shoulders as well. They’d once been his people too, for fuck’s sake.
And I wasn’t the only one upset about it either. Raven and his entire coven were pissed, to say the least. They knew I wanted no part of it and were very respectful of my wishes and thought that everyone else should be too.
The thing was, Rain actually wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. He was actually attempting to be thoughtful in his own weird way. And I understood him and appreciated him for it.
He was giving me a choice when I had never been given one before in my entire life. He was trying to give me the justice I so rightfully deserved, or he thought I deserved.
I didn’t want justice though. The life I had lived so far had mapped me into the person I was and the longer I was away from the woods the more I actually started to like that person. And I wouldn’t like myself anymore if I played the role of hangman.
I sighed as I dragged myself up off of the flower and sprawled out on the nearest seat, closing my eyes. I was giving myself a headache.
“Hey beautiful,” Mason said as he sat down next to me on the pretty loveseat that had appeared in here with the rest of the fancy furniture the other day. “You really like it in here, don’t you.”
I nodded my head enthusiastically. “It’s my favorite place here. I love being surrounded by all the plants and flowers. I just love nature. It makes me happy.”
He looked thoughtful. “Do you not like your room inside the house? It makes sense that you’d like it out here though. You spent your whole life outside in the woods and I didn’t even think what an adjustment being inside all the time must be like for you. We probably should have thought about that. I’m sorry, Autumn, we’ll try to do better in the future.”
I frowned at him, not liking the way he was speaking at all. “What are you talking about? I love it here. Anyway, do you know where this lovely furniture keeps coming from? It just keeps appearing in here. First it was the chair, then the table, and now the loveseat. It’s all so beautiful, like the furniture in my bedroom.”
He grinned at me and my breath caught at the sight. The man was incredibly handsome. They all were and when they looked at me like that it made my insides flutter.
“Raven made them. He has a shop that he’ll show you if you ask him about it, but he’s really humble about the whole thing and never brags about it ever. So we have to do it for him. He actually made most of the furniture in the house. He sells them for a small fortune.”
My mouth dropped open and I stared at him in complete surprise.
That was incredible.
“My bed?” I whispered.
He nodded and continued to grin at me like a proud parent. “All of the furniture in your room, he made it. That room was empty until you showed up. He picked the pieces out of his shop specifically for you. He’ll probably make some things just for you and add to it the longer you’re here and he gets to know you and what you like. He’s really very thoughtful like that. Raven’s a great leader and just an awesome person in general. If you haven’t realized that you’ll see it for yourself soon enough.”
Wow.
I trailed my fingers lightly over the armrest of the loveseat I was sitting on. I couldn’t believe Raven had made all of this incredible furniture. He was really quite talented.
It must be nice to have such a talent and a purpose in life outside of just existing. Not only was he talented but he was a leader. And I didn’t need everyone to keep telling me that he was, it was obvious in everything he did and how he looked out for his people.
How he took me in without hesitation and how he now looked out for me.
I knew they wanted me to stay with them. I just still wasn’t entirely sure as to why.
They didn’t even know me and all I’d done since they met me was bring them a whole mess of everything.
And Liam had gotten hurt because of it. Hurt because of me.
I deflated and slumped back against the pillows.
He picked up my hand and laced our fingers together. “Aww, hey, don’t look like that, beautiful. What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”
I stared at our clasped hands and avoided his eyes. Holding hands was such a simple thing and yet, to me, it was not. They were all so casual when it came to touching me. Like it was normal and they weren’t afraid of me.
I didn’t get it and it was something I very much wasn’t used to.
And I craved more of it. I was starved for human contact, as I had been denied it my entire life. But I was also afraid to initiate it because I didn’t want to seem clingy or ever get rejected by any of them.
And I didn’t want to scare them off.
I cleared my throat before speaking. “I don’t want to make the decision about what happens to my people. I’m conflicted. I know what Rain wants but at the same time I don’t think it’s something I can give to him. What they did was evil and so very wrong it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but, at the same time, I almost feel sorry for them. I know I shouldn’t, and no-one else is going to understand it, but it’s how I feel. They grew up just the same way I did, and there was nothing easy about that way of life. I know it doesn’t excuse what they’ve done, nothing will ever make that right or okay or change the fact that they turned out to be murdering monsters. Absolutely nothing. But…”
I trailed off at a complete loss for words. I did not want to defend them, I couldn’t. But I didn’t want to be the one to sentence them to death either. I thought they needed help, some kind of mental rehabilitation or something.
“They never really got a real chance at life, a chance to be normal. None of us did.”
It made me incredibly sad to think about. It was all so wasteful and pointless.
Shouldn’t life be worth more than just constant suffering and punishment? How were we ever supposed to have learned right from wrong by living that way? It was so fucked up.
I’d like to think life was worth more than that but maybe that was the hopeless side to me. Or, perhaps, the stupid in me coming out.
He squeezed my fingers and I looked up at him to find him staring at me intently. “Don’t ever lose that about yourself because it is a rare and beautiful thing and not many have it in themselves anymore. And don’t worry about what Rain or anyone else thinks or has to say. I’ll talk to Raven about it and we’ll all have your back on this decision. That’s how covens are supposed to work. We can leave the decision in Raven’s hands, if you want, and he’ll likely put it up for a vote amongst the coven members. And I know you haven’t made the official choice to stay with us yet but that doesn’t really matter to us because we’re always going to look after you whether you choose to stay or go. That’s not about being a coven, that’s about family.”
My heart filled with hope and I really wanted to tell him that I had no desire to ever leave them. But I didn’t dare say the words out loud for fear of having my dreams crushed.
They’d given me no indication that they were liars or that they’d ever hurt me but I’d be stupid to trust so easily just yet and I had to be smart or once in my life.
He let go of my hand and patted my leg comfortingly. “Let’s go inside and get something to eat.”
I shook my head, not ready to leave this special place and all the plants that calmed me down and gave me a sense of peace. “I’m going to stay out here a little longer, if that’s okay.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You stay out here as long as you want. I’ll have lunch sent out to you.”
Damn.
Why did they all have to be so sweet to me all the time?
If I wasn’t careful I was going to end up falling in love with all of them and never wanting to leave.
And that terrified me most of all.
Because nothing good ever lasted. I’d learned that lesson the hard way. And I had never loved another person before in my entire life.
Did I really want to start now?
I wasn’t so sure that was smart.