Chapter 21
21
POPPY
I felt Joel trembling as I led him along the corridor to my bedroom. There were so many things I wanted to say to him to try to take the pain away, but I remained silent. I knew nothing about Joel’s brother or their relationship so it wasn’t right for me to speak when I could imagine his mind was working overtime trying to process what had just happened. How must it feel to have your brother declare out loud I hate you with so much venom injected into those three words? How must it feel to have him hurl a glass bottle at you, wondering if he’d been aiming at you?
I wished I hadn’t witnessed it, but if I hadn’t been there Joel would have been all alone and nobody should be on their own after something like that. The moment I heard voices, I’d pressed my back against my chair and willed them to have a quick conversation and leave. By the time it was obvious it was an argument – every word coming to me loud and clear – it was too late to alert them to my presence. I thought one of the voices sounded like Joel’s and, when his brother – Chez, was it? – quoted from his speech, I knew it was definitely him. Noticing a gap between two planters, I’d peered through it and saw that Chez was much younger than Joel – a fifteen-year age gap at a guess – which could explain the parenting comments. Imogen had said Joel’s parents lived in Portugal so perhaps Joel had needed to step into a parental role in their absence. From what I’d seen and heard, Chez needed it. What he’d said to Joel had been cruel and hurtful, each word shocking me. The way Joel had managed to keep his voice so calm and reassuring when those words must have wounded, then not responding to his brother’s attempts at a physical fight, filled me with admiration for him and endeared him to me even more.
We reached my bedroom and Joel leaned against the wall as I removed the key from my clutch bag and unlocked the door. He looked at me questioningly as though only just registering where we were.
‘I’ve got a first-aid kit in my room.’
He raised his eyebrows with an unspoken why?
‘My mum was a nurse, and she always had one with her and now I never travel without one in case of emergencies. Habit.’
He looked down at his hand where blood had seeped through the tissue.
‘We’d best get that seen to.’ I pushed open the door and flicked on the light, relieved that I was a tidy person and the clothes I’d discarded earlier were neatly folded on a chair rather than strewn across the bed.
I took my first-aid kit into the bathroom and Joel sat on the edge of the bath as I held his left hand under cold running water. The amount of blood was deceptive as the cut wasn’t actually very deep, but it was long, crossing his whole palm. There was no glass in it so I gently dried it and, when the bleeding stopped, wrapped it in a sterile dressing as the area was too big for a plaster.
The whole time I worked, I could feel him watching me. With the combination of his eyes on me and the feel of his skin beneath my fingers, it was my turn to shake. I’d forgotten what it was like to be this close to a man, my heartbeat quickening, feelings of desire pulsing through me.
I stepped back and gave him a gentle smile. ‘That should heal pretty quickly but do keep the dressing clean.’
‘Are you a nurse too?’ he asked, his voice husky.
‘An accountant so I’m more used to fixing balance sheets than people.’
‘You have a gentle touch. Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’
Tears were still glistening in his dark brown eyes, making him look so vulnerable. I glanced down at his mouth and longed to kiss him to take the pain away.
‘Can I get you anything else? A cup of tea?’
‘I’m okay. I don’t suppose… Is there any way you didn’t hear what my brother said?’ It was obvious from his pained expression that he knew what the answer was going to be.
I sat down on the toilet lid. ‘Sorry. I was tucked round a corner, hoping you’d argue and leave without ever knowing I was there.’
‘I wish you hadn’t heard that. You must think I’m awful.’
‘You? Quite the opposite. I’m in awe of how calm you were.’
‘I didn’t feel very calm. I felt completely out of my depth. Said all the wrong things, did all the wrong things. Story of my life at the moment.’
‘When someone’s angry and hurt like your brother clearly is, I don’t think there are any right things to say and do. It sounded to me as though he’s been bottling some things up and the drink gave him the courage to lash out at the person he cares about the most.’
‘It didn’t feel much like he cared when that bottle came hurtling towards me.’ He took a deep, shaky breath. ‘Chez is fourteen and a half years younger than me. With a big age gap like that and no other siblings, I’d say it’s pretty impossible not to step into a caring role. I was his babysitter, the one who helped him with his homework, the one who drove him to after-school clubs and friends’ houses. When our parents moved abroad three years ago he lived with me for a while and, when he moved out, I looked out for him. I was really conscious of not trying to be the parent and letting him live his life the way he wanted but it seems I messed up. Rubbish brother and pathetic attempt at parenting.’
‘That’s not true! I’ve seen you with your daughter and you’re clearly an amazing dad to her which is how it should be because you are her dad. What I saw and heard from you on the terrace was a brother trying to be a brother. I think Chez rejected that because what he really needs right now is a parent and it’s easier to lash out at you than go to your parents and admit that he might officially be a grown-up but he needs his mum and dad.’
Aware that my speech had become a little impassioned, I lowered my voice, cringing. ‘Apologies if I overstepped just now. I don’t know your parents or your brother and I’ve got no right to make an assessment based on what happened on the terrace.’
‘You’re sure you’re not a psychologist?’ he asked, giving me a weak smile. ‘Because I think you might have summed it up perfectly.’
‘Definitely an accountant. Good with numbers, not so good with people.’
‘You seem pretty good with people to me.’
We’d both leaned in closer and our faces weren’t far apart and that’s when I noticed the dark red spots.
‘You’ve got spatters of wine on your face.’
I wrung out a cloth and cupped his face as I gently dabbed the wine away. Our faces were so close and all I could think about was how easy it would be to kiss him. His expression was dreamy, as though he was thinking the same, but suddenly he pulled back and stood up.
‘Imogen! I’ve been gone ages. I’d better check she’s okay.’
He looked in the mirror above the sink and raked his fingers through his hair before releasing a huge sigh, shoulders slumping.
‘I’ve got wine on my shirt.’ He glanced down and groaned. ‘And my trousers are ruined.’
I’d been so concerned about the cut on his hand that I hadn’t even looked at his trousers but they were covered in red wine and spots of blood.
‘Why don’t you get changed into something else before you look for Imogen? You wouldn’t want her to think it’s all blood on your trousers. I’ll take your clothes to housekeeping. They should be able to clean them for you.’
Joel thanked me and we headed down one flight to his bedroom. His was a suite with a sofa and a couple of armchairs by the window so I perched on the edge of a chair while he changed in the bathroom.
I’d really liked how he looked in his wedding attire but, when he emerged from the bathroom a little later in his jeans and a pale blue shirt, that look did it for me too.
He glanced down at the neatly folded stained clothes in his hands with a frown. ‘It doesn’t feel right giving you my laundry to do, especially when you’ve already got a stain out of my daughter’s dress.’
‘Poppy’s the name, stain removal’s the game,’ I quipped, immediately wishing I hadn’t blurted out something so stupid, but it made Joel laugh and it was good to hear that after what he’d been through this evening.
‘What are you going to do about your brother?’ I asked as we made our way back along the corridor.
‘I’ll have to tell my parents what kicked off because I’ve no idea how to handle it from here. Chez’ll go mad with me for involving them but, as he already claims he hates me, it can hardly make things worse. Right now, Imogen’s my top priority. I’ll find my parents later.’
It was clear to me that he loved his brother and was really worried about him. It must be hard to accept that he was out of his depth and needed reinforcements. He just kept going up in my estimation all the time. He was going through a crisis but his daughter – who had nothing to do with it – was at the forefront of his mind as his number one priority. What a kind and sensitive man Joel was.
‘I can’t thank you enough for all your help,’ he said when we arrived in the lobby. ‘Can I buy you a drink later – if there’s such a thing when it’s a free bar?’
I nodded. ‘You can find me on the terrace.’
His eyes widened.
‘Too soon?’ I asked, feeling relieved when he laughed. ‘I’ll probably be in the snug so come and find me when you’ve tracked down Imogen and spoken to your parents.’
‘I’m sorry you got caught up in what happened,’ he said, his voice soft. ‘But if anyone had to, I’m glad it was you.’
‘Me too.’
Electricity crackled between us and he leaned closer. Was he going to kiss me? He was! I closed my eyes but he kissed me on the cheek. I caught the faint aroma of his aftershave – a woody scent which sent ripples of pleasure through me.
‘See you later,’ he said, smiling at me warmly.
I watched him cross the lobby and head towards the Juniper Lounge, a strong urge in me to run after him and hug him tightly and tell him everything would be okay, but I didn’t know enough about his family to give those assurances, and I didn’t want to keep him from Imogen any longer.
The little fantasy I’d had when I first walked into my room about tumbling onto my bed with a stranger rushed back into my mind. I’d vaguely pictured Joel back then but now the vision was so strong. I wanted to be with Joel and I was fairly sure the feeling was mutual. Flushing from head to toe, I drew in a deep breath. I couldn’t stand here all night. I needed to alert the reception team to the broken glass and ask if someone could help with Joel’s clothes. But after that, all I needed to do was wait in the Sycamore Snug for Joel and prepare myself to be brave.