Chapter 27
27
POPPY
I pulled onto the drive at Whisperwood Farmhouse shortly after 11a.m. and had the strongest sensation of coming home. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d experienced that feeling of contentment at Dove Cottage. If anything, pulling onto the drive there made me feel anxious and lonely.
It didn’t take long to unpack my bag and I was soon settled at the kitchen table with my laptop open and a coffee to give me a burst of energy. I was so engrossed in my work that my phone ringing made me jump and I was surprised to see it was already one o’clock. Joel’s name flashed up on the screen.
‘I think I’m going to have to cancel tonight,’ he blurted out as soon as I answered, making my heart sink. ‘I’m so sorry. I really want to come but my head is a mess right now and I’m not going to be good company.’
The words were garbled and he sounded really distressed.
‘Is it Chez?’
‘No. It’s Tilly. I’ve just found out that she and Greg want to buy a campsite in the Scottish Highlands.’
‘Oh, Joel. But that’s hours away.’
‘I know! I’ve told her she can’t take Imogen away from me, but she says she can. I don’t know if that’s true. I’ve been online and I can’t find a definitive answer.’
‘One of my clients is a former solicitor and I’m pretty sure she specialised in family law. I don’t know if she’ll pick up her emails on a Sunday but I can put some feelers out if you like.’
‘Would you? I’m going to email my solicitor but I’m on shift for the next two days so I’m not going to be able to get an appointment until Wednesday at the earliest.’
Joel ran through some of the details I’d need around the custody arrangements he had and added that, while it was something they were only exploring at the moment, Tilly never wasted time with frivolous dreams. If she was willing to go to Scotland over Easter to check out the campsite, it meant it was happening and the only thing that would stop her forging ahead would be the discovery of a major problem with the site.
He sounded so much calmer now that he’d offloaded. ‘I know you said you don’t think you’ll be good company, but why don’t you come round tonight anyway? We can get a takeaway and I can be your sounding board about what to do next if the worst happens and you can’t stop the move.’
‘You really want to spend your last night here listening to me moaning?’
‘I really want to spend my last night here with you . You know what I said yesterday about being able to have friendship and passion? This is the friendship part. Being with someone means being there for the good stuff and the tough times. I know ours is a new friendship and I’m sure you’d normally talk something like this through with Barney…’
‘But he’s off on his honeymoon,’ he finished. ‘How does seven sound? I’ll pick up a Chinese takeaway on the way but the best one’s on the other side of Reddfield so it’ll need heating up.’
Arrangements confirmed, I prepared an email to my client about Joel’s situation but, moments after I sent it, an out-of-office message came back announcing she was away for a fortnight. It looked like my only contact wasn’t going to be helpful. I didn’t want Joel to get his hopes up so I messaged him straightaway to let him know, then settled down to work.
My heart leapt when I spotted headlights in the lane just before seven o’clock. Rain had been battering the back windows for the past half an hour, but I had it all warm and cosy inside with the log burner lit and a couple of candles. Joel got out of his car, clutching a paper bag, and ran towards the house.
‘That’s seriously heavy rain,’ he said.
I took the soggy bag from him before it fell apart, and took it through to the kitchen. He followed me, his hair wet and dripping down his face. I grabbed a hand towel and gently dabbed it against his cheeks and forehead. It felt unexpectedly intimate and my heart raced as I rubbed the towel over his hair, my face so close to his. Joel was obviously feeling it too as he drew me into a slow, tender kiss before hugging me tightly and holding on for ages. I could feel how much he was hurting and wished I could ease the pain.
The takeaway smelled delicious and my tummy was rumbling, but dishing it up and whacking it in the microwave didn’t feel like the top priority right now.
‘How are you feeling?’ I asked.
‘Better for seeing you. It’s been a tough day. As if the Scotland thing wasn’t bad enough, Chez went AWOL. He checked out of Fennington Hall this morning and he wasn’t answering his phone. I spent the afternoon driving round the area trying to find him – Harry’s, Lorna’s mum’s house, work, his favourite pubs, even the playground he used to go to as a kid but there was no sign of him and none of them had heard from him.’
‘Oh, Joel, that’s the last thing you all need.’
‘Mum was frantic. She left him a teary voicemail begging him not to do anything stupid and to get in touch to let us know he’s okay because, if anything happened to him, it would kill her. Talk about harrowing. Fortunately, it did the trick. He messaged her to say that, other than having the mother of all hangovers, he was fine and she wasn’t to worry as he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He was embarrassed and angry – not sure if that was at himself or me – so he needed some space away from people.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘I’m not sure but I’ve had it up to here today.’ He raised his hand way above his head. ‘I’ve left it with Mum and Dad. I think they’re going to pick him up in York or something. I can’t even…’ He shook his head, and I hugged him once more. I knew that feeling well, when it seemed like one thing after another kept going wrong without any respite and it all became too much.
I’d once read an article about first dates, listing all the safe subjects such as friends, work and hobbies and the topics to avoid – a long list which included religion, politics, exes, difficult family situations and health issues. At the time, I’d thought it was a pile of crap and now I knew that for certain. Over the two evenings I’d spent with Joel so far, we’d explored several of those no-go topics because they were the things that had shaped us into the people we were today and were important to us. To pussyfoot around them would be to deny everything that was affecting us both right now. Curled up on either end of the large two-seater sofa, we talked a lot more about the obstacles Tilly repeatedly put in Joel’s way and how carefully he had to pick his battles, fearful that she’d reduce his already limited access to Imogen. It all sounded so unfair, and I found myself disliking her intensely.
Mid-conversation, Joel’s mum rang to say that Chester was back. He put her on speakerphone so he didn’t have to repeat it. They’d picked him up in York, had been to Joel’s to get some fresh clothes, and he was booked into a room at their B&B in Reddfield for the rest of their stay. He was showering now and would be dining with them shortly.
‘How was he?’ Joel asked.
‘Quiet. Subdued. Freezing cold – daft lad didn’t have a coat with him – so we’re going to tread carefully this evening.’
‘You are going to discuss Portugal, though?’
Joel’s dad answered. ‘Yes, and we’ll be quite insistent about it but there’s no point raising it until we think he’s going to be more receptive to the idea. You know what he’s like for digging his heels in.’
When the call ended, Joel released a heavy sigh of relief. I asked if he wanted to talk some more about his brother but he declined, saying he longed for an evening without worrying about Chez.
It seemed a suitable time for food so we broke off to heat up the takeaway and had a lighter conversation while we ate about what it had been like for Joel growing up in the area. The more he spoke about it, the more drawn I felt towards it. It wasn’t just that the surroundings were beautiful – Winchcote and Saltersbeck Farm were too. It was the people I’d met and the freshness of it – a place that held no connection to the sadness of the past seven years where I could truly relax. As he spoke about spending time at Bumblebee Barn, I pictured that field Amber had shown me and once more imagined being the beekeeper, the sights, sounds and smells so strong, so engaging.
After eating, we returned to the lounge and resumed our conversation about Tilly. Joel shared his current work situation and how he hoped he’d finally get confirmation tomorrow as to whether or not his job was at risk.
‘You have so much going on right now,’ I said, stroking my hand lightly down his arm. ‘I bet you’ll be glad to see the back of this month.’
‘Yes and no. I’ve had plenty of crap thrown at me but there’s been a shedload of good stuff too. My best mate got married yesterday and Amber’s amazing. I had a proud dad moment seeing my daughter as their bridesmaid and again with that dance routine. My parents are over for a week and it’s always good to see them. And, unexpected bonus, I met someone who should never have been accused of being boring because, to me, she’s fascinating, inspiring, caring, intelligent and, even though I’d only spent one evening in her company, I felt like part of me was missing when she wasn’t by my side today.’
Nobody had ever said anything quite so romantic to me and I felt myself welling up – not just because the sentiment was so beautiful but because I felt the same way too. There was something about this place, the people and particularly the man right next to me that was so familiar to me, as though it had always been part of my life but just out of reach until now. It wasn’t a dream. This was reality and I wanted to savour every single moment of it.
I leaned over and kissed Joel, my heart racing as the kiss became increasingly passionate. Do one thing every day that scares you. I slowly pulled back, rolled off the sofa, took Joel’s hand in mine and gave it a gentle tug. ‘I missed you too and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you or about last night when we got interrupted just as things were getting really interesting…’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Never been more so.’
We lay side by side in the bed a little later, smiling contentedly at each other. I was glad we’d been interrupted last night as I couldn’t have imagined anything better than tonight, without any alcohol inside us but a day of deepening feelings creating an even stronger connection.
‘I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow,’ Joel said, stroking my hair back from my face.
‘I wish I never had to go back. I love it here.’
‘Then stay.’
‘If only I could. I’d buy this place from Mary in a heartbeat.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Dad. Even though he has no idea who I am, I need to visit him for my own peace of mind. I’d never forgive myself if I stopped. I’ve been thinking about whether he could move to a different care home, but I’m worried it might be too stressful for him.’
‘But if it wasn’t too stressful for him, you’d consider it?’
‘I would, which is not what I was expecting when I came here. I was only meant to be recharging my batteries, and I never expected to fall in love with this place and want to stay. Selling Dove Cottage – where I live now – is something I’ve only just accepted that I need to do. I mentioned it to Phil and said I was thinking about buying somewhere near Dad’s care home, but he suggested I hold off on buying because that would tie me to the area when the sad truth is my dad won’t be around much longer.’
My voice caught on the last few words and I swallowed hard.
‘That must be so hard to deal with,’ Joel said, gently.
‘It is. They say that when a loved one has dementia, you lose them twice – the day they actually pass away and the day they lose their connection to you.’ I closed my eyes for a moment, not wanting to shroud our special evening with sadness. When I opened them again, Joel was looking at me, his eyes full of concern.
‘I’m all right,’ I said, stroking my hand across his cheek. ‘Just a lot going on up here right now.’ I tapped the side of my head. ‘Coming here was meant to clear my head, not add more to it, but they’re good thoughts. I feel as though my future’s here, but my present has to be near Dad and I’m a little scared that the future I want might slip away from me because I can’t commit to moving here. Not yet.’
‘Then we need to find a way for your present and your future to work together so you can have both.’
‘I’d like both,’ I whispered, snuggling closer to him.
‘I’d like you to have both.’