Chapter 36 #2
She didn’t know why she waited. She didn’t even know why she fell back into a comfort that had long vanished from between them.
Maybe Iram’s neutral ground had done something to lift her to that place.
Or maybe it was knowing everything, from his mouth, and believing that he regretted it.
It did not redeem him, but at least he knew he was guilty and repented it.
From a man as complex as Samar, this was the peak of redemption that she could expect at this point.
That’s when Amaal realised, that where Samar was concerned, her expectations had always been low. And now they were even lower.
And to put it all together to the basest level — she was too far gone in her cramping to think much more than the next serving of carbs that he promised.
This time, it wasn’t a worn Santro. This time it was a top-of-the-line party Innova with the latest upgrades for the KDP President. He wove through traffic, and she sat silently answering emails that needed to be shut down until the next morning.
“Does half day mean work from home at the government nowadays?”
“You cracked a mini joke, should I clap for you?”
“You’ll need to take your hand off your stomach for that.”
Amaal glanced down. She was pressing on her womb to contain the intensity of the cramping while working one-handed.
“Not here…” She stopped him from parking outside the naan place. “That rajma-chawal place. We ordered last month from there but it was cold by the time it reached us. Let’s eat outside there.”
He turned the wheel and drove through the bylanes and tight shortcuts, coming to a stop at a strange curb.
“Not here, remember we went there last time…?”
“I know which one. It’s just off this turning. I can’t eat on the main road without drawing attention nowadays. He will bring whatever we want here.”
Her mouth watered. “Rajma chawal with paneer.”
“Drink?”
“Lassi, not sweet, the salty one.”
“It’s called chaas.”
“Don’t be a Jammu snob. Just order.”
His mouth curled, but he picked up his mobile and relayed their orders.
In Punjabi. Amaal didn’t want to let that affect her.
She didn’t want to hear that — “Asi Dogra Chowk de is passe gaaddi park kitti ae[105],” and start feeling the same bubbles popping inside her that she had felt when she had heard his first speech.
But he did speak in Punjabi, he did use that casual, neutral monotone without commas and fullstops, and then, he put a hand behind her seat, swivelled his head and reversed when his car blocked the traffic.
Amaal held her breath. The column of his neck was in the field of her peripheral vision, and the veins straining there made it impossible to see anything else.
“There’s a rearview mirror too,” she blurted.
“Hmm?” He braked, eyes coming to her. So close, they were… more than intimate. Even when they said nothing.
“You have this mirror to reverse without doing that.” She pointed to the mirror hanging between them.
His brows drew together, confused. Amaal exhaled, beginning to shift in her seat.
And suddenly she saw realisation dawn in his eyes.
She thought he would make fun of her with another mini joke.
Instead, he leaned back, giving her space — “You have a problem with my driving?”
She blinked, more affected by this gesture. Her eyes glazed over. What was this fog again after so many years? Where had her cramps gone?
“No problem,” she managed, leaning back on the closed window. “This is more evolved, that’s it.” She pointed to the mirror. He followed her gaze and moved back, having parked their car out of the way of the traffic movement.
“How frequently have you been having these cramps? Same once in 6-7 months?”
She was surprised he remembered.
“Last year, it was every alternate month, now again it has started pacing out. I had these bad ones after three months.”
“Stress.”
“Thanks, Daaxsaab.”
“I’d recommend getting checked.”
“Again, thanks.”
“Fine.” He held his hands up.
She huffed. “Mom has been pushing me to relax as well. It’s been a year since I met them, you know?”
“Why?”
“They came around the time of Atharva’s swearing in for the last time, and then I haven’t been able to visit London.
When Atharva went for DEP in November, I planned a short work visit too.
He and Iram were going to go to his grandparents’ house and I would have taken that time off at home.
But this Maniar Industries thing was going big and Qureshi was leading it.
There was no way I would leave it to my staff, Fahad is also not there…
” Amaal trailed to a stop, observing him.
“Does my talking about this make you uncomfortable?”
He smiled. Smiled. Then shook his head.
“Last time we spoke, you were bitter about this… what you missed.”
“I was.” His eyes went into the distance.
“But then I took your words seriously. I stopped blaming what had happened and who had done it, and instead started charting my own path. Himachal has been good that way. The place has… good vibrations. Strong. Pristine nature. Travelling has helped me a lot. Everybody is new, nobody knows me, nobody judges me, I can be the person I want to be…” he stopped talking, dark eyes behind those rimless specs coming to her.
“Don’t stop.”
He nodded.
“I am the guy there who sets up shop every day. We have rented a first-floor office on The Ridge in Shimla. I open it every morning. I roll out membership drives there. I meet people myself, tell them about KDP here and what it is capable of. I tell them what I am capable of. And when they enrol,” his mouth split into a smile.
“I feel how I used to feel when my surgeries were successful.”
“You have already built a party with fifty core leaders, and how many members?”
“3,564, latest count. It’s very small. But once we reach the 10,000 number, we will start expanding into different parts of Himachal. This is still rudimentary. I am engaging one-on-one. Later I may not get these kinds of touchpoints.”
“You sound excited.”
“I am. KDP will fund HDP very soon.”
“Am I divulging secrets if I say that Atharva is not sold on that idea?”
“You are not.”
“Then?”
“He is angry. He has his hands full. He does not trust me to raise a party from the ground up. When he sees that I can, I have, he won’t be able to stand in my way.”
She turned towards him and set the side of her head on the headrest — “Is there a way for you two to ever come back to ground zero?”
Samar’s chest expanded on a long breath. Then he shook his head.
“What if you apologise to Iram?” Amaal suggested, knowing he might flip. But she was surprised when he didn’t.
“That ship has sailed. And what does apologising solve?”
“It may bring you redemption, closure…”
“Closures don’t come with words.”
“Because you are a man of action.”
“Hmm.”
“But not everybody is. Iram deserves to know that you regret it. It may also soften Atharva, to know that you have genuinely repented to Iram.”
“Atharva will think I am up to some new shady business.”
Amaal paused. Yes, that was a major possibility. There was so much miscommunication between them, and even bigger misunderstandings.
“Samar?”
“Hmm?”
“When Atharva was arrested, you said you were working to save his life.”
“Hmm.”
“But you were issuing threats to Iram.”
He looked away.
“You said you crossed parties or something like that. What did you mean?”
He grabbed the car key from between them and held it out to her. She frowned.
“In case you want to storm away, just tell me and I’ll get out.”
She slapped his hand away.
“I found out that Sayyid Butt was planning to take Atharva out of ‘my path.’ He offered me to take over KDP in that revolution and enter into an alliance with them. Alternate CMs, and some other perks. I played along, to know what he was going to do with Atharva. And also needing him to be in the loop with Sufiyaan Sheikh and Iram, because Sufiyaan was only controlled by him. When Atharva was arrested, I brought the first intel. Atharva made Iram KDP president, and Sayyid Butt’s plan was toppled.
On the other hand, Sufiyaan was planning to end Atharva in jail.
Iram wouldn’t listen to me and let me make some crucial decisions.
I warned her that she needed to let me lead this.
I had to show Sayyid Butt that I had sidelined Atharva in Jammu. She took that as a threat.”
“And in all that time, you never craved Atharva’s position?”
“I would be lying if I said that the thought never crossed my mind. But it was always a thought. I would never do that to him. Even after everything. I was always happy being his number two. Then when I wasn’t that, maybe in a moment of anger I would have thought, wouldn’t it be good to be him?
Number one? The one who can control his own mind and not the other way around?
The one who can control the world around him. ”
“And?”
“No.” He said. “I don’t want to be Atharva, or occupy the position he has.”
“Do you want to be the CM of Himachal Pradesh one day?” She asked, point-blank.
“I want to be the Health Minister there because that’s all I know,” he said with amused disdain. “Amaal.” Samar gazed into her eyes. “I have given up on aiming. I am building now, let me build in peace.”
She nodded.
Silence engulfed the interiors of the car, only the AC humming with outside honks vibrating against their windows.
“Are you happy?” Samar’s voice broke it. She looked at him, and his mouth had softened along with his eyes.
“Of course I am.”
“With Khalil, with this life. Is everything good, all stress aside?”
Her smile fell. “With Khalil?”
“You are with him, no?”
“Who told you?”
“Varun.” The smile remained on his mouth. As if he was genuinely happy about this. She looked away, unable to decide what to say.