Chapter 53
Samar’s car was still the same, silent.
She was the noise inside it. Usually.
Tonight, she couldn’t even make a squeak.
He turned into a pair of iron gates and somebody came to open them.
He drove up the driveway and stopped outside what looked like a Dak Bungalow. Old-school, colonial, and too big for him. His house here. The one that he wanted to lease long-term.
Amaal got out, and he was faster in getting her overnight bag from the back. A young man in a monkey cap came floundering up, shawl wrapped over his jeans.
“Mehmaan hai, sir?[155]”
“Haan. Guest room ready hai?[156]”
Amaal felt a twinge. Was she just an overnight guest? Technically, she was. Her return flight was tomorrow afternoon.
“Ji, sir.[157]”
He nodded. “Gates lock karke jaao.[158]”
The man grinned, retreating. Samar strode up to the door and opened it. He stood to the side, eyeing her.
“Huh?” She startled. “Hmm.” Amaal walked right through and felt his sharp intake of breath as she passed.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He stepped behind her and closed the door.
Then turned the lock. A lamplight came on and she got her first look at the house he had been living in.
The hall was grand, with a chandelier. The sofas were long enough to seat his entire MLA troop from Jammu, the hall big enough to host the KDP top cadre.
It all looked moody under the mild, orange lamplight right now.
“Ni…” she turned, but found him looking out of the window, not even concerned about her.
Amaal scoffed. “Where’s my room?”
He did not answer, kept staring out, her bag in his hand.
Amaal stormed to him and began to snatch her bag when he snatched her in his arms and turned until his back hit the scrunched up curtains and his mouth was on hers.
She didn’t know what happened as his tongue invaded her mouth like a sword and his body turned her into the curtains, pushing her back into a dark corner.
She gasped, seeing everything blacked out but feeling every touch of his skin.
His nose over hers, his mouth over hers, his tongue on hers, his specs biting into her skin, his hands squeezing her torso to him.
She felt tears burst free from her eyes and pulled back, only to see those dark irises on the whites, specs filtering them.
Amaal reached up and touched them, then retreated.
“Take them off.”
With shaking fingers, she took them off, and he attacked her mouth, pushing her into the wall, shoving his thigh between her legs, stabbing his hands into her hair, pulling her buckle off. She made a noise in the back of her throat and he pulled back.
“Phew…” he panted, his skin feeling warm, his eyes looking at her with intensity, wonder, joy, fear. So much of what she was feeling. Amaal blinked, her wet mouth tingling. His thumb came to her lip and wiped it clean, his head turning to peep through the curtains again.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure my caretaker went home.”
“What?” She asked.
“Hmm?” He turned back, taking his specs from her fingers and tugging her until she was walking out of the curtains. “He is a gossip.”
Amaal felt laughter bubble up her throat.
“Don’t laugh.” He put his specs back on.
She burst out laughing, and Samar pulled her into his arms, whirling with her — “Stop laughing.” But he was laughing too. They both were laughing. Like lunatics. She held onto his shoulders and the momentum of his twirl kept them going for a few rounds, until he hit the back of the sofas.
They stilled.
Samar stared at her, his laughter dying down. She stared at him, her smile going too.
“Did you miss me?” He asked.
She shrugged. “No upma, it was a good time.”
His lips curled.
“Your six months have been up for a month now.”
“You wouldn’t give me time on calls, so I waited for this meeting.”
She looked away. “Where were you?”
“Right here.” He cupped her chin and brought her face back to him.
“No you weren’t.”
“Not all of me, yet. No.”
The high of the last few minutes settled.
“Amaal.”
“Hmm.”
His eyes moved away into the distance. “We decided that I would right my wrongs and come back to you in six months to tell you if I am worth it.”
“Hmm.”
“What if I haven’t righted all wrongs yet?”
“Meaning?”
Dark eyes focused back on her — “Do you want to know in full detail or skim through?”
“What do you think?”
“Question with question?” He quirked an eyebrow. She quirked hers back.
“You are going back tomorrow.”
“We have the night.”
He nodded, took her hand from his shoulder and walked her to the sofa. He settled her, then took a seat beside her, not touching. But not too far either.
Samar took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.
“When I walked out of your house in Jammu, I did not have any set plan on how I would accomplish what I promised you. But I knew I would do it through my work, my mind and my body. You know parts of it anyway. But as I kept going, the ways kept opening up. About work, I haven’t hidden anything from you.
HDP is building up to its first state elections this time.
We are the third biggest party already in terms of strength.
We are working towards expanding that and finding the right candidates across the state.
But the party is not fundamentally as strong as I thought it to be.
One of the reasons is my long absence in between.
Everything has been shaken, there are so many holes in grassroots again, when the cadre has already been built upon it.
It’s double work to fix it. A lot more travelling, a lot more tours, longer tours.
I am not even here in Shimla for more than five days a month.
Atharva has been working on it with me…” his face changed.
“But you saw how it was between us. It’s been like that.
I snap, I still snap and burn the other person without thinking.
I should not have said that to him today.
It was low, and mean, and I derived perverse pleasure if even for a second.
Even though I want him to come out of this.
Anyway…” he stopped from spiralling. “The point is, what I thought was the taking off point for HDP, was an illusion of beginner’s luck.
The road is long and dependencies are high on me.
But I am more confident in my own abilities in the real, white world than I ever have been.
My body…” he held his arms out for her. “It’s as good as it will get now.
You know about my latest reports, physio is mostly lifelong and gym has been added now.
I don’t mind. Recovery has been faster the more I work, and I plan to work even more.
Mind.” He stopped. Held her gaze. “I have been writing letters to my mother.”
Amaal’s brows rose. This was news to her.
“Since when?”
“Since you left. Part of therapy. It’s supposed to help me resolve all the stuff that went wrong right then when I was four.
Because that’s where the root of everything lies.
But…” he huffed, barking out a mirthless laugh.
“I don’t know, Amaal. I will do it. I will make it work.
But I want you to know that it hasn’t worked yet.
And I don’t want to come to you like this. ”
Her heart stopped.
She opened her mouth but he beat her to it, taking her hand in his — “Don’t even think about it.”
She closed her mouth — “How do you know what I was thinking?”
He tugged her to him, making her gasp. “There is no breakup for me now. I did not come so far on your path to turn away. You chose me one day, did some spell, and I have not been the same ever since. Now you can leave today or any day in the future but I will not.”
She glared at him. She was not leaving.
“What then?” She asked, frustrated, even though his words had never sounded better.
“I am ready to be your husband, but I want to come to you worthy of being the father to your children.”
Her insides tightened.
“Give me until the Himachal Pradesh State elections.” He begged. “And I will give you my entire life.”
Her throat was already clogged, now her eyes went blurry. Her foot tapped incessantly, bleeding the impatience inside her, feeding the fear building over. What if…
“Say it.”
“What if you are still not ready after that?”
“I will be.”
“How are you so confident?”
“Because there is nothing else I want to achieve more in life than you.”
Amaal felt like crying as well as throwing herself into his arms for the things he was saying, for the things he had clearly thought out, and thought out while keeping her in mind.
She shook her head. “How will this even work? What will this be? An extension of the last six months? Just skimming through life updates and important conversations and work…”
“Amaal.” He gathered her close. She breathed. Breathed him in. Staring at the button of his shirt.
“Do you want me like this?”
She met his eyes. He smiled — “I know you are frustrated, I know your patience with me is ending. Our age is passing. I am 40! I can’t even think about it right now or I will fall off the line I am walking.
But you made me walk it, you made me look at an end goal.
Didn’t you ask me once that long distance is doable but what’s the end date? ”
She nodded.
“October 2019 is the end date.”
“I will get you then?”
“You already have me. You’ve had me for a long time.”
“Since when?” She asked, needing him. Needing this reassurance.
Needing to be the vulnerable half today.
Samar’s mouth split into a smile as big as the hope in his eyes.
He pushed the hair off her shoulder and cupped the side of her neck — “Since the day you tried to attack me with your pain relief spray behind Lal Chowk.”