Chapter 10
Earlier that day
“ You shall never guess what my sister and I observed in Meryton this afternoon,” Caroline Bingley announced, her tone carefully arch as she joined Darcy and Bingley in the formal drawing room.
Though Darcy chose not to reply, Bingley could hardly do the same. “What was it, Caroline?”
“The Bennet herd walked by with a slew of officers in tow,” Miss Bingley said, likening them to sheep, no doubt. Easily led. Easily distracted . Darcy did not care for her tone, but tried to ignore her dig.
Miss Bingley sat down with a huff, careful to keep her back straight. Only the most elegant slander would do for Miss Bingley. Choosing not to see her brother’s frown, she went on with mock concern. “ They are not very selective in the company they keep, I must say. I should be quite ashamed to be always walking here and there with a great pack of militiamen.”
“ Perhaps they are grateful to the officers for their service, as we all ought to be,” Bingley replied. “After all, Caroline, someone must put on the red coat and defend England, and I am sure I should not like to.”
“The very idea of it, Charles! You have something better to do. You might as well suggest that Mr Darcy fight in the militia. How absurd!”
Darcy looked up from his letter-writing. “You are quite right that I have no intention of joining a militia, Miss Bingley,” he said dryly. “But I do not look on that as the result of great merit on my part. Perhaps you are not aware that my cousin is a colonel in the Regulars — and Colonel Fitzwilliam is the younger son of the Earl of Matlock.”
It was evident that Miss Bingley had not known, or at least had forgotten. She went paper-white at the rebuke. Bingley wore a broad grin. Clearly, he had no mind to resent his friend chastising his sister, at least when the criticism was so well deserved.
Darcy turned away and went back to his letter. Yet he found it rather hard going. He could not seem to keep his attention on what he was writing. Other thoughts would intrude. He had been going mad with curiosity at how Elizabeth was getting on after their discovery in the library a few days prior. The rain had kept them all housebound over the course of the last few days. He was eager to continue on with their investigation. Perhaps making a visit to Longbourn would set the investigation in motion once more.
Even his distraction could not make the chore of writing last forever. After a few minutes, he finished his letter, blotted it, and folded it to seal later. “ I think I will take a turn about the yard,” Darcy said abruptly.
Bingley stood up. “I shall join you with a good will, if you would like the company.”
Darcy shook his head with alacrity. “No — I thank you, no. Bingley, you know I would welcome you as a companion any other time, but I feel myself much in need of a little time alone to think.” Bingley good-naturedly gave way at once and waved his friend out the door. Darcy’s blood hammered in his head as he slipped out the side library door and headed across the green toward Longbourn. He felt like a moth being attracted by a flame, and all the while never caring that he was being drawn. Elizabeth was like an intoxicating force that sent his head to spinning. Of course, he had tried to keep her from capturing his thoughts every moment of the day. But even necessary letters of business — even letters to Georgiana — seemed to call his thoughts back to her. Write to his solicitor, and he thought of the matters to be arranged, if she did indeed become his wife. Think of Georgiana, and he could not help but reflect on the joy he would have in introducing Elizabeth to his little sister.
Darcy stepped over the low hedge and came out onto the road. After an interlude of walking steadily, he recognised a large oak as one that stood only a little way from Longbourn — he was nearly there, and passing by the turn that led to Meryton. He saw a large party walking ahead of him and could hear their laughter echoing over the fields and down the lane. Upon recognising several of the party, Darcy grimaced and set a brisk pace to catch up to them. There were several officers with the Bennet sisters, no doubt gentlemen they had met in town. Miss Lydia Bennet seemed to attract the militia everywhere she went.
They stopped when they reached the Longbourn estate, and Darcy could see them all saying their farewells. All but one of the officers moved away down the road, and the Bennet sisters began to file through the gate.
Darcy’s breath caught in his throat. He could clearly recognise Elizabeth now. She had been waylaid by one of the soldiers. Jealousy instantly rose inside him. The man ’ s back was turned slightly toward Darcy, but he could see he was getting much too close to Elizabeth. And from the look on her face, she was not entirely at ease.
To his shock and amazement, the man bent and kissed Elizabeth ’ s hand. And he had not even tried to hide the gesture! A second later, with Darcy only a few paces away, the man turned.
Wickham! Darcy ’ s heart surged with anger. Wickham’s actions towards Georgiana had already brought Darcy to the depths of anger and contempt. When faced with the man again, only to see him flirting with his fiancée —
It was more than Darcy could bear.
Only once in his life had Darcy been so angry — when he had visited Georgiana in Ramsgate and discovered that he was only just in time to save her from throwing her life away. He had intended to ignore Wickham’s presence in Meryton. But to see Wickham fondling Elizabeth’s hand was beyond the limit. He strode toward the pair.
“ Wickham!” he bellowed, startling the man.
Wickham turned on his heel, looking as surprised as Elizabeth. “ Darcy,” he said coldly. “ I did not know you were there.”
“ Indeed. I am sure you would not have been kissing another man’s betrothed if you had known. Or is your honour so corrupted that you would feel no shame?” Darcy ’ s chest heaved with every breath, his hands shaking. He clenched them tightly at his sides to keep from striking him.
“ It is not untoward to kiss a lady ’ s hand,” Wickham said, narrowing his eyes. “ If the lady took offense, I will apologise.”
Darcy looked at Elizabeth, seething in silence. She clasped her hands in front of her, her knuckles white. She looked between the two of them for a moment, an angry blush creeping up her cheeks. “ I think it best you go, Mr Wickham. Good day,” she said curtly. With angry satisfaction, Darcy noted she omitted even the slightest bow.
Wickham thankfully took the hint. He bowed once more to Elizabeth, but not to Darcy, and went on his way.
“ Did he harm you?” Darcy forced himself to ask.
“ Mr Darcy!” Elizabeth said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “No — Mr Wickham is only a little over-gallant.”
“ I will not apologise for running him off. He is a dangerous man, Miss Elizabeth,” Darcy said.
She raised her chin in defiance. Or was it wounded pride? “ I did not know we had an appointment today.” Her words were clipped, her tone angry. But if nothing untoward had happened between the pair, why was she so defensive?
“ We did not,” he snapped. She turned to go through the gate, but he stepped up beside her and closed it. Their faces were inches apart, and he could see her shock, as well as something more. Darcy frowned, but the expression disappeared before he could identify it, clouded by animosity.
“ Is there something I can do, Mr Darcy? Or do you plan to keep me out here all afternoon?” she asked.
Darcy was too upset to think through his response. How had she been alive this long without seeing what Wickham was about? “Is it your practice to go about with men not your betrothed? Indeed, to allow them to kiss your hand?”
The words were no sooner out that he regretted them. Darcy knew he should not have said it, but anger made him betray himself.
“ Of course not,” she said, clearly offended. “ Mr Wickham and some of the other officers saw my sisters and I home from Meryton. If you had been here a moment earlier, you would have seen that I pulled my hand away. And we were not alone, but in plain view of anyone who might pass along on the lane, as you yourself did.”
Darcy knew he had to keep his emotions under control. An emotion he had not had to contend with for a long while was rising up in his soul. Jealousy. It did not help that the man who had brought up those jealous feelings when he was a boy was the same man who seemed to be flirting with his fiancée. “ Forgive me if my eyes deceive me,” he said. He looked toward the house and saw that every one of Elizabeth ’ s family, save her father, was watching them from the parlour window, no doubt coming up with all sorts of ideas for what they might be discussing. “ Perhaps we may find someplace we can speak in private?” he suggested.
Elizabeth followed his gaze and gave a curt nod. She stomped through the gate, then turned to the right down a little worn dirt path toward a small wilderness at the side of the house. Once they had gained some privacy from her family’s curiosity, Darcy spoke. “ I must confess, Miss Elizabeth, I am shocked at your conduct this afternoon. Here I am, come to see my soon-to-be wife, only to find her flirting with another man!”
“ I was not flirting,” Elizabeth said heatedly. “ Nor did I allow him to kiss my hand. He simply took it without permission and brought it to his lips before I could disengage it. I assure you, Mr Darcy, I did not encourage him. For better or for worse, we are engaged. I am not the sort of woman who would flirt with one man when I am betrothed to another.”
Darcy huffed. “ You make it seem like you have been in this sort of situation before.” He paused as a hideous idea came to mind. Perhaps she had. Perhaps there was more reason than he knew for Mrs Bennet to so urgently desire her daughter’s marriage. What if her family had orchestrated the whole thing to entrap him in a marriage he had never intended? He took a step back as if he had been struck in the jaw by a champion boxer.
“ What is it, Mr Darcy?” she asked. A twinge of concern was coupled with the annoyance in her tone.
Darcy stepped closer until their faces were inches apart. “ Perhaps it was your mother who planned the accident in the library,” he said, his voice viciously cold. She gasped, but he did not give her the chance to say anything. “ It is you and your parents have the most to gain from this marriage, is that not so? Your mother has made no secret of her intentions. What would not she have done to — what was her phrase? — ah, yes. To ‘throw the girls into the paths of other rich men.’”
“ How dare you!” Elizabeth gasped. For a moment, Darcy thought she might slap him, but she held herself back. There was much more she seemed eager to say, but did not. “ I will not dignify that accusation with a defence. Good day, Mr Darcy.” She brushed past him and stomped away toward the house. He heard the side door slam, hard enough he was half surprised that the house did not come crumbling down to the foundation.
Darcy raked a hand through his hair, angry with himself for allowing his emotions to get out of control. He strode out of the little woods, bypassed the house, and went straight out onto the lane. He had come to speak with Elizabeth because he missed her. Now, he wished he had not come at all.
∞∞∞
“ How was your walk?” Bingley asked upon his return. His friend’s face immediately fell when he saw the mood Darcy was in. “ My dear fellow, what has happened?”
“ I went to see the Bennets,” Darcy explained, hoping that would be the end of it.
“ The Bennets? Why did you not tell me? I would have gone with you.” Bingley sprang from his chair, no doubt peeved at having missed a chance to marvel at the divine Jane Bennet.
Darcy had tried to calm down on his way back to the house, but he could not forget the sight of Wickham bowing over Elizabeth ’ s hand, his lips touching her skin… He would have liked to beat the man bloody.
“ It was not a good time,” Darcy mumbled, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.
“ Ah, I see. Well, I am sure they will be available for visitors later this afternoon. Shall we ready ourselves and go around to pay a call during tea time? I am sure your fiancée will be happy to see you,” Mr Bingley teased. He rose from his chair, eager to go and get ready, especially if it meant he could see Miss Bennet.
“ No, they were in the company of some officers from Meryton. Today would not be a good day,” Darcy replied, clenching his teeth. “ I only came in to tell you I will not be down for dinner, I think. I have a mass of letters to write and I fear I have a headache coming on,” Darcy said. He hated to lie to his friend, but it would be better if he had some time to untangle his thoughts and feelings. He would be better for it in the morning.
Bingley got up and came toward him. “ Are you sure? Shall I call for the doctor? I would hate for you to be coming down with something.”
“ Not at all. I shall be all right. I will feel better if I can get some of this work done. Please give my apologies to Miss Bingley,” he mumbled. Darcy excused himself in a hurry and went up to his guest room, closing the door firmly behind him. He called for his valet, Jameson, changed his clothes, which were distinctly muddy about the cuffs after his long walk, and instructed him he would have a tray brought up for his dinner. He would not be disturbed for the rest of the evening.
Jameson bowed after he had helped him change, and with the clothes slung over his arm, exited the room.
It was ages before dinner would be served, not that Darcy could bring himself to care. He was unsure if he could be bothered to eat, even when his tray was brought up. He was too angry to think of food. How had he allowed his conversation with Elizabeth to get so badly out of hand? Fear of what Wickham might convince her to do, desperate as she was to be let out of the engagement, was almost overwhelming.
Darcy sighed. He had done a terrible job of expressing his emotions. If he had only explained why he had reacted the way he had, perhaps she would have understood.
After a second ’ s hesitation, he went to his writing desk, resolving to put pen to paper. Perhaps if he could write to her, explaining everything, she would be more likely to understand.
But where to begin?
My dear Miss Elizabeth…
Perhaps that was too familiar, especially after the way he had accused her mother of being involved in trying to entrap him. He pulled out a fresh piece of paper and began again.
∞∞∞
Miss Elizabeth,
I cannot recant the accusations that were so disgusting to you. Please know that they were not brought forward to offend, but in the pursuit of the truth.
I will, however, endeavour to clear up the misunderstanding for which I believe myself to be responsible: that which concerns Mr Wickham.
You will likely have seen the cool demeanour in which I am accustomed to dealing with Mr Wickham on our rare meetings. Likely, he has already told you we grew up together. His father was steward to mine, and my father took a liking to Mr Wickham almost instantly. He thus enjoyed a place of privilege in my father ’ s household, being treated almost as a second son. However, as he grew older, Mr Wickham ’ s darker side began to be revealed. I will not bore you, nor disturb you, with the details of Mr Wickham ’ s many transgressions against my father — who was much too forgiving — nor those against me. I prefer to let things lie in the past rather than dredging them up.
Of two matters, however, it is necessary to speak. Before my father died, he promised Mr Wickham a valuable family living, for he hoped that Mr Wickham would join the church. I could not be sorry that Mr Wickham was never ordained, for I had long since become convinced that he ought not to be a clergyman. When my father did pass, Mr Wickham expressed his resolution of never joining the church and demanded instead the sum of three thousand pounds, which was granted. He squandered it within a year.
When he came back to me to demand more money, I refused. We had not seen him for some time after that until he suddenly re-entered our lives under the most unhappy circumstances.
Darcy stopped for a moment, wiping his brow. He wrote feverishly, allowing the words to flow freely out of his pent-up frustration.
He then turned his eyes on my sister Georgiana. After leaving school, she had gone to Ramsgate with a paid companion, in whose character I was most unhappily deceived. It was only in the nick of time that I discovered his plot to elope with Georgiana. I was able to stop them before she threw her life away, but not before he was able to throw her into guilt and remorse of the most painful kind. His object was, of course, her fortune. Of the natural care that a man ought to feel for a young woman he knew as a child, a woman scarcely out of the years of childhood, he seemed to think not at all.
Forgive me, Miss Elizabeth, but when I saw him with you this afternoon, it was as if I relived the past. Seeing him with you brought up all the times he had come to Pemberley to visit my sister. I had been uneasy about him coming back into our lives and wished to think he had turned over a new leaf. But it was not to be.
Now you know why I can never trust him. He is incapable of change, and to think that he would try to weasel his way into your heart is unbearable, especially when I have come to the realisation of how deep my feelings are for you…
Darcy left off writing, surprised by what had come out of him. Surely he could not go on. Did he dare write the words, “ I love you”? To lay himself open in front of a woman who now seemed to loath him was surely folly of the most acute kind. He could not very well send the letter now.
In a moment of sudden decision, Darcy crumpled the letter into a tight ball. He rose and tossed it into the fire, watching until it burned to ash. If he would have destroyed the knowledge of his feelings as easily, the temptation might have been too much to resist. The sudden knowledge was nearly as disturbing as finding Wickham and Elizabeth together at the gate.
He was falling in love with her, perhaps had been for a long while without realising it. But to admit that when his heart had been afflicted with the acutest of pain — the thought of losing her to Wickham — no. That he could not do.
Darcy uttered a long sigh, wishing he could turn his back on Meryton and leave all his troubling feelings behind for the peace and comfort of Pemberley. That simple life was over now. No matter how he wished he could have it back.