Chapter 17
Elizabeth was still fuming with anger at Mr. Darcy when she awoke the following morning. She did her best not to let it show. It was difficult, however, for it was clear that Jane was unhappy.
Jane’s mood had been gradually souring over the last week or so.
Elizabeth had assumed that it was due to not being able to see Mr. Bingley.
This morning, Jane was more subdued than Elizabeth had ever seen her.
It was obvious that the loss of Mr. Bingley’s attention was weighing heavily on her tender heart.
Towards the end of breakfast, Jane said, “I think I would prefer to study with Mary, Lydia, and Mrs. Jamison this morning instead of receiving callers. Would that be acceptable, Papa?”
“I see no reason to refuse,” said Papa. “What do you think Lady Esther?”
“Of course you may,” said Lady Esther. “There is no need to push yourself to be more sociable than you would like to be. All three of you girls have made an excellent impression on London society. All that remains now is for you to make an occasional appearance so that you aren’t forgotten.”
Jane audibly sighed, and some of the tension seemed to melt from her shoulders. “Thank you, Lady Esther. And thank you, Papa,” said Jane.
Elizabeth could understand how she was feeling. If she had been heartbroken as Jane clearly was, she would not wish to socialize much either.
Even seeing Jane’s relief did nothing to quell Elizabeth’s anger, however. Mr. Darcy was to blame for her sister’s unhappiness, and nothing could relieve him of the burden of such a horrendous crime.
After breakfast, all of Elizabeth’s sisters accompanied Mrs. Jamison to the library while Elizabeth and Lady Esther settled into the parlor. Elizabeth was not expecting any particular gentlemen callers, but she hoped that a few of their female friends would stop by.
She was rather surprised, therefore, when Mr. Darcy was announced at the earliest possible time. Not only that, but he was alone, without Mr. Bingley and without Miss Bingley.
As Elizabeth and Lady Esther stood to greet him, he bowed. Before Elizabeth could banish her resentment for this man enough to offer refreshments or even ask him to sit down, he said, “I wonder if I might have a private word with you, Miss Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth’s shock was great enough that she felt her jaw drop just a bit, though not enough to force her mouth open. Her surprised gaze turned to Lady Esther, hoping that the Lady would deny permission.
Her hopes were dashed. Without even glancing at Elizabeth, she said, “Of course you may. I shall go take care of some matters elsewhere, but I will return in fifteen minutes. Please ensure your business is completed by then.”
Feeling dumbstruck and awkward, Elizabeth watched Lady Esther leave the room. Only when she was completely gone did Elizabeth turn her gaze on the man who was still standing before her.
He seemed uncomfortable as his stance shifted from one foot to the other. Instead of sitting down, he began pacing, pausing occasionally to lean against the mantel, staring at her.
As he shifted about, Elizabeth’s anger at this man rose within her. She could feel it tinging her cheeks pink. She did not know what he wished to say, but she did know that she had no desire to hear it.
Unfortunately, her wishes were not allowed to come to fruition.
She would either have to listen to this man who had stolen Jane’s happiness, or she would have to be so rude as to simply walk away from him and leave him stranded in the parlor.
Angry as she was, she did not think herself capable of that level of rudeness.
Eventually, Elizabeth’s suspense was relieved when Mr. Darcy finally opened his mouth to speak.
“Miss Elizabeth, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,” he said.
The sentiment shocked Elizabeth into silence, which he must have taken as consent to continue.
“For weeks, you have taken up residence in both my heart and mind, despite the struggles I have endured to attempt to remove you.”
“Struggles?” The word, which was half question and half startled exclamation, slipped past Elizabeth’s lips without conscious thought.
Mr. Darcy looked at her as though she was daft to even question him.
“Of course. Though your fortune is quite suitable, your family’s status is distinctly different from my own.
Additionally, you have spent very little time among the ton.
At first I questioned whether someone who was not raised to do so could truly navigate such a situation.
“Clearly, you have proven my doubts unfounded. You and your older sister, at least, have shown yourselves to have excellent manners in even the most trying circumstances.”
Elizabeth noticed he had not included Mary in the compliment, and her ire rose even further.
This man who had the temerity to intentionally separate Jane from Mr. Bingley was deliberately and openly lambasting her entire family.
The anger which swelled in her breast could find no outlet, however, for it was stoppered by the confusion which his simultaneous declarations of affection and admiration caused.
He continued, clearly unaware of the war which was brewing inside Elizabeth.
“Despite my early reservations as to your suitability, your vivacity, wit, and persistent cheerfulness in the face of difficulties have completely won me over. Miss Elizabeth, I must ask that you accept my hand in marriage.”
Elizabeth would have hesitated over how to respond to such a confusing mish mash of insults and compliments, but his final expression, that of absolute certainty that she would not refuse, tilted the scale sharply.
She responded with all the anger that had been boiling within her ever since she spoke with Miss Bingley the night before.
“I believe the expected reply of gleeful acceptance is beyond me at the moment,” she said, “as is even the modicum of gratitude that is expected even when one intends to decline a proposal. Why should I be grateful when a man stands before me and insults me and my entire family with the same breath that declares love and admiration? A man who can deliver such a confused proposal cannot truly respect me or anything I care about, so why bother sparing his feelings by turning him down gently?”
It was Mr. Darcy’s turn to have his jaw drop in surprise. He rallied quickly, however, and said, “Am I to understand that you are refusing me?”
“What you understand is your own business,” said Elizabeth sharply. “The meanderings of your thoughts have always been beyond me since you take so little trouble to express them coherently. Yes, Mr. Darcy, I am refusing your offer.”
She knew even as the words came out of her mouth that they were far harsher than he deserved.
Once he had overcome his initial awkwardness, he had in fact been her favorite conversation partner here in London.
The words had been said, however, and no good could possibly come from her attempting to retract them.
“And is that all the reply I am to receive?” he asked. “I might wonder why you took so little effort to soften what you must know is a severe blow.”
“Why should I do any such thing for a man who, only moments ago, was so intent on spilling out every harsh judgment he had ever had about me or my family? Did the thought of softening your harsh judgments ever cross your mind? Of course not. Since that is the case, there was no reason for me to soften mine. Besides, nothing could induce me to be kind to a man who has caused such pain to my beloved sister.”
“Your sister!” he cried. “I have harmed neither of your sisters.”
“You convinced your friend, Mr. Bingley, to abandon his pursuit of Jane!” cried Elizabeth. The feeling of knowing how much Jane was hurting caused tears to spring to her eyes. Her tolerance for this conversation had reached its limits.
“Now, Mr. Darcy, I beg you would leave me in peace,” she said, barely holding back her tears. “Nothing more can be gained by continuing this conversation.”
“But…” he said. Clearly he wished to defend himself against her accusation.
She, however, did not wish to hear it. “No, Mr. Darcy. No more. I beg you. Please leave.”
Even after her heartfelt plea, he did not leave immediately. He stared at her for several moments, strong emotions chasing each other across his face. He must have come to the conclusion that it would do no good to ignore her wishes.
“I wish you as much happiness as you can grasp, Miss Elizabeth,” he said. Then he left.
It was only when Elizabeth knees suddenly began shaking beneath her that she realized she had stood up at some point in the conversation. When all the strength she had gained from her anger left her suddenly, she could no longer remain standing. She collapsed into the chair behind her.
Lady Esther found her like that several minutes later when she returned. “I am surprised,” she said. “I thought I would find the two of you in a scandalous embrace, rejoicing in your betrothal.”
“Why on Earth would you think any such thing?” asked Elizabeth.
“Aren’t you in love with the man?” asked Lady Esther. Genuine surprise was clear on her face. “I am certain he is very much in love with you.”
Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest any such thing, but the words wouldn’t come forth.
Flashes of memory, moments when she had gazed at him admiringly or had been completely absorbed by what he was saying, flitted through her mind.
These were swiftly followed by the sure knowledge that he had caused Jane’s heartbreak and then by his insulting and haughty proposal.
The memory of how viciously she had refused him had her practically groaning in pain.
Then, the worst realization of all hammered itself into her mind.
She would likely never see Mr. Darcy again.
She would never converse with him on such easy terms. She would never see him with that slightly softer, warmer, more relaxed expression on his face that he only wore for her.
That realization did cause a groan to escape her mouth. “I suppose I am,” she admitted begrudgingly, “though I am only just now realizing it. Even so, I cannot regret declining his proposal. Not after he hurt Jane so abominably.”
“Hurt Jane?” asked Lady Esther. “This is the first I’m hearing of it. What did he do?”
“He was the one who convinced Mr. Bingley to stop calling on Jane,” cried Elizabeth. “You’ve seen how downhearted she has been this last week, and it is all thanks to that interfering, overly proud, high-handed Mr. Darcy.”
Elizabeth expected shock or dismay to appear on Lady Esther’s face at this news or at the very least to have the Lady’s expression remain as placid as usual. What she did not expect was for pity and exasperation to appear there.
“Elizabeth,” said Lady Esther softly and gently, “have you even asked Jane why she is unhappy or how she feels about Mr. Bingley’s disappearance?”
“No,” said Elizabeth. “It was obvious to me what the cause must be, and I did not wish to burden her by forcing her to speak of her pain.”
Lady Esther just looked at Elizabeth for a few moments. Then she said, “I think it would be best for you two sisters to have a long chat. Now. I will have the butler turn away any other callers this morning until you have cleared the air between you.”
Though the words sounded like a suggestion, Lady Esther’s peremptory tone turned them into an order, one with as much force as any directive Elizabeth had ever received from her father.
“Very well,” said Elizabeth. She left the room and headed for the library.