Chapter 24
The day after Mary’s proposal from Judge Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet went for a long walk by herself.
It was a perfect day. The temperature was warm enough to not require a cloak but cool enough to take away the heat of vigorous exercise.
The air had that crisp clean smell that only comes in the autumn after rain, which had fallen overnight.
Additionally, the trees everywhere were shades of red, orange, and yellow, giving a golden glow to the usually green landscape.
In short, the outside was calling to her, and she could do nought but answer the call.
Elizabeth set off at a brisk pace, aiming directly for Oakham Mount.
She didn’t walk there very often, since it was more than two miles away.
The journey there and back again was nearly five miles in total, a walk that was daunting even to Elizabeth.
Today, however, was the perfect day for such a venture.
As she walked, her thoughts flowed freely, not really lingering on one topic more than another.
Memories of her time in London helping a truly happy Lady Esther choose wedding clothes; images of her father’s wedding with Papa smiling more happily than she could ever recall; confusion over Mary’s sudden receipt of a proposal from Judge Darcy.
All this and more wandered through her mind, but none of them lingered.
None of them could compete with the glory of such a wonderful autumn day for her attention.
There was one thought, however, that did manage to distract her occasionally, and it was a thought that kept returning no matter how many times she dismissed it.
Mr. Darcy.
It was a subject she had not been able to escape from except during the worst of her mourning for her lost mother.
The odd thing was that she simply missed his company. He was only one of dozens of people she had met in London, but he was the only one she truly missed. Her sadness at his absence was made all the more painful by the fact that she knew she was at fault for sending him away.
For that was exactly what she had done.
She had flung a handful of accusations in his face and refused to listen to his defense on any of them, and she now knew for certain he could have defended himself quite well against at least one of them.
The other accusations she had aimed at him, while not unfounded, were not nearly severe enough to have warranted such anger as she had shown.
Of course he would hesitate to offer marriage to someone who had led a completely different life than the one he had led.
Of course he would hesitate to connect himself to those whose condition in life was so decidedly below his own.
The fact was that he had overcome all of that. He would accept all of her family, if only she had agreed to marry him.
That did not mean she necessarily should have accepted his offer.
It remained to be seen whether he had learned to respect her family and her circumstances or merely tolerate them.
But she had not even given him a chance to clarify.
She had sent him on his way almost entirely because of her anger over Jane’s apparent heartbreak.
Truly what she regretted the most, and this might have been the case even if he had been the one to separate Jane and Mr. Bingley, was the loss of his company.
There was something comforting and strong about his height and handsome figure.
There was something personal and secret in how his eyes were warm only for her.
There was something interesting and intriguing in almost everything he said.
She missed him. It was truly that simple.
Eventually, with all these thoughts flitting in and out her head, Elizabeth reached Oakham Mount and began her climb.
It was enough exertion that there was truly no room left for thought.
By the time she reached the top of the hill, she was quite grateful to sit down on the large tree stump that had been left there, specifically to accommodate visitors.
She took in the scene below her: the fields in varying states of harvest, the spots of forest that were aglow with the colors of flames, the paths and lanes that wound among the fields, and the little houses which dotted the landscape.
It was beautiful, and the sight soothed her soul.
Her reverie was brought to an abrupt halt by the sound of a horse slowly climbing the hill behind her. She did not wish to have her solitude disturbed, and for a moment she was sorely tempted to leave before the new visitor came into view.
She gave up on the idea fairly quickly, however.
The visitor was coming from the direction she would need to go to descend from the hill.
Going in any other direction would add at least fifteen minutes to her journey home.
Besides, she truly was fatigued from walking here, and she simply was not ready to return.
Elizabeth attempted to ignore the sounds of the horse approaching, hoping that whoever it was would realize that she was not inclined for company.
“Miss Elizabeth!” cried the one voice that could change her mind completely. “I was not aware you would be so far from home,” said Mr. Darcy. “I mean that I did not mean to intrude upon your solitude.”
He turned to go, but that was the one thing Elizabeth could not bear. Finally, she would have a chance to apologize, and she could not let the opportunity slip through her fingers.
“Please wait,” she said. “I admit that you may be intruding, but that does not mean that the intrusion is unwelcome. Please, Mr. Darcy, join me.”
He turned back toward her, his expression a mixture of hope and sadness. “If you are certain,” he said. He tethered his horse to a tree then approached the place where she was now standing.
Before he had even come to a stop before her, she blurted out, “Mr. Darcy, I have been longing to tell you how truly sorry I am that I blamed you for Jane’s heartbreak.
I discovered less than an hour after your last departure how very mistaken I was.
For one, Jane wasn’t actually heartbroken, and for another it was not you who separated her from Mr. Bingley. Rather, it was Jane herself.”
“Do not distress yourself. It has long been forgotten,” he said. “While the reason for your ire may have been misplaced by the error, you had plenty of good reason to despise me. My attitude toward all your family during my proposal was appalling. Of course you would respond with anger.”
Elizabeth was both elated at his ready forgiveness and distressed by the way he had said it had long been forgotten. Did that mean that he hadn’t given any thought to her or his proposal in the months they had been apart? Had it meant so little to him that he could easily forget?
She tried to push away her disappointment by reminding herself that this was as it should be.
A man who has been rejected so forcefully should find a way to let go of his feelings as quickly as possible.
She was not entirely successful, however.
Such pain as she felt only served to make one thing clear.
Somewhere in her heart, she still wished for him to propose once again.
She still wished to marry this man.
She struggled to find something to say so that things would not grow too awkward between them. Finally, she forced out, “I was surprised to see you. I knew your uncle was in the area, but no one has said anything about you accompanying him.”
“Ah, well, I haven’t really introduced myself just yet,” he said.
There was some kind of discomfort in the admission, but Elizabeth could not make out why he should feel that way.
“I have simply been enjoying nature and riding my horse. I am certain I shall come out of my seclusion soon enough, but for now, I am content remaining unknown.”
A memory of the pridefulness he displayed during his proposal made itself known in her mind, and she said, “Are you concerned that our neighbors might not be up to your standards?”
“Not in the least,” he said feelingly. “I have learned my lesson quite well enough on that front. No, it is more that I am exceedingly awkward among strangers. I never quite know what to say. I can’t seem to easily grasp the flow of conversation among people I am not familiar with.
So, I have been putting it off. But I will have to get over it soon enough.
Just this morning, Sir William Lucas visited Netherfield and invited my uncle and myself to a card party tomorrow evening. ”
Elizabeth was sharply reminded of his awkward conversation in the early part of their friendship. Such a confession from him made that time far more understandable. It wasn’t his pride that had kept him distant, or at least not entirely his pride. Rather it was simply that he was shy.
“You need not concern yourself overmuch about that,” said Elizabeth.
“My neighbors are truly kind and welcoming people. If you simply greet them, most of them will talk your ears off without you having to say much of anything. That way, you will get to know them much faster, which will make you more comfortable more quickly.”
The corner of Mr. Darcy’s mouth quirked up in a very slight smile and his eyes gained that warmth that she was so familiar with, that was only ever directed at her. “I am uncertain whether you are complimenting your neighbors or making fun of them,” he said.
“Are the two mutually exclusive?” Elizabeth replied with a grin. Then she sobered and added, “Truly, though, you have nothing to fear. Even if you say the wrong thing, my neighbors will be so awed at being noticed by someone such as you that they will think nothing of it.”
The quirk at the corner of his mouth grew until it was almost a complete smile. “Now, I can’t tell whether you are comforting me or making fun of me.” She was about to respond, but he beat her to the punch. “Of course, you will say that the two are not mutually exclusive.”
Elizabeth couldn’t help but grin. “I see you learn very quickly.”
For some reason, this caused him to lose his grin, and sadness replaced it. “Not always,” he said.
Elizabeth could only guess at his meaning, but a small part of her hoped he was referring to some kind of regret about his failed proposal.
“Come now,” she said in a tone meant to cheer him up.
“Let us not waste this wonderful day or this pleasant reunion with despondent maunderings. Tell me what you’ve been doing this past summer.
It will be good for me to hear something of the wider world. ”
“Of course,” he said, and they sat down on the old tree stump together. It was barely wide enough to hold them both, but Elizabeth tried very hard to not focus on how very near Mr. Darcy was, how their shoulders touched or how their legs bumped together occasionally.
She almost succeeded.
What followed was nearly half an hour of pleasant conversation.
Mr. Darcy told her of his time at Pemberley with his sister, Georgiana.
He had almost sent her to the seaside with her companion, but he found he wished for her company, so she stayed at Pemberley with him.
After a month there, the companion simply disappeared one night.
Instead of hiring a new one, Mr. Darcy had taken on the care of Georgiana himself, at least for a little while. The two of them went to Eastbourne, a lesser-known seaside town, to enjoy the fresh breezes of the ocean.
When they had their fill of that place, they made their way back to Pemberley with a short stint in London where Mr. Darcy made inquiries into a new companion. He eventually found Mrs. Annesley, who had accompanied Georgiana to Bath while Mr. Darcy came here to Hertfordshire with his uncle.
With meanderings and diversions of the conversation, the entire tale took nearly half an hour to tell, but Elizabeth had never in her life spent a more pleasant half hour.
Even though she knew she needed to be heading home, she found it difficult to leave this idyllic spot, made all the more pleasant by the company of the man she loved.
For she knew now that she still loved Mr. Darcy, despite their separation for months. Just this short time in his company once again brought it all back to her.
Even so, she could not stay here forever. Eventually, Elizabeth found the strength to depart. His disappointed expression, tempered by the warm affection in his eyes, stayed with her the whole way home.