Chapter 16 That First Confession in Spring
That First Confession in Spring
Erin
I handed Callan the bowl of popcorn. “How much did I miss?”
“None.” Callan tossed me the TV remote. “I paused the movie to wait for you.”
I flopped onto the sofa next to him and sank into the overstuffed paradise waiting for my aching body. Mim went overboard with the pillows, and I couldn’t be happier. Groaning, I wiggled in even deeper. A lazy movie night was just what I needed.
Callan slid a glass of white wine down the coffee table. “Did Til get off to sleep okay?”
“Yeah. She’s absolutely exhausted after dragging us around the zoo all day.” I flashed him a sheepish smile as I reached for the wine. “Sorry you lost your bed.”
“Hey, if sleeping in the Pirate King’s bed helps…”
“Oh, you’ve crowned yourself the Pirate King now, have you?”
He grinned. “Did you see her smile when I said I didn’t mind?”
“It’s about the only one she had after Jeremy left.” When he frowned, I added, “She’s little and doesn’t understand why he can’t stay. She’s adjusting. There are lots of big feelings about being away from her dad…”
“And how are you holding up?”
“Fine.”
Callan’s eyebrow rose. He didn’t believe me. “Can I say sorry again? I know I was totally out of line yesterday—”
I grabbed a piece of popcorn and chucked it at him. The kernel hit his cheek and bounced onto his shirt. “Stop apologizing.”
He laughed. “I can’t help it. I acted like a dick.”
I grabbed another piece of popcorn and threw it, but this time, he caught it in his mouth and wiggled his eyebrows.
“You’ve gotta be faster than that, Ez.”
“You know, if you’re in the mood for a deep and meaningful conversation…” I shimmied closer and tucked my knees under my bottom. “Maybe we can finish where we left off before Jeremy turned up. You can tell me what’s weird between us.”
“Oh, uh…” Callan cleared his throat. “Now’s probably not the best time.”
I tickled his side. “Spill it.”
He spluttered a laugh and swatted me away. That feeble attempt to block me wouldn’t be enough. I tickled more, and when he tried to dart away from my hand, without thinking, I climbed onto his lap to pin him to the sofa.
His breath sucked in sharp and fast. “E-Erin…” Slashes of red darkened under his freckles, and his big hands gripped my hips, locking me in place so our bodies didn’t quite touch. “Erin, you’re…”
“On your lap.”
Nodding, he gulped.
“Why do you keep calling me Erin?” I whispered.
“It’s your name.”
I dared to run my fingertips down the line of buttons on his checkered flannel. It was spring—too hot for this shirt. I bit down on my lip. That top button taunted me again. My fingers itched to pluck it open.
His nostrils flared on a big breath in. “You’re drunk, Erin.”
“I’ve had one glass of wine, Callan.”
“You’re not thinking clearly.”
“I’ve never thought so clearly in my life.”
“You’re angry at Jeremy.”
I was, but… “That’s not the reason I’m…” Still sitting in your lap.
A frown flattened his lips, but the look in his eyes—God. It was that look again. The same one as the forest.
His eyes leveled on mine, pinning our gazes together, and with one brow slightly up, as if he were challenging me, he deliberately loosened his grip on my waist.
I accepted his challenge.
Unrestrained, I tilted my hips, and when the seam of my shorts brushed over the hard bulge in his jeans, a hot, strangled gasp huffed out of him. His head fell back against the sofa.
That unguarded look in his eyes wasn’t anger. God, no. That look meant…
“You want me,” I whispered.
Callan shot up. His hands clutched tight around my waist again, and I flew up, off the sofa, weightless, until he planted me on the ground on two wobbly legs.
“Not like this.” He blew out a long breath, putting distance between us as he speared his fingers through his hair. “It can’t be… Not when you’re…”
He was grasping for any reason to stop this.
I got it. We’d known each other forever.
This was Callan. This was the boy who’d frantically knotted his school jumper around my waist to hide the patch of blood on my skirt when I’d gotten my first period.
I’d seen him with half his face stitched back together.
He’d seen me fall apart by the old elm on the hill after Lila died.
There was nothing sexy in the memories we shared.
But we could make new memories. Different ones.
His powerful forearms strained as he held his hips and tracked me with narrowed eyes as if I were about to pounce on him. He was right to be cautious. I was about to pounce on him.
“Erin, I don’t want this.” Even as he lied through his teeth, I could see the tension pulling across his shoulders. He was fighting to hold back. “We can’t.”
“Because I’m technically still married?”
“You know I don’t give a shit about Jeremy.”
“Then what’s stopping you? You say you don’t want me—”
“No. That’s not what I said. I’m desperate for you.
But I don’t want… this.” His hand waved in the gap between us.
“I don’t want to be your rebound. I can’t handle you jumping into my bed if it’s only to try to forget what he did to you.
If you walked away after letting me have you…
Bloody hell, Ez… I’m barely holding myself together as it is. ”
“What do you want, then? And don’t you lie to me, Cal. You know I can tell.”
“I want to be the love of your life.” There was an ache in his voice that almost made my knees buckle.
“I want the whole package. You and Til, here, with me. I want us to be a family. And I know I can’t ask that.
I know the timing’s wrong and your head’s not on right, and you never signed up to waste your life on a farm when you could have any man you want at home in the city, but I can’t do less than wanting a life with you. So, until you’re sure—”
I ended his ranting by arching on my tiptoes and kissing him.
Callan was shocked at first. He never would’ve expected me to make the first move.
I wasn’t bold. I was the last one to jump into the river.
He stood ramrod straight, not moving, but another haphazard peck of my lips on his was enough.
His big palm spread across my backside, hauling me flush against him, and with his nose touching mine, he searched my eyes, offering one last chance to stop this.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
That stubborn mouth of his, usually frowning as he looked over the fields, was soft with just a hint of salt from the popcorn when he brushed his lips over mine.
But I only got two—no, three—gentle coaxes before he demanded more.
The fiery, fierce plunge of his mouth against mine was relentless, and even though he cupped my cheek so sweetly, the sensual slip of his tongue, begging me to kiss him back just as deep, just as desperately, made my heart hammer against my ribs so fast I was almost floating.
Callan eased back. His chest heaved on ragged breaths. I clutched the back of his neck to keep myself steady. I wasn’t sure I could stand up on my own.
That kiss… It wasn’t just a kiss…
“Cal…”
“Y-ye…” His arms tightened around me. “Yeah?”
“I don’t know if I can give you what you need—”
“Forget I said any of that.”
“—but I don’t think we can pretend we’re just friends after a kiss like that.”
“No… I don’t think we can. That was…”
“Incredible.”
“It was fucking earth-shattering.”
I grinned into the crook of his neck. “Where’d that naughty mouth come from all of a sudden, Callan Joel Wolcott?”
“You kissed all the good country manners out of me.”
I laughed. His breathing slowed as I toyed with his top button again. “What now?”
Callan untangled me from the safe spot under his chin, and he caressed my cheek with his thumb as he searched my gaze for a reaction to everything that had just happened. “Want to take this slow?”
No.
I wanted to dive headfirst into more of those kisses, but…
This was new. And a lot. On top of everything else in my life, adding more complications like getting naked, and sex, and huge feelings wasn’t the best idea.
Not yet, anyway. I needed to wade in slowly, test the waters, and figure out how to swim in this new world I found myself in.
“One day at a time?” he prompted.
“Is that… okay?” I asked.
“Of course that’s okay. Come on.” He flopped onto the sofa and patted the spot beside him. “We’ll watch the movie.”
When I gingerly sat on the edge, still with no idea about what to do next, he rolled his eyes and scooted closer to put his arm around me. He smiled, and it was a smile I’d seen a hundred times. He was still my friend, still the same Callan, but now we snuggled on the sofa together.
His warm breath fanned my skin. “You stay close to me in the scary parts,” he murmured, peppering kisses on my neck.
Oh, and I guess we kissed now, too.
I turned, and resting my hand on his scarred cheek, I drew him closer. One more kiss wouldn’t hurt. The sensual whisper of his mouth moving with mine reassured me. No, one more kiss wouldn’t hurt at all.