Chapter 8 #2
‘Okay, I’m back in the UK, but Karl can arrange whatever help you need to get you back into rehab.
’ He held his breath, hoping against hope that she’d say that was what she wanted, but he knew deep down that getting back into rehab wasn’t why she’d called him.
Meredith knew where to go for that kind of help, but she’d cut off every single person who’d tried to persuade her to get it, changing her number and telling them to get out of her life.
Despite the fact she’d done the same thing with her own family, Felix knew they’d still be desperately waiting for her call, ready to do anything and drop everything to get her the help she needed.
But she wasn’t contacting him because she wanted to quit the drugs, and he’d promised her family he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise her finally reaching the point where she accepted that getting clean was the only option left.
‘Felix, I owe some nasty people a lot of money. I thought I’d got together everything I needed to pay them back, but then I got mugged and now they’re telling me that if I don’t deliver they’ll make me pay some other way.
’ It sounded like a line from a bad made-for-TV movie and when she started to sob down the phone, his mind raced.
He knew she was lying about having got the money together and it being stolen.
She might even have been lying about the ‘nasty people’, although he knew they existed and that if Meredith owed them money for drugs, they were more than capable of making her pay ‘one way or another’.
Whatever the situation, any money he sent her would be going straight to the suppliers and even if she cleared her debts that wouldn’t be the end of it.
She’d just run up another set of debts getting her hands on more drugs.
It was a cycle she’d repeated with everyone who loved her, until she’d cut off contact with them altogether.
Her family had been advised by professionals to make the hardest decision possible and to refuse Meredith any further financial support so that she could hit rock bottom and finally admit the kind of help she really needed.
It made sense, but it was a terrifying leap of faith all the same.
Felix couldn’t go against their best chance of saving Meredith from herself, but that didn’t make it any less agonising.
If there was any way of reaching a compromise to keep her safe in the meantime, he was going to take it and he was certain her family would feel the same.
‘If you arrange to meet Karl to get back into rehab, I can get the money to him, or your parents can. How much money are we talking about, Merri?’
He hadn’t meant to use the derivative of her name, it sounded too intimate, as if they were still a part of one another’s lives.
He didn’t want her to think she could manipulate him because of what they’d once been to each other, but the desire to step in and solve her problems was a hard habit to break.
‘Five grand should solve the immediate problem.’ The way she said it made it sound as though she was asking for five dollars.
‘And what then? You’ll cut us all off again, until the next time you need bailing out.’
‘Don’t be a such a baby, Felix. Christ, you think life’s such a fucking fairytale, don’t you?
That because your mom kicked her habit, the rest of us should too.
Well, maybe I don’t want to. Have you ever considered that?
Maybe I like life better when I’m high. It’s my life and I get to choose how to mess it up if I want to. ’
‘Yeah, you do, but you can’t expect the rest of us to bail you out.’ Felix sighed, already knowing how this was going to go and feeling a horrible mixture of desperate sadness and frustration. ‘I haven’t got that kind of money just lying around, but if you let me speak to Ashleigh or your parents—’
‘No!’ Her response was sharp, but then she changed tack, a pleading tone to her voice. ‘Come on, Felix, please, there must be a way you can get your hands on the money. I promise you I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. If you don’t help me… God knows what these people are capable of.’
‘Let me talk to your family.’ He repeated the request and she all but screamed her response.
‘I said no!’
‘You’ve already asked them for money, haven’t you?’
‘They’re as bad as you, trying to make me go back to rehab. I haven’t got time for any of that shit. If these people get their hands on me, they’ll kill me long before I have the chance to get clean.’
‘Go to the police, tell them what’s happening. They’ll protect you and get you some help, if you’re willing to take it.’
‘Jesus, Felix, you really do you live in a fairytale, don’t you? If I don’t get the money I could be dead by this time next week.’
‘And if you don’t get some help with your addiction you could be dead by this time tomorrow. Every time you take that stuff you’re playing Russian roulette. I can’t be responsible for funding that and I can’t send you money unless I know you’re at least going to try to use this as a wake-up call.’
‘Did you and my parents write this speech together, because it sounds like you’re reading from the same fucking script?’
‘We all just care about you, Merri and—’
‘Do you know what you sound like, you pious piece of shit?’ Any pretence she might have maintained that she cared about Felix as anything other than a human cashpoint had been dispensed with.
‘I hate what the drugs are doing to you. All those people you tried to help. Why did you do that, if you don’t even think you’re worth saving?’
‘I can’t do anything until I’ve paid off my debt.’
‘So, if I find a way to send you the money, you’ll check yourself back into rehab?’
‘Yeah.’ She couldn’t even manage to make that one word sound convincing. ‘I just need a bit more time to be ready.’
‘I wish I could believe you.’ He sounded as exhausted as he felt, but Meredith clearly hadn’t given up the fight.
‘Are you going to give me the money or not?’
‘No, but if you let me call Karl, or your—’ He didn’t even get to finish the sentence before the sound of the call disconnecting cut off the final string of expletives she had unleashed.
No doubt she was still ranting about him somewhere thousands of miles away.
There was nothing he could do about that and as tempting as it was to call her back now that he had a contact number, and offer her the money she wanted, just to know she’d stay safe for a little while longer, he knew he couldn’t do it.
The only thing he could do was put in a call to her parents and Karl at the clinic, and hope to God that someone else could get through to Meredith, in every sense.
By the time he’d finished the second of the two phone calls, it felt as if a little bit of the burden had lifted off Felix’s shoulders and the guilt didn’t have quite such a tight stranglehold on his throat, after Meredith’s parents and Karl had all told him he’d done the right thing.
Karl had worked with Meredith for more than two years and he understood her situation well, having been there to witness her relapse and all of Felix’s desperate attempts to help her.
Karl had promised to do what he could to track Meredith down and put in a package of support, just in case this was the time when she was finally willing to give rehab another shot.
Her parents had told her that if she agreed to check into rehab today, the money she needed was ready and waiting.
If she was in genuine danger, then surely she’d have to accept.
But no matter how much support she was offered, the ball remained in her court.
She had to want the help, not just money, and sadly Felix wasn’t holding out much hope of that.
He’d barely ended the second call when there was a knock on the door of the OT consultation room that he’d used to give himself some privacy.
Breathing out slowly, he put his mobile back in his pocket and tried to push his fears for Meredith back down where he’d been keeping them before she’d got in touch.
He had a job to do and judging by the frantic nature of the knocking on the door, someone needed him urgently.
‘Come in.’ Whatever the person on the other side of the door wanted, he was certain it would be far easier to help them than it was to help Meredith.
‘Hi, Felix, I’m really sorry to bother you.
’ Eve had been almost the last person he’d expected to see push open the door.
She had a pinched look on her face, her eyes round with concern, as they so often looked.
Never more so than when he’d bumped into her at Oakwood Park, visiting Max.
He’d wanted to ask her about their relationship, after Annie had described her as Max’s fiancée.
Max didn’t seem to view her that way any more and Felix couldn’t help thinking how difficult it must be for Eve to come to terms with the consequences of Max’s head injury, but he sensed she didn’t want to be pushed into talking about it.
He could tell from conversations with Eden that Eve hadn’t told his sister about Max, and he doubted she’d told anyone else at the hospital that she had a fiancé living at Oakwood Park.
Whatever Eve’s reasons for keeping Max a secret, it wasn’t Felix’s place to tell anyone else what he knew, not even his sister.
He could admit that there was a part of him that hoped her relationship with Max might be as platonic as it appeared to be, but he had no right to hope for that and no idea what he’d have done about it even it were true.
He didn’t need any complications in his life right now, and Eve definitely didn’t.
So it was much better if he kept his mouth shut.
‘No problem at all. Come in, what can I do for you?’