Chapter 12
Eve had sat by Sophie’s bedside while she waited for Felix to return from talking to the team at Domusamare.
It had taken him almost half an hour and she’d spent the time watching the rise and fall of Sophie’s chest, as her vital signs were monitored and the IV fluids and medication were pumped into her body in an attempt to wash out the toxins she’d flooded it with.
Even before Felix had returned with an update, she’d known that Sophie’s motivation was to numb herself from the reality of the life she was living; one that was just too painful for her to bear.
‘Sorry it took so long.’ There was a grave expression on Felix’s face when he finally returned.
‘The out-of-hours team wouldn’t share anything with me because of client confidentiality, so I called Henry at home.
I know him well enough for him to trust that I needed the information for Sophie’s sake, and he told me that Pippa, Sophie’s social worker, called to see her on Friday and said that visitation with Carter is being suspended until the CPS decide whether or not to proceed with the child neglect case.
She’d assumed she would at least be allowed supervised contact, but apparently the contact centres are overloaded and there just isn’t the capacity.
Sophie became very distressed at the thought of not seeing Carter for an indefinite period, but her key worker supported her and thought the conversations she’d had with Sophie had helped her to see that the best thing she could do to overturn the decision was to prove she was determined to stay clean this time.
But then she had an argument with another resident today, who told her she might as well forget she had a kid as she was never going to see him again and that’s when Sophie left the centre.
She’s free to come and go as she wants, as long as she doesn’t break the conditions of her bail, so they couldn’t stop her.
That must be when she bought the paracetamol and the vodka. ’
‘She just looks so exhausted. I know what happened to Carter was unforgiveable, but when she came in before, hearing about all the stuff she’d been through would have driven anyone to the edge. And she’s so young, she can’t have been more than a teenager herself when she had Carter.’
‘I was fifteen.’ Sophie’s eyes shot open as she spoke and another wave of sadness washed over Eve.
Sophie was barely more than a child herself, even now, but Eve knew how easy it was for people to slip through the safety net when they hit eighteen and all the systems that had been in place to support them when they’d been classified as a child suddenly dried up.
She’d felt terrifyingly alone when her own mother had died, when Eve was only fourteen.
She could still remember those last hours by her mum’s bedside, watching the life drain out of the one person who’d always been able to make her feel loved and safe.
Eve’s father had provided a home in a practical sense, but the love had never been there to the same extent.
When she’d left to go to university that had been it, as far as her father and stepmother were concerned; their duty done.
Eve didn’t want to think what might have become of her if she hadn’t met Max, and had his family to go home to in the holidays.
Sophie clearly hadn’t found her safe haven, and when the safety net provided by the state had almost certainly been whipped away from her at the age of eighteen, she’d found herself at the mercy of an unscrupulous landlord and eventually sofa surfing just to keep a roof over hers and Carter’s heads.
It was heartbreaking and it was all Eve could do not to cry.
‘Thank God you’re awake, how are you feeling?’ She took the other woman’s hand, wanting to convey that someone cared, even though she knew it didn’t feel that way to Sophie.
‘Like shit.’
‘That’s probably to be expected.’ Eve exchanged a look with Felix, and he seemed as relieved as she felt that Sophie appeared to be so lucid. ‘Did you take anything apart from the paracetamol and vodka?’
‘No, I didn’t want to get high or wasted, I just didn’t want to be here any more.
I’m not a bad person.’ Sophie’s voice was raspy, no doubt as a result of the tube that had been inserted into her throat to pump her stomach, and there were dark smudges of mascara under her eyes, but agony was written all over her face too.
‘I know and whatever you might have heard us saying, we weren’t judging you, I promise. We just want to try and understand what drove you to this.’
‘Carter’s father was someone I met when I was staying out all night, finding a bed wherever I could, to avoid going home because of Mum’s boyfriend.
’ Sophie shuddered. ‘When she found out I was pregnant, she called me a slut and kicked me out. I wanted to do things so differently for Carter, and I was in a mother and baby foster placement for a bit, then in supported lodgings. I was happy because I had Carter and that was all that mattered. But when I got to eighteen, I had to find my own place to rent and that’s when it all started to fall apart.
The last year has been like hell, and I’ve just had enough of this life. I can’t do it any more.’
‘I know it feels like that’s never going to change, but I promise you, it can.
I’ve seen it lots of times before.’ Felix moved closer to the bed as he spoke.
‘I worked at an addiction crisis centre and I supported people who never believed they could get their lives back on track, repair their relationships with the people they cared about, or become full-time parents again, but I promise you all of those things are possible.’
‘I’ve got no one. I wish I knew where to find my dad, but Mum made sure there was no chance of us ever having a relationship. There’s not one person apart from Carter who cares if I live or die.’
‘I do.’ Eve grasped Sophie’s hand all the tighter.
‘So do I.’ Felix stood at her other side, his voice firm but gentle at the same time.
‘You thanked us last time we met and we said it was what we were here for, but we don’t sit by the beside of just anyone.
Neither of us are working today, but we’re here because we both care about what happens to you, Sophie, and neither of us want you to give up.
If Carter is worth fighting for, you’ve got to fight with all you’ve got. ’
‘I’d die for him.’ Tears were rolling down Sophie’s face and as Felix took a tissue from the stand by the side of the bed and gently wiped them away, the feelings that Eve had been trying to suppress for him rose even closer to the surface.
‘Carter needs you alive. I know it must feel impossible right now, but there’s lots of help and Domusamare is one of the best places to access that.
’ Felix’s tone was warm and reassuring. ‘You’ve just got to let them keep trying to help you, so that you can keep trying too.
Eventually it won’t feel impossible any more.
It might never be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. ’
‘Will they take me back?’ Sophie’s eyes were like two dark pools, in the pallor of her face, her fear at how Felix might respond reflected in them.
‘I’ve already spoken to Henry and he said there’s a place for you, as soon as you’re well enough to go back.’
‘Thank you,’ Sophie whispered and, as she closed her eyes again, Felix turned to look at Eve.
‘You’re amazing.’ She mouthed the words to him, unable to keep them in, but he shook his head. Leaving her wondering if it was just the compliment he didn’t feel able to accept, or whether the problem was that he didn’t want to hear it from her.
* * *
It had been a huge relief to discover that Sophie wasn’t showing any signs of sustaining lasting damage from the overdose.
She’d been incredibly lucky that she’d got to the hospital so quickly.
It had been a narrow escape and Eve hoped it really had been enough of a wake-up call for Sophie to accept the help that was being offered.
For now, she’d been admitted for a further twenty-four-hour observation period and Eve finally felt able to leave her once she’d fallen asleep.
‘You must be starving. I know I am.’ Felix turned to her as they crossed the car park to where he’d abandoned his car the night before.
‘We never got our Chinese and the crisps we bought from the vending machine just aren’t cutting it any more.
Although thank goodness it also sells toothbrushes and toothpaste, otherwise after three packets of cheese and onion crisps, you might have insisted I drive with the windows open. ’
‘I would have done, although seeing as my flavour of choice was Thai sweet chilli, I’d hardly have had room to talk.
Real food does sound good, but it’s three o’clock in the morning.
I don’t think we’re going to find anywhere open yet.
Even that café in Port Kara that opens for the fisherman doesn’t start doing breakfast until five a.m.’
‘Luckily for you, I know a place that does.’ Felix grinned and a part of her wanted to say thanks but no thanks, after the way he’d reacted when she told him she thought he was amazing.
The trouble was, an even bigger part of her wanted to talk to someone about the feelings that Sophie’s overdose had brought up for her.
The truth was she didn’t just want to speak to someone about it, she wanted to speak to Felix.
‘Okay, why not?’ She shrugged and, on what turned out to be a very short journey, they talked about the hope they both shared that Sophie had turned a corner.
Eve was just about to tell him about something Sophie had said that had really struck a chord with her, when he brought the car to a stop outside a set of six purpose-built apartments, on the edge of Port Kara, all of which had a view of the sea. ‘Is this your place?’