Chapter 18 #2
‘Your freedom isn’t nothing, Eve, it’s everything.
’ Gwen grasped her wrist, as if she was worried that Eve might suddenly make a bolt for the door, before she’d heard everything the older woman wanted to say.
‘There’s no way of knowing if things will work out with Felix, I get that, but you can’t spend the rest of your life playing it safe.
That really would be a waste. If you’re honest and it costs you your relationship with Max’s family, I know that’s going to hurt like hell, but even if things don’t go anywhere with Felix, you’ll have the freedom to try again and one day you’ll meet someone who makes all that sacrifice feel like it’s worth it. ’
‘Yeah and you won’t be on your own anyway, you’ve got your St Piran’s family now.
’ Meg gave her a gentle nudge and tears pricked Eve’s eyes.
There were people sitting around this table who cared for her and would continue to care for her, whether or not she stayed engaged to Max.
That was the deciding factor; she was going to take a leap of faith to allow herself to make a fresh start, she just had to decide when.
* * *
‘Did you have a bath in that aftershave?’ Max pinched the end of his nose. ‘Because it smells like you did.’
‘Last time I was here you said I smelt of hospitals and I know you hate that.’ Felix smiled.
The funding for Max’s OT sessions had been extended in light of the progress he’d made, and the fact that he was now so close to being ready to move to semi-independence.
But there was still a lot of work to do and once Max moved into the bungalow, he’d no longer receive the same kind of intensive therapy, which meant they had to make the most of every visit.
Felix and Max were approaching the end of a session where they’d been working on life skills together in one of the communal kitchens at Oakwood Park, and now they were back in Max’s room.
Felix raised his hands in mock surrender as he continued.
‘I can’t win with you sometimes, can I?’
‘Not when you smell like an explosion in a factory that makes air freshener for Poundland.’ Max had a cuttingly dry sense of humour when he felt like it and Felix couldn’t help wondering how much of it was a legacy from before the assault, or if that was something else that had changed.
‘I just hope you haven’t put it on for the benefit of a woman, because unless she’s lost her sense of smell, you’re going to be out of luck. ’
‘So what would your advice be if I find someone attractive and I want them to notice me?’
Max’s eyes widened in response. ‘Before I answer, can I just get one thing straight? You’re not talking about me, are you?’
Felix laughed. ‘No, you’re quite safe, Max.
I just want your advice that’s all.’ Maybe it was wrong of him to ask a question like that, especially when the person he was talking about was the other man’s fiancée, but he’d seen the two of them together, and it couldn’t have been more obvious that Max no longer felt the same way about Eve.
He seemed to get angrier and more upset around her than anyone else.
Maybe it was because she was such a reminder of how different his life had been before the assault, or because having her around made him feel more pressure to try and be the person he no longer was.
Whatever the case, it was clear her presence was a trigger.
‘Umm.’ Max looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Just tell her you like her? I don’t know why people can’t just say what they mean, it would make life a lot easier.’
‘I guess it would.’ Just as Felix responded, the door to the bedroom was pushed open and Max clearly wasn’t happy to see the new arrival.
‘For Christ’s sake. I’ve told you before, this is MY room and you’ve got to knock so I can decide if I want you to come in or not.’
‘I don’t think I need you to tell me that, it’s pretty obvious.
’ Eve attempted a smile, but Felix could see the hurt in her eyes and he desperately wanted to give her a hug, even though he knew he couldn’t.
On the flight home from San Francisco, she’d made it clear that she wanted to take things slowly and he’d known what that meant; that she didn’t want Max or his parents to find out what was going on between them, at least for now.
He could understand that and he was happy to move at her pace.
It was just hard when he wanted to be there for her and he had to keep up the pretence that they were nothing more than friends.
‘Not everything’s about you, Eve, the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.’ The irony of Max’s words seemed to afford her a genuine smile and Felix couldn’t help thinking how beautiful she was.
‘Sometimes I do forget that.’ She grinned again as she exchanged a look with Felix and the desire to kiss her was almost too much, forcing him to look down at the notes he’d taken.
‘We’ve had a good session today, haven’t we, Max? Lots of progress towards being ready for semi-independent living, the sky’s the limit after that.’
‘Yeah, I thought maybe brain surgery. How many years do you think it will take before I’m ready to start my training. One?’ Max held up his middle finger in a gesture that was obviously designed to convey his feelings about Felix’s comment, before switching to a two-fingered V sign. ‘Or two.’
‘As long as all your patients are unconscious and they don’t have to talk to you, I think you should be fine,’ Eve said, before sticking out her tongue and for a few seconds Max stared at her, before starting to laugh.
‘Okay, that was good.’ Sitting down heavily on the sofa in his room, he picked up the games console that Felix had been forced to more or less wrestle from his grasp when he’d arrived for their session. ‘But why are you here? You only came in yesterday.’
‘Your mum’s got a migraine, so she asked if I could pop in and see if you needed anything.’
‘You could have phoned.’ Max was already loading the game.
‘I could.’ Eve breathed out slowly, before taking two steps closer to Max. ‘So do you need anything?’
‘An upgrade to my PlayStation.’
‘You know your mum wants to get you that next Christmas.’
‘Yeah and she should know I’m not a bloody ten-year-old. I’m a grown man and if I want a new PlayStation, I shouldn’t have to save up for it with my Christmas money like a little kid.’
Eve was wearing an expression that suggested she might agree with Max, but she didn’t say so. In all the times Felix had interacted with the family, and even when he’d spoken to Eve on her own, he’d never once heard her say anything to challenge Annie’s opinion.
‘Why don’t you talk to her again?’ Eve’s tone was reasonable. ‘But in the meantime, is there anything I can get for you now? What’s on the menu for dinner? I can go and pick up a takeaway for you if you don’t like what’s on offer.’
‘Yeah, I’ll have a McDonald’s.’
‘Are you just asking for that because you know the nearest one means I’ll be out of your hair for forty-five minutes?’
‘That’s just a bonus.’ Max didn’t even look up.
‘The usual?’ Eve asked. ‘A Big Mac meal with a strawberry milkshake?’
‘Yep.’
‘Right, see you in forty-five minutes, then.’ She turned to look at Felix and he wanted to tell her that it didn’t have to be like this. She didn’t have to keep doing this when it clearly hurt her as much as it did, but he knew his words would be futile.
‘I’ll walk out with you,’ he said instead. ‘See you again on Tuesday, Max.’
‘Yeah, okay, shut the door on the way out. I don’t want to hear that old woman next door watching the Yorkshire Auction House on bloody volume fifty all night long.’
When they got out into the corridor, Eve was the first to speak. ‘I wish you’d known Max before all of this.’
‘He’s quite the character and his sense of humour is still sharp, so I can only imagine.’ As Felix replied, he tapped in the code to release the door to the reception area.
‘It used to be sharp, but now it’s mostly vicious.
’ Eve sighed. ‘It’s like the sight of me brings out the worst in him and I’m at the point where I think trying to carry on like we are is bad for us both.
’ She turned to face him after they’d walked through another set of double doors into the car park.
‘I told Eden and some of the others about us.’
‘Did you?’ He smiled, but her face clouded again in response.
‘Yes. Should I have asked you first?’
‘Not at all, I’d tell that guy getting into his car over there if I thought he’d listen. I want us to be able to go out and be open with our friends and my family about all of it, but I know it’s not as straightforward for you and the last thing I want is to put any kind of pressure on you.’
‘Being with you,’ Eve slipped her arms around his waist, ‘is the part of my life that has the least pressure. It feels easy and right. It’s all this stuff that feels hard, but if I thought Max got something out of it, I’d battle on.
Except I’ve realised I’m not doing this for him, any more, I’m doing it for Annie and I don’t think that’s helping her.
So I’ve decided I’m going to tell them. I just need to pick the right moment. ’
‘That’s really great.’ He couldn’t keep the smile off his face, but he needed her to know he wasn’t going to force her hand in any way. ‘Although if you change your mind, I’ll understand.’
‘That’s exactly why I won’t change my mind.
’ She kissed him, seeming as reluctant to let him go as he was to leave.
But he was going to dinner with his parents, and Eden and Drew, to celebrate his dad’s birthday.
Introducing Eve to the rest of his family might be a step too far, too soon, even if she hadn’t promised to go on a lengthy errand for Max.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then?’ He held her hand as he spoke and she nodded, before finally pulling away.
‘See you tomorrow.’
He watched her for a moment as she climbed into her car and then turned back towards his own, just as a text message pinged through. It was from Ashleigh.
Just wanted to let you know that Dad had a stroke the day after the funeral.
It was scary as hell, but they’re pretty sure he’ll make a full recovery.
I’m certain it was the stress of losing Merri, but he told me the thought of the twins carried him through and that he’s determined to get better for them.
We’re all trying to look forward to the future and we want you to do the same, I know Merri would.
Take care, Felix, and come visit us soon xx
Felix hit the reply button and typed out his response, wishing Don a speedy recovery and telling Ashleigh he was only ever at the end of the phone if she needed someone to talk to.
Meredith’s family had been through so much and yet they were still focusing on what the future could bring them.
He hoped for Eve’s sake that Annie and Nigel would be able to do the same, because if anyone deserved to move on from the past it was her.