Chapter Twenty-One
Dagmar
D agmar could hardly breathe, knowing something big was about to happen. Something she’d only dreamed of. The soft kisses on her heated skin had turned sinful. James’s lips and fingers were busy on her most intimate area, and she no longer felt the need to hold back. If she just relaxed…
The second she did so, all the sensations doubled, tripled, then detonated.
She let out a cry, jolting like she’d been hit by lightning. She’d never known anything like this. James crawled back up to her, lust blazing in his bright blue eyes. Dagmar panted, not sure where to look or what to say. She was completely exposed and kind of lost. Cold and shaky.
Was that all he was going to do? Would he leave now?
‘Are you ok?’ He raised an eyebrow as he looked at her.
She nodded, then wrapped her arms about herself. A second later, a wall of heat surrounded her. James’s strong embrace held her close, and he kissed her brow. He’d removed all his clothes, and she felt him hard against her.
‘You’re so beautiful. Are you enjoying yourself?’
‘It’s better than I imagined.’ Dagmar’s head and heart might explode. How did people do this casually? Maybe it was like everything else: the more you did it, the more you got used to it. She couldn’t see herself ever taking moments like these for granted. Her breathing calmed and the rush of serotonin spread out, filtering through her nervous system, as James gently kissed her and soothed her.
His breath fluttered across her skin. ‘I feel so much,’ he said. ‘Normally, I’m good at detaching myself, but Christ. You’re too good.’
‘Am I?’
‘Yes.’
‘But we haven’t even…’
‘When you’re ready.’
‘I’m ready now.’ Readier than she’d ever thought she would be. ‘I really want it.’
‘Ok.’ He lay down, taking her with him, and shifted one of his legs between hers. Wiry hairs tickled the inside of her thighs, a deep heat building again.
‘I thought this was just going to be sex.’ She gazed into his eyes.
‘That’s what we’re doing.’
‘Are you sure?’ She fixed him with a hard stare. ‘This feels like more… I don’t know. It’s a lot more fun than I imagined. I thought it would be more serious.’
He ran his fingertips down her cheek. ‘No point in it being serious if you want to enjoy yourself.’ He moved off her for a moment and she wondered what he was doing, then she realised he was sheathing himself.
‘I get it. You want to ruin me for everyone else?’
‘Something like that.’ He came back to her, grinning. His mouth found hers and the urgency returned.
He moved in between her legs, pushing her thighs wide, and smoothing his palms over her. She wasn’t worried about him encountering any physical barriers; horse riding had seen to that, but he was big, and she tensed. ‘It’s ok. We can do this. Just relax… if you can.’ He lowered his face to hers and kissed her, slipping his hand between them and teasing her until she relaxed and was ready. Then he inched in.
At first, she winced a little, not sure if the burn was painful because of the touch, or because she was so desperate for it. Slowly and surely, he filled her, and she panted, adjusting to all the new sensations.
‘Still ok?’ He watched her.
She smiled, emotions rising inside her. ‘It’s good. You’re in.’ He was the first person who’d ever done it. She wished he could be the last. Maybe he would be, not because he was planning on sticking around, but even if he went off with some rich woman, Dagmar might not want anyone else doing this.
He blew out a breath. ‘Tell me to stop if it’s too much. Ok?’
‘Ok.’
He groaned as his hips drove into her, gently at first, then faster. Pinned beneath his hard body, she started to enjoy the friction. Even the sound was oddly erotic. Her inhibitions dissolved and she let out a long moan, embracing fully the raw energy surging through her. She was desirable and invincible. Epona, the horse goddess, was in a different saddle now, a new and very hot one. The pleasure coiling inside her was like nothing she could describe or explain. No one could have prepared her for this. She tightened with every thrust.
‘I’m not sure I can… oh James. I think I’m—’
He ground into her until she shattered again, a wild groan escaping her. Following a few more thrusts, James’s body stiffened. ‘Oh god,’ he moaned, collapsing on top of her.
She savoured the solid weight of him, the heavy thud of his heart pounding against her chest. Heat radiated from him, surrounding her, and she wanted to stay like this forever. But all too quickly he rolled off her, staring up at the moulded ceiling as he lay on his back. Had she done something wrong? He jumped off the bed.
‘Let me get rid of this. I’ll be back. Here.’ Grabbing the duvet, he covered her with it, then disappeared out of the door.
Dagmar lay still, not quite sure what to do or think. Her legs were still shaky, but her core felt full to the brim. She wasn’t a virgin anymore. That thought made her smile. But where was James? Was this his way of keeping things casual? Would he leave now they’d done the deed? The door swung open, and he returned.
‘Hey.’ He slipped under the cover with her and smiled at her. ‘How does it feel?’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Down there.’
‘Ok.’
‘Not too sore? I can get you a warm flannel or something, if you want?’
She smiled. ‘I’m fine. I guess horse riding has its uses for other things too.’
He let out a little laugh and pulled her into an embrace. ‘I guess. Do you like cuddling?’
‘I think so.’
‘Then let’s do it.’
‘Do you like it?’
He stroked her hair as she placed her head on his chest, loving his slightly coarse hair against her cheek. ‘Normally, no. My ex probably thinks me the coldest lover she ever had.’
‘Why?’
‘You want me to tell you about an ex right now?’
‘Yeah. Why not? It’s not like talking about her will make her appear or anything.’
‘Well, she and I didn’t really feel that much for each other. We had an arrangement, kind of friends with benefits and kind of faking it for our families. We never cuddled. I think she wanted to, and I always felt bad because I didn’t. I couldn’t. It wasn’t like that for me.’
‘I don’t know how you do this casually,’ she said, voicing her feelings from earlier.
‘I’m struggling to remember myself.’ He planted a kiss on her forehead. ‘Let’s just cuddle for a bit. Then I might need some food.’
‘And… Will you stay after that?’
‘If you want me to. We could even go for round two if you’re up for it.’
She grinned. ‘I think that’s more of an issue for you than me.’
‘I’m sure it won’t be a problem.’ He winked, and she buried her face in his chest, letting all the joy of the moment seep into her.
A thrill ran through Dagmar as she walked with James towards the stables the following morning. Holding hands in public wouldn’t be sensible, but their little fingers brushed every so often, bringing a smile to her face. A hint of rain hung in the air, but it hadn’t come to anything yet.
‘It’s great, this,’ he said. ‘We can spend the whole weekend together and no one will know we’re not just innocently going riding together.’
She smiled, feeling her cheeks warm. ‘Indeed. Even if we continue riding later.’
‘Oh, you’re naughty.’ He ticked his finger at her. ‘That didn’t take long to convert you.’
She let out a laugh. Everything looked different somehow. It was stupid to think she was seeing the world through fresh eyes, but she was. She’d done something new and incredible. After hearing so many stories about first times being awful, she’d almost talked herself out of ever having sex. But now she’d tasted it, she wanted more. Though a painful stab reminded her this was borrowed time. Still, she didn’t need to think about that just now.
They reached the stables and started preparing the horses. Zephyra snorted softly as Dagmar approached, and she scratched her neck. James started on Conker, whistling a jaunty tune. Since when had he been this cheerful?
‘I never thought I’d enjoy riding this much,’ he said. ‘It’s actually a lot of fun.’
‘You’ve definitely taken to it,’ Dagmar replied.
‘I had a good teacher.’ He snuck into her stall and put his arms around her from behind. She giggled, and he placed a long kiss on her cheek. She turned, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his hot mouth. Zephyra snorted, but Dagmar ignored her. She could stand by and watch for a moment. This was too good an opportunity to miss.
Voices at the door made them leap apart. James staggered backwards a little, but wasn’t able to get out of the stall before two people came in. Francesca Chattan-Blythe and her mother, Jacinta, entered the stable. Dagmar froze. Jacinta was the estate owner’s wife and although Ophelia pretty much managed everything, her stepmother still had some power and could probably get rid of Dagmar if she wanted.
Jacinta’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Dagmar and James.
‘Morning,’ Dagmar said.
‘Hi.’ Francesca gave her a little wave, but even she had a slightly raised eyebrow. Dagmar guessed she and Caitlin would have their heads together, gossiping, as soon as they got together, but that was only a small concern next to Jacinta, who hadn’t taken her eyes off them.
‘Morning.’ Jacinta shifted her focus to James. ‘Are you here to see Ophelia?’
James shook his head. ‘Er, no. I ride here.’
‘You do?’ Jacinta raised both brows. ‘I don’t recall you being a rider.’
Dagmar’s stomach tightened. ‘He’s taking refresher lessons. Didn’t Ophelia tell you?’
Francesca’s gaze was still curious as she busied herself at the feed box. ‘I’m sure she mentioned it to you, Mum.’
‘Well, that’s very interesting,’ Jacinta said. ‘She may have mentioned it, but I must have misunderstood her.’
‘Um…’ Dagmar swallowed.
‘I doubt it.’ James leaned on the edge of the stall. ‘It’s surprised everyone. But now when I’m in the saddle, I feel great.’
Jacinta gave a tight-lipped smile. ‘You never mentioned a thing about it when you were here last year. I feel like it would have been the ideal conversation starter for you and Ophelia.’
‘Good point. That was a bit silly of me.’ He eased his way out of the stall. ‘Should get this lad ready.’
Jacinta moved back to let him pass. Her eyes turned back to Dagmar. No words left her lips, but they didn’t have to. Her eyes told Dagmar she’d seen all she needed and suspected a whole lot more. Eventually, she moved on. Francesca glanced back, giving Dagmar an odd, almost pleading look, like she really hoped what she’d seen wasn’t true.
Dagmar couldn’t wait to get the saddle on Zephyra and get her out of the stables. The sun was poking through the clouds, and the threat of rain had eased. James mounted Conker with a lot more confidence than he had just a few weeks ago. He looked almost assured enough to pass as someone who’d been riding for a long time and had indeed only needed a few refresher lessons to get him going.
As they headed for the bridle path, James glanced over at Dagmar, his brow furrowed, and she met his gaze. ‘That wasn’t good, was it?’
‘Meeting Jacinta, you mean?’
‘Yup. She’ll make mischief out of what she saw in there. I just know it.’
‘Yes, I expect she will.’ Dagmar sighed. ‘She’s a major gossip.’
He pulled a face. ‘Like my mother. I just hope it doesn’t get you into trouble.’ He checked around. ‘We should be a little more discreet. Well, I should be. You’ve done nothing wrong. I need to get a hold of myself.’
‘I could take a hold for you.’
He burst out laughing. ‘You really are a naughty one. But, easy tiger, you can take hold of anything you fancy later on.’ He winked.
A smile tugged at her lips, and she let the worries about Jacinta slip away. For now. ‘I look forward to it.’
He’d learned to ride quick enough, and she could learn how to be a goddess in the bedroom just as fast.
‘Come home with me later,’ he said. ‘You missed seeing my house yesterday. I think you’ll like it.’
She sucked on her lower lip. Should she? Why not? She deserved a night off, and she could only begin to imagine what James’s house would be like. Not just his house, but his bed.
‘Ok.’
Late in the afternoon, Dagmar tossed a few essentials into a bag before jumping into James’s car. Ophelia was still at her friend’s party in Edinburgh, and Dagmar felt weird leaving the stables completely unattended. She messaged Barbara, the estate manager, to say if anyone needed her to call straight away. Wouldn’t it just be the thing for something to happen tonight? But hopefully with CCTV now installed, everything would be fine. She hadn’t been called to an emergency for a long time.
‘Ophelia will be back soon.’ James squeezed her thigh. ‘So try not to worry.’ But that would be difficult.
He drove the other way up the lochside than she was used to. Normally she’d drive towards Glenbriar to see her mum, which she really must do soon. She needed to talk to someone about what had happened and if she couldn’t talk to her mum, then who? Ophelia? Kristi? She classed them as friends now. Kristi had said to drop her a message any time. Why not?
As James drove, she tapped out a text.
DAGMAR: Hey! Hope you don’t mind me messaging like this. I’m going to someone’s house tonight *wink emoji*… You can probably guess who, but I’m feeling nervous about leaving the stables. I’m sure everything will be fine, but argh!! Sorry… Just need to get it off my chest.
She sent it, then cringed. Did it sound totally stupid? A few seconds later, the ticks turned blue and the word typing appeared at the top. Dagmar waited, watching the scenery, until a message pinged.
KRISTI: Ooh! You didn’t waste time. Don’t worry about the stables. Caitlin wants to go up and get something she left there yesterday, so we’ll nip up later and check everything’s ok. You enjoy yourself x
‘Oh god,’ Dagmar said.
‘What?’ James frowned.
‘I didn’t mean for Kristi to go up and check.’ She explained what was in the message.
‘But she’s going anyway.’
Dagmar hoped that was the truth. Kristi was so nice Dagmar could well imagine her driving up just to help out.
James turned into the driveway of a modern mansion with sleek lines, white paintwork and expansive windows gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. Dagmar’s breath caught.
‘Wow.’ It looked very similar to Duchan Fayre and had clearly been built around the same time.
‘You like it?’
‘It’s huge.’
‘It’s not all mine. My parents built it. I’ve got my own wing, so it’s like my own place, but with familiar neighbours.’
Dagmar could see both ups and downs with that arrangement.
He parked around the back and glanced up at the windows. ‘My mum technically can’t see this part of the building from here, but let’s get in quickly, just in case. She’s very nosey.’
He led her through a side entrance that was grander than most people’s front doors. As soon as they stepped inside, Dagmar’s jaw dropped. Polished wood floors, high ceilings, and elegant furniture filled the space. Compared to her humble cottage – which was a mansion compared to the trailer – this place was Buckingham Palace. No wonder James was on the chase for a rich wife. How much better suited to him were the likes of Ophelia and Victoria? So much more than me.
‘Would you like a tour?’ he asked.
‘Yeah… I guess.’ Though every step she took made her feel even worse about herself. She and James were the same age, but he had all this.
‘This is the living room.’ James opened the door. ‘And across here, we have the kitchen.’
She nodded, trying to focus on his words but feeling increasingly out of place. They climbed a sweeping staircase, and he led her down a corridor. ‘There are two bedrooms up here and my office.’ He pushed open the door to his room and Dagmar’s inside contracted.
A plush white room with subtle duck egg and navy contrasts unfolded before her. She could imagine posh suites in hotels looking like this. But she’d never been in one. It was a world away from what she was used to.
James furrowed his brow. ‘Hey, are you ok?’
‘Yeah, it’s just… a lot to take in compared to where I live.’
‘It’s just a house, and one that my parents handed to me on a plate. I don’t intend to stay in it forever.’ He smiled, pulling her close. ‘You make it special by being here.’
She smiled back, and he pushed the door behind him. The large bed with its plush duvet looked soft and comfortable. Dagmar’s mind had already raced ahead to visions of them entwined in the sheets. That was exactly what she craved, his hot body inside her again. James leaned in, his lips brushing hers, and she responded eagerly.
Just as their kiss deepened, the doorbell rang.
James groaned, pulling back. ‘Stay here. I bet that’s my mother. She has a habit of just walking in on me, so I better answer it.’
Dagmar nodded, watching as he left the room. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. His mother? Much as she loved her mum, she wasn’t sure she’d like this level of interference. She moved to the door and put her head to it.
What were they saying? An urge to know seized her and she pushed open the door to listen.