Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
I paced back and forth in the open living area of our chambers, chewing on my lip as I thought about what Cassius was trying to do tonight. Sure, he looked like me, but I wasn’t convinced I’d ever met a man less like me in my entire life.
He wasn’t going to pull it off. He would smile too much. Or not enough. And he definitely wouldn’t make the right jokes. The princess was supposed to be falling for me, and instead she was going to be presented with a man who was just like every other pompous arsehole she’d ever met.
I groaned, swiping a hand down my face before dropping it as I let out a long breath.
It didn’t matter. I just had to hope that he took my advice and stayed fairly quiet.
He had my face so he would at least look good enough, and I’d just have to tell her I’d been feeling unwell the next time I saw her to explain the lack of banter. It was the only option.
“Do you need something to help you relax?” Kyra asked from where she was perched on a windowsill across the room, drawing my attention her way.
The moonlight shining through the slatted shutters glimmered on her dark hair, and I felt like I was looking at the magic in her again as I let my eyes roam over her, this strange, ethereal being who had somehow become such an important piece of my life.
I drank her in, my mouth drying out as I tried to arrange my thoughts again and I cursed myself as I fought against the desire she lit in me, the temptation she posed.
I was here to marry a princess. I couldn’t let myself be distracted by a creature who couldn’t even be touched, no matter how often she drew my attention or how many times I found myself looking at her like this.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I can be sure he hasn’t fucked this up,” I muttered, turning from her as I paced away again, forcing my thoughts back onto the matter at hand.
“Cassius is a good friend and a good man. I’m sure he’ll do a good job,” she said earnestly. “Yes, I know I said ‘good’ a lot, but I thought great would have been overkill...well you don’t actually know everything ...he doesn’t think I’m insane he just thinks I’m-”
I turned to look at her again and she abruptly stopped talking like she’d suddenly realised I could hear her.
An amused smile pulled at my lips as she squirmed with embarrassment, biting into the fullness of her bottom lip as her hands curled into fists at her sides.
“Sorry, Master,” she muttered, dropping her eyes and heat flared across my skin at that word, irritation prickling at me.
“I told you not to call me that anymore,” I replied, moving closer to her, my steps slow and unfaltering.
Kyra stilled as I stopped before her, the scent of her skin making me inhale slowly as I watched her, waiting while she fought against the instinct to show submission to me.
She raised her eyes up to meet mine and my pulse skipped as I was captured in her gaze, her wide, golden eyes pulling me in.
I placed my hand on the wall beside the window frame and leaned over her, wanting to be closer even though I knew there was no sense in that.
“Sorry,” she breathed, drawing her legs up onto the windowsill and crossing them beneath her, making her skirt ride up to reveal the smooth skin of her thighs, my gaze lingering there a moment before shifting back to her face.
There was something intoxicating about her that went beyond the power that crackled beneath her flesh and had everything to do with the mysteries lying deep inside her eyes.
There was darkness there and hurt too, but somehow her gaze still held a lightness and hope which I’d given up on for myself, but I was becoming addicted to seeking it out in her eyes.
How did someone live through all she had and still maintain that outlook on life?
How had she managed it when all I had lived through had only ever served to stain and harden my soul?
I knew I was a selfish man, even a cruel one when I had to be, cunning, unforgiving, suspicious, murderous at times.
All things I’d had to become to survive the life I’d been gifted by the gods who had abandoned us so long ago. And yet she wasn’t like me.
The moonlight highlighted her high cheekbones, and I almost lifted my hand, wanting to run my fingers across her skin despite knowing she was untouchable, my fingers curling into a fist as I held them back.
“Don’t be sorry,” I replied, dropping my voice to a firm tone as I went on. “Just don’t do it again.”
A smile graced her full lips and my heart beat a little faster as my attention fixed on her mouth.
“I’ll try not to,” Kyra agreed, and I nodded in confirmation, but I didn’t remove myself from her space.
“Have you thought of something you’d like to do for yourself?” I asked her, needing to distract myself from worrying about Cassius and the princess.
“Umm, kind of. But it’s a bit strange,” she admitted, a blush colouring her cheeks and making me want to know even more.
“Of course it is,” I teased and she breathed a laugh.
The silence stretched as I waited for her to tell me what it was, but she didn’t. She just sat looking at me, seeming to have an internal war with herself over whether or not to voice it while the air between us grew thick with the unspoken words.
“So?” I prompted gently, finding myself desperate to know what she desired, what someone who had the power to create everything for everyone around her, might crave for herself alone.
“I’m not sure if I should say it or not,” she admitted.
The height of the window put her closer to me than she would have been on her feet, and the distance parting us was less than it probably should have been, but I still didn’t draw back.
“I think I want it, and all of the pieces of me have agreed for once but...”
“But?” I questioned, curiosity burning a hole right through me as the war taking place in her eyes held me captive.
“I’m afraid,” she breathed.
“What have you got to be afraid of, little goddess?” I asked, shifting my weight so that I was leaning into the arm I held pressed to the wall, the stone cool against my flesh. “You’re the most powerful creature I’ve ever met. You can do anything, everything. Nothing should scare you.”
“I’m afraid of the coin,” Kyra admitted, eyeing it where it lay flush to my skin, hanging from the chain she’d given me.
I hadn’t put a tunic on again to combat the stifling heat, and I was almost certain her eyes trailed past the coin and over my body for a moment, but as her gaze snapped back up to meet mine, it was hard to be sure, and I was left uncertain over her once again.
“I promised I’d never put you back in there and I meant it,” I said, letting her see the truth of that vow as she worried her bottom lip and fisted her fingers in the skirt of her dress.
Kyra’s gaze warmed with some emotion I couldn’t quite place as she accepted the truth of that promise, and I could tell just how much it meant to her.
I wasn’t a man who often did anything for anyone else, but I couldn’t deny how much I enjoyed making her look at me like that.
Like I was more than just a street thug or a pretty face, like she looked at me and saw something of worth despite all the reasons to see nothing beyond the selfish, hungry creature I was.
“And I’m afraid to be alone,” she added softly.
“You’ll never be alone while we’re bound to each other either,” I murmured, turning my hand over and looking at the skin where I knew the ethereal chain rested, despite being unable to see it.
She lifted her hand too, trailing a finger over her throat where a glimmer of white appeared, revealing the stone which lay there, marking her too. Some primal, un-awakened part of me liked that, seeing solid proof of our bond and our ties to one another.
“And I’m also afraid, that I...” She bit her lip, seeming frightened to even voice the thought which plagued her as I moved even closer, wanting to take away the fear in her eyes as I leaned down and breathed in the sweet scent of her skin. “That I'm not really real at all,” she finished finally.
“You are real. You’re right here in front of me,” I said firmly, my fingers flexing where I pressed them to the wall, the desire to prove that to her somehow rising up in me fiercely.
Kyra looked up at me and it was like the stars were alight in her eyes.
I could see the magic swirling in their depths, but I could see something that was entirely her too.
She was still the girl she’d once been. Even if the magic and solitude made it hard for her to remember.
She’d had dreams of her own once, a life of her own, and I could see a whole lot more than power in her.
Kyra’s attention travelled over my face, and she frowned like she wasn’t really sure what she was looking at.
It shouldn’t have mattered to me that she thought I was ugly.
She was just one girl amongst hundreds who would disagree, but somehow it did matter to me.
I wanted her to look at me differently. I wanted her to look at me the way the others did even if I shouldn’t have been thinking about her like that at all.
I was here to marry a princess. The most beautiful girl in all of Osaria.
Or so everyone said. And though when I looked at Austyn, I could definitely see what all the fuss was about, I didn’t quite see what I did when I looked upon Kyra’s face.
“So, are you going to tell me what it is you want?” I asked her, wondering if there was anything I wouldn’t grant her in that moment, feeling like our roles were reversed and I was the one dedicated to carrying out her wishes and desires, my sole purpose to bring them to life.
“It’s not so much of a physical object,” she began hesitantly. “It’s more something I think I want to do.”
“You think?” I teased. “So you’re not sure?”
“Not yet,” she said. “But I don’t think I will be until I try it.”