Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bastien
I probably should have avoided the records room for the entire duration of Marclinus’s “trials.” Even though today passed without incident, the palace guards are twice as alert, not wanting to be blamed for any oversights.
But the events of the past few days have left an uncomfortably restless energy coursing beneath my skin. I need to do something —or to at least feel as if I’ve done something—to temper it.
I don’t want to find out what might happen if I let my agitation continue to build.
So I’m here in the library just shy of midnight, navigating the aisles between the shelves in the dark with the benefit of years of practice. The emperor and his staff trust their locks; they don’t bother to guard the records room otherwise.
It never occurred to them that I might have ways of getting around their basic protections. And I’m always careful to ensure there’s no evidence of my interference.
I ease open the door and am just stepping inside when a voice reaches me from several paces away. “What’s in there?”
With a lurch of my heart, I whirl around.
Princess Aurelia is just pushing herself out of one of the nearby armchairs with a swift swipe of her eyes. Had she… fallen asleep there?
What would she have been doing in the library in the middle of the night without even a lantern?
Curse it all. Now I have to answer her.
I’m not sure which is worse—that or the fact that I can’t stop my gaze from traveling over her, checking to confirm that all signs of her sickness are gone. Not that I could count on being able to tell anyway. The way she was striding around the palace last night, I had no idea she was remotely ill until she crumpled like a puppet with its strings cut.
The memory makes my stomach twist all over again. Up until that point, I was berating myself for not sabotaging her better, annoyed that my gambit hadn’t affected her at all. Meanwhile I almost killed her.
Gods help me, I never would have outright poisoned her. Not purposefully.
There are only two people in this world I’ve ever wanted to murder, and both of them are untouchable. I did let my frustration get the better of me yesterday, let it cloud my mind so I forgot about the consequences of her sacrifice…
Does she even fully know that? I’m not sure how much of what I said she absorbed in her feverish state.
Why is she even talking to me if she does?
The knot of guilt in my gut doesn’t change that for all she impressed me with her fortitude, she’s still a potential enemy. I set aside my many questions and keep my tone as even as possible with my answer. “Nothing of much importance.”
If Aurelia was dozing, she’s snapped back to alertness quickly enough. She glances at the sign mounted over the door and then back at me. “I heard that’s where the imperial records are kept. Finances and trade and all that. You don’t consider them important?”
I clench my jaw to stop it from twitching with annoyance. If she already knew, why did she ask?
To find out what I’d say. Whether I’d lie.
We are still at odds, no matter how much Lorenzo insists that we should go easier on her—that she isn’t out to undermine the rest of us and our kingdoms. That she actually wants to help us.
The man’s closer to me than my own brother, but he gets so swept up in his fanciful notions sometimes.
She didn’t trust him enough to admit she was feeling unwell yesterday. Instead she lied and said she was merely tired.
And then she didn’t look even fatiged when we first encountered her afterward.
I thought the constant assured calm she’s shown throughout the trials meant that no part of Tarquin and Marclinus’s tests bothered her all that much. But if she can pass for nothing worse than irritable while she’s burning up with fever and ready to vomit her guts out, maybe I don’t really know anything about her at all.
Why in the realms would she trust me not to lie, after everything I’ve said and done before?
In the midst of my inner conflict, one particular detail from my mental inventory of the records room jumps out. I might be able to discern more of her motives without resorting to anything harmful .
Although I suspect I should kowtow a little first. She has earned some kind of apology.
I motion for her to follow me into the smaller room. “If you’re curious, I can show you around. It’s all rather dry and boring, but I like to take a look at the data every now and then.”
Aurelia walks closer but stops a few steps from the doorway. Her expression turns puzzled. “Emperor Tarquin gives you free access to his records?”
I shrug in a nonchalant way that I hope looks convincing. “He wants us to make use of our skills however we can.”
It isn’t even a lie. I just didn’t directly answer her question.
Aurelia peers past me toward the shelves of record books and scrolls before returning her pensive gaze to me. In the faint moonlight cast through the far windows, her deep blue eyes look even more striking than usual.
“And should I be concerned that you’ve changed your mind about murdering me and are simply looking for an out of the way spot to give it another try?”
So, she did catch that part of our conversation. My face flushes with shame I can’t suppress. “That was—I misjudged, badly. I swear to you that I never intended more than a mild discomfort, and I’m sorry I put you through all that unpleasantness. And it seems I may have misjudged you altogether, and I should never have interfered in the first place.”
Her eyebrows arch. “Does that mean you’ll stop with the threats and the sabotage completely?”
I don’t want to answer that, since I’m not sure myself. It feels wrong to lie to her face.
I dip my head, a motion of deference that could be taken for a nod. “I’d like the chance to make up for my mistakes. If you’ll let me.”
And in doing so, I can determine exactly how much of my previous conduct has actually been a mistake.
Aurelia doesn’t look completely convinced, but I must sound genuine enough that she’s assured I won’t turn around and stab her. She brushes her fingers against the bodice of her gown where her godlen mark must lie beneath. “I suppose you’re lucky I believe in peace.”
“If you change your mind, you can always tell me to fuck off again,” I say before I can think better of the remark.
It gets me the first upward tick of her lips into a wry smile. “I’m not going to apologize for my impoliteness, given the circumstances.”
“Utterly fair.” I hold up my hands in surrender. “I deserved much worse. Your forbearance and your fortitude are both shockingly admirable.”
Aurelia lets out a light guffaw, but she finally follows me into the records room. “You should be familiar with the art of pushing through discomfort. I don’t get the impression the emperor has made your life here all that comfortable.”
She isn’t wrong about that. But I don’t know that I could have summoned the strength to carry on so purposefully through a raging illness. Lorenzo has two lungs, and I doubt he could have either. Raul, maybe, through sheer stubbornness, but he’d have done a lot more swearing along the way.
While smaller than the main library, the records room is hardly tiny. Between the shelves built into the walls, it has its own short aisles amid a few freestanding bookcases. A couple of desks stand in the more open area, each with a magic-blessed lantern.
I check that the door has firmly shut behind us and tap one of the lanterns to light. Aurelia’s soft features come into clearer focus.
She peers around the room, taking the contents in with a thoughtful air I have to appreciate. “Where would you start?”
Normally I’d start with the latest accounting ledgers of the court nobles, but I don’t have an innocent explanation for that habit. I turn to the larger, leatherbound volumes on the nearby shelves. “We can see exactly what’s been coming into the palace in the past few weeks and how much Their Imperial Eminences paid for the privilege.”
“If anything,” Aurelia murmurs under her breath, but she joins me at the table as I heft the heavy book onto it.
I flip through the pages to the latest entries. “There’s always a lot of food—other than the herbs you’ve already seen and fruit from the orchard, not much is cultivated on the palace grounds. Materials for clothing—you’ll have been responsible for some of that. New furnishings. Possibly an artistic commission or two. But to look at it, it’s mostly rows of numbers.”
“But you think it’s worth knowing about.”
“I think everything you can know is worth knowing about. Every gap filled means you go forward on firmer ground.”
Aurelia aims a softer smile at me, one that makes my pulse skip despite myself. “I think your desire to learn is rather admirable too.”
I can’t let her pretty face distract me from my goal.
I wave vaguely toward one of the other shelves. “It can be a bit tedious, is all I’m saying. Sometimes it’s easier with a little treat to smooth the way. The accountant keeps a bottle of ambervin liquor behind the box on the top shelf, if you want to make this investigation a little more enjoyable. Consider it part of my apology. ”
“Hmm.” Aurelia walks over to have a look.
I let her retrieve the bottle herself and carry it back to the table. She can’t imagine I’ve doctored it in any way when it’ll have been obvious I wasn’t expecting to run into her.
She uncaps it and takes a sniff. “I’ve never had ambervin liquor before.”
“It’s popular in Lavira. Quite a nice flavor, meant for sipping. Which makes it easier not to give away that any’s been taken without permission.”
I shoot her a sly grin. She doesn’t need to know it’s also quite potent. I’d never have more than a single capful when I’m in here on my own.
Aurelia hasn’t abandoned all sense of caution. She pushes the bottle toward me so I can take the first drink. Also fair.
I drizzle a little into the cap, feigning that I’ve poured a more generous portion and tossing it back before she can get a good look. The sharp fruity tang burns down my throat.
When I nudge the bottle back to Aurelia, she pours closer to a full cap. Her gulp makes her cough and then grin. “That is nice.”
If I can get one or two more shots into her, her tongue should get looser—and perhaps more honest.
As I check the tallies of the past couple of weeks, Aurelia considers them and then studies the other shelves. “Are there records for the entire empire in here? For goods brought in from countries outside Dariu and that sort of thing?”
“Some, but the imperial accountants aren’t quite as detailed in their reporting of those.” The emperor’s people are always happy to leave off what was outright taken rather than bargained for.
I point her to the shelves that hold the most recent reports from Dariu’s conquered countries. She pulls out the one labeled Accasy and brings it to her side of the table .
Naturally. Focused completely on her home territory when that’s the one she must already be most familiar with.
I go through the motions of pouring another drink but only drop the slightest splash into the cap. Then I offer the bottle to Aurelia again. She tosses back another capful without so much as wincing this time.
I’ve never seen her show that much enthusiasm for the wines the imperial staff supply us with, but this woman does know how to drink.
The record book she’s taken gives me a direct opening. “Lorenzo told me you have plans not just for Accasy but all of us if you make it to the throne.”
Aurelia’s gaze darts to me. Is she surprised that he’d have mentioned her comments?
She pauses for a moment before answering. “I think there are a lot of wrongs being done in many places and to many people other than in my own kingdom. My main goal has always been to heal as much as I can. I’m not going to refuse what help I can offer when it’s needed, regardless of where that is.”
A very measured answer. I swallow another tiny sip of the liquor and slide the bottle over in the hopes she’ll take more. “I suppose you must have problems in Accasy in mind already, that you’re hoping to start with.”
Aurelia simply toys with the bottle, her gaze going distant. “As you must have your own concerns for Cotea. I suspect some of the simplest solutions might benefit all of us.”
She pours perhaps half a capful. A short laugh hitches out of her in its wake, her cheeks starting to flush.
Another pinch of guilt has me reaching for the cap. I’m not risking overdoing another gambit. “I think I’d better put this away now. ”
Aurelia relinquishes the bottle without complaint. I return it to its hiding place while contemplating my next remarks. “And you think Tarquin and Marclinus will go along with your suggested solutions?”
Her expression tightens slightly, a little slip of her placid mask. But it doesn’t reveal the haughtiness or guile I was braced for.
If anything, she looks pained.
“I’m going to do my best, as my godlen guides me,” she says quietly. “This is what I was born for. I hope I’m up to the task.”
It hits me then as it never really has before just how mired she is in this shitty situation.
She got to grow up free as I didn’t, true. But I know that once my older brother’s second child is old enough for Tarquin to foster, my nephew will become a new hostage from Cotea and I’ll go relatively free.
If Aurelia doesn’t die in the trials, she’s going to be chained to Dariu and its tyrants for the rest of her days.
Compassion nibbles at the edges of my skepticism, but Aurelia’s comments could still all be for show. She knows I’ve put her life on the line before. She’d want to earn my support to ensure that doesn’t happen again.
There’s talking vaguely about healing and then there’s outright treason. Let’s see just how honest she’s willing to be.
I rest my hands on the table, watching her. “You hate them, don’t you? Emperor Tarquin and Marclinus?”
Aurelia lifts her gaze from the book. She looks at me searchingly enough that my skin starts to prickle under her regard.
Her voice stays quiet, but it’s even steadier than before. “Maybe not as personally as you must, but yes. It hardly matters. ”
Gods smite me, she actually admitted it.
I choke on my laugh. “Hardly matters? You’re trying to marry into the family.”
“And I must take the best match I’m in a position to, just as you had to accept your fostering. Would you ever have fled your duty, knowing how he’d retaliate on your people?”
The answer tumbles out without any thought required. “No.”
There’s something bittersweet about her next smile. “Neither would I. This is the most amazing chance I could have gotten to do something good for my country, maybe for the entire empire. The only kind of chance I could get, since I wasn’t first-born and meant to guide my kingdom directly. I can’t be selfish about it—I’m not going to let everyone who’s counting on me down.”
Enough vehemence runs through her words to convince me, with a shiver down my spine that’s partly regret.
I don’t know if she’ll be able to accomplish even a fraction of what she imagines, but I believe that she’s imagining it. Not just paltry benefits for a chosen few. An actual better world.
Aurelia’s head tilts to the side with a hint of tipsiness. “You must know the palace and its procedures better than just about anyone. Are there ways to get out of the grounds without the guards noticing?”
I stare at her. “I thought you just said you weren’t going to flee?”
She raises her hand to her mouth, stifling what sounds like a giggle. “That wasn’t a very good change in subject, was it? I’m not asking for myself. For a friend. Seeing if I can get started on making a difference sooner rather than later.”
I’m not sure what to make of that statement. What friend could she have who wants to escape the palace ?
Even if she’s lying now, it doesn’t make a difference. I don’t have any solutions for her.
“We roam pretty freely in and around the palace,” I say. “But the gates are tightly monitored. If your ‘friend’ wanted to leave without being noticed, I don’t think that would be possible alone. They’d need a collaborator willing to smuggle them out, hidden.”
Aurelia’s brow knits in consternation. “I don’t think she has that. At least not at the moment. And by the time…”
She shakes herself out of her reverie. “Never mind. I’ll continue to think on the problem myself. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.”
So determined even though she knows I’ve had time to study every inch of the palace and its workings. How much would she risk to assist this unknown person?
“If the emperor finds out you arranged something like that,” I start.
Aurelia waves off my warning before I can finish it. “I realize. It’s just a matter of finding a risk worth taking.”
Perhaps I’ve drunk more of the ambervin liquor than I meant to, because I feel abruptly off-balance. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for what I say next.
“Do you want to see what I actually come in here to do?”
Curiosity sparks in Aurelia’s compelling eyes. “Absolutely.”
I move to the smaller ledgers on the lower shelves. “These are the accounts of all the nobles who reside with the imperial court at least some of the year. Let’s see. Why don’t we start with Viceroy Ennius and his lovely wife, Bianca?”
The corners of Aurelia’s mouth tick upward. As I open the ledger, she comes around the table to stand next to me. Not close enough to touch, but my body tingles into sharper alertness at her presence .
I retrieve a pen and a small pot of ink from the desk drawer and consider the most recent items on the list. “These requisitions haven’t yet been fulfilled. Why shouldn’t they pay a little more for that new mirror? This three can easily become an eight.”
I fill in the lines with swift strokes and consider my other options. “And it’d certainly be a shame if they ended up needing to decide what to do with several reams of lace rather than linen.” I adjust the shorthanded li into lace .
Aurelia’s laugh makes my pulse sing in return. “Do you alter the accounts a lot?”
“Only a little here and there. So the adjustments can still appear to be mistakes rather than malice.”
She turns to peer at the other ledgers. “Who do you think we should tackle next?”
Her use of “we” gives me more of a thrill than it probably should. I select a couple more volumes, nobles whose purchases I haven’t messed with recently.
It’s hard to look away from Aurelia’s eager face as she points out another cost we could increase. Her arm brushes against mine, and warmth blooms over my skin even with our sleeves between us.
I wouldn’t have expected the stoic, impassive woman I’ve seen in front of Marclinus to delight in this minor sabotage, but here we are.
After we’ve tweaked an entry in the third book, Aurelia’s enthusiasm dims. She looks up at me, so close I feel as if I might fall into her gaze. “Don’t you ever want to do more than this?”
The question prods a sore spot buried deep inside me. I snap before I can catch my tongue. “What makes you think I haven’t?”
Aurelia flinches and steps back, her retreat tugging at my gut. I scramble for the right thing to say, my thoughts abruptly muddled.
I’m not angry at her. I’m angry at myself, for all the ways I’ve failed.
“I have wanted to,” I say. “So much more. But the most important things… I couldn’t.”
Aurelia’s bittersweet smile comes back. “I’m sorry,” she says, even though I should be the one apologizing to her. “But even if you couldn’t before—there will always be more chances. We might even do something important together.”
I don’t know if it’s the liquor or the resolve in her gaze or everything about this unexpected encounter, but a spark of hope like I haven’t felt in longer than I can remember flashes to life inside me. I find myself reaching for her hand as if I need to touch her to convince her of my words. “I don’t want you to die at all. Not in the trials, not by Marclinus’s orders—not any way.”
Her smile widens. “I’m glad to hear that.”
She looks down at our joined hands and turns hers over to wrap her fingers around mine. Even as the jolt of that contact shoots straight to my groin, she eases in and brushes the gentlest of kisses to my mouth.
It’s over before I can even kiss her back, though heat has flared across my lips.
Aurelia’s cheeks flush pinker than before. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’d better—it’s late.”
Before I have a chance to decide what I’d even want to say to her, she’s ducked out of the records room and vanished behind the swing of the door.