Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Aurelia
A s the after-dinner revelries begin to break up, I slip away among the first members of court to depart. It seems as good a time as any to indulge the curiosity that’s been niggling at me ever since Lorenzo shared his many revelations this morning.
After he left by my bedroom’s regular door, I realized I hadn’t gotten him to show me how to open the entrance to the hidden passage that connects some of the palace rooms. No amount of peering and prodding at the wall he pointed to revealed the means.
But he said that he and the other princes stumbled on another entrance in an unused room near their own chambers. If that one is obvious enough that you could find it by accident, I should be able to locate it knowing approximately what I’m looking for.
First, I have to determine which room it is .
I pause in the hallway I know holds all of the princes’ bedrooms. The doorframes look similarly ornate, but one toward the end has just a little more flourish to it, the carved vines with their gold sheen curving farther out from the edges.
Only the most honored of the palace’s inhabitants had the benefit of such immediate access for their servants—while past emperors still considered that access a benefit rather than a threat to security.
I walk over to the door and test the knob. It turns without resistance.
A glance inside confirms that no one has slept in this room for a long time. The cleaning staff must come through periodically for a brief sweeping, because no dust lingers on the floor, but the furniture is draped with protective sheets.
I skirt the sprawling mound of the bed and study the wall to the right of it, the same area where Lorenzo said the entrance is in my room.
There must be some button or switch, perhaps enchanted in its function, to open the way to the passage behind. The servants would have needed to come and go without much fuss.
I simply have to find it.
Leaning closer to the wall, I notice a slight imperfection in the red-and-gold striped wallpaper. The outer layer has curled a bit with age—and perhaps with recent use.
My fingers skim a faintly rough line that I suspect is one edge of the door. It runs from the baseboard to a spot a few inches above my head.
All right. I’ve found the panel, but there’s nothing to pry it open with—and prying hardly seems like a convenient technique. How is one supposed to release it?
I’m sliding my hand over the wall checking for any other subtle protrusions or indentations when the regular door swings open behind me.
With a lurch of my heart, I spin around.
Raul and Bastien halt just over the threshold. The door thuds shut. We stare at each other for a few uneasy seconds.
Then Raul’s mouth twists into a scowl. He strides forward, his pale eyes flaring. “It didn’t take you long, did it?”
I blink at him, thrown by both his angry demeanor and his vague accusation.
I expected this might be an awkward conversation, but why is he so upset with me already? He’s not even asking what I’m doing here.
Bastien trails behind him, his pace more hesitant but his expression hardening. “Did you think we wouldn’t find out? We tell each other everything—everything important.”
Now I’m even more lost. I step away from the wall, uneasy with the sense of being cornered. “Find out what? What do you think is going on here? Lorenzo mentioned the passages in the walls, and I wanted to?—”
Raul’s voice turns even harsher. “He ‘mentioned’ it because you fucked all the good sense out of his head. Did you just figure he was the easiest target? Seduce the one with the softest heart and then stomp all over it?”
Well, now I know what Lorenzo told them . My own irritation sparks. “I haven’t stomped on anything or seduced anyone. If anything, it’s been the other way around. Or have you forgotten how many attempts you’ve made at trying to entice me into bed?”
Raul stops a few paces away, glaring down at me from his full imposing height. “I haven’t forgotten—I definitely haven’t forgotten how you acted like you were offended by the thought. But Lorenzo was fair game, wasn’t he? Get him head over heels for you so he’d spill all our secrets. ”
Understanding snaps into place, fueling my own anger.
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re pissed off because I gave him what you wanted. Does he know you think you’re so much more deserving than he could possibly be?”
My gaze jerks to Bastien, who’s still standing there stony-faced. “Is that what’s eating at you too? I’m not allowed to dally with any of you unless I dally with all of you?”
He winces, but his expression doesn’t soften. “You did dally with all of us, as far as I’ve gathered. But with the two of us, you were careful not to let it go beyond a kiss or two. It does seem rather strategic.”
“Strategic?” I glare at both of them. “Do you seriously think I risked Emperor Tarquin’s wrath to find out more about Lorenzo’s gift and a few secret passages, neither of which I had any idea he could tell me about? How does any of that information help me at all with what I’m here to do? Is disappearing from my bedroom going to win the trials for me?”
Raul folds his arms over his chest. “You did come running straight here to investigate, it appears.”
“Yes, straight here, several hours later.” In which time, it appears my lover already found plenty of time to gossip about our interlude.
With a twinge of pain, I drop my gaze. “I don’t suppose it occurred to you in all your strategic thinking that I might have felt more comfortable with Lorenzo because he’s the only one who never hurt me? He never sabotaged me in the trials or stole from me or made me ill. Any idiot could see why I’d be more cautious getting close to the two of you. Although considering he apparently ran straight to you to brag about his victory, maybe I misjudged him too.”
My retort seems to stun both men momentarily speechless .
Bastien lifts his voice first, still strained but without the hostility it held before. “He wasn’t bragging. And he didn’t come to tell us. He was practically radiating happiness all afternoon, and it took some badgering before he admitted why. And mainly then because he thought we should know what he told you.”
“Ah.” A thread of relief winds around my heart. I might still end up regretting this morning’s fantasy of freedom, but I’d rather not. “That much is fair.”
Raul has dropped his hands to his sides. “I haven’t done anything to hurt you since you proved you were on our side.”
“I don’t know why I had to prove that in the first place, given our positions,” I mutter.
“Well, if you dislike us so much for it, why toy with us at all? Why pretend you’re tempted if you know you want nothing to do with us?”
“I didn’t pretend—” I cut myself off with a growl, not sure what I can say that will actually soothe his temper.
I never thought that giving in to my feelings for Lorenzo might mean ruining whatever amity I’ve forged with his fellow princes. If Raul continues to think I’ve wronged him somehow, will he go telling stories to the emperor about my indiscretions?
If he knew the truth…
I pause over that thought, rubbing my hand over my face as if I can settle my mind that way. I don’t even want to look at the full truth of the situation that’s brought us here.
Maybe that’s the only salve that can heal the wounds I’ve inadvertently dealt, though.
Raul and Bastien think I didn’t trust them enough. It’s made them believe they can’t trust me after all. I could turn that assumption around with just a few dangerously honest words .
Raul told me I was more shepherdess than lamb, but every dedicat of Elox knows that sometimes vulnerability can win battles that a firm hand won’t. My show of weakness when they stole my ring defused some of their hostility before I’d ever started to earn their loyalty.
I can play the lamb to win them back.
In my hesitation, Bastien clears his throat. “I never demanded anything from you. You kissed me first.”
“I know.” I gird myself and raise my head. A quaver ripples through my voice, and I let it stay. “Nothing intimate that’s happened with any of you has been a gambit or a lie. I’m falling for Lorenzo, and I’ve been falling for both of you too. It’s not how I set out to feel; it just is. And I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been trying to keep my heart safe, because I know nothing real can come of it, but I want so many things… If I’ve confused you, it’s only because I’m confused too. I apologize for that.”
By the end of my declaration, my throat has closed up.
I don’t want it to be true. I don’t want to care this much.
What’s the good in it when I’ll have to throw it all away in a matter of days regardless?
There’s a moment of silence as both of the princes stare at me. Something warm and hungry dawns in Raul’s eyes.
He steps toward me, the heat he’s emanating not remotely angry now, and trails his hand down the side of my face. “Princess, you don’t need to apologize for wanting me. I swear I’ll never do anything to harm you again. The only gasps I want to hear from these lips are from pleasure, not pain. If you don’t believe it yet, I’ll just have to keep proving it to you.”
A hot flush washes over me from head to toes. “Raul…”
He dips his head to mark the corner of my jaw with the slightest nibble, gentle but provocative enough to set off a quiver beneath my skin. His husky murmur tingles into my ear. “You tell me to stop when you feel like you need to stop. I’ll just do my best to convince you that you’re in good hands after all.”
I should probably stop him, shouldn’t I? I gave myself an out. I told them why I can’t just hop into bed with all of them.
But gods help me, the press of his lips against my neck, the flick of his tongue over my skin, and those provocative words echoing through my mind do feel so incredibly good. If he needs this brief intimacy to believe what I said, wouldn’t it be “strategic” to indulge both our desires?
Raul lifts his head to glance over his shoulder toward Bastien, who’s standing stiffly watching us, his own face flushed. The bigger man shoots him a cocky grin. “Are you going to help me show her how well we can take care of her or not? We have a lot of mistakes to make up for.”
Bastien’s blush darkens, but he steps closer and catches my hand. A hint of determination sets his jaw.
As Raul returns his lips to my neck, Bastien cups my cheek at my other side and leans in to capture my mouth.
Gods above and below, I had no idea my body could light up like this, encompassed between two men at once. Every nerve sings with the heady thrill of it.
They haven’t made their own confessions of deeper devotion. I’m not sure how much this encounter is about staking a claim for their egos rather than dedicating themselves to me. It’s awfully hard to worry about it when Raul is sliding his hand around my waist, Bastien tangling his fingers in my hair to pull me even closer…
I sway between the two of them, clutching their shirts, so swept up in the moment that I don’t hear the click of the door, only the rasp of startled breath that follows .
Bastien jerks away from me to whirl around. Raul draws back at a more measured pace, his hand lingering on me possessively, but his confident expression falters as we face the new arrival.
Lorenzo glares back at us, his hands clenching at his sides. His illusionary voice reverberates through my head. “What the fuck is this?”
I didn’t tell him I’d been attracted to Raul and Bastien too. I assumed they all shared their stories of the conquest.
Apparently not. There’s no mistaking the tremor of betrayal coloring his illusionary voice and passing over his face.
“Lorenzo,” I say, pulling away from the other men. “I?—”
His hand slices through the air in an emphatic gesture to stay away. The other hand jams into his belt-pouch and hurls a small paper packet in my direction. As it hits the floor, he spins on his heel and stalks out of the room without another word.
Bastien curses under his breath and rushes after his friend.
Raul glances from him to me, looking stricken. “We’ll sort this out.”
Then he’s vanished into the hall too.
I exhale in a long, shuddering rush. My nerves are clanging with a mix of unfulfilled lust and bewildered guilt. It’s a dizzying combination, and not in a good way.
How upset is Lorenzo with me? How upset can he be when he knows I was already planning on marrying another man—when he told me to my face that he understands?
Maybe being the only illicit affair in my life mattered to him. Maybe he thinks I’ve done much more with his foster brothers than I actually have.
I creep forward to pick up the packet he threw at me. Before I’ve even finished opening the flap, the mildly bitter scent seeping out tells me it contains the mirewort he promised me.
Oh, Lorenzo…
I tuck it away and wait to see if the princes will return so we can hash out the answers to my uncertainties. When several minutes pass without any sign of them, I spare the wall one last look, but I’ve lost all enthusiasm for uncovering secret passages.
The hallway I slip out into is empty. I hustle back to my own bedroom, passing a few of the court nobles along the way but none of the princes I was so recently entwined with.
I gather myself even more before I open the door, expecting to find at least one of my maids inside. To my surprise, the knob turns at my touch before I’ve brought the key to it.
Didn’t I lock it when I last left? Did Melisse or Rochelle forget to after a recent trip inside?
Apprehension prickles down my back. I nudge the door open without leaving the threshold.
The heavy curtains have been drawn shut, leaving the room dark. So the first thing that hits me is the smell.
A rancid odor wafts out to meet me, as if the kitchen waste buckets were emptied inside.
After a couple of tentative steps, I think that might be exactly what’s happened. Decaying vegetable ends and slimy strips of gristle lie strewn across my bed covers, the rug, and the heap of dresses that’ve been yanked out of my wardrobe.
With another step and the stench thickening around me, I realize that’s not the only damage. My new Darium-style gowns have been torn and gouged to tatters.
With a lurch of my heart, I dash to my trunks.
The one that holds my books, tea box, and other odds and ends has obviously been rummaged through, with more refuse dappling the outsides and one of my teacups lying in shards. The trunk with my clothing is worse. It looks as if someone dug a blade through the layers of dresses and undergarments I brought from home, turning them into a slurry of shredded fabric and fetid food scraps.
A cry catches in my throat. I stagger backward, searching the room for answers.
The thought darts through my mind that one of the princes might have done this in vengeful anger. But I don’t think Raul or Bastien was that furious until they stumbled on me trying to open the hidden passage, and there’s hardly been time for them or Lorenzo to desecrate my room since he stormed off.
Besides, why would they specifically ruin my clothing over everything else? Any of the three men would know that out of the contents of this room, the tea box and my brewing apparatus are my most prized possessions, and those have barely been touched.
My gaze slides to the door. The door someone left unlocked.
Rochelle wouldn’t have been that careless. But Melisse, who revealed how spurned she feels just yesterday…
It wouldn’t have taken Fausta or Bianca much to bribe her into leaving the way open for them, would it? I can picture either of them—or perhaps both—tossing the contents of those buckets around the room, ripping through the layers of silk with gleeful ferocity.
My stomach turns, both from the stink and the viciousness of the assault. They couldn’t destroy me, so they destroyed the next best thing.
And now I have to clean it up. Procure new dresses. Pretend this latest attack hasn’t fazed me at all …
Footsteps patter down the hall outside, and I realize I left the door ajar. I hurry back over to it, not sure I’d want anyone else witnessing the disarray inside.
Rochelle stops when she sees me in the doorway, a tight smile springing to her face. “Good, you’re here! Their Imperial Eminences want the last four potential brides to come straight to the grand hall. They’re starting the next trial.”