Four
“ M oney laundering?”
“I know, right? It’s insane,” I reply, lowering my face to the oversized margarita in front of me and taking a big sip from the straw.
Jazmine sits across from me with a margarita of her own, still wearing her work clothes—a beautiful royal blue skirt with a white blouse. Her hair is straight and hanging down just past her shoulders, and her makeup is flawlessly applied, putting her gorgeous, blemish-free face on full display for the entire Al Pastor restaurant to see. I’m so glad she agreed to meet me here for drinks after work, because the craziness of my day at Sandcastle was enough to drive anyone to alcohol. The restaurant hums with the voices of people chatting and chowing down on Mexican food, but Jaz and I are only here for the drinks.
“I’m sure Jeremiah was in there cutting up as he watched that scene unfold,” she says, fiddling with the orange slice hanging off the side of her glass.
I laugh. “You know he was. Then again, everybody was really in awe. After they left, I don't think anyone got any work done. All we could do was talk about it.”
“Was there any more information about the money laundering? He can’t just say that and then dip out.”
“But he did. He said he caught money laundering charges and that his lawyer told him not to talk about it, and he never brought it up again. I tried to press Sierra for answers, but you know how much of a bitch she is. As usual, she gave us nothing, so we were left to discuss it amongst ourselves and google his name to see what came up.”
“And?” Jaz asks, staring at me with wide eyes, fully invested.
“It was vague,” I answer. “There was an indictment on money laundering linked to gambling, but they didn't go into detail about it because the case and investigation are ongoing. There wasn't anything in the article about where he was gambling or how much, and I guess the sale of the company was too recent because it wasn't mentioned at all. We were all pissed because we wanted to know about the guy Mr. Thomas sold the business to. I guess we'll find out when he shows up tomorrow.”
Jaz frowns. “Mr. Thomas didn't say anything about him?”
“Only that he will be here tomorrow,” I answer. “Searching his name didn't give us anything either, which I think is odd. I really hope Larry didn't sell us to some asshole who is going to run the place into the ground.”
“Well if he did, you can always come work with me.”
“Girl, you know I don't know a thing about banking.”
“Yeah, but that’s the good thing about me being the manager of First Philadelphia—I can hire who I want,” Jaz informs me proudly, wearing her recent promotion very well. “If Larry Thomas can bring in his sons to work at Sandcastle, I can hire my best friend to work at my bank. We can do a friend's version of nepotism.”
“Well, you’ve got a point there,” I say. “Let’s just hope the guy isn't a piece of shit and it doesn't come to that.”
“Make sure you call me tomorrow. I’m going to want to hear all about this new boss.”
“Oh, you know I will,” I reply.
As I sip my drink down to its final remnants, I lift my phone from the table and open up FET again. The tequila has started to work its magic, and I'm suddenly wishing I had someone to go home to. That’s the thing about being single—you don't realize how lonely you are until it really hits you. Back when I was dating Terrance, I was convinced that being single would be much more fun than being committed to someone. I thought everybody who was unattached was out there living their best life, hooking up with new people every other day and never feeling bored or alone. In my head, it was all fun and games for them, while Terrance and I had grown used to each other and too comfortable with taking our familiarity for granted. We always think the grass is greener on the other side until we reach it and see it was just a mirage, the color fading as soon as we give up what we didn't appreciate enough.
I’m glad Terrance and I broke up, and I’ve certainly had my fun as a single woman, but I’m thirty now. The fun and games have started to turn into stress and drama, and while I’m gladly a kinky girl, it would be so nice to have someone to be kinky with every day. Someone who knows my kinks and has mastered how to play with them, tantalizing and teasing each one until I’m on the brink of explosion. I want someone—just one person—who I belong to.
I crave a Dom who knows how to own me and chooses to do it every single day. Someone who can handle emotions and mood changes that come with the ups and downs of life, and consoles me when I’m frustrated before allowing me the freedom to let go. This is why I don't understand when my friends say they’re not into kinks or submission. Why wouldn't they want the privilege of letting it all go after a maddening day at work? They don't understand what it’s like submitting to someone you trust with your life, and allowing them to remove every stitch of stress from your flesh. Giving it all to a person who can handle it for you, massaging you with pain and pleasure until the world melts away.
Yeah, I’m definitely tired of being single, but there’s another part of it that is even more annoying than the rest. Dating around has shown me that the prospects are abysmal. I wholeheartedly want to be someone’s good girl, but all I see is men trying so hard to be bad boys that I can tell from a single glance that they are anything but.
“Uh-oh,” Jazmine says. When I look up I see her watching me like a hawk.
“What?”
“I see the way you're scrolling through that phone,” she says, shaking her head. “You’ve got that look in your eye.”
“What look? I don't have a look.”
“Yes, you do. It’s that look you get when you're thinking about your sex life.”
I laugh nervously. “I don't have a sex life look.”
“Oh? Then how come I can tell just from looking at you that you're either scrolling through that BDSM app or swiping through Tinder?”
I freeze, my eyes wide.
“Told you,” Jaz says before laughing.
I laugh with her, but when I look at my phone again, everything is a lot less funny.
“I can't help it,” I state sadly. “You’re so lucky to be married and happy with Micheal. All I want is my own kinky version of that, but these fucking men out here are pitiful. Look at this.” I get up from my side of the booth and sit next to Jaz so she can see my phone as I look through FET. “As I scroll, just tell me what you think of the guys you see.”
Jazmine nods, and I begin. “Eww. Hideous,” she says on the first guy.
I laugh and keep going.
“Why does this one look like he lives under the stairs in someone’s basement?”
I try to stifle another laugh as I continue scrolling.
“Nia, what is this?” Jaz inquires on the next guy. “There’s no way these are the men on the dating app you're on so often. This guy says he’s into blood play. Blood play? Is that what I think it is?”
I nod. “Yes, it is. We don't kink shame, so I’ll just say that’s not for me and move on.”
“Okay. Well, this guy is cute in a sort of ‘I was raised in the wild by rabid dogs’ kind of way. But what is primal play?”
The waitress brings me a second margarita while I laugh at another of Jaz’s insane insults. Once I can breathe again, I try to explain the answer to her question.
“He wants to be the sub in a primal scene,” I begin. “Meaning he wants to be hunted like prey, captured and tied up. The chase turns him on. It’s definitely a thing and can be pretty hot when done right, but I don't want a guy who is a sub, or who looks like they were raised in the wild by rabid dogs.”
I keep scrolling, and every man that comes up is greeted with words of disgust from Jazmine.
Gross.
Terrifying.
Ugly.
Lives with his mom.
Broke.
Married and trying to cheat on the low.
Has never been to the dentist.
Looks like he’s into making poisons.
On and on it goes until I finally give up and close the app. I set the phone down and lean against Jaz’s shoulder, fake crying.
“If I have a sad face when looking at my phone, this is why,” I say. “Being single fucking sucks.”
“Clearly,” she replies. “You need to download more apps, because that one is filled with nothing but trolls.”
“But that’s the thing, Jaz. That's the way it is on all of them,” I tell her as I pick up the phone again. “However, I did just match with someone on Tinder.”
Jaz nearly spits out her drink trying to speak. “Damn, why didn't you start with that? You got me out here looking at all these creatures on FET when you matched on Tinder? Let me see.”
Laughing, I open Tinder and show Jaz the personal trainer I matched with just this morning. When she sees him, she smiles.
“Okay,” she exclaims. “Marcus Graham. Brown skin, hazel eyes, nice smile with straight teeth, neatly trimmed beard. He’s cute, Nia. When are you linking up with him?”
“I don't know,” I say with a shrug. “I got the match when I was at work this morning and didn't have time to think about anything but the craziness at the office.”
“Well what are you waiting for? You're off work now.”
“Yeah, but … I don't know. I sort of wanted him to reach out to me first.”
She scoffs. “Girl, it’s 2024. A woman is allowed to make the first move.”
“I know that, but I’m a submissive, Jaz. I want a dominant man who can take the lead, and that means showing me that he’s interested.”
“Matching with you didn't show you that he’s interested?”
“You know what I mean,” I shoot back. “It’d just be nice if he reached out to me first. A message would let me know that he's really interested. Swiping right on me just means he thinks I’m attractive. Now that we’ve matched and he knows I found him attractive, too, he should be ready to make the first move.”
“So, matching put the ball in his court?”
“There’s no ball ,” I joke. “I just want to wait a little bit and see what he does. If he doesn't message me by the end of the day tomorrow, I’ll write to him. Okay?”
Jaz nods as she sips her drink, finishing it and waving off the waitress so that she doesn't bring her another one.
“Okay,” she answers. “Look, all I’m saying is that when you want something, sometimes you have to reach out and grab it. I’m not saying Marcus Graham is the one , but you have a little opportunity here. Don't let it slip away by being stubborn.”
I nod my head before sipping my drink again. I know Jaz is right, but at the same time, I’m not interested in settling. As much as I may have to reach out and grab what I want, it has to be worth reaching for. It has to be worth grabbing. It has to be what I want, and I want a real Dom. Sadly, even after matching with Marcus, I’m starting to think they no longer exist.