Forty-Three
“ A lright, I know we don't have shots, but everybody raise your glass of whatever you're drinking.”
“No, no, no,” Jaz interrupts Jeremiah just as he lifts his cocktail into the air. “We’re not doing a toast tonight.”
“Why not?” Jeremiah asks with a frown, all the wind being sucked out of his sails as he sees he's the only one with alcohol.
Jaz turns to me and eyes me with a sympathetic look. I hate it, because I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone. I didn't tell Jaz about what happened between Rome and I to garner sympathy votes or hugs, and I didn't schedule an entire week off from work for anybody at Sandcastle to feel sorry for me. I didn't spend three nights in a row at Jaz and Michael’s house so that they would look at me with pity in their eyes. I just needed time to recover, and still do. No one knows this better than Jaz, and I smile on the inside as her sympathetic look shifts to a steely glare accompanied by a head nod.
“Because we’re just not,” she says, refusing to mention Rome’s name. At this point, I’d be surprised if we ever discuss visiting the city of Rome, just so that we don't have to say the name. “However, what I will do is thank you for being here with us tonight. Michael and I have an announcement that we'd like to share, if you all don't mind.”
Jeremiah checks his phone before placing it on the table face down, while my eyebrows raise in anticipation for what’s coming. When I left Jaz and Michael’s house after the three nights I spent there, Jaz didn't indicate that she had any news to share. Whatever they’re talking about is something new. Perfect. I need as many new and exciting things in my life as I can get to help take my mind off of how dilapidated my love life is.
“If you say that you're getting a divorce, you better sleep with one eye open, Michael,” Jeremiah says, only half joking.
Michael frowns. “You think we’d bring you to a happy dinner to announce a divorce?”
“I don't know, man. Just don't ignore the threat,” Jeremiah says, exaggerating a squint.
“Oh my god,” Jaz exclaims with a roll of her eyes. “The announcement is not that we’re getting a divorce … it’s that we’re pregnant.”
Silence envelopes the table as eyes widen and mouths lift into shocked smiles. My insides turn to glitter as happiness and joyful tears quickly develope.
“Oh my god,” I whisper, bringing my hands to my face. “I'm going to be an auntie?”
“Yes, girl,” Jaz says, her eyes welling up, too.
“And I get to be the gay uncle?” asks Jeremiah, sending the entire table into a fit of laughter.
We spend the next few minutes hugging each other, and probably annoying the hell out the surrounding tables as we get up and make a scene. We don't care a bit. It’s not every day that a lifelong friend announces a pregnancy, so we’re going to take our time enjoying this moment. Especially considering the fact that this may not ever happen for me. Now that Rome and I are broken up, I’m taking plenty of time to myself before I even consider getting back into the world’s most annoying game—dating. So, more than likely, it will be years before children ever enter my picture, and it may not happen at all. As a result of that sad fact, I will be living vicariously through my best friends, and I intend to be the greatest fake auntie on planet Earth.
As dinner continues, our conversation jumps around like it always does. We converse about every topic under the sun—from sports, to politics, to the seasons changing, to what movies are coming out. We avoid anything that has to do with Rome and the breakup. Even Jeremiah, who is still happily dating Gerald, doesn't harp on the fact that he’s with someone and falling head over heels. I see him checking and tapping his phone often, and I know he's texting his man, probably anxious to leave here and spend the night with him. I get it. I used to do the same thing not too long ago.
After a while, the night comes to a close and the four of us get up to head out. Jeremiah and I pay the bill as another form of congratulations to Jaz and Michael on their exciting news, and we start our walk from the table to Michael’s SUV, because he drove the entire group in his Escalade.
“That steak was so good,” I tell Jeremiah, while Jaz and Michael laugh in front of us as we step outside into the night air.
“Mine was, too,” Jeremiah agrees.
“Whatever. You had a sirloin, which is a bag of dog ass compared to my filet mignon.”
Jeremiah scoffs. “Eww, you bougie ass. How about you pay me more then, so I can afford the steak that costs more than mine while weighing four ounces less.”
As I laugh, we round the sidewalk and make a B-line toward Michael’s SUV, and that’s when I hear footsteps behind us.
“I love you,” a deep voice says loudly.
Our entire group stops and turns around, and I gasp so loud it can be heard a mile away.
“Rome?” I say, my face frozen in a grimace of disbelief.
Jaz, Michael, and Jeremiah all turn to look at me before shifting their eyes back to Rome, who they have heard nothing but bad things about since he broke up with me four days ago. I wasn't planning on going back to work for at least another three days, so seeing him now throws a giant monkey wrench in my plan.
My defenses are weakened by the sight of him. He stands in front of us in all-black sweats, his hair more disheveled than usual, with dark bags beneath his eyes like he hasn't slept since he walked out of my house. Even though he's still extremely attractive, this isn't the Rome I met months ago.
“Rome, what are you doing here?” I ask as my heart begins to rev up.
He takes a step forward and drops a nuke on my emotions.
“I love you, Nia,” he says without hesitation. “I know that things didn't go well when you told me you loved me a few days ago. I was absolutely absurd in my reaction, and not because I was so surprised by the admission, but because you were right. I was a coward. I was scared of love and how things could end between us and I let that fear live inside of me, controlling my life and feeding off of me like a parasite for years, and I'm so sorry for telling you that I would never love you. It was the biggest lie I've ever told, because the truth is that I already do, and I knew it then. I was so fucking wrong for how I treated you. I'm so sorry, Nia.”
The familiar sensation of tears clouding my vision happens once again, but this time it’s not just sadness I feel. I've become close friends with anger, and it accompanies me now to protect me from being hurt again.
“You humiliated me,” I say, as my friends watch the scene play out like a movie. “And now you're here putting me on the spot in front of my people. How'd you even know I was here? Following me after dumping me is pretty weird, Rome.”
“I haven't been following you,” he says, his eyes shifting to Jeremiah. “I contacted Jeremiah and asked him if he knew your whereabouts. I haven't been back to Sandcastle since we broke up, and when I called Sierra to tell her she’d be in charge for a while, she told me you hadn't been to work either. So, I called Jeremiah and explained to him how horribly I screwed up and how much I loved you. To his credit, he went scorched Earth, telling me how big of an idiot I am and how I could never find a woman better than you. He even said that he didn't care if I fired him. He ripped me to shreds, and I told him that everything he said was true. I had to beg him to tell me where you were, and he said he wouldn't do it unless I admitted my stupidity in front of the people who care about you most. We've been texting all night, hoping I could grasp this opportunity. So, here I am.”
I turn to face Jeremiah, and he purses his lips together and shrugs. I know he meant well, but I’ll definitely slap him upside the head after this is all over. For now, I focus my ire on Rome.
“Fine,” I say, still keeping the tears at bay. “Go ahead and tell us how stupid you are. In fact, hold on.” As two couples approach the door to the restaurant, I call out to them, waving them over. “Hey! Excuse me. The guy who dumped me a few days ago is about to tell us how stupid he is, if you're interested in listening. He usually likes to hide his feelings and keep relationships away from the public eye, so maybe you could come witness this and tell me if you think he’s serious or not. My judgment is clouded since I'm in love with him—like an idiot—so maybe you could be of assistance.”
To my surprise, both couples smile as they put their evening on hold to come be the jury for Rome’s confession. They stand behind my friends with crossed arms and focus on Rome, who swallows hard as I turn around, daring him to avoid the situation I've caused. Sure, it’s over the top, but I don't care. Not right now.
Rome nods his head, silently hyping himself up to do something I know will make him uncomfortable. He swallows again, eyeing the group around me before releasing a breath and focusing only on me.
“Nia, my words can't express how sorry I am,” he begins. “The other day, it was the five-year anniversary of my wife’s death. The entire day was a fog of sadness and frustration about Natalia’s sudden death, mixed with fear of how I felt about you. It was torture knowing that I was in love with you on the day I would usually spend mourning her. I felt conflicted and angry, and I took it out on everyone. I snapped at my employees and didn't get any work done, then I knocked out a guy at the bar for disrespecting you because even though I was hurting inside, my love for you would never allow anyone to disrespect you. Then you told me that you loved me, and I became unglued.
“My heart split in two—one side for the woman I married, the other for you. I panicked, worried that I was disrespecting Natalia on the anniversary of her death, while also fearing that loving you would mean losing you to an early grave the same way I lost both parents and my wife. I fell into a pit of despair and let the darkness swallow me whole, and it took my closest friend to pull me out of it. I clung to him the same way you're clinging to your friends now, and he beat the truth out of me. He asked me how I would respond if my parents asked if I was in love with you, and answering him felt like I was really responding to them. The answer was yes. Yes, I was … I am in love with you, Nia. Right here at this very moment, and saying that I don't care who knows it would be a lie, because I do care. I want everyone to know that I'm in love with you. You, your friends, and perfect strangers. I want them all to know.”
I quickly wipe away the tears that refuse to stay in my eyes, and let out a long breath.
“And what about your fear? You said you feared losing me the same way you lost them. How do you feel about that now?”
“Fuck fear,” he answers quickly. “I'd rather risk it all for us, than live a full life knowing I gave up on the best thing to ever happen to me. Fear will not keep my love for you at bay.”
“I don't want to compete with Natalia, Rome.”
“And you never will. I promise you, Nia. Because of you, I'm finally ready to move on. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm begging you in front of people I don't know to forgive me. I love you, Nia Washington, and I’ll never want happiness again if it isn't with you.”
Try as I might, my anger gives way to the flood of emotions when I turn around and see everyone standing behind me with tears in their eyes. Jaz covers her mouth with her hand, while Michael puts his head down so that his tears are barely visible in the dark. Jeremiah wipes away a tear before nodding his approval, and even the four strangers fight back tears of their own. Each of them nods to me, not needing to say a word to let me know that even though they don't know Rome, they can see his sincerity.
When I turn around, Rome stands in the exact same place. He hasn't stepped forward, assuming that his groveling would result in instant forgiveness. Instead, he waits for me, his eyes filled with hope and anxiousness at the same time, and the only fear I see in him now is the fear of losing me.
I have new fears of my own. I’m terrified that I will always compete with the woman he lost five years ago. I worry that he’ll always have anxiety in the back of his mind when it comes to how long we will last, and I'm horrified by the possibility of being hurt all over again. But all of that pales in comparison to how much I want him. From the moment he strutted into Sandcastle, I have wanted to be with him, and I know that turning him away now would be something I would regret for the rest of my life. I won't allow myself to be that dumb.
“Are you one hundred percent sure?” I ask, my feet already anxious to inch forward.
“I've never been more sure about anything in my life,” he answers confidently.
As the final barrier over my heart falls, I run to him, throwing my arms around Rome as our lips connect for the first time in far too long. He spins me around while kissing me, making the entire scene feel like a fairytale getting its happy ending.
“I love you,” I say when I manage to pull away.
“I love you, my little goddess,” he answers.
Our makeshift audience begins to applaud, and I turn to see smiling faces and tears of joy from everyone. My heart sings with happiness as Rome puts me down and kisses me again. Even though my feet are on the ground, I'm still floating on a cloud.
“So, is it safe to assume that you don't need a ride home?” Michael says, chuckling to himself.
I look at him and grin, my eyes still watering. “I appreciate it, Michael, but I’ll be going home with Rome.”