Chapter Fourteen
? Isla ?
I’m tossing the final expired items from the pantry when I hear the crunch of wheels on gravel. It couldn’t have been more than an hour, maybe two, but I’ve never even been so happy to see anyone.
Dom kicks open the door and strides in, arms full of plastic bags. Nicolas marches away from the freshly washed towels he’d been folding on the sofa to help his lover haul them the rest of the way to the kitchen.
“Nearly got lost,” Dom is saying as the items are dropped on the counter. “Started heading back to Piper Falls before I realized I was going the wrong way.” His grin slips a notch as he glances from me to Nicolas. “Something happen?”
Ironically, I want to laugh because nothing happened and that’s the problem. But I’m also too nervous to speak. He’d given me instructions and, although I know I don’t have to do anything I don’t want, I had wanted to.
I wanted to please him. Please them both.
I wanted to be a good girl and let Nicolas fuck me until I saw stars, but he’s made it clear just what he thinks of me, and even I’m not so pathetic I’d sleep with a guy because I’m told to.
“Nothing,” Nicolas mutters, snatching up the nearest bag and marching to the pantry.
I avoid Dom’s searching gaze by ducking my head and pulling a bag of fridge items across the counter.
“Isla?” He stalks to my side of the island. His fingers are gentle, but firm on my elbow, turning me to him. “What happened?”
I shake my head and wish he’d let it go because I don’t know how to explain my hurt feelings without sounding stupid.
“I didn’t want to,” I whisper.
He blinks, but nods. “Okay. That’s okay. You don’t have to.” He leans in and brushes a sweet, tender kiss to my forehead. “We will never do anything you don’t want. I’m sorry I made you—”
I shake my head again, fingers splaying across his chest. “That’s not what I mean. You didn’t do anything.”
“I did. It’s my fault.”
Nicolas, bag crunching between his hands as he mashes it into a ball, steps out of the pantry.
Dom’s face drops to mine, eyes bright with concern. “Are you hurt?”
“We didn’t…” I trail off, letting him fill in the rest.
“I was rude to her,” Nicolas interjects, pitching the bag in the direction of the sink and getting it in. “I said some things that came out wrong.”
“What did you say?” Dom demands, body rigid next to me.
With only the barest hint of hesitation, Nicolas tells him exactly what happened. No concealing. No sugar coating. His honesty fills the cramped space and cuts a fresh wound across my heart to hear over again how little he thinks of me.
“It’s not the way I meant it,” he says softly.
.. to me. “I don’t think you’re a toy, Isla, but I do think you’re dangerous.
” He never wavers. Never looks away. He unspools his confession across the counter between us.
“Loving you is like living on a razor blade. Only, it’s not a limb I’m worried about losing. ”
How can I be angry when he’s right? Isn’t that my curse? I will slip into their life, destroy it until they realize what a mistake I am. What a danger. A risk. He’s smart to keep me away.
“You’re right,” I whisper. “I’m not a good choice.”
“Isla, no…”
I ignore Dom.
I stare into the eyes of the only one of us with any sense. His face is a blur behind the thick wall of tears I’m struggling to contain.
“You’re right. I will run. I won’t want to, but I don’t know how to stay without hurting you. Without ruining everything. You should stay away.”
I hate the crack. That tiny waver that exposes just how weak I actually am. Grabbing the bag and turning to the fridge does nothing to fool anyone. The tears I managed to contain spill down my cheeks. Hot and laced with self-hatred, but I can’t wipe them without humiliating myself further.
My fingers close around the cold steel handle.
Hands that are not mine close onto my arms and I’m spun. The bag slips from my grasp and the contents spill across the hardwood. They scatter around my feet. I kick something that rolls when I’m shoved into the icy slab of the fridge door.
“Dominic!” Nicolas growls, body braced as if prepared to leap over the counter to stop the other man.
But Dom isn’t listening. He has his fingers in my hair, using the strands to wrench my face up to his. To the hard pools of his eyes. The sharp slash of his mouth.
“When have you ever ruined anything?” he snarls into my wide, wet eyes.
A fresh tear treks down my cheek.
“All the time,” I whisper.
His eyes narrow. “Name once. One fucking time, Isla.”
Another tear.
My brain tries to think, to conjure a single moment when the world would have been better off without me, but there are so many.
“I don’t know,” I croak.
“Because there are none.” His lips curl back over his clenched teeth, but his hold softens.
“You have done nothing wrong, sweetheart. All that shit you’ve been told, it’s a fucking lie.
” I feel the tension coursing through him even as his touch is feather light brushing my cheeks.
“You’re not perfect, I know that, but you’re perfect for us.
Just... stay. Let us prove this is where you belong. ”
They’re coming faster. I can’t stop them. They’re soaking down the front of my sweater. Trailing down my throat. Making my skin itch.
“And when I run?” I throw back at him. “Nick’s right. I’m a risk. I’ll hurt you and I’ll never forgive myself—”
His free hand closes around my jaw, gentle but unyielding. “Then we’ll find you. We’ll bring you back home. But you won’t run, baby. We’ll make you so happy. We’ll keep you safe. You will never want to run again.”
It sounds so good. So rational. He’s painting such a beautiful portrait of everything I have ever wanted that it almost hurts not to grab it with both hands.
“What if you’re wrong?” I bite my bottom lip like that might stop myself from telling them the truth. “What if you don’t want to find me? What if you realize you made a mistake? I don’t think I’m strong enough to lose you…”
I don’t see Nicolas move until I’m freed from Dom and scooped up into his arms.
“Enough,” he growls into the side of my neck.
His hold crushes me. Hoists me up until my legs are looped around his waist. He cradles me and moves in the direction of the sofa.
He sits with me in his lap. One big hand cups my back, holding me in place while I sniffle into his shoulder.
“No more,” he murmurs into the hot flesh of my neck, long fingers combing through my hair.
I think he means crying, but maybe, also, no more running. It’s hard to tell when he’s holding me so tight, I can’t breathe. When his heart is drumming as erratic as mine.
He forcibly nudges my face up so I have no choice but to meet the firm focus in his eyes.
“This isn’t your fault. None of it, do you understand?
” His big hands lift and — with a gentleness I never would have expected — wipe my cheeks.
“Everything you’ve been told is bullshit, Isla.
You are not those things. You’re not broken or useless.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from that. It was my job and I failed you.”
I’m dreaming.
This has to be some drug-induced hallucination brought on by years of mold build-up in the walls.
“What do you mean?” I ask at last.
His gaze lifts over my shoulder to where Dom is standing a few feet away, arms folded, looking as confused as I feel.
“I’m talking about this morning…” he states in a tone that isn’t convincing. “Hearing the way they talked to you… I didn’t know, but I should have seen it. I should have paid better attention. I took everything I was told about you at face value and I let you down.”
I’m still baffled. I know I should be delighted that someone believes me, or concerned by the abrupt change of heart from a man who could barely look me in the eye without scowling.
“Are you dying?”
It’s a legitimate question, but Dom bursts out laughing and Nicolas jerks back like I grew another head. The calmness in his expression dissolves into his usual glower.
And I’m honestly happy to see it.
“I’m telling you that I won’t let anyone hurt you again.” He must realize he’s growling at me and softens his tone. “That, no matter what, I will keep you safe.”
Having never been on the receiving end of such kindness or acceptance, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. So, I fall back on what’s normal when someone offers to protect you.
“Thank you.”
To my surprise, he gives a faint chuckle. Like my gratitude is somehow amusing.
“I don’t want your thanks, baby. I haven’t done anything to deserve it. You have every right to want nothing to do with me after everything you’ve gone through.”
What the hell is happening?
He can’t possibly know any of this. Not to the extent that he’d be swearing eternal protection. Mom definitely wouldn’t have led him to believe that she was ever the problem. But he’s acting like he suddenly has all the answers and that’s impossible.
Anxious, I cast a glance in Dom’s direction, but he’s staring down at his feet. With no choice, I face Nicolas again.
“I don’t know what’s happening,” I confess. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
Nicolas’s gaze drops. “I haven’t been very nice to you, have I?”
I shrug. “You haven’t been mean. You just…”
“Didn’t care,” he finishes lamely. “And that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I do care. I always have, but I’ve been so scared that if I let you in, you’ll break my heart.”
The confession is so soft, so raw, I almost reach for him, but keep my fingers bunched into fists in my lap.
“You were right,” I tell him with all the confidence in me. “I will hurt you.”
His throat muscles bob once before he lifts his eyes to mine.
“I don’t think so. I think you’re scared.
I think you’ve been raised to believe you’re like this and you accepted it.
Dom’s right. If you let us, we’ll prove you wrong.
” He pauses to let me process, gaze searching my face.
“What do you think? Will you stay with us?”
“Do you want to be with us, Isla?”
It’s a trick question whether Nick means for it to be or not. Even with the warmth of his fingers holding my chin, forcing me to meet the hard truth, the answer itself settles in my throat.
“I do. So much, but it’s a bad idea. I’m not worth the gamble.”
The grind of his jaw momentarily silences me.
“Who told you that?”
I blink at the question. “No one. I just know.”
“Well, you’re wrong.” His fingers are oddly gentle sweeping back locks of hair off my cheek. “And if I find out that someone filled your head with that shit, I’ll need my own lawyer because I’m not walking away until we’ve had a long talk.”
I’m having a hard time believing any of this is real. Maybe it’s all an elaborate joke, but Nicolas doesn’t have that kind of sense of humor.
“Baby steps,” he muses when I take too long to answer. “We’re going to keep you, Isla.”
My eyebrows lift to mirror the tilt in my lips. “That’s baby steps?”
“Yup.” He strokes my cheek with the back of his bent knuckles.
“As of this moment, you’re ours. We’ll figure out the how later.
But,” he captures my chin and holds me in place to peer deep into my eyes, “if you run, I will find you, Isla. I will bring you home and I will put you over my knees. I will spank you so fucking hard, you won’t be able to sit for a week. ”
“Within reason,” Dom interjects from somewhere behind me.
“No,” Nicolas snaps. “No exceptions. We will never give you a reason to run from us. If something happens and you feel that urge, you will come find us and we will talk about it. Understand?”
It’s too good to be true.
I’m too emotional, to happy and excited and scared to find the holes I’m going to trip over. The fact that Nicolas is even considering, the fact that I’m in his lap and he’s holding me…
“What if you regret—?”
It only darkens the clouds in his eyes. “Understand, Isla?”
I swallow and nod. “Understand,” I voice when he tells me to say it.
Against mine, his chest rises and falls with the breath he’d been holding. The fingers on my chin drift up and lightly touch my cheek, skim along my jawline. A lock of hair is swept behind my ear. Little gestures that are seemingly inconsequential, and yet I feel each one to my soul.
“There is nothing you can tell us that we won’t take care of,” he says gently. “You just need to come to us.”
What can I do, except nod and let my lashes close when he leans forward. My body betrays my mind and melts into the security of his hold with the first brush of his lips over mine. For a moment, I let myself believe maybe I can be happy even as every part of my being knows I will eventually run.