Chapter 19
19
I shouldn’t be doing this. It’ll only make things worse when Noah finds out the truth about me. That doesn’t stop me from setting the phone down and kneeling beside the bed where Noah’s legs dangle over the edge.
Fuck, I was so wrong. He felt the connection. He wanted me too. He still thinks about me, but I had to ruin everything with my assumptions. With my petty frustration over Noah moving into my house, and the need to feel something other than boredom or despair.
He’s a decent man who’s been through hell, and I’ve only added to his pain. He’ll never forgive me when I tell him Jessie doesn’t exist. That the woman he’s enamored with is actually a ghost that’s been fucking with him, both figuratively and literally. And not just any ghost, the ghost of the only other woman he’s felt a connection with.
God, what have I done?
I’m roiling with shame and desire. Tonight is the last chance I have to be with Noah, and I already know I’m a selfish monster, so I’m not going to do the right thing. I’m going to fuck him until I can’t tell where I end and he begins.
I tear my dress off over my head and toss it away, then tug down Noah’s sleep shorts. I lick my lips when I see his cock is already hard, the tip flushed and dripping.
Noah’s eyes dart around in my general direction, blindly searching for me. “Ghost, I— ngh !”
Noah lets out a guttural, shocked groan as I envelop the head of his cock in my mouth, then suck him down as deep as I can. Which is all the way now that I’ve discovered I don’t have a gag reflex as a ghost. My nose buries in the thatch of hair at the base of his cock, and I revel in his scent.
Why does he smell so good? Why can’t there be one thing about him that isn’t exactly what I crave? His taste, his scent, the feel of his solid bulk when he fucked me, the sparkle of his eyes and his filthy moans and words. All perfect.
He’s always been perfect.
I knew it the night we met. I knew it when he laughed at the jokes I sent him as Jessie and when I saw how sweet he is to his sister. I knew it with the way he mapped out my body with his touch when he fucked me, and I sure as hell know it now as I suck his cock with fervent focus.
It doesn’t take long for Noah to buck into my mouth, letting out a stream of expletives as his cock throbs against my tongue. “Ghost, fuck, wait . If you keep doing that, I’m going to come.”
I pull off of his cock with a wet pop, and Noah stares down at it with blown eyes. It must be wild seeing his cock disappear into thin air and emerge again.
“I’m done fucking with you. It’s not a game for me anymore,” I murmur, swiping my tongue up the vein on the side of his cock, and circling the head to gather up the translucent pre-cum leaking there.
Laving his cock with teasing strokes, I look up into his molten eyes, which silently beg me for relief.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper, dipping down to press a kiss to his thigh, which trembles beneath my lips.
“You deserve happiness.” I press a kiss to his other thigh, closer to his bobbing cock.
“I’m sorry. I know this doesn’t make up for how cruel I’ve been, but I’m going to make you feel so good now, baby.”
I take his length back into my mouth and let him watch his cock vanish inch by inch.
Noah groans, his hand hesitantly reaching down to find my hair. I expect him to fist it and use it as leverage to fuck my face and get some relief after I’ve tortured him for days, but Noah is never what I expect. He strokes my hair, carding his fingers through the invisible strands in a breathtakingly intimate caress.
I can’t stop the mewl of pleasure his gentle touch elicits. It’s so incongruous with the filthy way I work him with my mouth, but his eyelashes flutter as he does it again.
“Even your hair is so soft,” he murmurs reverently. “Fuck, Ghost, everything about you feels perfect.”
That’s because we were made for each other.
The absurd thought hits me like a ton of bricks and I almost choke on Noah’s dick. All the pieces slot into place.
I’m here, clinging to the world even in death, because of him .
It’s not random chance that I’m a ghost, and it’s not a coincidence that Noah is the person who bought my house.
It’s kismet. All signs pointed to the universe sending me Noah when I needed him the most, but like the absolute idiot I am, I saw them as red flags, taunting me to act unhinged.
“Fuck, oh god, Ghost! ” Noah cries out, his hand finally tightening in my hair as he comes. I drink him down with a moan, tears pricking my eyes not from the effort of sucking him off, but from my devastating realization.
I need to go. Find a place to hide from the shame of what I’ve done. I can’t bear to look at this gorgeous man and know how badly I’ve fucked up. But when I try to stand up, I trip and tumble over on top of Noah, knocking him down onto the mattress.
“Whoa, are you okay?” he asks, his voice muffled by my breasts pressing against his face.
“No. I’m not,” I croak. I’m glad he can’t hear how pathetic I sound.
His warm breath makes my nipples stiffen, and before I can shove myself up and off him, he flicks his tongue against one. With surprising deftness, he pushes us up so we’re sitting up, my legs bracketing his and his brawny arms quickly wrapping around my back to keep me from falling backward.
Noah’s head stays bent to kiss and suck at my breasts, but after a moment I grab a fistful of his silky dark hair and yank his head up, bringing his face up to mine. I’d meant to pull him off and push away so I could escape, but when I see his eyes, something wild comes over me.
Just once. I just need to kiss him once to know what it would be like. Then I’ll stop.
My mouth collides with his, desperate and inelegant. Noah’s gasp at my sudden assault turns into a soft moan as he sinks into the kiss, gripping me against him harder. He takes over, tongue pressing into my mouth and brushing against mine, making heat swirl inside me.
Of course he’s an amazing kisser. Dammit!
Consumed with need, I grind against his thigh as we kiss, pleasure sparking inside me.
“I thought you said no kissing,” Noah gasps when he finally breaks the kiss to come up for air.
“Well, I was wrong!” I hiss angrily, mostly to myself. I slant my mouth against his, gentler this time, hoping that’s enough of a response.
He chuckles softly before kissing me back, the warm husky sound pooling in my stomach, just as arousing as his touch. His cock is stiff against my thigh, and when I shift to slide my pussy against it, we both gasp.
I’m so empty. I need Noah to fill up all the desolate, lonely parts of me.
I lift up, bracing myself against his shoulder with one hand, while I grip his cock with the other, lining it up with my entrance.
“You’re so wet for me,” Noah says worshipfully, like my pussy is a blessing.
My eyes flutter shut against the cacophony of emotions inside me as I sink down onto him. Longing, despair, regret, and worst of all, hope. Hope that maybe this isn’t the last time we can have this. Hope that showing him how well our bodies fit together will be enough for him to see past my mistakes when I confess tomorrow. Hope that maybe we can both finally be happy.
“Take what you need,” Noah rasps, his lips falling to my neck as I ride him. “That’s it. Shit, you’re so good, Ghost.”
Not Ghost. Dot. The one you still think about. I’m here. I beg Noah to understand with my thoughts, even though I know there’s no way he’d ever come to that conclusion on his own.
“I want you so much it hurts,” I whisper. A tear slides down my cheek. “Please don’t hate me.”
Despite my turmoil, my body responds to Noah inside me, like he’s lit a match and set me ablaze. I burn for him, and the only thing that’ll keep me from turning into a pile of ash is my release. The bed shakes from the force of my movements on top of him, and he bucks up inside me, striking against the spot inside me that makes me see stars.
“Are you going to come for me?” Noah’s voice is a rough growl as his fingers dig into my thighs.
“Yes!” I cry out, and though he can’t hear me, my body speaks loud enough. I grind down against him, dangling one foot off the edge, both welcoming and dreading the abyss of pleasure that awaits me.
My vision tunnels. Noah moans and his cock jerks inside me. My body thrums with more energy and sensation than I thought possible as I orgasm. There’s the strangest feeling that if I wanted to, I could take Noah even deeper. Or rather, he could take more of me.
Everything goes dark and suddenly I’m floating. I exist and yet I don’t. There’s a strong tug at my navel, a thread tethering me to reality, and I follow it in a blind panic.
My vision and physical presence slam back into place with a jolt. I’m looking at the bedroom wall, my heart hammering in my chest as I thrust up against nothing. I’m coming so hard I’m afraid I’ll pass out, and jets of cum fountain from my cock.
Wait, my cock?
“What the fuck?!” I squeak, but it comes out in a low baritone. In Noah’s voice.
“Ghost?!” Noah speaks again, and it’s coming from me, but I didn’t say the word.
I stare down at my body, but it’s not mine. I’m inside him.
“Oh fuck, you’re inside me,” Noah rasps, echoing my thoughts. His hands clasp at his chest as if he could tear me out from his body.
“I didn’t mean to be. Shit!” I scramble, trying to move out of him, but all that accomplishes is me moving his body up off the bed.
My mind races in tandem with Noah’s panic. Not only am I in his body, I can sense some of his thoughts. Right now, they’re matching what he’s saying out loud, which is “Oh god, fuck, this is so weird!”
“I’m trying to get out!” I yell back at him.
Fuck, could I make this situation any worse if I tried? Now he’s not only going to hate me for the stuff with Jessie, but he’s also going to think I’m a monster that might possess him at any moment. And that’s if I can even figure out how the fuck to get out of him at all.
“Jessie?” Noah asks, and I freeze.
How does he know? Dammit, he can sense my thoughts, too. Stop thinking!
“What does this have to do with Jessie?” Noah asks, waves of his confusion slamming into me. “Ghost, what’s going on?”
Oh god. I have to get out of him before he finds out. This isn’t how I wanted this to go.
I screw my eyes shut and try to run forward, hoping the force of my movement will shove me out of his body. I hear Noah cry out both in my mind and aloud, followed by a burst of pain in my shoulder as I crash his body into the wall.
We crumple forward, clutching at his shoulder. “ Fuck . Ghost, stop!” Noah shouts.
“I’m sorry! Shit, I’m so sorry.” Tears roll down Noah’s cheeks as I start to cry from the pain and panic.
“It’s okay,” Noah says, groaning as he rubs at his sore shoulder.
Why is he so damn understanding?
“It’s not okay! I’ve hurt you, and I keep fucking things up. You don’t deserve this, Noah.”
I feel my face shift into a grimace. “Life isn’t about what we deserve,” he says with a rueful sigh. “Besides, I was having a pretty good time until, uh… you came inside me.”
I laugh, and the unfamiliar, deep rumbling in my chest makes my nipples harden. “I wanted you to come inside me, not the other way around. I promise, I had no idea this would happen.” I scrub at my face and groan. “Any thoughts on how I can get out that won’t involve me hurting you again?”
The sensation of feeling Noah’s thoughts before he voices them aloud for me is bizarre and intimate. I don’t hear them in words, exactly, but more in images and snippets.
One thought has us meditating. I don’t know if I can figure out how to be calm right now.
Another has him trying to shock me out with extreme cold. We both shiver at the thought.
His last one has him stroking his cock in an attempt to expel me via orgasm.
“Let’s try that one first,” I say and I swear I feel his deep laugh vibrate my whole being, sending awareness and arousal throughout my body. No, his body. Our body? God, this is confusing and surreal.
We sit back down on the bed and as one, wrap our hand around our rapidly swelling cock.
“I’m impressed you’re able to get it up again so soon,” I say, trying to ease some of the tension.
Noah laughs again, the sound turning into a choked moan as I swipe against his frenulum with my thumb as our hand reaches the head of his cock. “Someone has me really pent up.”
“Poor baby,” I murmur, and it’s wild how hearing Noah’s voice say that turns me on, even though I’m the one that said it.
“You like my voice a lot, don’t you?” Noah rasps as we start to pump his cock.
“Y-yes,” I gasp. There’s a pleasure feedback loop from us both getting turned on by what we’re saying and from the sensation of his hand shuttling up and down his cock.
“Wish I could hear yours,” Noah pants. “There’s a whisper of it in my head when you’re thinking, but I bet it would sound amazing shouting my name.”
“Fuck, god, you don’t know what you do to me,” I whine.
He laughs, and his cock bucks in our grip. “Yeah, I think I do.”
It takes no time to get close, given how much our desires play off of each other. This would be the hottest thing I’ve ever done if I wasn’t worried that it won’t work and I’ll be stuck in his body indefinitely.
“I’m close,” Noah grunts as I use one of his hands to fondle his balls. “You ready?”
“Uh, I guess? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do but—oh!” Noah’s balls draw up as his other hand twists around the head of his cock and we’re coming. I close my eyes, letting the pleasure consume my mind as Noah groans through his release.
The weightlessness returns, and I chase it, though going to the space between bodies, where I have no form at all, terrifies me. I hang there, vision whiting out, fighting to stay aware of my existence at all, until Noah’s questioning, hoarse voice calls me back.
“I think it worked! Ghost?”
There’s a sensation akin to when your ears pop, and I’m back in my body watching him. Sadness wells up inside me as I open my mouth to tell him I’m here, but stop. He can’t hear me now.
I’m back to myself, but the lonely void inside me feels exponentially bigger now that I know what it’s like for it to be filled.
I approach Noah and squeeze his arm gently to show him I’m here. He flinches at the unexpected touch, but it’s followed by a soft, heart-achingly handsome smile. “Was worried I lost you there for a second.”
I release his arm reluctantly, numb resignation erasing any of the remnants from our shared pleasure a few moments ago. I pick up his phone to type out a message, but it’s hard to get my hands to work. It’s even harder to get my mind to figure out what to say.
When I’m done, I set the phone down on the nightstand and leave before I can see his reaction.
I’m sorry, Noah. For everything.