2. Chapter One
Chapter One
Briar
Why couldn’t I breathe? I was vaguely aware of my butt hitting the carpet as I slid down my bedroom door, my hands gripping my neck frantically in despair.
I’d touched Hal. An alpha. And not just any alpha, but Gus’ best friend.
I’d doomed a perfectly nice alpha to a painful death because I’d been careless.
No, not careless. Selfish. When Hal’s kind brown eyes had glimmered with warmth, it’d felt like a momentary spell had been cast over me.
In a daze, I’d leaned closer and accepted his offered hand.
I couldn’t even blame it on habit, because I never touched anyone, ever.
I could touch omegas and alphas who hadn’t come of age yet, but, like Father never ceased to remind me, it was best I kept my distance.
In the beginning, I’d struggled, but now it was just part of who I was.
Right up until today. Now this poor alpha would die because of me and my curse, all because I’d been so mesmerized by his disarming smile and gentle eyes.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I banged my head back against the door as I tried to get my breathing under control.
I’d dropped Hal’s hand the second I realized my fatal mistake, then fled from the room as King Sebastian and Consort Gus welcomed Gus’ omega family to the royal palace.
I couldn’t stay to witness the light in Hal’s eyes dim as he died a horrible death because of me.
I was a coward. I knew that, and now, as I stared at my empty chambers, I realized just how lonely I was.
Father was the only one who knew about the curse, and he had recently been exiled from the kingdom because of his betrayal of the king.
Sin, my older brother, also knew, but he’d been banished to the countryside many years ago because he’d disgraced Father.
I hadn’t seen Sin since. Not even when Father had told the whole palace that I was staying with my brother when King Sebastian had gone into heat.
In reality, I’d been sent to an omega family thirty minutes away, my entire stay with them nothing but education.
Father had packed me plenty of books and journals so I could prepare to one day take over his role as a royal advisor instead of Sin.
I had no idea why Father had lied about my whereabouts.
He wouldn’t even tell me what Sin had done that was so awful he’d been banished from the palace.
I missed my older brother and could’ve really used him now.
I had no one to share my selfish and horrible deed with.
No one to help or comfort me. No one to hug, not ever.
God, what I wouldn’t give for a hug and a soft-spoken word of comfort right now.
I wondered if Hal had already drawn his last breath.
I’d been so careful since my sixteenth birthday, never once messing up.
I had no clue how soon my cursed touch would take effect.
Would it be seconds, hours, or days, even?
Father had warned me that alphas would meet a horrible death filled with unfathomable agony within seconds, but how would he know exactly?
Over the years, I’d come to terms with my life, deprived of touch and closeness, but my heats were something I didn’t think I’d ever get used to.
They were the worst part of my life, always lonely and painful, until now, because this was worse.
The knowledge that I had failed and someone would die because of me was unbearable.
A loud knock on my door had me yelping forward, clutching my now erratically beating heart as I slowly rose from the floor. One awful image after another filled my head, the palace in great upheaval following Hal’s unexpected death. Gus would hate me, Seb, too.
I slowly opened the door, my legs unsteady, nausea curling in my stomach. A mix of relief, horror, and guilt washed over me as I took in Hal, standing right in front of me, alive and breathing. He smiled at me warily, his eyes careful.
“I came to escort you to dinner.” His deep voice wrapped around me as he held out his arm for me to link mine through.
Instinctively, I took a step back, and his brow furrowed in confusion before his expression softened. “You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he murmured.
Oh gods, did he think I was afraid of him because he was an alpha?
I was afraid of myself. I was afraid for him.
But there was no way I could tell him that.
Perhaps it was better that he assumed I was afraid of him.
After all, I’d been led to believe all my life that alphas were dangerous.
Perhaps if he thought I was wary of him, he’d leave me alone.
Saying nothing, I stepped out of my room, keeping a safe distance between us.
We walked the entire way in silence, as I tried to sneak glances at Hal to find signs of his impending death.
He looked the same, though; strong and tanned, his face almost glowing with excitement as he took in the palace walls and the portraits displayed on them.
Whenever servants passed us, doing their best to stay out of my way, Hal glanced at me with a confused look.
He couldn’t know that they’d been instructed to keep their distance from me since I turned sixteen.
As we entered the big dining room, we were met with smiling faces as they celebrated the new heirs and the new order of our kingdom that King Sebastian had announced only hours earlier. Alphas and omegas would finally live in harmony as equals. Decades of separation were over.
I was seated next to Elias as usual, with Seb on Elias’ other side.
Gus sat smiling shyly, glued to his mate’s side, Baby Lumi in his arms, while Seb cradled Ember, the other twin, against his chest. Envy coursed through me.
As happy as I was for the king—and my friend—that he had found love and become a father, it also tore me apart inside, because those were things I’d never have.
Forcing a smile onto my face, I pushed back my conflicted emotions.
To my horror, Hal sat down opposite me, right next to Gus’s omega twin, Corin. After I’d doomed Hal to a horrible death, I hadn’t stuck around when introductions were made. However, it was evident that Corin and Gus were close and would be glued together for the foreseeable future.
Lavish dishes were brought in by servants, delicious aromas filling the dining hall.
Everyone soon began eating and laughing, enjoying the celebration.
I had no appetite, just stared at my plate, not able to muster the same genuine enthusiasm as everyone else.
My gaze never left Hal, as I looked for even the tiniest sign that the curse was taking effect.
I didn’t even care if he caught me staring.
When would he die? Would he make it to dessert, or would he collapse face first into the soup?
Would it happen in his sleep? My mind was a horrible place of what ifs, and when Hal suddenly coughed, a pitiful yelp escaped my lips.
This was it. The curse had claimed its first victim.
“Are you okay?” Elias asked, eyeing me worriedly.
I ignored him as I watched Hal reach for his glass, take a sip of his wine, and then continue eating, as though nothing had happened, and I hadn’t almost fainted from lack of oxygen.
This was torture! Hal licked his lips, and I was torn between appreciating how full they were and making sure he was still breathing.
He caught my gaze, amusement dancing in his eyes, a smirk now playing on his lips.
“You’re not hungry?” He nodded at my untouched plate. “If you aren’t eating the salmon, can I have it?” In a daze, I nodded, because how could I deny him anything? This might be his last meal. “Thanks.” He grinned, then leaned in over the table and stabbed his fork into the piece of salmon.
“You’re welcome,” I croaked.
“You want my turnips instead?” Hal frowned at me, stuffing the entire piece of fish into his mouth, moaning. “I’ve had enough turnips for one lifetime,” he mumbled around the mouthful. “Right, Gus?” he called out, and Gus looked away from Seb.
“What?” Gus called back, the baby stirring in his arms.
“Turnips!” Hal grinned, holding one up, and Gus shuddered.
Everyone laughed, Seb the loudest out of everyone. I wondered if I should tell Seb about what had happened earlier. Maybe it would help ease my guilty conscience, or maybe I just didn’t deserve to feel good ever again.
My journal was a blur in front of me, but I kept writing even though the words made no sense.
I hadn’t slept and doubted I ever would again.
Hal was still alive and breathing. I knew this because I’d snuck out of my chambers and found his room.
I’d heard him snoring softly through the door, and when I was satisfied with the sound of his breathing, I’d returned to my chambers to write down my sins.
I figured since Father was no longer here, I needed to tell someone, and that someone was my journal.
I’d started all the way from the beginning, feeling the weight lift off my shoulders the more I wrote.
The sun was rising, the rays lighting up my desk and the paper, but the promise of a new day didn’t fill me with joy. It just added dread. I already knew the day would be spent following Hal around like a shadow, waiting for him to die. It was almost an obsession at this point.
Perhaps I should tell Hal what I’d done to him.
Only I doubted he would believe me. He’d probably think I was insane, or laugh at me and then touch me again to prove a point.
What if he encouraged other alphas to touch me, too, and they all began touching me, laughing when it didn’t kill them, only to fall dead within hours or days?
It would be like a domino effect of death.
I shook my head. I was clearly losing my mind. I continued to write. It was best to keep my secret just that, a secret, even if it made me feel like the biggest coward in the world.
Glancing at the tiny clock on my desk, I figured I needed to get washed before breakfast. The servants always came in each morning at seven with warm water for me, and it was ten past now. If I wanted to enjoy a warm bath, I’d better get moving.
My chambers consisted of my bedroom, bath, sitting room, and a small lounge for visitors.
Father’s old chambers had been given to me when he was banished, but I’d yet to move in.
I’d get a lot more space, but it felt strange living there, like my father’s dark presence was still looming.
Seb had told me I could change anything I wanted and had even allowed me to use the palace designer to redecorate.
I should probably get on with it, using the distraction instead of obsessing over Hal.
Maybe I was thinking about this all wrong.
Perhaps Hal wasn’t doomed. Maybe the touch needed to be elsewhere.
Or maybe I didn’t touch him long enough for the curse to take effect.
Perhaps it had to be an intimate touch? Father never went into much detail, and I was left reeling because of it.
Instead of wallowing in guilt for the rest of eternity, I should just keep an eye on Hal and try to do better from now on.
Feeling determined, I got out of the tub, dried off, then added some fragrant oil to my skin and hair, as I always did.
Afterward, I picked out a simple outfit.
I wanted to be ready for when I had to face Hal again over breakfast. I also needed to act more sociably around Gus’ family.
I was a royal advisor now and had to act accordingly.
Two knocks sounded against the door, and I was relieved it was the same two knocks I got every morning. Olive was the servant who came to fetch me for breakfast each day, and he always respected my little bubble of privacy. He knocked but didn’t linger, and I loved him for it.
When I entered the hallway, closing the door behind me, Olive had already left. I breathed in deeply, preparing myself to face a lot of people over breakfast. I could do this. I was more than my curse; it didn’t rule over me.
Hal was the first person I spotted as I entered the dining hall, smiling even wider than yesterday as he held Ember awkwardly in his massive arms. While Hal wasn’t as huge as Gus, he was still big, and it looked like his muscles were ready to pop through the fabric of his white shirt.
My knees weakened at the sight of him, so alive and happy.
I would still keep my eye on him, but this had to be a good sign for sure.
Ember made cute noises, the baby clearly happy to be held by his Uncle Hal, as Gus had named him.
Hal wasn’t Gus’ brother by blood, but by choice, and it was obvious Hal took the role of uncle very seriously.
He would make the perfect father and alpha mate one day if he didn’t meet an untimely death.
“He’s so cute,” Elias gushed next to me, startling me.
“W-who?” I stammered, trying to act like I wasn’t obsessively staring at Hal.
Elias frowned at me. “Ember. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, looking back at Hal and Ember. “And yes, Ember is a cutie.”
“Just wait until you get one,” Elias sighed dreamily. He had his own son and could finally be with his alpha guard without it being a secret. I loved that for my friend, but it also hurt knowing it would never be me.
“I won’t,” I reminded him, proud of myself for not bursting into tears right then and there.
Elias gave me a sympathetic smile. “If you want kids one day, you’ll get them. I know you don’t like people touching you, but perhaps that’ll change someday. Just never say never, okay?”
I nodded. Elias didn’t know about the curse, and it wasn’t as if I could tell him.
I wanted nothing more than to have a family of my own.
My own alpha, who would look at me like Gus was looking at Seb right now, with adoration and love.
I wanted babies, wanted to cuddle them and kiss them.
Shower them with my love and never let anything bad happen to them.
But it didn’t matter what I wanted. I was cursed, and there was no cure for me.