8. Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
Briar
After Hal left with Kenneth and Lord Willoughby, I hurried back to my room.
There was a restlessness inside me, like an itch I couldn’t scratch.
It annoyed me to no end as I tried to keep it together and not just flat out sprint to my chambers.
At first, I thought it was remnants of the all-consuming jealousy I’d felt last night at dinner when Hal had asked Seb about Nial.
I’d nearly bent my fork in half when Hal had inquired if employees at the palace were allowed to be in relationships with each other.
I’d thought he’d meant Nial, and my heart had started pounding furiously.
Although I knew I couldn’t have Hal for myself, I selfishly didn’t want him to be with anyone else either.
It was ridiculous, of course. Hal was kind and handsome.
Strong and intelligent. There would come a time when he’d meet someone, and I just hoped I wouldn’t be there to witness it. I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
This didn’t feel like jealousy, though, more like something physical. My instincts told me to get ready for something, but I just had no idea what.
Once inside the safety of my room, I felt it: the ache in my stomach.
It might’ve been the food I’d had earlier.
I’d felt a tad squeamish when I ate, but I’d forced the food down anyway.
I was paying for that now. With my heats spent alone, I often got sick; that was simply a consequence of not having an alpha to take care of me when my body needed it.
Often, I experienced fevers for a few days or suffered from nasty headaches, all things I’d grown used to.
This stomachache felt different, though, like a deep pounding sensation.
The sun hung low in the sky, light spilling through the windows, casting a warm glow in my room. Fresh air would do me good, I decided, even if the thing I wanted most was to hide away in my bed and sleep the rest of the day away, hoping I’d wake without pain.
As I left my room and wandered the halls, the pain only worsened, the ache turning into a stabbing pain, like I’d run too fast and now had a side sting.
Only the sting shot through my entire abdomen, like sharp blades slicing through my insides.
A particularly nasty stab had me pausing for air, one hand braced on the wall, the other on my stomach.
Heat spread across my body, my nape dampening, as goosebumps pebbled my skin.
No, no, no, no, no…. My heat!
I inhaled deeply, all my senses amplified.
My skin prickled, and my hole clenched in that telltale way.
It came out of nowhere. Usually, I’d feel bloated and touchy a few days before my heat, but this time, there’d been no signs.
I’d had no time to prepare. Usually, I’d gather herbs in the garden that would have a soothing effect on the symptoms and would put a damper on some of the pains.
I hurried toward the kitchen, knowing I had little to no time before it would hit me with the intensity it always did.
My breathing hitched, fearing what was coming.
I dreaded each heat, but more than that, I feared them.
I’d never know which heat would be my last, each one just a little bit worse than the previous.
I knew I needed sustenance. Since I was always on my own, I needed to prepare before it was too late.
If I wanted to survive this, I needed enough food for a week and lots of water.
The humid air in the kitchen hit me like a suffocating wave, and my breathing became even more labored.
Everyone at the palace knew I spent my heats alone, so one look at me was enough for Stefano, an omega chef I adored and trusted, to grab two baskets, one for water and the other for food.
Stefano knew what I preferred to eat during my heat.
Something sweet that would provide me with the energy I needed to get through it.
Fruit, bread, jam. Small cakes and biscuits.
Dried fruit and nuts. Stefano gathered everything quickly and sufficiently, then put it in the basket.
“Can you walk?” Stefano regarded me with worried eyes as I stood, clinging to the kitchen counter.
I nodded, then bent in pain as another sharp stab tore through me.
“Come on then,” he said, grabbing both baskets.
I followed him, my legs shaking. My hole already felt loose, and it was just a matter of time before slick would build and soak my pants. I needed to get to my room now!
When we reached my room, Stefano threw the door open, then hurried inside. He placed the baskets on a bench next to my bed and left a glass of water and a plate with grapes on the bedside table.
“Will you be alright, Briar?” he asked softly.
I nodded, although I had no idea if I would. With a concerned look, Stefano left, closing the door behind him, basically locking me in my lonely cell for the next week. I dragged myself to the door and turned the key in the lock. No one was allowed to enter.
It had been kind of him to help me, even if I was used to carrying everything alone.
But this time, I might’ve looked worse than usual.
I felt it, too, how weak my body was, how sore and…
empty. For the first time, my body craved someone in particular.
Before, I’d pictured some nameless, faceless alpha, one who’d help me as I tried to get through my heat alone, but now he had a face, a name.
Hal. I needed him. My body knew what it wanted, and it craved his forbidden touch.
I didn’t understand how I could miss something I’d never had, how every fiber of my body called out to him.
Like I was no longer a person, but a mere creature driven by instinct alone, and my instincts told me Hal was mine. My alpha.
Once there was a brief break in the stabbing pains, I hurried around to gather everything I needed, stopping every time a new wave of pain hit.
My body was overheated, my skin prickling like I’d been in the sun for too long.
My hole was leaking slick, soaking through my pants, making me ready for the alpha that would never come.
The heaviness in my core increased as my body prepared itself to be bred.
With shaking hands, I gathered my blankets and pillows, making my bed comfortable for the next few days.
I tore off my clothes before hurrying into bed, burying my face in the blankets.
Usually, the smell of lavender and rose lilies would help soothe my nerves, but this time, my wonderful blankets did nothing.
I always had them washed in the same soap, the servants knowing I needed it to rest. Why had things changed suddenly?
Fear gripped me, and I froze in place, one hand clutched around the blanket.
Had they forgotten, or was the scent just not strong enough? I sniffed the blanket harder.
A cry tore through me. There was no comfort to be found anywhere. My hands shook, and I fisted the blanket even harder, trying to stay grounded. I was scared. So scared. Was this it? Would this be my last heat? Was my body finally unable to endure any more pain and solitude?
Pain, unlike anything I’d ever experienced, rushed through me, and I choked out a scream.
I always tried to muffle them during my heat.
I didn’t want to disturb anyone. I breathed through the pain, waiting for it to change into something remotely bearable.
As soon as it subsided, I hurried to grab my only relief, a wooden stick carved to mimic an alpha’s cock.
I’d made it myself after my first heat, never wanting to experience that pain again.
It was cured so I wouldn’t harm myself, making it smooth to the touch, but I knew it wasn’t as perfect as having the real deal.
The next wave of agony hit me full force, and this time I didn’t manage to muffle my scream.
My loose hole throbbed with need, as it clenched around nothing.
I pushed the wooden rod inside, but it only made me feel worse.
My body screamed at me. It didn’t want this artificial cock; it craved a real alpha, his strong arms wrapped around me as he entered me.
The wrongness of it all flooded my system, and I shook harder as the pain intensified.
Hal. My body echoed with need for my alpha, but he wasn’t mine, could never be mine.
My body didn’t care, though; it ached for him, for his scent, for his touch, for his cock.
I sobbed, the pain so overwhelming it became my entire existence.
The wooden cock was forgotten behind me as I hugged myself, rocking back and forth, imagining it was Hal cradling me, soothing me, telling me everything was going to be fine.
“Hal,” I whispered, falling deeper into the fantasy.
A new wave hit, shattering everything. I screamed in fear.
I was dying. There would be no other outcome this time other than death.
I felt it, how my body couldn’t get any relief, how nothing seemed to matter anymore.
Everything felt all wrong now that I’d touched Hal.
Was this my punishment? Had he been spared from death because the curse had decided to claim me instead?
If so, I was glad. Hal deserved to live, while I had no reason to continue on with my lonely existence.
What felt like hours passed. The pain became my entire world as it came and went like tidal waves, never faltering, never lessening. I took my wooden cock in hand once again, determined to get some relief. I barely grazed my rim before the same shock of pain returned, this time worse.
I screamed, louder than ever before. I screamed with all I had. I couldn’t stop it. My body was like a gaping wound, slowly bleeding out.
“Hal,” I sobbed, clawing at the sheets, crying out for the only thing I’d ever wanted for myself.
An alpha. My alpha.