Complications #2
In a moment of pure insanity, I decide that I’m going to give Elder Covington a call.
This is Jake’s hotel now. We're going to take control of it. Low life scum is not allowed. This should be his safe space. We’ve worked hard making new memories here, overwriting the bad and leaving only the good.
Turning this place into something worthwhile.
He’s made so much progress lately and no one gets to come in here and destroy that. I'm done playing nice.
I walk back inside and slam the door. Crap. Sorry door, you didn’t deserve that.
“We need to increase security,” I tell Brandon, who’s back at his desk.
“What brought this on, little dude?” He stops typing on the computer to look at me as I approach.
“One of Covington’s goons attacked Jake outside,” I fume. “I’m going to buy you a shotgun. If you see any scary Russians on the property, immediately shoot to kill, don’t stop to ask questions.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Are you… serious right now?” he asks hesitantly. “Sometimes I can’t tell.”
I sigh. “No, I’m being dramatic, sorry. I’m just frustrated. But we do need to increase security. Set up extra cameras, make sure they work. And make sure there are cloud backups. I'm going to give his dad a call later, set up a meeting. It's time we handled him, and I have an idea.”
“10-4. Is Jake okay? I just saw him walk by, and he didn't say anything,” he says.
“He’ll be okay. Thanks, Brandon. You’re the best.” He beams.
***
I head back to my room after work, and I’m not surprised to see Jake lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I smile as I walk up to him.
“You okay?” I ask.
He watches me intently as I crawl on the bed. He scoots over to give me more room as I settle on my knees next to him.
“Yeah,” he finally says.
“I told Brandon to increase security. I hate that one of those bastards was able to get so close.”
“Okay.”
“Can I touch you?” I inch my hand towards him, but don’t make contact. I leave it resting next to him on the comforter.
“Why would you want to?” he asks, sounding listless.
“What? I always want to touch you.”
He shakes his head and looks over at me. “Alex, why do you really want to be with me? Do you look at me and just see something you think you can fix?” He sits up and leans back against the headboard.
“No! What brought this on? I want to be with you because I like you. I like spending time with you, going on picnics with you, trying to make you laugh because I love the sound of it… I don’t understand what’s going on.
” This is not the conversation I expected to be having tonight.
Against my better judgement, I reach for him.
He immediately pulls back from me. “Sorry.”
“Please don’t touch me. I’m not… clean,” he says, and his voice is full of self-loathing.
“What does that mean?” I ask gently.
He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. “His hands were all over me, Alex. I can still feel it.”
“Okay… that doesn’t mean you’re dirty, Jake.”
He pulls his hair in frustration. “You don’t understand. I don’t know how to make you understand. I can’t ever get it off. Not his, not… anyone else’s.”
I sit there confused and wait for him to continue.
“I was raped,” he finally spits out.
“I know.” Thinking back to the day he got his memory back makes me want to cry.
“No, you don’t, because I lied to you. I was fifteen the first time it happened.”
I suck in a breath. “First time?”
He doesn’t look at me as he continues. “Andrei convinced my father to let him train me in the family business, and he agreed because he thought it would… toughen me up or something. I was a stupid kid and I liked the attention. I never got it from my parents, not in the ways I wanted. He convinced me he loved me, but I wasn’t ready for that.
So he forced me. I couldn’t tell anyone.
Who would believe me, or care? It went on for so many years.
I was trapped. That’s why I ran. There is this stain on me that won’t come off. It’s tattooed under my skin.”
“You are not stained,” I say, but he powers on like he didn’t hear.
“I thought I was past it, finally. I hate being touched. I can’t stand to have hands on me.
I like your hands on me though. You make me feel safe, and wanted.
Today brought all those old feelings back up.
I kept my walls up for so long, because I had to protect myself, and you pulled them all down.
And now I’m getting that stain all over you, too. I don’t want to damage you.”
“Please look at me.” His eyes finally meet mine, and I can barely stand the misery in them. “I wish I knew what to say to you to make you understand that you’re not dirty, or tainted, or damaged. But I can show you.” I hold up my hand.
“I’m not stained. I’ve touched you a hundred times.” I grab his hand and hold it up. “Look at that. There is nothing here that can hurt me.”
A tear falls down his face, but he doesn’t move a muscle as I hold onto him.
“The things that were forced on you are not your shame. No matter how many times it happened, no matter what the circumstances were. You are not the damaged one. You’re a survivor.
The day I met you was the best day of my life.
” I pause. “Well, afterlife, technically. You make me so happy, and I love every second I’ve had with you.
I wouldn’t change anything about it. The only thing that would hurt me is you pulling away from me in some misguided attempt to protect me.
I don’t need your protection. I just need you. ”
I hold my breath as I wait for his reaction. I’ll die if he withdraws right now.
“Thank you,” he says finally and wipes at his eyes. “I’m such a mess. Sorry.”
“It’s been a long day. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again. I want this hotel to be our safe haven.”
I realize I’m still holding onto his hand, so I let him go. Instead of pulling away, he moves his hand to the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. His mouth hovers over mine, and I close the distance.
He’s kissing me like a drowning man that needs air, so I crawl in his lap and shove my tongue in his mouth, taking control from him.
His hands find my waist and hold on tight.
I rest my hands on either side of his neck, trying to ground him in the moment, loving that he’s trusting me with his vulnerability.
It seems to settle something in him, knowing that he doesn’t need to be strong with me.
He’s had to be strong for so long. I can be strong enough for both of us.