Bonus Scene The Land Before Humans by Brandon Sinclair
Alex
After a long day of work, I’m sitting in the attic with Brandon. He wanted to show me his book. Finally! I’m giddy with excitement; I’ve been curious about this book for a long time. He looks excited too, watching me about to crack open his magnum opus. Here we go…
Once upon a time, a long time ago, dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
They were just humble little guys, only caring about where their next meal came from, and fucking.
They didn’t have to worry about things like jobs and taxes; things that have plagued humanity for millennia.
They didn’t care about the price of gas, or buying fancy homes, and they sure as hell weren’t ruled over by baby murdering pedos –
I side eye Brandon. He just shrugs. “Keep reading, dude. It’s relevant to the plot, I swear!”
That all changed one day, when a very strange looking dinosaur appeared out of a strange, metal contraption that fell from the sky and crash landed in their forest. The dinosaur was super tiny, hairless, and made a very high pitched yapping sound that irritated the dinosaurs.
“I’m from the future!” He said, though the dinosaurs didn’t speak English back then, so they didn’t know.
“This is fucking awesome! I’m gonna make so much money.
I always wondered what you guys tasted like.
You kinda look like a chicken, I bet you taste like one too.
” The little pale dinosaur kept up the high pitched noises for a while, seemingly deciding to make camp where he crash landed.
The dinosaurs just looked at each other, silently communicating as if to ask, “should we eat this guy?” But they watched on, unsure of what to make of this confused, deformed little guy.
“He’s just out here trying his best, like the rest of us,” they decided.
For days, they watched the little dinosaur work in his makeshift camp, yapping endlessly on little metal devices that yapped back to him occasionally.
Small as the dinosaur may be, he turned out to be surprisingly resilient, earning the begrudging respect of the dinosaurs around him.
They started to treat him like a pet, occasionally bringing him food to make sure he didn’t starve.
He didn’t seem to have a set of teeth that would be useful for tearing out throats and chewing raw meat, nor did he have any pointy weapons with which to hunt.
So the dinosaurs watched on in confusion as the little dinosaur slowly expanded his camp around him.
One day he pulled out a shiny contraption they didn’t recognize. He waved it around, pointing it at various small animals while drinking something out of a container. He swayed on his feet a bit, and the dinosaurs wondered if he was hurt, or addled with disease.
“We may have to put him down,” they conferred, “For his own good, if he’s suffering.”
The little dinosaur started yapping again, and they listened.
“That’s right motherfuckers, this is an AK-47!
I’m gonna fill ya full o’ holes, ya hear.
I’m gonna eat your babies in front of you, roast their little bodies over my fire –” He leaned over and puked a frothy, brown substance, and the dinosaurs were alarmed.
This tiny dino was sick. Not wanting disease to spread through their forest, the dinos came to the conclusion that it was best to put him down. He wouldn’t suffer any longer.
As the little dino set his shiny stick on the ground, he pulled something out of his pocket and lit it on fire, breathing deeply and blowing out smoke.
“We can’t kill this little guy, he breathes fire! Who among us can say the same! He must be a god, sent from the heavens to help us.” They all nodded in agreement, watching in amazement as the little dino continued to breathe fire.
“Fuck yeah, that’s the stuff,” he said. “This is Hindu Kush, best fucking weed in the world.” He looked around.
“I bet there’s some kick ass stuff to smoke around here.
I’m gonna bring some back, show the guys some shit they’ve never smoked before.
I’ll make a killing! A killing! I’m a fucking genius. ”
“He must be giving us his godly blessings,” the dinosaurs decide, and continue to watch in reverence as the little dino concludes his ritual. For the first time in millions of years, they feel… hope, that a new, exciting age is about to begin. They bow to their tiny new god, and pray.
“Wow, Brandon. That was… a lot,” I say as I set the computer down.
“Great first chapter, I have to say. I’m excited to see what happens next with the dinosaurs.
” I stand up and stretch. “I’ll finish this later; I need to check on Kayla and make sure she hasn’t killed anyone today.
But keep writing! I sense you’ve got a best seller on your hands. ”
To be continued…again.