Chapter 42
Payson
He doesn’t wait for me to follow him as he steps off the porch and whistles for Duke to follow.
He rockets off into the tree line like he’s been waiting all morning for someone to give him permission.
I look around at all the trees, then back to him.
He slows his pace falling into step beside me as we walk in the woods.
The morning air is cool and smells like pine and wet earth as the light breaks through the canopy in the long uneven pieces that shift when the breeze moves above.
I don’t ask where we are going, or how far it is.
We don’t talk, and somehow it’s the most comfortable we’ve been since I opened my eyes this morning and found him sitting in that chair watching me.
I can’t deny that seeing his eyes on me after all these years, with that same desire laced in them, had heat building deep in me.
The trail isn’t marked, so there’s nothing to follow except him.
I keep pace beside him, and the trees grow thicker and then start to thin after awhile, before stopping all together when we do.
The ground drops away in front of us in wide layered shelves of rock.
Ancient rocks made of red and amber are carved out for a long way, while lying at the bottom is a lake.
I look at him over my shoulder and there is something in his expression that is quiet and unguarded in a way I haven’t seen from him, and it makes butterflies swirl inside me.
He steps down onto a wide slab of rock at the edge and reaches a hand back up to me.
He waits patiently as I look at his hand, then at the slight drop before taking it.
He helps me down and we sit side by side on the stone with the unmistakable view before us.
Duke settles somewhere behind us with his nose working overtime at all the smells.
It’s weird seeing Ledgar with a dog. I would’ve never pictured him with one, but I guess a lot can happen in six years.
Deciding it may be time to get my pain out, I glance over at him before looking back down at the lake.
“I was so angry when you left,” I say. “Not at first, though. At first I was broken thinking I did something and racked my brain for weeks trying to come up with some reason to make myself sleep better at night.” He doesn’t ask any questions yet, just listens.
“Then one day I stopped looking and swore I would never let anyone else hurt me the way you did.” I glance sideways at him.
“I’ve been doing really well with that for the past six years. ”
“Until this morning,” he says.
I look back out over the small canyon. I can feel the way his mouth pulls up without even looking at him, and it irritates me knowing he knows he still gets to me.
“Vivian had him released before Griffith and I even got to the hospital,” I say flatly, trying to keep it together.
“She had everything arranged before they even called me, and the look on her face when she saw us there…” I pause.
“She was practically glowing.” He doesn’t say anything, just lays back on to the rock, staring up at the sky, and I’m glad he just lets me get it out.
“She didn’t know anything about him, and she stood there like she’d won something.
” My voice cracks at the end, and I pull in a slow breath.
I can feel his eyes on me as I wipe away the first tear that falls.
“I don’t forgive you,” I say, changing the subject. “I don’t know if I can.”
“I know.” His voice is low and even and I look at him and he’s looking straight back at me. “Stay as angry as you need to. I’m not asking you to forgive me.” I search his eyes. “If you stay this time, it’ll be different.”
“You can’t promise me that.”
“I just did.” Something in my chest cracks at the edges and I hate it.
I hate it because I want to believe him, and wanting to believe it is exactly what gets you left all alone wondering what you did wrong.
My eyes burn as I stand up because staying seated is no longer something I can do.
“I can’t do this again,” I say, my voice cracking.
“I can’t…. I won’t.” I go to leave and his hand catches mine.
I tip my chin to the sky, refusing to let him see me fall apart in front of him.
His phone goes off and I let out a small laugh. “Never fails.”
“Don’t move,” he says. I look back at him over my shoulder and plop back down beside him.
He releases my hand and looks at his phone.
The hard line of his jaw and the way his eyes move across the screen as he reads something and reads it again.
I watch him and don’t say a word because whatever is on that screen has nothing to do with me I’m sure and everything to do with the way he looks like the world was finally lifted from his shoulder, and I’m not going to break that moment just yet.
Duke pads over, pushing his nose against my arm and I let him crawl half on my lap as I run my hand through his soft fur.