Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Owen was in pain, worse than the physical pain he felt at his side.
He found breathing difficult and had to force himself to do so as his heart threatened to give way.
This was on him. Earlier, Owen had been so angry when Charlotte told him how her uncle had treated her and how much she missed her parents.
He had wished ill on her uncle for causing her pain.
It crushed Owen to discover that everything was his fault.
He was the one who was responsible for all that had happened.
How could he justify wanting to do grave harm to her uncle when he had been the one who put everything in motion?
For years, he had wished he had stayed home or at least found some other way to save her from the men who had tried to assault her.
Now, as he stared at her, he realized he could not just wish away his problems. It had happened, and the proof of his actions now rested in his arms. There was nowhere for him to hide anymore.
Owen looked up at the ceiling. He was a murderer.
Not only had he killed one of the men with his bare hands, but he was also the reason why her father had died.
He was responsible for the physical scar that would forever be a reminder of that terrible day and the emotional scar she would never heal from.
How was he to face her now, knowing the damage he had caused and the ruin he had brought to her and her household?
Owen held no guilt for the other two men who had died in the fire.
But hers was the guilt he would carry for the rest of his life.
Owen could tell that she did not remember who he was.
He doubted she would have allowed herself to be under his care or do what they had just done if she had.
Guilt washed over him when he realized what he must do; pretend. He would have to pretend that he was not aware of who she was and that, up until this moment, he had never seen her before.
He looked down at his shaky hands. How could this have happened? How could it be that of all the people he could have met that day and of all the places she could have been , she had been hiding behind the bush at the location he had chosen for his meeting?
He could not leave her alone to find her way on her own.
Seeing as she had no idea who he was, he would continue as he had been with her, and maybe when he got her to the place she needed to be and was guaranteed her safety, he would feel a little better about himself.
He did not even have to be the one with her.
If he believed she was better off away from him after he got home, he would send someone to watch over her until she reached her destination.
Owen just had to make sure that she never found out. That was turning out to be likely, just as long as she never remembered who he was.
No matter how hard he tried, he found it difficult to sleep that night.
He should not have touched her. He should not have even kissed her.
Owen knew that the moment he realized how jealous he was, he should have convinced her to stay in separate rooms, or at least kept his distance from her, yet he had not done so.
He tossed in bed, wincing when his side hurt. He untangled her hands and legs from around him and stood up to walk towards the window. In all the years he had spent regretting his actions and wishing he had done things differently, he had never felt more like a fraud than he did at this moment.
The stars were many in the sky and the moon shone bright, but there was no sign of the sun.
The cold night air blew in through the window, soothing his hot skin, yet he found no relief in that.
What would happen if she found out who he was?
Would she leave him and find her path to where she wanted to be on her own?
Or would she bear his presence until he got where she needed?
Owen was plagued with so many questions. He sighed and looked at the sleeping figure on the bed. He was happy she was at least getting some well-deserved rest after the nasty day she had had. He considered going back to bed, but his guilt did not allow him to lie close to her.
Perhaps this was for the best. He needed to keep a distance between them, emotionally anyway, but he could not let her out of his sight.
He had been looking for her for a long time, worried that no one seemed to know where she was, but now she had ended up with him.
At the moment, he was out of sorts and frustrated because he had allowed himself to grow close to her without knowing who she was, but now that he knew, a part of him was relieved.
Now that she was with him, he could make amends for what he had done to her in the past, no matter his intentions. He sighed a shaky sigh of relief mixed with regret.
He picked up the chair at the opposite end of the room and dragged it softly across the floor until he was in front of the window.
He rested his head on the windowsill and continued to look outside the window.
Today had turned out to be the most interesting day he had had in the six years since that very night.
It made sense that it would be with the same person that all of this had started with.
Owen winced and squinted at the first rays of the sun. He had not slept a wink all night; his brain too plagued by memories, feelings and questions for the future.
….
His head throbbed from the lack of sleep. He groaned and stretched before standing up. Every inch of his body hurt.
When he finally felt better, he went down to request for some hot water. He hurriedly cleaned himself, rinsing the wound and applying salve before wrapping it again.
Owen walked up to the bed and tapped Charlotte slightly. "Charlotte, ye need tae wake up now. It is morning already," he said, shaking her softly, before she simply rolled over and proceeded to sleep as a bairn. After one stronger shrug, she groaned and raised her head.
"We need tae leave as soon as possible. We cannae stay here too long," he said.
The two retraced their steps from the diversion they had taken to get to the inn and continued their journey to Kirklinton when they reached the straight path.
As they walked, Owen remained aware of his surroundings, dreading a surprise attack like the one they had received the previous day.
They walked quietly for a while, Charlotte subtly looking at him every so often.
He knew his strange behavior and sudden quietness baffled her, but she refrained from asking.
Unlike the previous day, their journey had been free of all the teasing and jokes Owen had made. There had also been no stories of their past, either.
Although he was curious to know what she thought, he was also glad.
It had filled him with so much dread throughout the night about how he was going to accomplish the feat he had set for himself.
He had erected a wall between them without actually even trying.
He supposed the fact that he had been so lost in his own thought and seemed withdrawn had caused her to realize that there was something wrong.
"Let us rest here for a bit. I ken ye have nae had anything tae eat.
" Owen opened the sack he had been carrying and brought out an even smaller one.
He had paid the innkeeper's daughter to load it with bread and some cakes and he found a jar of water in there as well.
"Here, take this and eat," he said, handing her the food.
"Thank you. I thought we would have nothing to eat for a while."
The relief he saw in her expression gave him a warm feeling in his gut.
Nay, we are nae doing any of that anymore, ye ken?
He chastised himself. He could not allow himself to go down that path again.
He needed to do right by her and make sure she never got taken captive by those she sought to avoid.
That was all. He had a duty to her and he would see it through, but nothing else would come of it.
The two of them ate for a while, with Charlotte returning to her normal chatty self, which only tortured him further. Maybe she had been quiet because she was just hungry. It would be amusing if that were the case.
As the sun went down and the two got closer to Kirklinton, he was relieved. He had given up on watching his environment when he noticed how tense it made Charlotte every time he did so, but he still kept his ears open in case they were walking into another ambush unprepared.
"We need tae stop for the night. We can continue our journey tomorrow. We are nae longer far from Kirklington, but that dinnae mean that we have tae walk all night long. There is an inn nearby."
Morning came, and the two continued on their way to Kirklinton. When they reached it, he breathed in deep. A sense of completion filled him.
"Hurry, we are here at last," he noticed that Charlotte's steps had slowed. "Dae nae worry, they will welcome ye with open arms and take care of ye the same way that I have done."
Owen took her hands in his and walked the short distance, only dropping them when they arrived at the gate.
"Master Owen!" he looked in the direction the voice had come from and saw the grounds keeper hurrying towards him. "It is him, it really is Master Owen," Sweeney, the old stable keeper, exclaimed.
"Conan, it is good tae see ye. How have ye been and how is everyone?" he quizzed.
"I am all right, and so is everyone else. Yer family will be happy tae see ye as will all of us," Conan smiled at him excitedly.
"Speaking of family, is everyone home?" Owen could not wait to see and hug his family. It had been a long time since he saw them, and he had not realized how much he missed them all until he was standing here in front of the castle.