Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Owen was filled with deep regret.
The moment Charlotte had asked him questions, he knew at that point that she had found out. The suddenness of it all made it very clear.
He had messed things up just like Sweeney said he would if he continued lying to her.
If only he had told her sooner, the moment he found out who she was.
Owen doubted that would have done much to change things.
After all, he had been responsible for her father's death but now that she found out he had purposely kept it from her, it would make it even more difficult for him to convince her he had not meant to lie to her or to explain what had happened and why he had not been honest.
"Damn it, damn it all!" Owen muttered in frustration.
This was not how today was supposed to go at all.
This was not how she was supposed to find out about this.
He groaned when the wound on his head hurt from the strain.
Owen lifted his hand to his head to calm the throbbing and moved it over the gash.
He remembered little else after the blinding pain he had felt other than the fear that had filled him as he wondered what would become of Charlotte.
Owen was lying there beating himself up when he heard a commotion in the hall and felt himself tense as he heard the footsteps approaching the room.
"Margaret," he smiled, eager to have someone visit him and take away the thoughts that were currently plaguing him. "How are ye? I am glad ye came tae see me. I have grown quite wary of me thoughts and would love to have yer company for as long as ye can offer it."
Owen looked at her and sighed. She was the second woman today who had sported the same angry expression, but now he did not know what he had done.
Was it because he had brought trouble to their castle?
His presence here for just a day had brought them a situation they had never expected.
Margaret's forehead had bunched up and her lips were bent in a frown in a way he rarely ever saw.
Owen suddenly felt worse than he had been feeling.
This didn't turn out to be the reunion that he had expected to have with his family.
"Look, Margaret. I am sorry that I brought trouble to the castle.
If I had kenned that this would happen, I would have remained at the monastery or at least continued with me journey instead of coming here.
I did nae mean for any of this tae happen.
I hope ye ken that." Owen watched as Margaret's frown deepened with every word he spoke.
She walked closer to the bed and sat beside him. Something about the way she sat in silence, watching him as she took her hands in his, made him suddenly feel like something had gone wrong.
"Is Rory all right?" he asked. Owen's grip tightened around hers as he waited for her to say something, and he felt his heart grow tight as he waited for her to answer.
"Och. Aye. Rory is all right. I am sorry tae have worried ye so," Margaret's eyes widened as she sought to reassure him. "It is nae because of Rory that I am here. Charlotte has left the castle. We did nae ken how tae tell ye sooner."
Owen felt his world grow cold. Of course, she had left. He doubted he would have also wanted to stay if he were in her shoes. And then the reality hit him. What if she ended in the wrong hands?
"What are you doing?" Margaret asked him when he sat up, just as Rory, his mother, and Sweeney walked in. Owen was happy to see his brother for himself, and as he looked him over, he realized Rory did not have many injuries on him, merely a few scratches on parts of his body.
"Rory, mother, I am happy that ye are all right, all of ye, but I cannae stay longer tae chat. I need tae go after Charlotte. It is nae safe for her tae be out there alone by herself, and like a fool, I let her." He stood, but then his brother rushed up to him and pushed him back down.
"Ye cannae go after her right now. Nae in yer condition at all. Dae ye really think ye can make it tae her in time with so many injuries on ye?" Rory asked him. "And even if ye can, what good are ye tae her if ye cannae even stand up straight without requiring help?"
Owen was about to argue that he could fight and he would stop at nothing to get her, but his mother came up to him, her eyes filling with fear and tears. In that instant, he knew he would not be going after Charlotte after all.
"Please, me son. I ken that ye dae nae want anything tae happen tae her, but please, listen tae yer brother.
I am sure that he will dae all he can tae make sure that she is safe.
Ye really need tae rest so ye can get better.
" Owen nodded hesitantly, causing his mother to smile.
He did not want to argue, not when he knew for himself that what they were saying was true. He was useless.
"I will send two soldiers after her tae ensure she is safe. I cannae guarantee that she will want tae return tae the castle if she left of her own free will, but I can at least have them protect her."
Owen smiled at his brother gratefully, knowing he always had his back, no matter what.
…
Owen felt himself jolt just before he came awake. He looked around him confused and relaxed, when he realized he was still in the healer's sick ward. He had had a dream that he could not remember, no matter how hard he tried to chase after it.
The room was empty now. His family must have left immediately after he fell asleep.
Owen tried not to beat himself up too much, but he could not stop thinking about how much he had messed up.
He should have known from the moment he had gotten jealous during their trip because the men kept staring at her, that he was in love with her but instead of accepting that realization, he had fought it, using his position as a monk for coverage. Ye fool!
Now, he had accepted his feelings just at the time that she had walked out of his life.
He was still aching all over, but he believed he would run mad if he spent another minute in the room, so he struggled to move to the edge of the bed and brought his feet to the other side.
His body screamed in pain for him to lie back down, but he doubted he could go back to sleep without the help of medicine.
He got up to his feet slowly, wincing when he put all his weight on his legs.
Walking unsteadily to the door, he felt like he had not used his body in weeks as opposed to the hours since the battle.
He continued slowly until he reached the door and paused for a breath before he walked outside the healer's room, fully prepared to argue if someone suggested he lay again.
He was so lost in his own thought that he failed to notice the tenseness in the air until he walked much farther out.
He looked around and noticed that everyone looked tense.
Owen quickened his pace, suddenly forgetting about his weariness and pain.
He walked toward his brother when he spotted him.
"Rory, what is going on?" he asked in confusion, still looking around. This was not what he had been expecting when he got out of bed.
"What are ye doing out of bed, Owen? Ye should rest, nae strolling in the halls." Owen knew his brother meant well, and yet he grew irritated. There was something going on that he was not privy to, and it bugged him more than the freezing ache in his left leg.
"I have rested like ye asked, and I feel better. Now, please, tell me what is going on. Why does everyone look so tense?" he asked again.
"We are waiting for the soldiers tae come back, but they have nae yet returned."
"What dae ye mean? Ye think they dinnae have any news?
" Owen suddenly felt panicked. He looked out to the gate as if willing her to come through now that he was awake, but it remained clear.
Instead of letting his family talk him out of it, he should have gone after her like he had intended to.
He should have never let her go in the first place.
"Calm down, Owen. We dae nae ken why they have nae returned, but that does nae have tae mean anything bad.
They might still follow her tae see where she is headed.
" Owen knew Rory did not believe in his own explanation; otherwise, he would not be standing out there looking as worried as he did at that moment.
His brother was confident when he was certain of himself, and in that moment, he did not exude confidence at all, which made Owen's skin prickle with fear.
"I should have gone after her meself instead of sending someone after her. I should have been the one tae go." Owen paced around; all limitations caused by his pain currently forgotten.
"Calm down, brother. What would ye have done if ye had been the one tae go? Fainted on the road from yer pain?" Rory replied. "It would have made ye easy picking for yer enemies tae tear ye apart."
Owen knew this to be true. He understood everything his brother had said so far but could not just sit here and do nothing. There was no logic for his love and her safety. He just needed her to be all right. That was all he needed, and it seemed he could not even do that right.
"We need tae go after her. We need tae prepare. What if she is in danger? What if she has fallen intae the hands of the very enemy she had been trying tae avoid in the first place? I dae nae ken how I would forgive meself if anything happened tae her."
Owen suddenly felt quite deflated. After all he had done, nothing had worked in keeping her safe, and it was only because he had lied to her.
He felt both guilty and worried, distraught.
The rest of his family had come out at that point and were trying to calm him down because of how wound up he was.
Owen could not get himself to listen to what was being said.
His mind had traveled as he thought of her.
Once he got her back, he would not give himself any foolish excuses not to be with her. Damn it, he loved her. He would take responsibility for their relationship and tell her the truth about everything and how he really felt about her.
It was about time he was honest to himself and her. If he had a chance, of course.